I missed a milestone

With all of the excitement of the holidays, I missed a small milestone...12/26 marked 9 months since diagnosis. That seems so unreal, but here we are. Over the next week and some change I'll get to ring in a new year, celebrate another birthday and continue to work on the new and improved 2015 model of ME!  I'm a little scared and a lot excited.

I need to get to bed but before I go, I would like to ask our blog family for a favor.  I know of several people - friends and friends of friends - who are battling some serious health issues right now. If you pray, please say an extra one for these members of our blog family. If you don't, pray, think positive thoughts and send out some healing vibes.

Have a safe and happy NEW YEAR!!!!
Love to all!
Andee

Holy cow, 2014 is almost over

Well, hello friends!
I'm pretty excited that I'm writing this blog post from my Kindle with my new little keyboard. I love it! I don't have to haul out the laptops or belly up to the desktop to post. This is so great. It's amazing how such small things can make you BIG HAPPY.  lol
Let's get the health stuff out of the way.

• Skin - my skin is on the upswing. The blistered and raw areas are finally healing. I had to resort to bandaids and gauze for a few days to make it tolerable but the worst is over (that's me you hear, knocking on wood). I still have a wicked awesome tropical tan...that's about the size of a dish towel. I'm still smiling because it's over!
• Lungs - this one has been tough. I finished my ZPack on Tuesday but continued to use my inhaler because the stuff in my lungs did not want to move and over the last couple of days, it was getting harder to breathe. I was fully prepared to go back to the doctor tomorrow...which I still might, but we'll cover why in the next bullet.  Yesterday was full of constant, ugly, dry coughing but, thankfully, my aunt spent a lot of time whacking me on the back. One of my other aunts even stepped in to take some shots. I'm so thankful to both of them because last night, everything started to finally break up. I've also been using some essential oils - RC and Thieves have been in rotation. The RC helped my breathing more than my inhaler but for shorter periods. The downside of things breaking up was that I awoke at 2:30 AM and coughed non-stop until about 4. I was finally able to settle things down and get some rest. Now for the new wrinkle...
• At the same time we were finally able to get concrete out of my lungs, I've been hit with a cold. Really. I woke up with morning with the classic head cold symptoms on top of my (improving) lung issues. I'm pretty sure I can just wait this one out but if I feel worse tomorrow, it's back to the doctor I go. 

I get sick like clockwork. Every single December/January I get sick. I've heard of people who get sick  when things calm down - you can include me there. I get sick during holidays, vacations, I got sick between treatments. I guess it's nice that it happens during the slower (work wise) times of the year but it really makes the holidays/vacations kinda crappy.

(Warning: change of subject)

If you've looked at a calendar lately, you probably noticed that 2014 is coming to an end. How did that happen? Anyway, that means that my next project is about to commence. It's Operation FatBeGone! My feet are feeling better and I can almost breathe so it's time to get this party started. I'll have to start out slow with the exercise but diet can get going right out of the gate. I'm pretty excited to start seeing some changes. It might sound crazy to you but the weight gain has bothered me more than the mastectomy, as far as self image. I am still happy overall but just miserable about my appearance.  If you know me well, you know that I don't like to have my picture taken...especially these days. If you follow along o Instagram, that statement might be confusing to you since I've been posting selfies - bald & fat, with fuzz and fat, with some hair and fat...it has not been easy to click "post" but for some reason, I feel better after I do it. I keep thinking that maybe it will help someone else down the road. It reminds me that being bald or gaining weight isn't the worst that could happen. It helps me to just get over it, post the pic and move on. It will also be cool to see before and after when the changes start happening. 

So here's the plan. I'll be starting with Weight Watchers Online to track my food, etc. Points have worked well for me before so I'm going back to it. I'll continue WW as I transition to a diet that is primarily plant based. The Doolin house is also cutting back on sugar - that includes Bobby...that's HUGE! He's been so supportive and he's told me that he'll eat what I eat. That's commitment.  

I'll track my progress publicly like I have with everything else. Y'all know all of the rest of my business so why stop now?

It's time to go take some medicine, read to my children and get to bed...hopefully soon. 

Love to all!

Andee

They call me VapoRub

Stop what you are doing and buy stock in Vick's. I'm slathered in so much of this stuff that, not only will the dog not come near me, he actually got up and left the room. That's saying something considering he's periodically attracted to the litter box. This chest gunk situation is not looking good for me at the moment. I just finished day 5 of my antibiotic and I really don't feel any better than I did on Friday. In fact, I may be a bit worse, it's hard to tell. I did get some relief last night. One of my nurses suggested that I go home and have Bobby "pat" me on the back for about 15 minutes. Hitting sounds too violent so we'll describe it as firm pat.  With every couple of "pats" I would start to cough - you know, in that "I've been smoking for 80 years and I can't seem to catch my breath" kind of cough. We pushed through and I felt like it helped but I was still not being...um...productive. Well, at 3 AM things decided to start to work - I will spare you the details but let's just say that I feared that I was about to experience a scene from The Exorcist. This is good news but it was not entirely pleasant. We went through the whole "patting the back thing" again tonight. I followed it with a hot bath and the VapoRubDown. I fear that another trip to the doctor will be on the schedule before the end of the week. If I can't get this stuff to move, that could be bad. I shall keep a positive attitude, continue to bathe in VapoRub, hang tightly to my inhaler and continue with the percussion treatment. 

I don't want to talk about my skin - we are not on speaking terms at the moment. It's quite angry and I've had to take the huge step of covering a spot with a Lalaloopsy bandage.   Desperate times call for desperate measures...am I right?  I'm a little bummed that I didn't end up with a Bea Spells-A-Lot bandage - maybe next time.

We are preparing for time with family - I will require naps over the next few days, for certain, but it's all worth it. I expect to be able to post several times before the end of the year but, just in case, please have a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah (I know it's wrapping up but I hope it's been lovely), or a happy close to 2014...whatever you celebrate this time of year, I hope you are surrounded by family, joy, love and peace.  Count your blessings, hug your loved ones, say what needs to be said and do something special for someone because giving is the best gift of all!

I must sleep a bit now. Bobby and I will be up and down several times tonight tending to the country ham. Yes, The LD is currently filled with the aroma of down home country goodness. 

Goodnight my friends!

Love and warm holiday wishes to ALL!

Andee aka Wheezy aka VapoRub 

Well...

I'm on day 2 of antibiotics and an inhaler but things have not improved much. I have a "non-productive" cough, which is not a great thing when you are wheezing.  I've taken Mucinex and chugged lots of water, as instructed. Looks like it will be another night in the recliner. Woot woot. Oh, and to top it all off, I'm finally seeing those skin issues I was hoping to avoid. It's still not horrible but I'm not excited about having a couple of blisters on my side. Remember, it could be worse. 

Catch ya'll later. 

Love to all

Still Wheezy

There are some things you can count on

Welcome to my first post-treatment post.

I  AM DONE, PEOPLE!

Guess what we get to talk about in this new phase of my life...my health!! Can you believe it? Yes friends, true to form, I am sick. I have a tendency to get sick during "down time". It's as if my body fights off the cooties when I need to be healthy and as soon as life slows down just a bit, BAM...I come down with something. It's a gift. I was sick most of the time between chemo ending and radiation starting. I guess I never really fully recovered from that. Nothing serious, just some nuisance issues. Once radiation started I noticed some irritating chest congestion. Again, nothing serious but annoying. I assumed that the treatment itself had something to do with it. I never had a fever, never really felt sick but it kept getting progressively worse. Well, last weekend it started to get worse - I would cough a lot at night and the chest gunk seemed to get worse at night. I tried to catch my nurse on Monday but she was busy so I waited until Tuesday to ask her about it. She said it had nothing to do with radiation. She said that it can happen but it's typically weeks or months after treatment ends. (Oh my!) She said if it didn't get better I should see my family doctor. Well, the wheezing and crackling in my lungs became more pronounced yesterday so, today, off to the doc I went.  I'm now on strong antibiotics and an inhaler and I shall be sleeping in the recliner tonight. The chair, also know as Andrea's Recovery Chair, has been through a lot with me. Just in the past 8 years it's seen me through 5 surgical procedures, a high risk pregnancy (with raging heartburn) and a case of pneumonia. Wait - maybe the chair likes taking care of me and is causing all of this drama...I shall rename her Christine. lol

I'm praying that over the next few days I will be able to finish a sentence with out breaking into coughing fit which rivals that of a 75 year smoker. Wish me luck.

Love to all!

Wheezy

Let's Dance!

I'm not sure if you know this but my last radiation treatment is tomorrow!  Did you get that?  I said...

MY LAST RADIATION TREATMENT IS TOMORROW

I think that deserves a little Christmas Carlton Dance, don't you? Here you go!

We're pretty excited around here. Even Ptheven is exphited...

...about something.  ;-)

Yes friends, I'm happy to say that the treatment journey of 2014 is about to come to an end. I still have my maintenance stuff to do for a while but the heavy stuff is coming to an end. I'm really having a hard time believing that it's true. My emotions are all over the place - I'm excited but I'm also dealing with some unexpected emotions. Everything happened so fast after my diagnosis - we took action immediately and have been going full throttle ever since. I haven't spent too much time pondering what was going on and what a big deal it was. I went from diagnosis to surgery in 2 1/2 weeks, chemo started 4 weeks post op and you know the rest. So much has happened and I have learned so much this year. You've heard my "what I'm thankful for" speech multiple times at this point so I won't bore you again. If you (somehow) missed it, feel free to go back - it shows up in multiple blog posts. That said, I feel somewhat blessed to have gone through this experience. I hope I never have to go through this again but if I do (God forbid) I know have the strength to handle what's to come. My husband is stronger, my children are stronger, my family is stronger and closer than ever. I don't wish this on anyone but you do come out changed on the other side. Cancer really does "touch lives". You don't have to have it to be forever changed by it. I have so much I want to write about so there's no shortage of material, trust me. I just need to make the time to sit down and get it all out. The future is a little scary for me but I've got this...and you know me, I'll be sharing all along the way.

Enough of that. Let's get back to our treatment wind down. I had my last weekly appointment with my Radiation Oncologist today.  She's the one who has been telling me that she didn't want treatment to end. She and her nurse are spectacular. I so enjoy seeing them and chatting with them each week. I'm going to miss them...really! I know it sounds crazy to get attached to people but when you go through a life changing event, you tend to remember those folks who walked through it with you. Ask the nurse who took care of us when I lost our first child. Ask our NICU nurses. We stay in touch.  Back to the story - we finished our appointment/chat this morning and she asked if she could hug me. WELL OF COURSE!! I have been so blessed with a spectacular cancer care team and I cannot say enough good things about them. From the day I was diagnosed right up until today, I haven't worked with anyone who wasn't awesome. Seriously. Nurses, Nurse Navigator, physical therapist, surgeon, medical oncologist, radiation oncologist, radiology technicians (is that the right term?) - every single person has been the best.

So, tomorrow I step off the ledge and into the deep end of the pool. I close out another crazy chapter in my crazy life.  Dance with me, won't you?!

Love to all!!

Andee

Quick update

Good evening all!

This will be quick. My DH (darling husband, for those who don't know) took me to dinner at one of my favorite places this evening. It was our first date night in about 8 months. It was so nice but I am worn out. 

I have some things I want to write about but it will have to wait until tomorrow evening.  Topics on tap are: wisdom from a podcast (seriously), my skin is angry, adhesive is still NOT my friend and I ONLY HAVE 5 treatments left. 

Good night. 

Sweet dreams

Love to all!

Andee

Let's see if I can make any of this interesting

Hello friends!
I have a lot of updates but I'm not sure if any of them are of interest to anyone...but here goes!


Part of the purpose of this blog has always been to share the experience. That means all aspects of the journey - the good, the bad, the irritating...all of it. Whether you're just interested, you have a loved one who is dealing with cancer or if you, yourself, are a patient, I hope that you find something helpful here on the blog. So let's start with the not so fun stuff.


You haven't heard me complain about my feet lately - that's because, against my better judgment, I announced a day without foot pain...and the next day, I KID YOU NOT,  the pain was back. Since that time I've had one other day that my feet felt ok. Overall, I'm seeing improvement but I'm far from being "all better" and if I spent a lot of time on my feet, I pay the price...trust me! I have figured out some things that help the pain (finally!) and that makes me happy. If I can keep it under control I can continue to increase my activity levels which will be helpful in reducing the size of my a$$.


Treatment is going well. I still have skin and it's only mildly angry. I've said it before and I'll say it again, it helps that much of the treatment area is numb. As of this writing I have 6 treatments left. One more of the initial treatment and then the final 5 will be electron therapy. That starts on Thursday. While my current treatment involves 3 treatment areas, the final round will focus on my surgical/scar area. I'll give you more detail later. I'm playing catch up here so I need to move on.


I'm still dealing with the mixed emotions that come with the end of treatment. I'm not freaking out or losing my positive attitude or anything like that. It's just that my life has been a certain way for the past 7 months and there is some comfort in action. Like I said before, I'm taking comfort in my daily Tamoxifen and my year of Herceptin infusions. It's all good!


My radiation oncologist did it again today. We were discussing treatment and she said "You're almost done."  I responded that, yes, our time together was coming to an end, that I would be finishing up next week. She responded with a disappointed "Awww." I know I've told this story a zillion times but I'm not sure if I've posted it here, but a few weeks ago she told me she didn't want my treatment to end. Ummm...yes you do! I can visit, we can have lunch, hang out...whatever...but I want my treatment to be over. I know what she meant but to the Jinx Queen (me) can't her having saying stuff like that aloud. I told her again today I would be happy to visit but we don't want anything even hinting at extended treatment - I don't want to NEED it, you see. I could not be more pleased with all of those who have been involved in my care and I'm sure I'll keep in touch. There's not a bad one in the bunch!


If you're following along on Instagram, you're seeing the "no one gives a crap" hair and eyelash updates. I'm living the "watch what you wish for" dream right now. I hoped my hair would start filling in and now it's getting so thick it's driving me nuts and I'm on the verge of shaving it. Of course, I won't...for now...but I need some length so I can do something with it. You can't flat iron hair that's a 1/2 inch long...not safely anyway. I'm just happy that it seems to be moving right along. Strangely, it's a lighter brown than it was prior to it falling out. I haven't seen my natural color in about a decade so it was a bit of a surprise. After the chemofuzz portion grows out, it may be yet another color. I love surprises! (sarcasm intended)


It's almost time to shift gears here on the blog. Treatment is winding down and next comes life after treatment. Is anyone interested in the other side of the journey? Honestly, it doesn't matter to me - I'll keep writing because it helps me.  I just hope what's been documented so far has helped a couple of people or made someone laugh or not be so afraid of the hideous disease. I'd love to hear from you if you have any feedback. You don't have to post a public comment here or on FB, you can send me an e-mail. I'd love to hear from you. If you have questions about anything, I'm (clearly) more than happy to share.  I'll post a dedicated e-mail address you can use to contact me.


On 12/26, it will have been 9 months since my diagnosis and what a time it has been. Let's get this treatment wrapped up and see what's in store for us in 2015, shall we?


So much love to all!!
Andee

Has it been a week already?

It's been a bit more than a week but here I am. If I don't have anything new to share, I try not to post - I hate to be repetitive just to get a post up. So, after a brief pause, here I am.
I'm still tired from a full day but before I hit the hay, I thought I would provide an update. Let's get started.

• Since my last Wacky Wednesday just about knocked me out, Bobby took off work today to go with me. Yes...he's awesome!
• We started with radiation. They were running about 30 minutes behind this morning but the treatment itself was uneventful. Yay!
• We then headed home but were there for less than an hour before it was time to move on to the next appointment. We grabbed a quick lunch and then headed to the clinic.
• I met with my medical oncologist - it was time for my 3 week check-in. We chatted for a bit - we had to get caught up, ya know. He then "officially" told me that my echo looked great and I'll have another one in 3 months (it's a thing). All good news. Then he drops the bomb on me....he says, "You're doing great so I'm going to only see you every 6 weeks rather than every 3...so every other treatment, you'll see me."  Oddly, I felt a little like he was breaking up with me. lol

This week has been one of good news and a continued boost for me. A big part of this game is mental, you have to have your head in the right place, focus on the positives and progress and live life!


With only two weeks left in treatment, I've been thinking a lot about what life will be like as it slides back into something like normal. It may just be me, but I find life after treatment more scary than treatment. I like action and doing something about this whole cancer thing. As of now I have no tumors or any other signs of disease but recurrence will forever be a concern. I find myself wanting to ask if they just want to radiate me every once in a while or give me a shot of chemo periodically, just to be safe. It sounds crazy, I know but at least you know you're doing something during treatment so it's a little scary to go out into the big bad world and be independent. No chemical crutches. The training wheels must come off at some point, right? I do have several months of Herceptin treatment and a decade of my meds to go so I just need to tell myself that I AM  doing something. I'm sure I'll write more about this particular phenomenon in future posts.


If you're following along on Instagram you already know that I stopped wearing wigs a few weeks ago and I really only wear hats to keep my head warm. I've learned something over these past few weeks that I feel I need to share, as a service to my fellow patients. BE WARNED: Apparently, the heads of people who have gone through chemo and are now showing hair growth are equally as tempting to touch as a pregnant woman's belly. Yes, friends, if I have my hat off people keep asking me if they can touch my head. If you know how I felt about anyone making any attempt to touch my pregnant belly, you will be surprised to know that I will let you touch my head. It's slightly less of an invasion of my personal space and significantly less weird than the belly thing, so I will permit it. If you lose your hair, for any reason, someone is going to ask if they can touch your head. Just so you know.   :-)


I must sleep now...


Love to all,
Andee

How I'm taming the mane

Good evening my friends!


It's time to talk hair! If you follow along on the FB page or on Instagram, then you now know that I have hair...and brows...and lashes!!  This is big news! I've been bald since early June so this is progress. My lashes and brows fell out a while after my hair did but now, I'm happy to say, the whole family is back together. It may not be pretty, but at least it's something.


So, you might be wondering why someone with fingernails longer than her hair might feel the need to share hair care tips. Well, these tips are geared more for my chemo sisters and brothers who are following along. Losing your hair is a little traumatic, no matter who you are. Oddly, I was more scared about losing my lashes and brows because it removes some defining features from your face. Luckily, I planned ahead, researched and found a great tutorial for the brows - it's actually posted on the blog here...somewhere...do I have a "Helpful Links" page?  lol.  I'll have to check it out and make sure it's still up. Brows were easy, lashes were pain in my ass (excuse my French). I have two sets of false lashes, they were fine. I just never forgot I was wearing them. They felt weird to me, so most of the time I didn't wear them...so I had no lashes...so I still looked, well, incomplete.


(Let's pause for a story)
A few months ago, my vision had gotten so bad that I thought I'd better go see the eye doctor. I was worried it was somehow related to chemo. During one of my infusions, I was chatting with my roomie and she asked if my vision seemed worse. I told her YES!!! At that point, I thought, maybe there is something to this and I should get checked out. Turns out that my issues are more likely related to age than treatment. Well, dang it! Anyway, as I'm chatting with the doc, he has those lovely super duper close up pictures of my eyeballs on the computer screen. He laughs a little and says, "Wow, your lashes are pretty pitiful."  Don't worry, he's one of us, so it's ok if he says stuff like that. My response was, "Well, duh!!" He felt so sorry for me, he wrote a prescription for Latisse. Yes, that stuff that's supposed to grow lashes. He said it works great. It was originally used for glaucoma patients and they noticed that their glaucoma patients had spectacular eyelashes. Now they market to the lashless. I never had the prescription filled. It wasn't worth $150 bucks a month me. If it would be worth it to you, make note of it and don't be afraid to ask your docs. I think he said it takes 2-3 weeks and then they come in nicely.
(end of story)


My hair has been trying to grow back in since before chemo ended...so sometime in late August, early September, I started to see some follicular action. It started growing but the coverage was pretty light. Since I head heard stories about how coarse and unruly the initial regrowth could be, I started planning. I knew I couldn't stop the chemo fuzz, but maybe I could tame it. My goal was to do everything I could to make sure my hair was as soft and under control as I could get it. Chemo Fuzz is what comes out first. I'm sure everyone has different experiences but I had a feeling mine was going to be wiry, a little coarse, insanely curly and probably silver. I pondered what to do and I settled on ordering the Wen products. My thinking was that this hair is brand new, I need to be gentle with it and who needs all those suds anyway. I LOVE THIS STUFF! The hair that came in initially did have weird texture - it's still there I guess but the products have made it so much softer. When I was bald I couldn't stop touching my head. Now I can't stop touching my hair. I'm pretty happy. The deep conditioner is my favorite - I use it at least once per week (sometimes twice). I like all of the products but that's the best.  So there you have it. My attempt to prevent baby orangutan hair!

Life is good!

Love to all,

Andee

What are you thankful for?

It's that time of year again. Typically, I rant about how I'm thankful for all of my blessings, all year round, not just on Facebook in November. This is still true but I do have some things I need to share here. Unless you work (or have worked) with me, you might not know of my love of bulleted lists. Today is your lucky day, 'cause here come the bullets!!


I am thankful for...

• A husband who accepts me in all of my medically defective glory. Every single day, even when I looked more like Uncle Fester than the woman he married, he kissed me good morning and good night and told me he loved me. It may not seem like that big of a deal to you but when you feel fat, ugly and less than feminine, it's nice to have the hot guy living in your house treat you like nothing has changed. I know this year has not been easy on him. I cannot ever express to you how much I love that man.
  
• A family that has rallied around to help. They've helped with our children, cleaning, laundry, groceries, helping tend to our property, they've gone to treatment and sent me shoes for horribly painful feet (which aren't nearly as painful...thank you!). Neither Bobby nor I are good at asking for help - and thankfully, family was there so we didn't have to ask, we just had to accept. We can never repay the kindness and love we've been shown this year.
  
• For my children, who are WAY tougher than anyone might have given them credit for. We made the decision early on to be nothing but honest with them and they've handled it like troopers!
  
• For the women who heard my story and were inspired to go for their mammogram. I'm especially thankful that some of those woman caught issues early!  If there is a purpose for my diagnosis and experience, there it is! If you are due for a mammogram and haven't had it, please go. If you aren't due for a mammogram, please do your monthly exams.
  
• For strength I didn't know I had. In my early teenage years, I was a bit of a weenie. Luckily, by the time I was a junior in high school I realized I was happier when I stopped caring what other people thought. I was happy to NOT follow the crowd. After graduating from college I moved away (not too far) simply to prove to myself that I could take care of myself. Our life experiences make us who we are - even the heartbreak and scares we've experienced over the past several years, in some ways, prepared us for this challenge. And no, I'm not special and I'm not wonder woman. You never know how strong you can be until you have to be. Trust me.
  
• For family, friends and medical team members who laugh with me. Cancer isn't terribly funny and it took some time for everyone to get to the point where they were OK with laughing. Trust me, it makes all the difference in the world. Laughing is so much better than crying, I promise.   If you are a patient, let yourself laugh. Find joy in the everyday. It's there!
  
• For my doctors and nurses. I hope you never wonder if what you do makes a difference, IT DOES! I know you look after a lot of patients but I'm the only me I've got and you have made me feel like the most important person you see. Thank you!

That's all for today but that's certainly not a complete list. Every single day is a blessing, no matter who you are. Please don't take that for granted. I have learned to be thankful for even the worst days - because they remind us we're alive. What a year, friends, what a year!


Love to all,
Andee

Catching up

 

 

 



 

 

18 to go...18 to go...18 to go...18 to go...18 to go...

 

We are moving right along. I completed #15 today. WOOT WOOT! This week was one of those weeks that had 3 "blue thing" days. I just realized that I have not covered exactly what the "blue thing" is. Let me see if I can get this right...and have it make sense.  Here we go!

 



As you might imagine, the site of my surgery is structurally, well...odd. It is not flat and smooth. This presents a problem when you're trying to target an area for radiation, The technical term for the "blue thing" is a bolus. The bolus is used as a tissue compensator. In the documents submitted to the FDA, .decimal (dot decimal), the company that makes them, explain their function like this:

The Bolus Compensators are designed by the customer's treatment planning system to block radiation from hitting critical structures and healthy tissue while guiding the radiation to the target area.
 
I tried to find a good sample photo but wasn't successful. That means I get to try to describe it. Each piece is custom made based on the scans of the patient. It is then manufactured from machinable wax. One side is like a molded chest plate - it fits all of the wacky contours of my chest. This is put in place every other treatment day.  And that's all I've got to say about that.

Today after treatment I took a little field trip. I have been working remotely since the end of August but I haven't been to the office since just after surgery, in May. Well today I made the trip to Louisville to visit my work family. It was SOOOO good to see everyone. I was able to see my old friends and meet some new folks, too! Our staff has doubled in size since I went on leave. How about THAT for good news. It felt so good to have some normal and I sure did feel the love. I was straight up exhausted when I got home but it was worth it.  Thanks to everyone for making me feel so welcome after so long. I love you guys!!

Have a great day everyone, I'll be back later.

Love to all,
Andee

Let's Talk About Phteven (aka Tuna)

 

 

Hello there, friends. As promised I'm here to explain the crush on Phteven (AKA Tuna). Tuna is his real name. He is a chiweenie (don't you just love that?). Tuna has a bit of an overbite but, as you can see above, it's not always as prominent as it is in the meme shots . He was adopted as a pup and has become something of an Internet sensation. He just released his 2015 calendar. He is on Instagram (@tunameltsmyheart), you should check him out if you love the cuteness.

So how did I fall in love with Tuna? At this point I don't remember if I saw him prior to the incident I'm about share, but the short story is that I love the underdog. I have a special place in my heart for rescue animals and especially "special" rescue animals. Whether they have a disability or, like in Tuna's case, an unconventional look. Everybody needs love people!

Now let's talk about how Tuna became part of my chemo experience and for endless cell pic exchanges back and forth with my sister.  During my second (I think) chemo session, Karla and Bobby and I were talking. I have no recollection of what I was going to say but I began a sentence with (what I still claim to be) the words "I think" - as Karla and Bobby tell it, I, for some unexplained reason, said "I p-think." They found it very funny. The meme exchanges started shortly thereafter and Tuna joined the party pretty quickly. So, you might be asking how Tuna gained the "Phteven" alias. The story is that some guy asked the DMV for a personalized plate with his name on it. He told them his name was Stephen "with a PH"...when he got the plate it was spelled like this..

 

 





 

I'm not sure how true any of this is, but Tuna's overbite apparently fit and here we are.

I think the early pics we shared were related to my excessive sleep during round 1 of chemo and just grew from there. Here are some examples.

 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

So that's how Tuna/Phteven became part of my life. I love this little guy. If you are lucky enough to see posts from my sister on FB, you know that she has grown to love him too. 

 

So now you know...

It's not much but it's a post.

I should be in bed but today was a good day so why not screw it up by staying up late?!  I do this for you, my friends (and for me but you don't know that).
If you keep up with my random posts on the Facebook page then you already know that I didn't have treatment today. I was in the car, in the driveway ready to roll out when the phone rang. They said that the machine was down so my treatment was canceled for the day. The good news is that I came back in the house and was able to sleep for a couple of hours. The bad news is that we've added another day before treatment will be done. The great news is that my skin was able to rest for a day and I was spared a day of fatigue-enhancing treatment. If my math is correct, the positives outweigh the negatives in this scenario. WINNING!!

I am happy to report that my chemo/post-chemo side effects are improving. I'm still hobbling around due to the neuropathy, but it's not getting worse. YEEHAW!  As you know, the radiation is causing some serious fatigue and some somewhat angry skin. I'll take angry skin any day of the week when the other options is "peeling off my body" skin.  It may get worse but for now, I'll take the sunburn and smile about it. Hopefully, I didn't just jinx myself but yes, so far so good. I will be updating the Radiation Tips page very soon so watch for that - if you're interested.

I have some posts in mind and I hope to get them written and posted this weekend. Finally, something new!  I'm off to bed friends.

Love to all!
Andee

Rapid fire morning update

Full post to come later but here are some quick updates:

• I am through 10 of 33 radiation treatments, as of yesterday. Fatigue is a bear and the burn is getting real. No peeling yet. Woot woot!
• My nose has finally recovered from round 2 chemo. It took some time but no more bleeding or, uh...remnants of constant dry nose and nose bleeds. Woot woot!
• My neuropathy issues are slowing improving but will likely be around for a while. That equals me hobbling around for a while longer. 
• My hair is growing like crazy. My head is about 90% covered with some filling in to do. Brows are back! Lashes are back, too. They are super short but they are there and just long enough for mascara. Of course it looks like eyeliner at this point but I'll take it.  I am emotionally done with wigs. Lol. I think it's because I no longer "look sick" with no hair, brows or lashes. I just look like a chick with crazy short hair. I still wear hats cause the dome gets cold and I can't style this stuff yet. There is almost enough to part it!

Gotta run

Love to all,

Andee

A perfect 10

Side effects that show up after chemo ends

This is going to be one of those factual posts. I've learned something new this week about side effects from chemo. They can appear AFTER CHEMO ENDS. During my taxol treatment I had some really annoying tingling in my toes. It was REALLY, REALLY annoying but somewhat tolerable. It certainly wasn't bad enough to delay treatment. Fast forward to a couple of weeks after treatment ended. The tingling started to change. It became less tingly and more like mild pain. I went through a phase where I had painful arches, too. Late this  week I've transitioned to real pain. It is not pleasant. My best description is that it feels as if the soles of my feet are deeply bruised. Every step is painful. I reached a new level of pain yesterday. I've mentioned before that I soak in a hot bath each night to help with the joint and foot discomfort - well that ended last night. With the new neuropathy in my feet, I was in tears after my bath. I'm assuming the increased circulation from the bath caused the pain but a few minutes after I got out of the tub, the soles of my feet felt like I was being stabbed with thousands of needles.  I usually have a good pain tolerance but this was too much. My dear husband held my hand until it eased a little and then I had to walk it off...literally. Though I was still in pain, I also had a restless feeling in my feet...I had to move. Needless to say, I will be taking quick showers for a while. I see my medical oncologist this week so we'll be discussing this turn of events. As always, i've found the upside. At least it didn't happen during treatment because I may have allowed a delay...maybe. Lol

If you are a patient, my advice is to be ready for anything. Don't let things get you down. Just deal with things as they come and keep your doctors informed. My hope is that this is just temporary and I'll get my normal back. One day at a time. 

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/cancer/expert-blog/chemotherapy-neuropathy/bgp-20056305

Love to all,

Andee

Let's track, shall we?

Apparently morning quick posts are going to be a thing...

Howdy!
I'm getting ready to roll out so I thought I would give a quick update. Also, today is another "Blue Thing Day!"  Yippee!! Short story here (more detailed post planned) is that they use a blue wax piece, custom made for Yours Truly, every other treatment. Typically they do "skin sparing treatment" but OH NO, not on "Blue Thing Day".  I'm now a week in and the redness is starting to appear - nothing major at this point. It should reach truly nasty levels this time next week. I've had that "sunburn" feeling since the beginning but the skin is still trying to stay normal. I'm doing what I can to take care of it but ready for the worst. They say if it gets bad and peels it will NOT be like a sunburn. The exposed skin will be like (if you get grossed out, stop here..........

 

ready?....

...the skin under a blister. Nice and raw. OH JOY!!  Let's just say a little extra prayer that THAT doesn't happen.

On a more fun note, I decided that now is the time and I started my next restoration project...ME!! I've been watching portions, being more choosy about what I eat and I've been walking on the treadmill each day. I'm proud to say that I've already lost 3 lbs since Monday! I have so much more work to do than just weight loss. The lack of anything close to strenuous physical activity for the past 6 months has made me weak, on top of everything else. This is going to be a project but I'm game! I'll keep you posted on progress...somewhere.  Operation: Fat Be Gone is underway!

One final thing - I made myself giggle just a bit yesterday. I have a bit a of a commute to treatment each day. It's not too bad but it give me enough time to get bored at red lights. Yesterday, I started my trip by listening to Radioactive by Imagine Dragons, as I do each morning. It puts my mind in the right mode (laughing) and it's a pretty good tune. At a particularly lengthy red light cycle, I realized that I had some other songs in my library that could apply and so the beginnings of a radiation treatment playlist were born. So far we have the following:

• Radioactive - Imagine Dragons
• Sunburn - Fuel
• Burn - The Cure
• Burning Bright - Shinedown

I have others in mind and will add them soon. For some reason, this kept me entertained all the way to treatment. The other commuters trapped with me at intersections were probably wondering what in the world I could be so happy about.

Celebrate life and laugh a lot today! I promise, it helps.

Love to all,
Andee

Tracker update

Feel the burn

Good morning friends! 

I (unintentionally) woke up way too early this morning 😬 so say a prayer for me. 🙏

Things will get hopping shortly so I thought I would try to give a brief update. Yesterday was "Wear the Blue Thing" Day and also "Doctor Day". I'll explain the blue thing, as best I can, in the next post. Doctor day is pretty self-explanatory - I see the radiation oncologist on Tuesdays. We chatted about how treatment is going, she checked my skin (for now, it's still there) and then she asked if I wanted to see my treatment plan. With pictures...of my INSIDES!  Well, heck yes I wanted to see. She showed me the areas being treated, how and where the radiation is entering the body, where the beams were treating in relation to my heart and lungs (both are very close to the line of fire and could take a tiny hit).  It was pretty fascinating. She also pointed out that the scan showed a seroma (fluid) where I had nodes removed but it has actually gotten smaller. Then she said the words every cancer patient wants to hear - "The scans showed no surprises. We don't like surprises."  Well zippitydooda! Thank you ma'am! Every time you have a new scan, of any kind, there's always the fear of someone saying "we've found something".  Well not this time. Oh yeah!!  Woot woot!!!

I gotta go. Pray I stay awake and somewhat coherent today. I can do this. 

Love to all,

Andee

I forgot to update the tracker...until now!

I promise I haven't given up on the blog! Brief update...

Good morning friends!
I'm trying a quick post before I leave for treatment #4. Goodness gracious...I still have so much to write about but here's the short version of why I've been so quiet online. I promise, I still have a lot to say but my world has changed dramatically with this round of treatment. Let's review a few points...

• I help get the kiddos fed, dressed and out the door for school so we get up early.
• After they are off to school I get ready for treatment
• My round trip for treatment takes almost 3 hours - though the time on the treatment table is only about 15 minutes.
• I get home and try to eat something and work for a while. I can work until it's time to pick the kiddos up from school so I can get about 3 hours in, if all goes well.
• With side effects and risks of treatment and my medication (there will absolutely be a post on this...at some point) I have to walk daily. Short story is muscle and joint pain and/or weakness and increased risk of blood clots - I have to move whether I feel like it or not.
• Then a soak in a hot bath to help with the "discomfort" mentioned above.
• I no longer have insomnia because I'm so exhausted by the end of the day, when I lay down I go to sleep...for the night.

There are not a lot openings there and it's been challenging on some days. I'm still fine and still a goofball so don't read more into the above than I'm just sharing facts...I told you I would share and boy, do I!  lol

I'm sure I'll better adjust to everything as we progress. If you are a patient, my advice here is to take radiation seriously. It's not necessarily the treatment itself that will get you (I'll revisit this part if my skin falls off) it's the schedule.

I gotta run. The race for the day starts now. I hope to be back later.

Love to all
Andee

I must confess...

I was not a believer. I didn't think that making the trip to treatment each day would be tiring. I've spent ridiculous amounts of my days driving either for work or commuting to and from work. Driving does not typically bother me. Problem is, my routine for the last several months has not been "typical". I've been a homebody for most of this year. During chemo I didn't leave home very often with the exception of my weekly (or every 2 week) treatments or other medical appointments. This week of daily appointments in Lexington has reminded me that I'm still working to get back to normal. I just tire so dang easily! I figure that I will adjust eventually...probably by mid December. ha ha!!

So I had my first radiation treatment today. I doubt the glow will come with the first treatment, so I'll be working up to it.

 



Treatment was quite uneventful though some of my radiation experience over the past 2 weeks is the inspiration for the title of this post. Yes, I have something to confess. I hope I don't shame my husband or family but...yes...I have had topless photos taken. I know, I know...scandalous! 

 

 

 

Seriously though, over 6 days of visits so far, I have been scanned, marked with Sharpie, x-rayed, fitted, drawn on again and every step of the way someone has been there with a camera. I told them I didn't want those pics showing up on the Internet! They laugh. Of course, these days there's nothing of any interest to see but it's just another one of those things you need to prepare for if you are a patient. I lost all medical modesty a long time ago but if you are dealing with body image issues after surgery then you need to be aware that you'll be dropping your robe repeatedly before and after surgery, you do get to keep your top on for chemo but not with radiation. Don't stress though, they have seen it all before and just go about their business. The fun just keeps on comin'!!

 

The rest of the house is asleep so I'm going to go take my nightly soak and then try to get some rest. I need all of the extra ZZZZZs I can get these days. Whew!

 

Love to all,

Andee

Let's do this...no really...

We experienced a delay this week. They had some issues with their equipment at the hospital so my Tuesday appointment was canceled. That means everything was shifted by a day so radiation officially starts tomorrow. If we have no additional delays and I don't change my mind about going for treatment on Black Friday (yes, I would rather go to treatment than shop on that day) I'm supposed to finish on December 16. Let the countdown begin.

In an effort to provide information and honest feedback on treatment, I'll be documenting my experience just like I did with chemo. The hope is that it will help someone...even if it's just one person.  I will warn you, they say that the first couple of weeks are the easiest, as far as the skin issues go. I'm hoping for a relatively uneventful treatment experience but if anything gets funky, you'll read about it here.

By the way, I want to wish our miracle boy a very happy 7th birthday! Love you, buddy!!

 

 

I'll be back tomorrow to let you know how it goes. Nighty night.

 

Love to all,

Andee

What a day! - UPDATED

If I learned one thing today, it is that I am NOT yet back to my old self. My tolerance for life without a nap is exactly ZERO. Fatigue is still a very real part of my life and, based on my research, this could go on for months! We haven't even officially added in the added fatigue from daily radiation. WOW!!!!!! Don't worry, I know I have to give myself time and this old body has been through a lot in the past 7 months, but you cannot fully appreciate how much I want to get back to normal...or close to it.  UGH! I would go abuse our punching bag to get out some frustration and get some exercise but I'd probably collapse into a deep sleep and injure myself. I am on a mission to get this fat butt into some sort of shape, other than a sphere, but I have to pace myself...did I say UGH!!! yet?  lol

So, an update was promised so let's get this thing going. Bobby and I started our day by dropping the kiddos off at school (for a few minutes of our day, it's as if we are normal people!) and then it was off to my 8 AM appointment. I spent some quality time with my infusion family - it's been couple of weeks since we've gotten to enjoy each other's company. The topic of the day seemed to be hair - new styles (nurses), new wigs (me), regrowth (me), I learned about "chemo fuzz" (intriguing), styling tools (I was providing info on my fav tools - I did have hair at one point, remember. When I was diagnosed it was past my shoulder blades...now it's barely past my scalp!!), we also talked about new protocols (for the nurses...also intriguing) and about online shopping. For those of you who do not know me personally, I do not like to go shopping in a store. I LOATHE IT! If I could do my grocery shopping online, I would. My lowest point was the year that I ordered all of my Christmas gifts wrapped. I took them out of the box and put them under the tree...done! I haven't done that in a long time, I figure I should at least put the effort in and wrap them personally.   Aaaanyway - in addition to these topics I learned something about when nurses (as students) actually get to work on real people...intriguing. Never a dull moment! 

Back to the boring details! Had a good chat with my oncologist and his nurse. We discussed my cold and the side effects of Tamoxifen. The cold is finally letting up though I still have a cough from time to time and my voice cracks sometimes. No nuisance side effects from the Tamoxifen thus far. Hot flashes and night sweats are the most common. Chemo gave me hot flashes so that's nothing new and I'm not having night sweats so, so far so good.  The really serious stuff could show up at any time (blood clots, stroke, uterine stuff) so we just have to keep an eye on things. We discussed radiation and how we could coordinate my treatment schedule to make it as easy as possible. 

After meeting with the doc it was on to infusion. I'm still not used to how quickly I now get hooked up and unhooked. It's a beautiful thing. I'm still there for a  couple of hours but it used to be twice that! All went smoothly and we were on our way. We left the clinic, headed home to switch cars and were on our way again for, what turned out to be, our 4 county tour. Woohoo! We traveled on to Lex, grabbed a very quick bite (yes, drive thru...it's all we had time for) and it was off to the hospital. `
(We pause here because the above referenced fatigue means that I must now sleep. I'll finish tomorrow)

LTA - ACD

Ok, I'm back...still exhausted but here. Where were we???  Oh yes, on to the hospital. We are rolling on down the road to radiation. We had a lengthy chat with the nurse then an exam and chat with the doctor. She is FABULOUS! We discussed planning, treatment, side effects, attitude and we found time to laugh. That's always a good thing.  Sounds fun, right? Well, we weren't done yet. You don't just start radiation. You have to get scanned and marked up first then on to more preparatory work. Yesterday's preparation consisted of meeting the team of lovely ladies who will be administering my treatments. They are a HOOT and we are doing to get into trouble...I can feel it. During our session yesterday I had a relaxing CAT scan then they broke out the Sharpies and gave me some ink on chest. Just when I thought it couldn't get any uglier, they drew Xs and lines in permanent marker and covered them with, what look like scotch tape circles. Technical stuff!

Once the scanning and the marking was done I was taken on a little tour. Since radiation therapy patients get treated daily, we get our own check in system, waiting room, dressing areas, etc. It's kind of self service other than the radiation part. After the tour we discussed scheduling. I have to go back Monday for a fitting, of sorts, on Tuesday they'll do the "test run" and the radiation will actually start on Wednesday. The 33 day countdown will start then. So there you go!

Now that day probably doesn't sound like much to you but I was spent when we got home. As I mentioned before, I sat down for a few minutes and ended up getting a bit of a nap. I slept hard last night and then slept for almost 4 hours more after the kids went to school. That's like chemo level fatigue and I didn't even have treatment yesterday! I'm hoping I'll adjust quickly but we're almost in the home stretch so I'll listen to my body and rest when it tells me I need it.

Time to sleep again...I just can't get enough. 
Back soon,
Love to all
Andee

It's time...

The next leg of our journey is about to begin. I'm strangely excited to get started because, as said before, this means we're getting close. One day at a time, I'll get there. Tomorrow is the first step in this phase of treatment. Next comes 33 daily treatments...where's my sunscreen?

 

I'll know more about what comes next after tomorrow's appointments (yes I have a few) so I'll update tomorrow evening. We'll be breaking in the Radiation Oncology team tomorrow, think happy thoughts for them. I hope they are ready for us. ;-)

 

Love to all,

Andee

Oh, come on!!

If my (growing) hair doesn't start to fill in and this weight loss doesn't speed up,  I'm going to get grumpy.  I am but a pair of dark socks and sandals away from looking like a little old man.   :-/

 

All kidding aside, the hair continues to grow. It seems to have experienced a bit of a growth spurt in the past couple of days. What's there is growing but there is some filling in that needs to happen, for sure! I've been going wigless most of the day (woohoo!) but I still wear a hat - lightly coated heads really do get cold!  If you're going through or getting ready to go through chemo, my suggestions is to get some comfy hats!  I'm blessed to have a wonderful friend who made 2 batches of hats for me. They are most perfect! Find hats that are warm and comfy, you'll be glad you did.

 

So, it's almost time to talk treatment again. Most of my treatment break was spent battling a cold but I'm happy to report that I've felt just about normal for the past couple of days. Just in time to get radiated!   I know I'm weird, but I'm so eager to get this started. Can't get on the road to finishing this part of the journey until we get started. The first step comes on Wednesday. It will be a Professional Patient Day - appointment with the medical oncologist, Herceptin infusion, appointment with radiation oncologist. Good times! I haven't had a day like that in a while. Since this is all brand new to me, expect some really boring posts with details and the ins and outs of radiation. It should be FASCINATING!

 

My sleep cycle has been relatively normal recently...well, other than the fact that I could still nap during the day...I actually go to sleep and stay asleep and the alarm actually wakes me. That's HUGE!

That said, I'm sleepy so I'm going to sign off. I'll be back soon.

 

Love to all,

Andee



Family

Let me start with a bit of a disclaimer. At times during this post, it may seem like I'm being vague. That's because that's what I will be trying to do. I put my life on the blog voluntarily, my family and friends have not made that choice. I am respectful of that and will ALWAYS  be vague or not even discuss certain topics if they impact/involve others who have not specifically consented to having their business thrown all over the blog.  That being said, our family has experienced an unexpected loss this week. We are all shocked and saddened but, as always, we will circle the wagons and show tons of love and support. You might think this post will be another "no one is promised tomorrow" post, but it won't be. This one is about family.
We have a very large, but close, family. I'm not sure how everyone else's family works but my cousins were my first best friends and, at different points in my life, have been more like siblings than cousins. That is such a blessing and I wish the same for my children. As with many relationships, as we've gotten older there have been shifting priorities - marriages, children, and less time spent together. I can tell you that it does not change the love I have for my aunts, uncles and cousins. When I received my diagnosis earlier this year, I received messages of love and support and offers to help us with meals, tending to our property - whatever we needed. They were there, like they always are. None of us are perfect, no one is. But I know that in a time of need, someone will be there to help. So, as we are once again touched by something horrible, there is comfort in knowing that we are not alone, that we will be there for each other and especially for those who need to be lifted up with love and support during what is a most difficult time. I love you all!


Andee

Ponder it, accept it, and move the he## on

In a few hours, I will officially hit the "6 months since surgery" mark. Can you believe that?? It's hard to believe how much has happened since "Lump Day", diagnosis day, and yes, Bye Bye Boobies Day. In addition to that 6-month-iversary, tomorrow marks another milestone as I will be calling to schedule radiation. That will set in motion another period of constant BIG C reminders - hard to forget you were diagnosed with cancer when you have to go for treatment E V E R Y   D A Y. Though I have been battling a cold, I have been happy to have a bit of a break from the hard stuff, but it has given me time to think about what's to come. During this time something hit me...once a cancer patient, always a cancer patient. See, I've been taking this journey, mentally, in small segments. If you keep up with blog you know what I'm talking about. I have focused on one step a time. To quote President Bartlett, I just say "What's next?" and deal with whatever is next. During this downtime it has occurred to me that my journey with cancer will NOT end when chemo and radiation end. This is my life now. I have to take daily medication for up to 10 years. I have to be careful to minimize my risk for lymphedema (have I done that lymphedema post yet?), due to the treatment and medication, I'll have to be monitored for side effects including secondary cancers. I have been so focused on the getting through the short term journey that I hadn't really thought about what comes next. Don't worry, I'm still GREAT. I hate cancer, in all of its forms, and I'm happy that I'm able to fight on. I respect the fact that everyone doesn't get a chance to look that far into the future so you will NOT hear me complain. I wake up every morning and laugh at my fuzzy head in the mirror, give thanks for another day and get on with living. I don't have the time or the patience to worry and it's so much more fun to laugh and live for the moment.
Now, on to the funny stuff. So, if you have been a reader since the beginning or if you got started late and went back and read from the beginning (bless your heart), then you know I went to see about falsies a couple of weeks after surgery but I've not actually gotten any yet. I know, I know...I should just do it. At this point, though, since I share all my boob business with the world, I think I would kind of feel like a fraud if I got them...and actually, you know...wore them. Plus, you know me, if people who know see me out with them on, I'm going to have to ask something stupid like "So, what do you think? Did I get the right size?" or "Are they straight? You HAVE to tell me if one is higher than the other...it's your duty!" I'm considering going to get them since I'll be "going to town" on a regular basis. I know I won't wear them all the time so, of course, I found a humorous way to think about what I could do with them when I'm not wearing them. I mean, really, with the hair, there are wigs everywhere. It looks like small dogs have died all over the house! Anyway back to the falsies, I suggest that you hop on over to the FB page where I will be sharing some funny stuff from "101 Uses for a Fake Boob (or Two)"  Enjoy! Laughter IS the best medicine!!

Love to all!
Andee

Have I mentioned that I am SOOO over this cold?

It's time to put some humor back in this joint! Sadly, I've spent my  treatment bye week battling this never ending cold. MOVE ON ALREADY!!    Pardon the language, but this sums up my attitude toward this cold...I'm not a fan.  Don't worry, one daily dose of Nyquil is as strong as I can get.

 



I will be scheduling radiation this week - I'm not sure when it will actually start but my Med Onc thought I should wait until this week to call so I could get a good rebound from treatment. I'm hoping the cold isn't going to cause any delays since I'm already looking at a December end date (I was hoping for Thanksgiving week, but oh well...) Here's a little early radiation humor...

from xkcd.com

As far as the rebounding from chemo goes, I'm getting there. Fingers and toes are getting WAY better. I've felt significant improvement over the past couple of days. I am also THRILLED to report that I think the taxol/steroid side effect of endless appetite and weight gain has left the building!!! Beginning on Sunday, I noticed a dramatic change in my urge to eat. Where I could have eaten anything and everything, all day every day just a day before, I found that I didn't really have an appetite and the same was true for today. Don't get me wrong, I'm eating, but at appropriate times and I know when to stop. I hopped on the scale today, just out of curiosity, and I'm down 3 lbs. Woot woot! I started Tamoxifen a few days ago. I'll be writing about that soon enough but that may play a role here as well. Who knows...
Well friends, I'm still working and now (I'm hoping) I'm kicking the tail end of this cold (2 weeks is enough, right??) but you should see the posts start to ramp up again. Of course, that's only good news if you're into that sort of thing.  I will be taking some time to do some menu planning. With daily treatments + the commute + work + family, I figure this weekend will be a good time to knock out some freezer meals. I'm not sure I'm going to feel like cooking once the daily treatments start so, I figure, let's plan! If you're interested in what I do, I might post a little something on the lifestyle portion of my blogosphere footprint.   ;-)

Love to all!
Andee

I've been away too long..

...but I'm still here and posts are pending. If you really need updates and haven't checked out the FB page yet, you can go there for my quick updates and random thoughts.

Click the FB icon on the main page or use this link. 
https://www.facebook.com/andeesnewworld

I hope to have some posts up soon so check back!

Love to all,
Andee

Pushing through

Good evening friends,

I'm pretty sure I've been away too long but here I am! I'm 2 weeks out from my last chemo but I haven't really been able to fully enjoy the "break" because I've been sick most of the time. I still have some fatigue but I'm not sure if it's lingering from chemo (I'm not sure how long it takes for that to pass) or from my under-the-weather-ness. Either way, I'm more than ready to feel normal - as if I remember what normal feels like at this point. LOL  I actually thought I was getting better but apparently I just had a day or two of "better" and then the cold, or whatever it is, kicked back in and made its traditional move from my head to my chest. I've not run a fever at any time over the past couple of weeks - well, it went up a little after my flu shot last week - but nothing to worry about. So, I'm pushing through. I'm just eager to get some energy back! I'm hoping this thing doesn't linger too long. I'd like to have a few days of freedom from treatment AND illness and the clock is ticking. I'm starting my Tamoxifen this week and I call to schedule radiation next week.

I think I've mentioned that I'll have to take Tamoxifen for 5 years...weeeeeell, my oncologist said that recent studies have shown that taking it LONGER than 5 years may improve outcomes. That means it could be a daily pill for 10 years peeps. 10...TEN...5+5...5X2...YES 10 years. Every day...for 10 years. a decade. I can do this, right? It's just a pill (that will cause raging hot flashes and possibly endometrial cancer...but "it will only be stage 1" he says...oh really, is that all?)  Oh well, I will continue to roll with the punches with a smile on my face 'cause that's how I roll.

I should have a better idea about the radiation schedule in the next week. I have to complete my simulation before they can get started but I would say everything will happen pretty quickly once that step is completed. I'm mentally preparing for daily commutes for treatment. They tell me the fatigue could be as bad as chemo so we'll see. I'm going in with the attitude that it's going to be easier and, if I can squeeze it in, I'll take a quick nap and hope that helps. I have a family to tend to, work to be done and a life that doesn't include treatment, for which I need to prepare. I need energy to get this horrible steroid/treatment weight off. I've gained about 20 pounds (give or take) in the last round of chemo. Seriously, the one thing I thought when I heard CANCER was, "Well, at least I'll lose weight." WROOOOONG. This is the fattest I have been in my LIFE and I'm not a fan. Also, I hear that the weight is difficult to lose so I'm sure going to need to find that extra energy to go the extra mile. I can do this! 

Speaking of fatigue, I'm going to go get some sleep.

Love to all,
Andee

<3 CRD Mommy's Little Angel

My first Komen Race for the Cure as a "Pink Shirt"

Today was my first Doc OK'd Big Crowd Event. The Lexington edition of the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. We had such a great time!

 

Team "Andrea's Entourage" pre-race.

 

Lots of people!

 

The Entourage (minus Jacklyn who was taking the picture) at the finish line.

Patsy & Bobby post-race.

The Chemo Coach (AKA, my big sister) & me (the dorky one with pink hair)

 

Cousin Paula & Aunt Etta!

The Hubs (Bobby), Nadia, Jacklyn, Chris and David. Andrea's Entourage was Jacklyn's idea - thanks girl! So flattered and touched that you thought of me and much love and thanks to the rest of you for showing your support. Mucho Love, Friends!!! So good to see you and spend time.

 

It's October and you know what that means

Pink this, cure that...yep, sounds like October to me. So, am I going to beg you to donate money? Buy that pink can of soup or wear a pink ribbon?  NOPE. If you want to do those things, by all means do! All are great but if I could ask each and every person who reads this blog to do something in honor of BC Awareness Month it would be this: create a schedule for monthly self exams and STICK TO IT and, if you are of age, schedule that mammogram. That's all I ask. Saving the Ta-tas is a catchy slogan but I'm more of a "who cares about the ta-tas, let's save some LIVES" kinda gal. Why, you ask? Because if you're so afraid of losing the ta-tas that you avoid testing, of whatever kind, you could lose a lot more than your ta-tas!  Got me? So ladies, do the check and make the appointment. Early detection CAN save your ta-tas, so it's a win-win!  For my 3 male readers, put some pressure on your mom, sisters, lady friends...anyone who won't think you're sexually harassing them, to get checked. If you are afraid of losing the ta-tas and need some extra motivation, I'll be happy to show you what it looks like to lose them. You'll be on the phone making an appointment in record time. Save the ta-tas, better yet...let's save some LIVES!!!!!

Love to all!

Andee

Chemo side effects are NOT going gently into that good night...

Hello friends,
I'm getting ready to take a much needed morning nap but I thought I would stop by and update you since I've been a bit quiet this weekend. I am still celebrating the end of chemo but this stuff is sure trying to go out with bang and not a whimper.  Here's the tally for the this round.

• Fatigue, fatigue, fatigue...not only can I fall asleep at any moment, I've almost nodded off when I WASN'T trying. DAAAANG!!!
• My stomach has not been happy this weekend. No nausea meds needed but ewww...just ewww.
• Neuropathy in my feet has been the worst yet. Such a bizarre and annoying sensation.
• Some neuropathy in my hands this time...and they feel like sausages! It's weird. They are a bit puffy but they feel huge and weird. Ready for this to pass...I do not like it at all!
• My fingernails hurt. I'm hoping my nails don't drop off but man, my nail beds are sore. Crazy!!

Well Chemo, you can play dirty all you want. I'm still finished with you and I will continue to smile. SO THERE!!

Nap time!!

Love to all,
Andee

Breast cancer...aren't you scared?

Right now, the easy answer is no. Really. Now, let's go back a few months and get real. I've been honest about the number of times I've cried over my diagnosis...I think the count is 3.

• When I called Bobby to tell him I had found something
• When I LOST MY MIND while waiting on the biopsy results
• The day we told the family.

The day I "lost my mind" was pretty terrifying. I was scared. There's no other way to explain it. I kept it together through the testing (have I mentioned that I knew I had breast cancer in the first 10 minutes of my tests without anyone telling me?  That's an interesting story). I do well with facts and knowns. At the end of the full day of testing, I had a consultation with a nurse who explained next steps. I was fine until she said that the biopsy results would tell us the type of cancer, the growth rate and if it started in the breast or came from somewhere else. I wasn't ready for that - the part about the cancer being somewhere else, not the other stuff.  I then had to wait 24 hours for the results. So what sticks in my head during that whole time? Do I have a crazy source tumor lurking somewhere else? If I do, how long has it been growing? What will I do if they tell me that I have only months left to live? My kids need me! Yes, friends, your constantly upbeat, hard headed, laughing, tough cancer buddy went to Jello. I could not process that I was "fine" 24 hours before but could find out that I was terminal 24 hours later. Sadly, my dear husband, who had come home from work at my request, had to witness this whole "come apart". It was not pretty. I remember being curled up on the floor, crying and telling him I didn't want them to tell me it was and that I only had months. Cancer is a CRAZY thing.
As you know by now, I did not have a source tumor anywhere else. The cancer started where we found it and you can go back and read the rest of the blog posts if you need more detail than that.  :-)
For now, I'm in a very different place. I'm getting through treatment and planning as if I'm going to complete the heavy stuff before the end of the year, move on to maintenance/prevention and hope that I never have to deal with this again. On the other hand, I'm realistic. There is always a chance that it could come back or show up in another location. No guarantees but I'm really not scared. None of us are guaranteed any time and you could sit around all day everyday and fear everything. You would never leave the house or do anything adventurous. You can't live like that. I'm not going to waste time worrying about "what if". I'll worry about it if they say, "We've found something."  Until then, I have a family to care for and a life to live. Why in the world would I waste time with worrying and miss out on what's here and now and WONDERFUL?!?

Have a blessed day my friends, life is beautiful. Don't miss out!

Love to all,
Andee

I do not want to be called a "survivor"

This isn't going to be as depressing as it sounds, I promise. I'm just sharing my honest, realistic and personal opinion on this particular topic. That's what you come here for, right? So what's my problem with the "survivor" label? I'm not sure that I have a general problem with it, it's more of a personal choice to NOT have it used in my situation. Here are a few reasons why.

• I have a fear of jinxes so just don't call me a survivor. It's a thing...I know, it's probably not rational but work with me here.
• The word tends to make people think that you won some battle. That the worst is over and behind you. Sadly, once you are diagnosed with cancer it  becomes a part of your life forever. It's not as if I end chemo, wrap up radiation in a few months, have a scan and live happily ever after. Even if there is no evidence of disease at that time, I have treatment that will continue through next summer and medication to take for the next 5 years. There will be follow up appointments and scans which will put me on edge and in a stressful waiting period to find out if I'm still "clean".  I have more surgeries to look forward to. The treatments themselves can cause secondary cancers down the road, and my risk increases simply because I'm "younger". I know that may sound all doom and gloom but I'm still smiling and dancing because I'm in control of the things I can control, I'm educated about the things that I can't and I have no intention to become negative at any point. I know what the risks are and knowing is half the battle. You can call me a fighter, warrior...whatever...because I will fight for my own health and to help and educate others so they, too, can fight. Just don't use the S word.
• I worry that the use of the term survivor can cause pain for those who have lost loved ones. It makes it seem as if the message is that a survivor had a stronger will, fought harder, blah blah blah.  There are plenty of people who "lost their battle" with cancer (I hate that phrase, too, by the way) who fought hard, had positive attitudes and did everything they could to fight this ugly, ugly disease. It's not a contest, people. I know "survivor stories" make people feel better but are we focusing on the details? Some types of cancer of more survivable. I had the option to tell my doctor to remove the affected body part - not everyone has that option. That makes the playing field quite uneven. Some cancers can hide and not cause symptoms until they are quite advanced. There were no lumps to be found, there was no pain, there was not screening test. Do you see where I'm going?? As you know, I'm all about the positive - if you've read any of my previous posts, that should be pretty evident, but think about the big picture. Do survivor stories feel good to everyone? I don't think so. Warrior stories are just as important - warrior stories are about the fight itself, not the perceived winning or losing. If you have been touched by this disease personally or if a loved one has been diagnosed, that fact that you're fighting is admirable and a badge of honor. Cancer is scary, treatment can be even scarier. If your cancer doesn't respond to treatment or if you were clear and have a recurrence, you are still badass!!! You are not weak, you are not a lesser person, you are probably tougher than most and I will call you warrior! If you have a loved one battling this disease or have lost a loved one, you have my love and respect. Caregivers, spouses, and all family members are affected. This journey is not an easy one and in some cases, for you, survivor stories might be a downer. You might ask "Why them" and not my loved one. I can tell you, as a patient, I ask those same questions. I ask why chemo is easier for some and so horrible for others. I could go on forever here but know that everyone who goes down this road will be changed by it and everyone is a warrior and a fighter and deserves to be acknowledged and praised...not just "survivors".
• Finally, the term survivor is really kind of ridiculous because none of us are going to survive. I'm not trying to be Debbie Downer but seriously...I'm being treated for breast cancer but I could get squished by a semi on my way to treatment. Even if I never have cancer show up anywhere else in my body, ultimately, I ain't getting out of this alive. Technically, anyone who makes it from one day to the next, cancer or not, could be called a survivor. "I survived Tuesday!!"
• In summary, I guess my message here is that I don't like the term survivor because it makes it sound like cancer is win/lose. It's not. There's so much in between. If you're ok with the term, use it, I just have a different perspective now since I've had a cancer diagnosis, my body chopped up, clean baseline scans, a long treatment plan, toxic chemicals, annoying side effects (and on and on). We are, each and every one, fighters and are equally as spectacular! There is honor in the fight, my friends.

Love to all but extra love to my cancer patient warrior friends, those who have fought, those who are fighting and the family members and friends who stay in the trenches. YOU ARE ALL AWESOME!!!
Andee