The pre-surgery festivities have officially begun

Yes, friends, it is almost that time again. Time for me to go under the knife and share all of my business.  You know you've felt a void in your life over the last year. Infrequent updates, minimal oversharing and not enough humor here on the blog. Ew, that just doesn't even sound fun.
As promised, times are about to change. It seemed so far away but the big day is almost upon us. The first surgery of 2016 is upon us and that means I'M BAAACK!

Today I made the trip to the hospital to finalize my registration and for pre-admission testing. This is really happening. We are now within 12 days and things will happen quickly from here. I have to wrap things up at work, get everything organized and ready for my leave, and get things set at home. Mix in additional doctor appointments and life in general and it's going to be crazy for a few weeks. I'm still not thrilled about 2 surgeries in less than a month and spending 8+ hours under general anesthesia but, hey, there's always a new challenge to face.

The thought of this leave is really different for me. The last time, I was focused on getting through surgery and treatment and, well, living. This time, it's not life or death (hopefully) but it's not really cosmetic either. It's about starting the process of feeling somewhat whole again. I'll be tested again, but in a different way. It should be an interesting journey.

Oh, how I missed you.

Love to all,
Andee

EXCLUSIVE HIDDEN CAMERA VIDEO: Jimmy the Elf taking off!

We did it!

The new surgical plan

On Thursday, I had a visit with my plastic surgeon. We met to review the results of the CT scan I had last month. As you might recall (if you follow along on FB), I received the report shortly after the test but I wasn't sure what the results meant in relation to surgery. The artery was open but the report noted that it was "of small caliber". After several weeks of waiting and wondering, I received the answer.
The good news is that it's not a showstopper. We can still proceed with the surgery but it will now be surgeries...plural. I will apologize in advance because I have been unable to find neither a good explanation nor a groovy diagram online. Sadly, that means you get the patient's description. I'm sure I will oversimplify. So let's do this.
As a result of the wimpy thoracodorsal artery, my plastic surgeon suggested a bit of a change to the surgical plan. I will now have two surgeries instead of one. The first procedure will take place on Monday January 11. On this date, she will make an incision in my back and then release the latissimus dorsi muscle and then close me up. I'll spend a day in the hospital and will leave with a drain. OH YAY! My most favorite thing! The muscle, still attached to its blood supply, will just hang out for 3 weeks. During this time, my body will sense a disturbance in the force and start working to improve blood flow to the area and will actually increase the size of the artery. She said we could expect a 30% increase during this time. This is a good thing - it means our chances for success are higher and, Lord knows, if I'm going through this, I sure want it to be a success.
After waiting 3 weeks (with my friend the drain), I will return to the hospital for the reconstructive procedure. This is the "big" surgery, which we covered in a previous post.

Going to sleep now. So tired!
Love to all
Andee

COMING SOON: An overwhelming desire to be good at everything isn't always a good thing.

I'm here to help

What not to say to a cancer patient

When you find out someone has/had cancer, I understand that it can be awkward and you might not be sure what to say. I'M HERE TO HELP!

1. You will find yourself with an urge to try to relate to the cancer person and share how cancer has touched your life. That's fine, but I would suggest that you don't lead with something like this...
   
   "Breast cancer, really? Wow.  I had an aunt that died from breast cancer."
   I'm pretty easy going and I see what you're trying to do there but, if I'm being honest, this is not what we want hear. In this case my suggestion would be to lie to our faces and make up some story about your best friend's cousin's sister-in-law who had cancer in her 30's, lived a long, happy and adventurous life and died of old age. We need all of the positive cancer stories we can get.
   
   If, by chance, you catch yourself saying something like this, do not try to recover with...
   
    "...but I'm sure things are going to turn out just fine for you."
   
   You're just making it worse. At this point it would be a good idea to change the subject and chat about the weather.
   
2. Everyone's greatest fear, when it comes to cancer, seems to be the hair loss. I wasn't thrilled about the idea but at NO TIME did I consider skipping treatment. I pay attention to these things so I knew that I could experience things that were much worse than hair loss.  Like..oh, I don't know...DEATH.
   I know for a fact that there are people who would skip treatment for this reason but I think they are in the minority. As a result, I would suggest you don't compliment a cancer patient on their strength in the face of BALDNESS.You should, however, feel free to admire their strength in the face of:
1. Fear
2. Extreme nausea
3. Extreme fatigue
4. Pain
5. Needles...lots of needles
6. Staples
7. Scalpels
8. Scans
9. Scars
10. Bad news
11. Insomina
    ...all at the same time.
    Cancer patients are pretty bad ass individuals, with or without hair!
    
3. Stay away from any sentence that begins with the words, "If I were you..."
   Here's the thing, you are, in fact, NOT ME, so you've lost me before you complete the sentence.  It is perfectly fine to talk to me about what you think you would or would not do but those 4 words mean you are judging my choices. Not cool.
   
   
   
   
   
4. If you are a frequent visitor to my world, you already know this one, but I feel it is appropriate to address this again. There is a word you haven't seen on this page nor will you see it unless I'm complaining about it. I ask that you be mindful of your use of the word survivor.  I have many issues with the use of this word. If you would like to read my full post about it, I can dig up the date for you, but the short version is this...
   Though, at last check, there was no sign of cancer in my body, I'm still a cancer patient. I'm under the care of multiple doctors for the next 5 years. I'm taking medication daily for the next 5-10 years, in hopes of minimizing the risk of recurrence. My point is that I did not fight off cancer, any more than someone who passed away let the disease take them. If you say I'm a survivor then it makes it sound like I fought harder than someone who died. Not true.
   In addition to that, I don't want to be jinxed (there's a post somewhere about my fear of tempting fate). It doesn't feel right to say I'm a survivor because there's always a risk. I'm a cancer patient, plain and simple. I keep my chin up and I laugh a lot, but I cry too. I mourn the loss of some the toughest people I've met who ultimately "lost their battle". I hate that term too, by the way, but that's a whole other post.  :-)
5. Breast reconstruction and a cosmetic breast augmentation are NOT the same thing. Most people don't know that. I knew they were different but I had no idea how different until I met with the plastic surgeon. It's not fun or exciting and I won't have a rack worthy of a centerfold spread...ever. As a result, there's no need to give your opinion on the size of the implant you think the cancer patient should get. In my case, for instance, the size of implant will be determined by how well my skin holds up to the expanders. Nice, right?
   You might think this is like a parting gift for making it this far. That couldn't be further from the truth.

That's it for today. I'll be back to share more insight. 

Love to all,

Andee

Dirty Little Secrets: Part II

I'm baaack!

I know you've been eagerly awaiting the next post in the Dirty Little Secrets Series. Well, wait no more, here it is!

This post is a bit of a first. I'm on the patio next to the fire pit typing this with my bluetooth keyboard and my phone. No computer was used in the composition of this message.  I'm enjoying the lovely weather while watching the kids play, the dog bite his toenails and the cats are doing whatever the cats want to do. I could get used to this.

Back to the post. We covered two secrets in Part I, right? Ok, so here we go with...

Dirty Little Secret #3 - Guilt

You read that correctly. Guilt. It's a thing. Like I've mentioned before, when you're diagnosed you end up making friends with other cancer patients. As a result, in addition to the fear, you can also feel guilt. What would there be to feel guilty about? Well, as odd as it might sound, lots of things. For example, I felt a little guilty because I seemed to tolerate chemo pretty well. It wasn't easy or fun, by any means, but I saw some of my treatment friends experience every side effect under the sun and some of them are quite unpleasant. Of course, not everyone I came into contact with was a breast cancer patient so they were on a very different cocktail than I was. That doesn't make you feel any less guilty.  You can find yourself feeling guilty for having a strong support system. Not everyone has that, but everyone NEEDS it. My family was with me every step of the way. I didn't have to worry whether my husband and kids would eat while I was in bed for days at a time. My employer and my co-workers were so supportive. I can't imagine going through that experience and having to worry about any of those things. Sadly, many women do. You can feel guilty for not being "sicker". You see your friends get bad news and you feel guilt because you haven't.  You don't want bad news but you can feel guilty. It's bizarre.  I could go on and on but you get the idea. 

Dirty Little Secret #4 - I might miss being "flat"

Seriously! I know that I don't want to look at the Franken-chest for the rest of my life but a little part of me will miss being able to take "The Girls" off at the end of the day. Think about it, ladies. If you could remove yours when it was convenient, like before exercise, would you do it?  Be honest.
In my current state, I have choices. I can choose to go completely without, or pick a size. I currently have 2 options. I have a small set and a medium set. It's quite nice. I don't think I'm going to skip reconstruction but I will miss having options. I'll probably complain the first time I try to sleep on my stomach, but I'll get over it...if not, I just won't say anything aloud. It will be another Dirty Little Secret. ;-)

Good night sweet friends!

Love to all,

Andee

Dirty Little Secrets - Part I

Yes, I have some dirty little secrets.

SCANDALOUS!

Not really, because I'm just about as boring a human being as anyone has ever met. But, as often happens here on the blog, I'm going to share with you...my friends...the things I don't ever talk about. It's not about pride or anything like that. I just don't like to focus on the more challenging aspects of being a cancer patient. The treatment experience had its challenges but all of those were expected. The post-treatment world presents me with something new on a regular basis. I don't want anyone facing the Big C, in whatever form, thinking that treatment ends and life returns to normal. It's not awful, it's just different. I believe that attitude plays an even more important role after treatment but I find it more of a challenge to focus on the positive. That sounds much more depressing than it should. Let me explain.
Tonight we will cover two.

Dirty Little Secret #1 - Anxiety

It sneaks up on you. You find yourself stressing about all manner of things. I tend to get anxious about recurrence. I went through a phase a few months back where I thought about cancer every minute of every day. I'm not even exaggerating. It was a pretty dark period. When you have that level of anxiety it begins to take its toll on you physically. I would have moments in the day when I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. It felt as if someone wrapped a band around my chest and pulled it tight. It got a bit scary. At the time, I kept thinking "oh dear, it's in my lungs!". (For those who don't know, when breast cancer travels, it tends to go the brain, liver, bones or lungs). I "knew" it. The next time I saw my doctor I asked him about recurrence and what to look for, etc. We had a great talk and he put me at ease. I also put myself back in the mental space where I decided I would focus on what I could control and the rest would be in God's hands. The symptoms went away instantly.  INSTANTLY!

It happened again in the days leading up to my CT last week. As I mentioned, any sort of scan or test ramps up the worry. "Will they find something?" I had pain in my chest (surgical area, not heart), my neck was stiff, I felt a milder version of the "band around the chest" sensation I mentioned before. I realized this time that is was probably anxiety but that didn't make it go away. I received my results on Friday night and woke up on Saturday feeling like a whole new person.

I'm sure this cycle will repeat itself for the rest of my life. Each time I'm getting a little better and dealing with it. I can only speak for myself but I think this is probably quite normal. If you're dealing with it, talk about it, address it. Carrying it all around and trying to deal with it on your own might not be enough. I have a great husband who serves as my listener/therapist but I'm not afraid to go pro if I feel like it's necessary. If that happens, y'all would know about it.   ;-)

Dirty Little Secret #2 - Pain

I don't talk about this at all. In the past few days I've mentioned it to a couple of people but typically I just deal with it and accept that it is part of my life now. My surgical site, specifically my left side (the lymph node side) hurts. The site of incision is numb but the area under my arm and down my side hurts all day every day. It's tender to the touch, and by that I mean if I sleep on my left side for a lengthy period, I'll be sore for days. and sometimes it's just bad. For me, it's unpleasant and can be very painful but I don't need medication. I accept it and tolerate it. Most days aren't so bad but it's always there. Today it's achy and a mild burning pain. I'll spare you the technical explanation but nerves can be damaged during the mastectomy and about half of all women who have had a mastectomy will experience Post Mastectomy Pain Syndrome...yes it has a name. Though I had a bilateral mastectomy, I only have pain on the left. Thank you for small favors!

Remember, everything isn't perfect. Cancer sucks. Treatment sucks. Side effects suck. BUT

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!

Back tomorrow.

Love to all,

Andee

I'm waiting

If you follow along on Facebook, you know that I received the results of my CT scan. I have not yet, however, spoken with my surgeon to find out what the findings mean (if anything) about the preferred procedure.  The good news is that they didn't mention that they saw anything out of the ordinary. Scans always bring on a bit of anxiety because you never know what they are going to see. I prayed for no surprises and so far, so good. The report indicated that organs looked normal, my heart looked normal and "grossly unremarkable". Nice.  There we comments on various arteries but I was looking for information on one artery. The one that needs to be FABULOUS for the surgery to be successful. The report states that the artery is open (that's good), appears normal (still good) but is of "small caliber" (maybe not so good).  Since I haven't spoken with my surgeon yet, I'm not sure if that is bad news and if it can/will impact the surgical plan. I'm fine with an artery of small caliber if it can maintain the necessary blood flow to the muscle when it's relocated. That's kind of important. I will be calling the surgeon's office tomorrow and I'm pretty sure there will be a follow up appointment. I will keep you posted.  I'm eager to hear the results because I'm not terribly excited about the possibility that the 20+ hour surgery might be my only option.  I'm not making any decisions until I have the word from the doc.
As always, I will keep you posted!

Love to all,
Andee

All is well...or is it?

At 11:30 last night I received notification that a new item had been added to my medical record.  Eek!

There is a lot of information there but the good news is that my heart is in the right place. Really. And apparently it is "grossly unremarkable". I gotta admit, that hurts a little.  

Anywaaaay...

So from what I can tell everything (in the area scanned) is as it should be EXCEPT the artery they were checking. (They really should send a Radiologist with the message).  I'm eager to hear from my surgeon but reading the results makes me concerned that she's going to say that my only option is going to be the 20 hour procedure. If that's the case, I'll have to take some time to think about that. Stay tuned.  

Love to all

Andee

What would you do?

Hello friends!
As you might imagine, I've had several conversations about the reconstruction plan over the past few days. I've received a lot of sympathetic looks, some grimaces and many folks asking if I was really going to go through with it. At this point, yes, I'm going through with it. I made some decisions early on in anticipation of having reconstruction done. Though I did consider skipping reconstruction after learning the details, I got over it. I will push through and rebuild because, Lord knows, I don't want to spend the rest of my hopefully long life looking at the chest only Frankenstein could love. It's not vanity, it's about feeling semi-normal. Mostly it's about having my clothes fit right. You have no idea how goofy I feel when I'm not wearing the fakes. I don't care that I'm flat. I care that women's clothes draw attention to the fact that I'm flat (lumpy or inverted is more like it....eek!) because there's extra fabric to make room for the girls. I was not a fan of looking like a 10 year old wearing my mom's shirts.

Ok, back on topic. Most of the people I've had any lengthy conversations with about this have said that they don't think they'd go through with it. I find that interesting. I think I have an idea why it's so easy for everyone to say they would skip the procedure. Wait...first let me remind you that I did go through a period when I was aggressively stating that I might not get it done. I wrote about it early on. I got over it. Yes, women's bodies are objectified and there's too much focus on "saving 2nd base" when it should be about saving lives. Let me give you my perspective now. I want two things. First, I want to feel like a whole person and, second, I don't want such a vivid reminder that I had cancer every dang time I get out of the shower. Imagine having to lock the bathroom door every time you change clothes because if anyone walks in on you by accident, you'll cause them to have nightmares for the rest of their life. I understand that they will forever look like FrankenBoobies, but I'm OK with that. I will add the scars to my ever-growing collection and come out smiling on the other side. Plus, I have to do this for my fellow pink ladies. If I don't go through it then what in the world will I blog about?  :-)  Once again, it's a public service.

I'm off to bed. We can talk again tomorrow.

Love to all,
Andee

Let's Talk About Surgery

...and here we go!

As I said, I met with the plastic surgeon on Thursday. The office staff was great and the doctor was fabulous!  They spent a lot of time with me...I mean a lot...discussing options and answering my questions. There are several options for reconstruction. In the interest of time (and relevance) I will only cover the 2 options for which I am a candidate. If you want to know about the others, let me know and I'll post information in a separate post, with links to the details.

Here is how the rest of the post will work. I will take the time to type, at length, the procedures and how they were described to me, including length of procedure and recovery time. I will also post links to sites which will provide diagrams and general information about the procedures including length of procedure and recovery time. I'll tell you now, the numbers I was given vary quite a bit from the standards. From what I can tell, the difference is the fact that I had radiation. I could be completely wrong there but that does introduce some additional complications for this whole process.

Surgery Preparation

For reasons which will become clear with the review of procedures, the first step in this process will be to have a CT scan to ensure that blood flow is good to the muscle that will be moved. That will happen in the next couple of weeks.

When we get closer to the actual surgery (planned for January) I will have to start the preparation well in advance. I've had about 10 surgeries in my life so preparing for surgery is not new to me. The preoperative bathing instructions for this procedure are real. Not because of what needs to be done but because of the length of time I will have to do it. I will have to start the process 2 weeks prior to the procedure. In addition to the Hibiclens, I will also have to use Bactroban Nasal Ointment for a week prior to surgery. This is an effort to help minimize the risk of a MRSA infection. Infection is, obviously, a big concern with these procedures.

OPTION #1 - Free DIEP Flap Reconstruction

This procedure uses a flap of skin, fat and blood vessels - Deep Inferior Epigastric Perforators - to reconstruct the breast(s). There are positives and negatives with this procedure. For me, the negatives outweighed the positives so this was not the procedure I selected. Let's do a bulleted list for this one, shall we?

• Only a single procedure is required. (PRO)
• Bonus tummy tuck (PRO)
• My plastic surgeon does NOT do this procedure and there is only one PS in Kentucky that does enough of these procedures to make her comfortable to refer me to him. She said you want someone who does a lot of these, not anyone who "dabbles". The success rate for someone who does a lot of these is about 95%.  (CON)
• The surgery itself would take 20-25 hours. You read that correctly. (CON CON CON CON ) The information on the "standard" shows less time but she said for cases like mine it could take this long. She said the shortest time she'd seen was 14 hours. I'm not interested in being under anesthesia that long - neither 14 NOR 20+ hours.
• If you want to learn more detail about this procedure, take a look at this...
  
  DIEP Flap Information - TownsendMajors.com

She offered to refer me to the other plastic surgeon for a consult, but I graciously declined. That leaves with me with one option...well, one option other than choosing to skip reconstruction completely. I considered that for a minute but I have decided to move forward.

OPTION #2 - Lattissimus Dorsi Flap Reconstruction

Here we are. The information on the "winning" procedure. I am not terribly excited about this procedure BUT my outlook has improved in the past 24 hours.  I've watched a series of videos on the procedure and at the end of one them, the doctor interviews the patient and she discussed her pain and recovery time and her experience wasn't bad. I typically recover pretty quickly from surgery so I'm hoping the same may be true for me. Her situation was different because she had her mastectomy and reconstruction at the same time. It still makes me feel better about the whole thing. We'll just have to see what happens for me.

First I'll have to provide you with a little bit of background information. My reconstruction options and the experience will be a bit different because of radiation. They told me from the very beginning that I would have to delay reconstruction for at least 1 year after radiation because of what it does to the skin. I mistakenly thought that my skin held up well and that meant that reconstruction wouldn't be too challenging. I was wrong. How your skin looks doesn't matter. Radiation changes your skin at the cellular level. It may look normal, other than being a little tan, but it most definitely is not. To give you a better idea of what we're talking about, the doctor told me that if we were to proceed with the placement and filling of the expanders without doing the flap procedure, the skin (on my left side) would simply split open. No exaggeration and it's 100% sure to happen. Ew. I mean really, EWWWWWWW. Even with the flap procedure, she warned me that my skin will open up but she'll be able to put a few stitches in and send me on my way. This could possibly happen multiple times during the expander phase. I got a little nervous at this point and asked her if she had ever had to stop the process completely and she said no - not yet. :-)

 Doctor and nurse friends, please don't judge my feeble attempts to explain this correctly. Know that I am including a link to a page that explains it correctly. Now, on to the procedure itself. My plastic surgeon expects that procedure (for the left side only) to take approximately 6 hours. I assume that means that by adding the work on the right side, I'm looking at up to 8 hours of surgery.
The Latissimus Dorsi muscle is the muscle in your back that runs from just below your shoulder blade down towards your hip. They will make an incision in my back, release the muscle from it's current position (cut it out) while leaving it attached to its blood supply. It will NOT be cut completely free. There will be a band of muscle that stays attached and the whole thing will be pulled around from my back to my chest. They will cut open my existing scar then pull the lat muscle through, situate it, and sew it in. Once this lovely procedure is done, they will insert the empty expander and stitch me up. This is a very oversimplified description but you get the idea. I will wake up with 3 drains (you know how much I loved those things the last time around- SARCASM ALERT), 2 in the front and one in the back. I'll also have a catheter in my back for pain management. I'm not sure how long that will stay in. I will be in the hospital for 2 days. I will keep the front drains in for at least a week but the back drain will stay in for 2-3 weeks. Did I mention how much I hated the drains the last time? Anyway, recovery time is estimated to be 8 weeks. If you want the professional explanation, here you go. There are diagrams and everything!

Latissimus Dorsi Flap Reconstruction - TownsendMajors.com

After surgery (and recovery) I'll get a wee bit of a break. They have to wait for my surgical site to heal and the new tissue to work its magic. The increased blood flow will improve the skin situation but we have to wait and let it do its thing. I will have to wait approximately 6 months before they can start expanding the expanders. When that process starts we'll get a better idea of how long it's going to take. They will gradually fill the expanders and we'll see how my skin holds up. Like I said, she expects to have to stitch me up a few times but she says we'll be successful, even if the going is slow. It will likely take a few months, at least. I've heard that the expander experience isn't so bad and I've heard from others that it was excruciating. As always, I'll plan for the worst but expect the best.
After the expander experience, we'll then plan the actual implant surgery. That surgery will consist of an outpatient procedure with small incisions. I'll go home the same day and have a 2 week recovery. OH, and NO DRAINS!!
After the implant procedure, I have to wait about 3 more months before we can proceed to the tattooing phase.
I told you it was going to take a year...no kidding.  We are going to start in January so we can try to wrap it all up in a single calendar year. That sounds really far away but I have a little over 2 months to get mentally, physically and generally prepared. This is a significant improvement over the 2 1/2 weeks between diagnosis and mastectomy, so I won't complain. It seems like an eternity.

I think that covers the basics. If you have questions, feel free to ask. As always, I'm willing to answer.
Whew! I made it! 

As always, I will keep you updated on the process and planning and, when the time comes, the really real truth about the procedure and the recovery.

Bye for now.

Love to all,

Andee

So, Andee, what's new?

I'm glad you asked! I have so much to tell you.

PART I
First, let me address my whiny Facebook posts from Thursday. I have a personal rule. I give myself a day to wallow in a little self pity. It happened when I was diagnosed, again when my hair fell out and again on Thursday. So what was up on Thursday? Well, I had my first visit with my plastic surgeon on Thursday afternoon. At this point, I'm sure you're wondering what in the world could have happened at my reconstruction consultation. I mean, we're talking reconstruction, not removal. Surely removal had to be bad and that would mean that reconstruction is good. First of all, I didn't have any hesitation with the removal. Really. I promise. It was all about getting the cancer out of my body and I was all for that! I was even OK with the fact that I would need to delay reconstruction until 1 year post radiation. So, again, I'm sure you're wondering what the big deal was. The big deal was that I didn't have a good understanding of what reconstruction would consist of until Thursday. You might recall that I made a comment back in August, after I met with my general surgeon, that I learned that the surgery would be a little more invasive than I expected. Well, it's going to be way more invasive than I expected. If you are at all familiar with a "standard" reconstruction, you know that they insert expanders to make room for the implant, they fill them over several weeks or months and then they replace the expander with the permanent implant. The implant portion of the process, even for me, will be an outpatient procedure with small incisions and a 2 week recovery time. Not bad as surgeries go. The issue for me will be the surgery required to "fix" me enough to allow them to expand that expanders without my chest tearing open. Sadly, I'm being serious. There is no exaggeration there at all. The surgery will be longer, more involved, more invasive and have a longer recovery time than my mastectomy did. That's where the emotion came from. I had a moment of hesitation about whether I wanted to go forward or not and I got mad. I got mad because I felt like my two choices both sucked. Option 1 was to do nothing and remain deformed for the rest of my life. I was ok with it for a couple of years but I fully expected to get corrected at some point. Option 2 is going to be a long surgery with a lot of not-so-exciting elements. I had my day (well evening) of thinking it sucked, it wasn't fair, when is enough, enough? I allowed myself that evening but I have since moved on. I'm alive and I'm blessed to have that choice. 2014 was a year of surgery and treatment, 2015 has allowed a bit of a break and 2016 will be the year of reconstruction...and yes, it will take the whole year. Now that we've covered the emotional part, let's talk about my surgical options. Settle in, it's going to take a while.

Cancer Part I

I spend a lot of time these days talking about life after treatment, reconstruction, weight gain, weight loss, fatigue...if you're a regular, then you know. One thing I haven't talked about in a while is C word...cancer. How it changes your life, how it makes you part of a club...and not the fun kind. I have made connections...correction, I have made FRIENDS, that I would not have made if it wasn't for cancer. (Stop reading Mom, I'm about use bad words) The shitty part of that deal is that many of those friends are battling some form of cancer, too. Regardless of where you are with the disease and/or treatment, you end up with segment of your world revolving around cancer. You have new Facebook friends. You meet new people at the clinic while you're waiting to see the doctor. You share a chemo room with a fabulous person. We all have stories, we all support one another, we all fight every damn day to stay positive, stay healthy and stay alive. Whether you were stage 0 or stage 4, you are part of the family. Cancer is cancer is cancer is cancer.

Now, for those of you who have been blessed with a life that has not yet been touched by cancer, let me put this in perspective for you. Imagine you form a small circle of new friends. You were brought together because you have something in common. Imagine that when you connect, you chat about how your week is going, you get some advice from one person, you share your own advice with another person. You welcome new people with that common interest into your circle. You are constantly praying for the well-being of your new friends and only hoping the best for them.

This is what happens when you get diagnosed. You start growing a circle of friends who have or have had cancer. Some of my "cancer friends" I get to see in person, many of them are friends of friends who became my friends (and yes, Facebook counts)...because of CANCER. Now imagine that circle of friends we were discussing earlier consisted of 6 people. How hard would it be for you if within 9 months 2 of those friends found out their cancer had recurred and 2 others passed away. It's not easy, my friends. It is not easy at all!

I'm really tired so I'm going to stop here but I'll be back tomorrow to finish up this post.
Stay strong, my cancer family! Love you!

Love to all,
Andee

It doesn't matter what time you go to bed if you're not sleeping

As you know, I've been dealing with fatigue since chemo (and that ended a year ago). I've been getting very frustrated because recently I've felt like my fatigue level was going in the wrong direction. I improved month over month and then started to feel like I was going backwards. I think I've discovered why.

You may or may not know that the Fitbit can track your sleep patterns. I tend to focus on my step count and haven't paid much attention to the sleep results lately. Well, this week I started looking at it. Holy crap, no wonder I'm tired. Though I'm going to bed at a relatively reasonable hour (compared to pre-treatment) and staying in bed for the recommended 6-7 hours I'm averaging less than 3 hours of actual sleep during that time. And those 3 hours are not even in a row. I wake up 3 or 4 times and have been "restless" 20+ times, on average. Well NO WONDER YOU'RE TIRED!

I spent time this weekend mapping out my Q4 goals and schedule. I'm hoping that I can exhaust myself at the end of the day and sleep soundly for more than a minute. I'm so hoping this improves. My body is angry.

Take care of yourselves, friends.
Love to all!
Andee

The importance of self exams & mammograms OR I found a lump!

Good Friday to you!
This is going to be one of those informative posts where I share my business in hopes of helping others. In this case, I want everyone reading this to do a self exam or, if it's time, get a mammogram...or nudge someone you love to do so. This is the story of my lump discovery.

Let me start by saying that I have always been a little OCD about regular self exams. The guidelines are to do them monthly. I was always more of a weekly type person. That said, I still didn't catch my lump in the early stages. For those of you who might be joining the party late, when I was diagnosed I was told that I had two different types of breast cancer. One of which does not cause a lump. Let me repeat that - IT DOES NOT CAUSE A LUMP. The good news is, that type of cancer stays put. It travels in the milk ducts and stays in the breast. Lucky for me (yes that's sarcasm you're sensing) I also had the kind that DOES cause a lump AND (bonus) it can travel.  UGH! Wasn't one type enough? For me, the answer is obviously no.

Let's get back to Lump Day. As diligent as I was about self checks, I didn't find the lump during an exam, per se. I had a tender spot, which I thought was  there as a result of an ill-fitting bra or, at the very least, a misdirected underwire. I was laying on my right side and I reached around to my left side to check out the tender spot and I felt a lump. Lump doesn't seem like an appropriate word, it felt pretty big to me. (When it was removed, if memory serves, it was dangerously close to 6 cm). I had never felt anything before. I'm not really sure if it had been there for a while and I was just in a position at that time to feel it OR if it had grown quickly. Based on the information from the biopsy, the growth rate of the "lump cancer" was medium, the ductal cancer was the faster growing of the two. The lesson here is that even though I did regular exams, I didn't feel anything until it was bigger than a golf ball.

The next question is whether I'd had a mammogram or not. The answer is no. My doctor and I had talked about it when I turned 40 but didn't schedule one. I was calling to schedule my next annual exam when I found the lump. I didn't feel terribly rushed prior to that because I had heard that the revised guidelines suggested that annual mammograms should start @ age 50.  I'm here to tell you that, had I waited until 50, I would have been dead. No joke. I trusted the guidelines before I was diagnosed, now I think they are crap. There are so many women, with no family history, who are diagnosed. It's so scary. Mattie, as a result of my diagnosis, will start having mammograms by age 30, if not earlier. That is the case even though my genetic testing showed that I did not have the mutated BRCA gene. If that was the case, she would have to be tested even earlier.

If you take anything from my experience, it is to do self exams, don't delay mammograms and act quickly. I found my lump on a Saturday March 15, called the doctor on Monday, saw the doctor Tuesday, had a diagnostic mammogram/ultrasound/biopsy a week later and had a bilateral mastectomy on April 15.  I started chemo on May 14...yada yada yada.  Things in your life can change quickly.

If you have any questions, feel like you need some support or just want to find out more, feel free to contact me. You can do so via the blog "contact me" link, via the Facebook page or private message.

Get checked!

Love to all,
Andee

Just between us

Howdy friends!

I have 4 other posts in progress but I'm pushing this one to the front of the line. Why, you ask? Because I'm tired. This blog is about sharing and helping others who might walk this path one day. I've said all along that I'm not Wonder Woman and I'm reminded of every single day. As much as I would like to be normal (stop laughing, I mean MY normal), I am just not. Over time I will continue to get stronger but, here I am a year after Chemo ended, exhausted. Patience is not my thing anyway, but I feel like a year is enough time to get some stamina back...right?!

Just like every other day, I will get up and push through. I'll put a smile on my face and only you will know that I am secretly dreaming of a power nap every couple of hours. It's our little secret. 

Do a little dance...

It's been a while since we've danced. That changes now!

Get up and shake your booty, people!

I received the results back from my most recent cancer screening and there wasn't anything abnormal. Now THAT'S what I like to hear! I have a couple of more screenings over the next few weeks so I'm hoping for more of the same. Boring and uneventful, that's my plan!

This seems like a great time to try to pressure everyone into seeing their doctor for the appropriate screenings. Please, please, please go for your regular check up. I know it can be scary but if there is anything to be found, trust me, it's better to find it as early as possible and attack it! I care about each and every one of you, my blog friends...all 3 of you (Hi Mom!).   Seriously though, DO IT!

'Night friends!

Love to all,

Andee

Stress

NEWSFLASH: you don't have to have cancer to get stressed. No, I'm not kidding!
I try to keep my cool on the outside but there are just some days that I look like this...

...on the inside. It definitely got worse when I went through my "dark period".  I'm out of it now but, like everyone else, there's still stress in my life. I'm an adult (so they tell me) and I don't know of any adults who are 100% stress free.  What I have figured out is that there are ways to manage it.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, mental health or fitness professional. I'm going to share what I have experienced. Do with it what you will...

There are many different kinds of stress. Stress from worry (is that a tumor?!), stress from work (deadline/conflict/project/problem/personnel), stress from daily life (how in the world am I going to make to soccer practice on time? I'm a horrible parent for feeding my kids what's convenient on soccer nights) and stress from trying to keep it all together (I have to be a perfect wife, perfect mother, perfect employee...all in a 24 hour day...what's going to suffer today?).  See - you probably saw yourself in one (or more) of those.

Here's what I can tell you, I have done an unplanned experiment over the last few months. I stopped exercising (for valid reasons but stopping was not good), I stopped putting myself first and my mental state, my attitude and my health suffered. Exercise, without a doubt, helps me manage stress, makes  me feel better overall and is good for me. It makes me stronger, nicer, I sleep better...all the things you hear the experts say. I felt overwhelmed and down and I did not like that feeling. So I'm back on the wagon. I finished day 4 of a 6 week plan for myself. I already feel better and a couple of people commented that I looked better. I don't think that's coincidence.

Exercise and a shift in focus helped me. 60 days ago cancer was on my mind all the time and I was terrified every minute of every day. I'm over the hump and back on track and I'm feeling good and smiling. Whatever your pain point is, don't let it win. Do something that makes you feel better and happy! Every single day is a gift, don't forget to enjoy them (even the stressful ones).

Love to all,

Andee

Can't you finish anything?

I have no fewer than 5 posts in draft status. That's just sad.

I will finish one each night this week...starting tomorrow.

I finally got Dean Winchester on the blog!  Woohoo.

My nerd is showing again, isn't it?

Milestones and new adventures

Good evening all!
I'm still under the weather but I'm not going to write about that because...well...who really cares? This post will be brief but I have some updates. It's nice to not have to read the same old stuff, right?!

First, a milestone...of sorts. Today marks 1 year since I returned to work. Granted, it was only part time but it was a big step for me and one that I wanted long before it happened. (Remember, I dream of normal)  So, happy one year back to work day for me!

Second, the new adventures. The next phase of my journey is getting underway. I'm scheduled to have my port removed on Friday September 11. Yes, I'm going under the knife again...it's been a while so I felt like it was time. ;-)  The removal is much easier than the placement. If you've been around for a while, you know that placement required that I go under general anesthesia and they had to be careful and make sure that they didn't puncture my lung, etc, etc.  Removal will be done with a local and a scalpel. No, I am not scared and I'm not weirded out. I expect all to go smoothly and I'll be out of there in a couple of hours. The procedure will only take a few minutes but I have to get there an hour early...yada yada yada.  :-)

I can now report that I have a date with plastic surgeon. Yes, the process will begin with the first appointment, scheduled for mid-October. It's hard to believe it's time to even consider this already. My fabulous surgeon has referred me to, what I expect to be, an equally fabulous plastic surgeon. He also took time during my visit yesterday to tell me a little bit more about what to expect with reconstruction...or what, in my case, is delayed reconstruction. I thought I knew what was coming but I clearly still have a lot to learn. Radiation does bad things to skin. I thought they just meant during treatment but it seems that the effects are more long term. He said if they opened me up for reconstruction along the existing surgical scar, the skin wouldn't hold up. That means they will cut that out and take skin from elsewhere. EEEWWW. Also, he said the process will take most of the year. EEEWWW.  As always, I will share the details as soon as I have more specifics. I'm still going to go through with it and I'm still going to smile as I do it. Some days you just need a reminder that you are tough and can handle a lot. I've been through Hell (physically) already so this will be a piece of cake! It will likely be a little uncomfortable but I'll come out better on the other side...and my clothes will fit!

I'm off to bed. I'm hoping I'm not up every hour like last night - EEEWWW.  :-)

Have a great night everyone.
Love to all!
Andee

I'm letting my assistant write this. Fun, right?

I'm early for my appointment so I thought I would knock out a blog post. The problem is, all I have with me is my phone. Not to be deterred, I will move forward with the post with the assistance of my assistant (LOL) Siri. Note: I changed my Siri voice to male, so the above picture is appropriate.

Disclaimer: I will do my best to catch all typos but I'm sure some will be missed. This should be interesting.

So, it's been a while since I've posted. Looks like almost a month. Wow! I'll start by saying that I haven't had any more "low" periods. I haven't had much time to ponder any negatives. Thankfully, life is keeping me busy. As a matter of fact, it's keeping me a little too busy on some days. I've recently clocked some 10 and 12 hour work days, The kids are back to school and the activities are starting up.By the end of the day most days I am absolutely spent.I still tire out pretty easily but I feel like that's not an acceptable complaint to the general public eight months after treatment ends. If people ask how I am, I've now started saying "I'm just fine!"  When I have no more to give, part of me says I need to suck it up and push through and the other part of me, the more sane part, says don't overdo it or you're going to crash. Don't worry, I'm paying attention. I don't want to end up sick so I will figure out a way to balance it all out. No worries!

In other news, I get to see my surgeon on Monday! We should be discussing port removal so stay tuned. Been a little over year since I went under the knife and he promised me the last time that we could dance in the OR this time around. 

Well this was a rambling, random post. But it's a post! I have 4 others drafted so more will be coming. 

Gotta run, I have a date with a needle. 

Love to all. Back soon!

Andee

Doctors, doctors everywhere...

I'm baaaaaaaaack.....

Yes I'm here for a post after a lengthy break. Don't worry,  I didn't "fall in the water" again. I've just been busy with life. Being busy with life makes me tired and when I'm tired I sleep whenever I get the chance. Blogging goes well with insomnia, not so much with sleeping. I'm sure you understand.
Anyway, here I am! Now what?......

 

 

I guess I could update you on the health stuff. So far this week I've seen my radiation oncologist and my medical oncologist. Basically they broke up with me. I guess, in this world, that's a good thing. We haven't called it quits completely. I will see my medical oncologist every 3 months but I'm not scheduled with my radiation oncologist for a whole year. I'm sure she will find a new favorite patient by then. I just can't think about it.   ;-) Next up I get to see my FABULOUS surgeon. Who would have ever thought I could think so highly of someone that chopped off body parts. Oh, but I do think the world of him. I've said it before and I'll say it again. If you ever have to have anything chopped off or taken out, he's your man!  

 

 

As I was saying, I will be seeing my surgeon soon so there will be talk of (knock on wood) port removal and a timeline for reconstruction and all that goes with it. He will be sending me off to a plastic surgeon for a consult at some point. What fun that will be! I've got my eye on a nice set of Scarlett Johanssons.

 



As always, when the time comes, I will share my business with the world. :-)

We have quite an adventure planned for this weekend. I'll try to post throughout but I'll probably be sleeping when we're not out and about...heck, I might be sleeping WHILE we are out and about. I make no promises. 

I'll be back soon enough.

Love to all!
Andee

I fell in the water...

...but I am not staying there!

Don't worry, this won't be a "downer" post...at least I hope not. Just to keep the mood light, I'll include some Phteven!

Oh, how I've missed him.

Ok, back on topic,

Today's post won't be depressing but I would classify it as an RRT  post. For any newbies, that's a Really Real Truth post. As I've said before, the goal is for the blog to be open, honest and hopefully help others know they aren't alone. So let's go...

It's been a bit of a perfect storm of not-so-fun life experiences over the past month or so. Cancer has played a starring role in most of it.  

Just a quick reminder. I made a choice to share my business on the blog - friends and family have not so there will be times that it will seem like I'm being vague. I AM being vague but I'm sure you understand.

You want some honesty? I'll give you the straight poop. I find life after treatment way more difficult and way more scary that life during treatment. I'll write in more depth about this later (I can't stay awake much longer) but I have been dealing with some serious anxiety over the past few weeks. I've had days where I'm pretty sure I haven't gone more than 30 minutes without thinking about cancer - is it really gone? will it come back? what will I do if it comes back? I have a pain - is it cancer?  

The mind can get caught in a loop. Trust me, it's not a the happiest of places.  I've had days where I felt like I couldn't breathe. It was pretty scary.

I have anxiety related to my own situation but I've also dealt with loss (from cancer) in my family and circle of friends. Again, you deal with sadness, fear, anger, survivor guilt...it can be overwhelming. On top of the emotional issues, I tried to take some time off from working out to try to let my feet heal a little. They had gotten really, really painful again so I finally decided to give them some time to recover. Bad idea!! Not for my feet  - which after a very painful few months, are feeling surprisingly normal- but for my sanity. When you hear that exercise can help with anxiety and/or depression, they are not kidding.

I've finally gotten myself "out of the water" and I'm feeling so much better. I will not live my life in fear of what might be. I'm back to living in the moment, I'm not dwelling on what could happen, I'm enjoying what IS happening. The best medicine I could ask for was being surrounded by friends and family over the holiday weekend. Now, I'm diving back into daily workouts and working to make sure my body, mind and soul are strong and prepared for what is to come. 

I have to rest now but I'll write more later. Until then, get out of the water!

To the friends and family we've lost, we'll miss you. I will continue to borrow my friend's hashtag...

#suckitcancer

Love to all,

Andee

Share the love

When we bought our house nine years ago the goal was to have a place where family and friends could gather. The house isn't fancy but the yard is big. We envisioned cook outs with good food, fun games and a lot of laughter!   We have hosted summer gatherings every year since we moved in... except last year. The mood around the LD was very different then. It was way too quiet and serious, for my taste. 

 As we enter the July 4 holiday weekend I'm beyond excited to finally have the house full of the people that I love, once again.  I'll get emotional about it before anyone arrives. I'll be all smiles and laughs by the time everyone gets there. ��

If you are in the area, come on by. All are welcome. Bring a dish and a chair!  

Another step in the journey!   

Happy 4th to all!

Love to all

Andee

Cancer Patient Problems: Summer Edition

Happy Memorial Day Weekend to my blog friends! I hope you are enjoying a bit of a break and remembering why we have this holiday.

So, let's get into it. Today I'm doing another one of my (sort of) educational posts. A cancer diagnosis is life changing in so many ways. If you haven't had the joy of walking this journey then you may not realize the types of changes and/or life modifications which need to be made. That's why I'm here, sharing my business!  You're welcome.

As you may, or may not, be aware, I had some lymph node work done last year...among other things. That puts me at risk for a lovely condition called lymphedema. Apparently, our lymph systems prefer to be left alone to do their work and can get a bit grumpy if disturbed.

I will forever be at risk of my left arm being flooded with lymphatic fluid - yes, it's not a pleasant thought. Anything on that arm that triggers that system to kick in puts me at risk. Like what, you ask?  I'm not to have needle sticks or have blood pressure taken on that side. I have to be cautious, all the time. A paper cut, a bug bite, sunburn, a scratch. Do you see the challenge here? It's summer. That means sunburns, bug bites, scratches...  That also means I shall spend the summer sporting the following accessories:

And my look, now and forever, will be pasty.  That's depressing. Even when I have a re-built bathing suit ready body, I will be frighteningly white. YUCK  I know I can do a fake tan but I don't like orange and, my luck, that crap causes cancer too. So pasty and covered it shall be. 

I'll be back later with another post. 

Love to all!

Andee

It's Midnight, I'm tired but I promised...

...so here I am.
Today was a treatment day. Infusion only, no doctor visit. Everything went smoothly and I was out before by 10 AM...not bad. You might recall, on my last visit I shared a treatment room with a lovely lady who had been recently diagnosed and had just lost all of hair. She said someone had donated a wig for her but it was silver...she was not thrilled about that. I had held on to a box of wigs with every intention of donating them to an individual or an organization at some point but for some reason, I hadn't yet. Apparently I was waiting for her. I offered her the wigs and took them back to the clinic on the same day and left with the nurses to give to her. Today I took back the wig brush and spray conditioner I forgot to take the first time. I asked one of the nurses if she could pass on the supplies and she smiled and said she would be happy to. She then told me that the other patient (whose name I don't know) was so thrilled with the wigs. She said she cried (happy tears, I hope) when she got them and kept saying she needed to get me something. I told the nurse to please tell her that she's more than welcome for the wigs, I was happy to pass them on and she didn't need to get anything for me.  I'm so thrilled that she was so thrilled. Sometimes the smallest things can be big things. You just never know.
It's never a bad idea to pay it forward.

I can do no more tonight.  ZZZZZZZ

Love to all,
Andee

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

Yes, I'm going to embarrass you with blog post that all about you! I tell you that I love you a lot. I say thank you a lot. What I don't do is shout to the world how special you are. (Dad is special too but his day is in June!). Here's what I know...

I know that I was a challenging child...and I'm now reminded of it every single day because there is a Mini Me living in my house. She is strong willed and opinionated, even at age 5. I don't always love the fact that she asks why or pushes back, but I know that once we get past the teenage years, those personality traits will serve her well.  I was once a strong-willed, opinionated 5 year old but you never treated that as a negative. I know (for a FACT) it had to be frustrating at times but you never tried to change me. You never told me I was bossy or that I needed to act more like a shy little girl. You let me be me, even when being me included funky hair, funky clothes (which you did manage well - I would have been funkier without your guidance) and you even loved me when I pierced my own ear...5 times. I'd like to think that I've grown into an OK adult. Whatever I might do right, as a parent or just a human, I'm pretty sure the credit can go to you.

I know that you were a great role model for me. I watched you and how you "did it all" when I was growing up. You went back to work when I started 1st grade. You figured out how to work 12 hour days but still got Karla and I where we needed to go. Dance, choir practice and the pool in the summer. I never felt like you were absent or that we were missing out on anything. I'm still challenged with the work/life balance and some days I wonder how you kept it all together and kept your sanity. If only I could be a awesome as you!

I know that I love the fact that you treat my husband like he's one of your own. When your crazy, loud mouth, bitchy daughter brought home the quiet gorgeous guy, I'm pretty sure you didn't have any idea that he would still be putting up with me 27 years later. Thank you for making him feel like part of the family and being there for him through all of my issues.

I know that you are a wonderful grandmother. I made you wait a little longer than most but I know you love those little people right down to your soul. I feel so blessed that they get to spend time with you. I have mixed emotions about the whole "spoiling thing" but I know that's part of the grandparent gig so I will keep my mouth shut...most of the time.

I know that the phone call I made to you in March 2014 was the single most difficult thing I've ever had to do in my life. I wasn't emotional over my diagnosis, I was emotional because I knew how hard you were going to take the news. The last thing I ever want to do, ever, is cause you pain and I knew that call was going to hurt...a lot. I knew you would be shocked, confused, emotional and terrified. I hate that we were so far apart and that I had to break the news to you over the phone, that I couldn't hug you and look you in the eyes and tell you that I was ready to fight like Hell!

I know that you should have spent the last year enjoying your retirement, spending time with your friends in Florida. Without hesitation you came home and did so many things for Bobby and the kids that I just couldn't. You helped keep everything somewhat normal during the months of treatment. You kept the babies during the worst part of my treatment cycles so they wouldn't have to see me that way. You helped with drop offs, pick ups, groceries, you were Mattie's "dance mom", my nurse, and so much more! I can never, ever, ever, thank you enough for your love, support and your faith.

On this Mother's Day, I want you know that I hope I can be half the mom to my children that you've been to me. Those are big shoes to fill but there is not a day that goes my that I don't catch myself wondering WWMD (What Would Mom Do?).

I know that you are one special lady and I am beyond blessed to call you Mom.

Happy Mother's Day MimMim, I love you so very much!

Andee

A Mother's Day Letter to my Mother In Law

Dear Mom #2,

I'm not sure how many married folk are blessed to be able to say that they not only get along with their mother in law, but love and adore her. I feel so blessed to fall into this category. You have been a part of my life for all but the first 15 years of my existence.  Let that soak in for a minute.  (When Bobby and I started dating, you were younger than I am now.) We are always straight with one another and we don't always agree but somehow that works for us.  You are feisty and, at times, fiery and I love that about you. Over the years, I've not only grown to consider you my second mom, but a friend. We talk family, health, work, movies, books, and maybe a little gossip here and there.

I grew up in a world that revolved around family so joining the Doolin family, even in the early days, felt very comfortable to me. Your fierce love for and loyalty to your family is undeniable. You have always been there for us and we can't ever thank you enough. We've been through a lot during the past 27 years together and I'm looking forward to many more to come...the years, not the drama...I'm good with the drama.  :-)

So, on this Mother's Day, I want you to know that Doolin kid #4 loves you more than you might know and is thankful for you each and every day (even on your more feisty days).

I love you Granny Bug,
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
Andee

It's time for that smack in the back of the head

If you know me, you've heard this before so skip on ahead to paragraph 2. For everyone else, here we go. In my experience, when I begin to focus on the wrong things, life/God has a way of smacking me in the back of the head so I snap out of my idiocy and focus on what's important rather than what's petty. I could give you plenty of examples of this happening but I'll spare you. Trust me, it happens often!

Now that we are all back together, let's get to "The Smack". In the past few weeks I've found myself irritated if not slightly angry over a couple of things. Fatigue is an ongoing issue and my weight loss has plateaued/paused/gone on sabbatical. These two items, in particular, have been bothering me. A lot. That, along with the added joy of chemo-induced menopause, makes me a REAL joy to live with sometimes. Just when I was at the peak of my distress a couple of things happened.

1. I got to spend time with some people whom I adore. We haven't gotten to see each other much in the past year so it was extra special to get some time with them. A week ago Saturday I had lunch and did some plant shopping with a friend of 20+ years. This past weekend, we spent the weekend with my sister from another mister and had some fun with her family. Things like this remind me how blessed I am. Even with the big bucket of suck that was 2014, I'm still here and I am surrounded by some pretty lovely people. Love, hugs, laughs, family, fun and friendships are the important things in life and I'm blessed to have such wonderful people around me. That's what is important - not the number on the scale. The weight loss will start up again and, you know what, it's not the end of the world if it's slow going. My body is worn out so I gave it a break this weekend and I feel better for doing it. Rest and recovery is not a bad thing after 3 months of nonstop workouts.
   
2. I met a new treatment buddy and was reminded that even though I'm being treated for cancer, there are still people who are dealing with more ugly things than I am. She was a lovely lady. She was just diagnosed on March 20 and was there for second chemo session. We talked about hair loss and she told me that most of her hair fell out in one day. She was wearing a turban and said that a charity organization had given her some wigs but they gave her silver and she said she was not ready for that. She was too young for silver. I told her I had some wigs that were given to me that still had the tags on them and I would be happy to pass them on to her if she wanted them. She said she would love that! As we continued to talk, we finally got to the "what are you in for?" conversation. She told me that she had gone to the ER thinking she had pneumonia, doctors agreed and treated her for 3 weeks with no improvement. She went back to the ER and they ran some additional tests, including a CAT scan  and that's when they found the cancer. She said the doctor teared up when she walked in the room and had to give her the news. She had cancer in her lungs and several other places. In her conversation with me it was easier for her to list the organs which were NOT affected. On top of that, it's small cell lung cancer and that is some nasty stuff. After speaking with her I realized that if fatigue is all I have to deal with, then I shall suck it up and smile about it!

Don't let yourself get focused on the wrong things. Let yourself get smacked in the back of the head so you remember that EVERY day is a blessing and how we handle all of the challenges we face makes us who we are. Be thankful for your blessings and don't let the tough stuff get all of your attention. We only live once and who wants to spend that time being angry and upset over silly stuff? Not me!

Back soon.

Love to all,

Andee

Quick Update

Hey there friends! It's been over a week since my last post and, if you follow along on FB, you know I have much to write about! I'll get a quick post up tonight and then hopefully have some more beginning later this weekend.
So, where should we begin? I guess health (not fitness) news should come first. Here we go!

• I saw my oncologist this week. He's pleased with how I'm doing. We talked about my crazy fatigue from last week and mutually agreed that I just overdid it. Yes, I am once again having to acknowledge that I still have some limitations. He told me to give it time and his nurse suggested B12 and D3. I added some B6 to my pill box already. I just have to take my time and give myself a bit of a break. My poor body took a hell of a beating over the past year and normal doesn't just show up all at once. 
• I am in the homestretch on the Herceptin. I have to get infusions every three weeks for a year and I only have 3 more treatments to go! I am expecting to wrap up with my last dose on July 1st! Of course, I had to let him know I was getting a little nervous each time we drop a treatment. It's so weird, you just want to keep doing something! He put me at ease and said the most important treatment after chemo is the Tamoxifen I take daily. I'll be on that for 5-10 years, and I'll continue to see him that entire time. I shall take a deep breath and take every day as it comes. 
• If all goes as planned, the end of Herceptin means I can say goodbye to my "bump", as Mattie calls it. Yes, I could be going under the knife again by August. 

I think that's it for the health updates.  We have a busy weekend planned but I will be posting quick updates to FB and Instagram, for sure so, if you like that sort of thing, stop on by. 

Love to all!

Andee

This lifestyle change thing is NOT easy

Hey everyone, Doolin is about to post more crap about her daily diet and workout...thing.

I know, I know BUT you need to remember why this blog was created. If you don't care, feel free to go visit a blog that's WAY more interesting and entertaining than mine. I won't be offended...really.  Well, I'll get over it...eventually.  Back to the point...remember, the point of this site is to (hopefully) share my business in hopes of helping someone else. 

Yes, I'm coming up on the 3 month mark. Yes, I've lost 20 lbs and some change. Yes, I have worked out every day but 2 since this little adventure began. NO, I am not insane. I eased up on my level of exercise for a couple of weeks and I eased up on my calorie restriction during that time as well. I don't want to burn out or overdo it. I also wanted to see if it was sustainable. So far so good! I've held steady during this experimental period and even lost some additional inches. (Doing abs daily makes all the difference.  Really)  Tomorrow though, it's game on again.

I shall NOT listen to my sweat pants...but my bathing suit and I are not yet on speaking terms. This is not easy. It takes time, effort and sometimes discomfort, but I can tell you that IT'S WORTH IT. 

Sweet story before I go...

One or both of our children are usually in the room with me when I exercise. They are so awesome! Anyway, Mattie was in the room during my morning session. I had been on the treadmill and then got on the floor for ab work. I was doing 21 Day Fix 10 Minute Abs (I prefer this version to the 21 Day Fix Extreme 10 Minute Hardcore). This is a Beachbody product, as you probably know. The following was my conversation with my daughter:

MATTIE: Mommy, What's a beach body?

ME: Well, I guess it is a body you would be proud to show at the beach. 

MATTIE: Do you have a beach body?

ME: No, not quite yet. I'm working on it but Mommy's body is a little...broken at the moment.

MATTIE: I think you're perfect, Mommy.

Then she hugged me.

Then I teared up.

Who would have thought that 5 words from a 5 year old could be so well timed and perfect.

Love to all!

Andee

Quick update

This post was started on Tuesday night. My laptop battery died in the middle of it and my personal battery drained shortly after.  :-) Yes, today marks the first anniversary of my surgery but the related post will not be going up tonight. I can add one more missed workout day (today) to the list. Today has been the toughest day since treatment ended. I was running on empty by early evening and even fell asleep just sitting on the couch. WOW. Tired is not even the word and it came on hard. That said, feel free to read yesterday's post and stay tuned for an anniversary post soon.  Thanks for hanging with me for the past year. What a ride!
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Good evening dear friends,
I'm struggling to keep my eyes open but I'm determined to post. I so love the blog but my days are so full and my energy is beyond depleted at the end of the day so it makes it hard to sit down and write. Here I am with some quick updates and a plan to compose a more in depth post in honor of tomorrow's milestone.
So here are the quick fire updates. Yes, it's time for me to share all my business!

• I have not missed any additional workout days since my last post. In total I've still only missed one day so that's a record of 81 of 82 days. 
• I loosened my grip on my strict calorie counts this past but, I'm happy to say, that my weight has stayed level. I have a meal at work tomorrow I'm not going to count but Thursday I'll be back at it.
• I don't think I posted my latest inches lost number. I don't have the sheet in front of me but, I believe, at last count I was close to 25 inches lost. Remind me to tell you about the bolus. It's interesting to have a wax mold of part of your torso and to put that mold on and see the actual difference when you've lost some weight. Kind of cool!
• I'm really pushing for more days in the office. My patience is being tested with my tolerance - I feel like a wimp but I am gradually doing better. At some point in the afternoon I just hit a wall but hopefully that wall will continue to move later and later in the day. 

On a side note, it's March for Babies time again. As you might recall, I'm pretty passionate about this cause and we are typically one of the top fundraising teams. I had to miss out last year because the walk was a few days after my first chemo treatment. I was heartbroken to miss it but we were well represented. We would love to have you as a Groupie! If you can make a donation, any amount is appreciated. If you want to join the team, I'll post a link to our team page below. This year I'm also combining fundraising and our t-shirts so if you'd like a groovy shirt and help us raise some money, check out the other link. 

Thanks again for your support throughout the past year. 

Love to all!

Andee

To join our team, Gabriel's Groupies, or make a donation:  http://www.marchforbabies.org/adoolin

Get a shirt! https://represent.com/gabriels-groupies