Looking back on 2016

It's December tomorrow...DECEMBER, PEOPLE! What the heck?!
I was answering some questions about my upcoming procedures today and it hit me. This time last year I was trying to mentally prepare for 12 months of reconstruction work. It seemed so daunting at the time. It hasn't been easy, in fact, it's probably been the most physically challenging part of my cancer journey so far. But here I am, just 21 days from the final steps in the year-long process. The key is keep looking forward, don't focus on the challenge of the moment, but on the goal at the end.
I don't bore you with a long narrative...not right now, anyway. So here is 2016 in summary.

• January 11 - surgery 1 - release the lattisimus dorsi muscle to increase blood flow prior to moving it
• February 1 - surgery 2 - move the muscle (with some skin) from back to chest on the left side. tissue expanders implanted on both sides.
• March - September - tissues expansion - saline added to expanders every 2 weeks.
• September 26 - surgery 3 - tissue expanders removed and replaced with implants
• December 21 - surgery 4 - multiple procedures including tattooing, fat grafting and some surgical adjustments
• Also
• DRAINS - have I mentioned how much I loathe those things?
• Scar tissue
• Seroma
• Buckets of fluid
• Physical Therapy
• ASTYM
• Cancer Scare
• Physical challenges
• Low points
• Upswings

All that for some Frankenboobies.

 

I'm often asked if I would go through it all again. HECK YES! All of the procedures have been tough but the end result is worth it. Though more invasive, the process has a better success rate than other options. I would go through all of it again without hesitation!

 

 

Back soon!

Love to all,

Andee

The letter - Part I

Dear Andee 2014,

You don't know it yet, but your life is about to change. On the evening of March 15, 2014 you are going to find a lump in your left breast. Because it's a Saturday, you're going to stress about it until Monday morning when you can call the doctor. You will suffer silently because you're not ready to tell anyone...not even your husband. Some part of you believes that if you don't say it aloud, it won't be real. You'll keep telling yourself that most lumps are nothing...but your gut continues to tell you that's not true for you. The lump is not small. You will keep trying to convince yourself that you were obsessive about self exams so it can't be cancer.  You checked regularly. You will get online and do research. You'll find multiple articles that say breast cancer doesn't hurt. That's somehow comforting because you have had pain. You will attribute that discomfort to an ill-fitting bra.  When you wake on Monday morning, you will feel sick. Nerves...all nerves.  You will opt to stay home from work. You will decide to tell your husband what you found and that you're calling to make an appointment to get it checked. You will try to assure him that it's probably nothing but it's best to get checked and know for sure. You contact your boss and HR  director at work and explain the situation...what's making you feel sick. They are understanding and supportive (and will continue to to be, well beyond this day).  You contact the doctor's office and let them know what you've found. They schedule an appointment for you on Wednesday. Ugh! Two more days of waiting but at least you are doing something. You will do what you always do - you will throw yourself into work and anything that can keep your mind occupied. You are one stubborn old b#@ch...good thing though, because you are about to be tested.

to be continued...

The exercise challenge

7/13/16

Hello from Andee's world!
I thought I would stop by and do a little sharing. Just what your day needed, am I right?!

Tonight I am sharing some details on why getting back into an exercise routine has been such a challenge. For those of you who are new to our party, I will catch you up. During treatment (for me that took most of 2014) I gained weight. I know what you're thinking....probably the same thing I thought. If there was one upside to this cancer thing, I thought it would be that I would get really skinny. Weeeeell,..not so much. My treatment cocktail included a lovely dose of steroids. When I got into round 2 (the 12 week round of chemo), I received steroids on a weekly basis. The steroids do all kinds of wonderful things to help manage issues during chemo, but they also make you fat! What I didn't know is that I would quickly turn into Uncle Fester. Bald and fat, that was me. Every girl's dream!

Once treatment was over (last of 33 radiation treatments was on December 17, not that I remember specifics or anything) I took some time to rest and recover but when January 22 came around, I started my serious workout and eating plan and by March I had dropped 20 lbs. I was serious...and focused on the goal. I started with 21 Day Fix and then moved on to 21 Day Fix Extreme. I'm not advertising or anything, just offering my personal experience. I noticed a significant change in my body in DAYS. Inches lost immediately, things toned up...all the stuff you want. I was counting calories only (they didn't originally send all of the 21DF containers and I didn't want to wait). I was like a machine for a while. About mid-year, my cancer patient mentor passed away. I've written about going into a pretty bad place. The short story is that I was thinking about cancer every single minute of every single day. I was upset about the people I know that cancer has taken away. I was terrified of recurrence. It was not a good place.  If I'm being completely honest, which I am, I stopped exercising AND started eating my emotions. I have to say that the last quarter of last year was not good for me. I was mad at myself for letting myself go and also, there was a bit a stress added when I learned how extensive my pending surgery would be. It was a lot to process and I did a crappy job of processing it.
When January rolled around it was time to have surgery #1. On January 11, I had the first of 3 surgeries. 3 (short) weeks later I had my second surgery. At that point, the latissimus dorsi muscle was pulled around from my back to my chest. You can go back and read the details of the procedure but, the short version is that the muscle and skin became part of my chest BUT the muscle is actually still attached to my back. Crazy right?

https://sites.google.com/site/cancerbreastinfo

 Since it was not removed and relocated, just relocated, it still works like a lat muscle. Though the muscle has atrophied some, and will continue to do so, it's still a weird sensation. You probably don't know exactly when your lat muscle is engaged on a daily basis. I can now tell you! That's because when I do something as mundane as push on the arm rests of a chair as I try to get up out of a chair, it engages that muscle and it pulls like crazy. Even today, it feels like bad things could happen when I rise from that chair or try to get out of the bath tub. I try my best to modify how I do things but sometimes I just have to push through and deal with the discomfort.

Now, finally, let's talk about how this impacts exercise.  After waiting a few months to make sure I healed completely, I tried my 21 Day Fix/Extreme routines and also ventured into the Hammer & Chisel program. I was having to modify so much that I wondered what the end result would be if I kept going. I think I'll be able to go back to weights (have I mentioned I loved that?) in the future but probably not this year. I have one more surgery to go, which will likely take place in the next couple of months. I decided I just couldn't wait until next year to start working on myself again. So I had to sit down and figure out what was going to work. I have put up my weights (for now) and I've focused on finding something I can do now. I settled on the Cize program, which is a dance program and I LOVE IT! For people who don't know, I spent my time at dance class and competing from age 4 to age 18. I ended my "dance career" as a member of the University of Kentucky Dance Team. I have always loved to dance and I've had weekly dance parties with my babies for the past several years but no classes in AGES. I'm so enjoying the fact that I'm able to do this again. I still have to modify a bit but it's a blast and it burns 300-400 calories a pop. Positives all around.

So my program now is Cize at least 5 days per week and weekly meal planning and prep. I'm down 5 lbs in the first full week of meal planning and exercise. Yay! It's not much but it's a start. I'm feeling so much better and I'm excited about what's to come.

I guess the message of this post is that we all have limitations. You just have to figure out how to do what you can with what you've got and make the very best of it. It can take a little work and some planning, but you can do it!

Love to all,
Andee

Finalized 7/24/16

The Iron Bra

Hello, hello, hello!

It's Iron Bra time! No, I'm not starting an industrial lingerie line. That's the term that some wise woman came up with to describe what your chest can feel like during reconstruction. So let's start at the beginning.

Tissue Expanders

You might recall from a previous post that I mentioned that expanders are a lot like empty implants. Well, there's more information to share. Saying that they are "like" implants doesn't paint the full picture. Even though they are filled with sterile saline, they are NOT soft. In no way, shape or form are they ANYTHING like the final implant. They are NOT squishy, they DO NOT jiggle, and there is absolutely NOTHING realistic about them. They have to be stout to...wait for it...expand the tissue! That means they can't be warm and comfy. Also, as you can see below, they are placed under the muscle so they do a nice job of rubbing against your ribs from time to time. They don't move around much but you certainly feel the love if you roll over in your sleep or, oh, I don't know, if you're wearing a compression bandage. 

Now, when you get them filled, everything is really tight and quite firm. Over the span of the week or two between fills, things ease up a bit but you never really forget they are there. 

Wait a minute...I don't wear a bra

With all that stretching, strange things happen. Add in muscle spasms and scar tissue adhesions and you might feel like you're wrapped in a compression bandage or wearing a very tight bra when you ARE NOT. No kidding.  There are some days that I couldn't tell (without looking/feeling) if I was wrapped up or not. If you were to cover my eyes and tell me to guess if I was wearing a bra or a bandage, I couldn't tell you for sure. From what I've read, some women even have trouble/discomfort breathing. Someone even described it as feeling as if she was wrapped up in duct tape. For me, the "Iron Bra" isn't painful most of the time. It's very uncomfortable but I don't really hurt until the fluid gets out of control. We'll talk about that later. 

Let It Go, Let It Go

Scar tissue SUUUUUUCKS! I had an issue with adhesion after my mastectomy. Pretty sure I wrote about it. Basically it feels like your skin and underlying tissue are attaching themselves to your ribs. 

That's because that's kind of what's happening. I went through physical therapy the last time and we worked hard to break that stuff up and had great results. I thought I was in the clear this time around until late last week. My back started getting tight and I thought it was just because of the bucket of fluid on my back. By Monday, there was no doubt what it was. When I raise my arm, it feels like I'm going pull out some ribs. The only way to help myself is to stretch and try to massage the tissue to loosen it and pull it away. Yes, it's as uncomfortable as it sounds. At some point there will be a disgusting POP, a burn and then some relief.  I'll keep you posted on my progress. 

The gift that keeps on giving

I'm still battling the fluid. Friday will be 2 months since surgery number 2 and that stuff just keeps on coming. This last time it got pretty bad. I had get it pulled off twice in 10 days. This time around it caused pain in my arm, it feels like I have another cord. Cording is crappy too but I'll spare you the details on that. Just know that it hurts, a lot, but it will eventually work itself out. 

And then....

The healing, and the expansion, continues. I'm thrilled to report that I was cleared to work! Things are modified a little as long as the fluid is an issue but I'm excited to use my brain cells and communicate with people on the outside. Woohoo!

So there it is, all the news that's fit to print. 

Love to all,

Andee

731

Good evening friends,

I'm not feeling too great so I considered not posting tonight, but HERE I AM! Today marks the 2 year anniversary of the day I found my lump. 731 days (there's an extra day because we had leap day this year!) and here I am. I will be acknowledging some additional milestones in pretty rapid succession. Things happened pretty quickly. Next up will be my diagnosaversary and the 2nd birthday of this blog.

So much has happened over the past two years and, looking back now, it has flown by. It seems like yesterday. I remember the early days very vividly. We'll revisit those days over the next couple of weeks but I want to say something to everyone who reads this. Here goes...

I wish that I could say that I'm the only person I know who was diagnosed with breast cancer in her 40s. I can name 4 other women right off the top of my head. Please, please, please do your monthly self exams. Please, please, please get your mammograms. Please, please, please do not follow the guidelines that say you can wait until 50 to start getting annual mammograms. Talk to your doctor, take control of your own health and care. Really!

I know things have been a little more serious than normal on here recently - certainly more clinical. Well, that ends today. Today, my friend Deadpool would like to share a message with all the ladies out there. Guys, feel free to share this with the ladies in your life.  This just might save someones life!

Love to all,
Andee

Same Post, Different Day

Hi everyone!

I'm back. I've tried to spare you from reading the same thing over and over but, alas, here I am to post much of the same. I figure any update is good, right?

So, as you read on the 23rd, I had fluid drained, no fluid added and I received some new stitches. On the 8th, I went back, had fluid drained again (I am wicked good at making tumors/cysts and fluid...it's a gift). The stitches came out (woohoo) but still no fluid in. Just not quite ready yet. Radiated skin sucks...yada yada yada.

Sadly, the fluid is already back. It only took about 48 hours to have the waterbed effect again. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so gifted.  I'm not scheduled to go back until the 29th, but if I get too uncomfortable, I'll see if I can get in early and get jabbed with some needles!

I'm almost 6 weeks out from surgery #2 and it is still very challenging. In addition to the fluid and the fact that I'm still getting used to the foreign bodies in my chest, I'm still limited with what I can do, especially on my left side. Things as simple as pushing myself up off the couch - can't really do it with my left arm. The muscle is still attached in the back so if you move in such a way that the muscle is engaged, it's very uncomfortable. I can feel the pull all the way around. I have trouble getting out of the tub, getting in Bobby's truck...it's a bit tall for me so I have to pull on the handle to get up in it. It's kind of humorous to watch me try to get in. I have to pull up with my right arm. Try that sometime. Talk about awkward. Driving is a challenge. I usually drive primarily with my left hand. It's like trying to write with your other hand - it's weird!

I'm slow to heal this time around and it's been humbling. For once in my life, I'm trying not to overdo it and I'm listening to my doctor, my husband and family. I don't want any setbacks so I'm continuing to work my way through my coloring books and my crossword puzzle app.

I have to go get my babies to bed. Have a great night everyone. Back soon!

P.S. New pic in the Viewer Discretion Advised section. If you don't like scars and stitches, don't look. Otherwise, it's safe.

Love to all!
Andee

Needles, needles everywhere...again

Hi friends!

I'm getting ready to try to get some rest but I thought I'd stop in and ask for some good vibes for tomorrow. I can handle needles but I estimate that I'm going to get stuck as many as 8 times tomorrow. That's a high end estimate. I doubt it will be that many but aspirate all 3 surgical sites (could be just one but you never know....there's fluid all over the place), that's 3 sticks, plus 3 more sticks if they numb those areas before aspirating and THEN there will be 2 sticks for the expander fills.  I'll give you a final count after tomorrow afternoon's visit but that should be the top end.



I'm not thrilled about all of the needles but I'm looking forward to having someone drain the damn waterbed off of my back. If it wasn't so gross, I would post a video, but I can poke on my side and a section of my back from side to my spine and about 5 inches from top to bottom, moves like a waterbed. It's crazy!

I know that's totally disgusting, but I had to do it. It's just like that! It doesn't make all that noise but the rest is spot on. lol



I'm also looking forward to some of the pressure being relieved. I feel like I'm wearing a really tight inner tube and it's like it's going to pop open any minute. The left side of my chest is quite impressive at the moment. It's mostly fluid and swelling from the surgery and the (buff) muscle that hasn't started to atrophy yet. It's more than a handful! That's pretty impressive considering that 3 weeks ago it was a crater.  I was about to say it will deflate a bit tomorrow if fluid is removed, but she's putting some back in, so we'll see what happens.



Wish me luck, friends.



Love to all,

Andee

Well, that's new

Let me start by saying, this post will likely be short. I've been having some pretty wicked "muscle seizures" over the past 24 hours. It is not the most fun thing ever. I only mention that because I'm going to go to bed shortly and try to relax the muscles...that means sleeping in one position, propped up on pillows with pillows on each side so I don't roll over. Yuck! I still have the drains to deal with in addition to pain from the expanders if I do happen to roll over. It's a non-stop party around me!  Just ask Bobby.

The point of the post is not to list all of the lingering challenges 2 weeks after surgery - it's to let you know that new and different issues can pop up even 2 weeks after surgery. Remember when I mentioned that my surgeon said that radiated skin is crap and she would probably have to sew me up a few times after surgery because the radiated skin couldn't handle it. Well, I'm happy to say that nothing has opened up but this morning I had some bleeding. I can't see my whole surgical area very well so I enlisted the help of the hubs and the mom. They don't see any tears (good news) but clearly there was some sort of issue since I now have a blood stain on one of my favorite tops.  Say a prayer for my crappy radiated skin. I just want it to keep it together.  Not much grosses me out but I'm not thrilled at the thought of any of my incisions opening up...even a little.

I'll update tomorrow.

Love to all,
Andee

What I've learned, Version...aw, heck, I don't know

Hello friends!
I hope your Thursday has been fabulous. I hope that everyone has their Valentine goodies and cards ready for the big day tomorrow. If your kids are not yet in school or are already in middle school or beyond...bless you. There is a lot of prep involved this time of year and it's especially challenging when you can't drive. Once again my parents (both sets) saved the day. Much love to all of them!!!

So, what have I learned? It's time for bulleted list. YAY!

• My level of patience with recovery is CRAP. I went into this knowing that it would take extra time but DANG!
• Muscle spasms or, muscle seizures, as I like to call them, SUCK! Especially when one of the muscles in question wraps halfway around your body. 
• I'm going to need to sleep on an incline for a good long while. If I lay at angle less then 45 degrees, there's pain...a lot of pain. I'm not sure whether the expanders are trying to move or if it strains or stretches the muscle somehow. All I know is that it is bad painful. 
• Drains still suck. 
• By the time they are ready to remove my stitches on Tuesday (on my back at least) they are probably going to have to dig some of those puppies out. Oh yay!
• I could probably sleep 20 hours a day. I'm not quite sure what surgery has done to my poor body but apparently it needs rest. 
• My family is awesome. My mother-in-law dropped everything and basically moved in to help us. I know it's hard to be away from home and I want to publicly let her know how much I appreciate her and all that she's done.
  My parents have been a blessing. The continue to help take care of me whenever needed even though they should have been rid of me since age 18. They've served as my babysitters, transporters, caregivers and supporters. 
• I have the best husband in the world ever. He had no idea what he was getting into when he said "in sickness and in health". He is my best friend, the love of my life, a spectacular father, son, brother and all around human being. He accepts my perpetual defectiveness and I love him for it. 

I'm going to go to sleep now but I'm hoping, as I wind down post op week 2, that it will be uphill from here...right up until they pump more fluid into these half empty balloons!  lol

Love to all,

Andee

Why in the world do you do that?

In the spirit of Mardi Gras (a day late), tonight's post is about why I'm comfortable showing people my crazy chest.
First, let me clarify something. I don't randomly lift up my shirt and flash people nor do I show people against their will. I'm not that creepy.  There are a few reasons why I have been ok (so far) showing people my scars/progress.

1. Many people I've talked to, including family members, don't completely understand the surgery I've had. Which muscle went where, why it's there, and where in the heck did that skin come from?, do you have a skin graft on your back now?
   I get it, it's hard to wrap your head around unless you watch the procedure on YouTube. I watched it the day I met with the plastic surgeon.(no surprise, right?). Most other people haven't watched - it's not easy. There are diagrams but they really don't give you the big picture. So, as a result, I'm happy to show you my incisions and try to explain what went where and why. 
2. My breasts are long gone. Haven't had anything for almost 2 years now. Had a couple of places on my chest that looked more like an old lady with her teeth out than anything else. Nothing of any interest. Now, we are in the process of putting things in "positive territory" but they are not my breasts. I don't even call them breasts. I'm an idiot and most of the time I refer to them as my foobs. There are no natural structures anywhere on my chest anymore. It's muscle and skin from my back, of all places, and, at present, the shape is provided by swelling and two partially filled implants. I look more like a mannequin made up as the Bride of Frankenstein.  How unsexy is that? 

Bottom line, I don't see them as breasts or as "mine". It's more about the clinical process and "look what modern plastic surgery can do". The physical part has been tough, and still is, but I'm thrilled that my clothes will fit normally again in a few months. I will feel "whole", like I've taken something back (there's a post about why I decided to do this, if you want to go back).  I just keep reminding myself that this part is temporary. And what a story I'll have to tell.   ;-)

Love to all,

Andee

Aaaand...I lost nothing

I saw the surgeon today. I walked in the door expecting to have nothing removed, then had a moment when it seemed as if it was all going to come out at once and then, finally, I lost nothing. I still have my 3 drains (and the fanny pack...don't hate) and all of my 100+ stitches (I'm working on an official tally before they all come out). I have mixed emotions about this. I'm a little glad that everything didn't come out at once. That's a lot of stuff to tolerate at one time - especially with my experience the last time. I was mentally and, somewhat, physically prepared to lose some stitches and one of the front drains. Now I'm back to, potentially, facing a day where I could, at minimum, get 2 drains pulled and all of the stitches. Eeek.   I am scheduled to return to her office on Tuesday for another check but, if the drain output slows to less than 30 ml/day, I can go in Friday and get one or both of the front drains pulled. The back drain will likely stay in for at least another week after that. THEEEN, we start filling the expanders. I have chosen to accept the fact that I'm going to be uncomfortable for the next few months. I figure that will make this whole process a lot easier.

An update on the dark spots on my incision. They are looking much better. Dr. Hall now thinks that it was probably dark bruising rather than dying skin - that's good news! The color is much better in those areas and the flap is looking fabulous. Well...as fabulous as a transferred flap of skin can look. It's not pretty but it's WAAAAY prettier than it was before. The mastectomy chest pending reconstruction is not attractive at all.

I'm still getting used to the swelling on the left side and the new structures on the chest. This whole process is quite weird but what an experience. I knew when I started this part of the journey that this might be the most physically challenging of all - I wasn't wrong. I have a better attitude about it now that I'm (hopefully) over the worst part of it and I can see the changes. And yes, I have become one of "those" women. Even as ugly as they are right now, I'll show 'em to you. lol  I'll write about that whole thing the next time - my philosophy about why "those" women do that. You will, no doubt, find it fascinating.

Good night.
Love to all,
Andee

Welcome to my world

Here we are, 7 days post op. Wow. Still mending and living with some weird stuff. It has been a week of frustration, pain, muscle spasms, drains, drains and more drains The pain has mostly been due to the expanders. I think I mentioned before that she thought things went so well that she didn't wait to do the first fill - she added fluid during surgery so there has been some tissue stretching happening and it is less than comfy.
I had an unplanned visit with the surgeon late last week because there were some spots on my incision (left/radiated side) that looked questionable...like it was dying, questionable. The good news is the dark areas were on the radiated skin side and NOT on the flap side. She had me come into the office just to make sure all was OK - which it was - and I even got a tube out! She pulled the catheter from my back so that leaves me with only the 3 drain tubes and 100+ stitches to go (update - I don't think there was as many stitches in my back incision as I first thought. Still a lot to get out though).
NOw, to provide a wee bit more detail on the dark spots, their appearance has improved, and the tissue has not died (fingers crossed) but it is just proof that the radiated skin could not have handled any of this on its own. Pretty vivid display but I get it now.
There is still a substantial amount of swelling on the left side. Remember, my big, buff latissumus muscle was pulled through under my arm. It will eventually atrophy but for now it's just irritating me (see post entitled Tennis Anyone?).
The updates are:

• Follow up appt tomorrow to check incisions and drains
• Might lose some stitches and/or a drain (might is the key word)
• Next expander fill won't happen until a  week after the last drain comes out. I'm hoping that fill will be less painful since it won't coincide with the trauma of surgery. Fingers crossed.

As expected, this has been the most challenging surgery/recovery experience of them all. The next one should be a breeze!

I will update tomorrow after my appointment.

Love to all!

Andee

Tennis anyone?

I'm finally here. I was just having too much trouble trying to type on my little Kindle keyboard with my T-rex arms. I got to ride the lift chair and made it upstairs to use an actual computer.  This is still uncomfortable but much easier. So let's review the week so far.

I arrived at the hospital on Monday morning @ 6:30 AM. I went through all of the pre-op activities - vitals taken, a million questions answered, IV placed, pepcid taken then Dr. Hall drew on me and it was time to roll. From what I hear, they got started around 9 AM and I was out in less than 4 hours. That's still a long time but much shorter than the maximum time estimate. Yay!  I had a little nausea in recovery the last time but I remembered to let them know this time so I got a patch. That means I woke to pain only, not pain and nausea. Yay!

I woke up a bit in recovery and was off to my room. The pain was a little harder to manage this time around. I guess that should be unexpected since I have an incision on my back and lots on my front.  The first 24 hours were a real challenge. There were a lot of tears, I'm not going to lie. And I have never cried over pain, even after my mastectomy. I figured out later that most of the pain was coming from the expanders. We didn't think they'd be filled for another 6 months but Dr. Hall was so happy with the way everything was going, she went ahead and added some fluid to the expanders. Yay for the head start, Boo for the discomfort. Remember, I'm all about full disclosure so I'm not going to tell you that it was all better quickly. Nope, we've just been able to knock the edge off but it's finally tolerable.

As expected, I woke up with 3 drains and a pain catheter in my back. That thing is working WONDERFULLY because I've had no issues with my back. I'm still very sore on the front but I'm happy to say that I can already raise my right arm above my head. My left side is a little more complicated. There's more swelling on that side, more fluid, more pain. Remember the muscle from my back is still attached in the back. It's pulled through a "tunnel" under my arm. Over time the muscle will atrophy but that hasn't happened yet.  Add to that, the fluid/swelling and it feels like I have a tennis ball under my arm. You can see it through my clothes...it's that large. Lovely, right? I can raise the left arm to shoulder level and I'm working on doing more, a little at a time.

The "fooblettes" are currently looking like Dr. Frankenstein did my surgery - especially the left side. Some skin came along with the muscle from my back so she had to make a place for that and sew it all together. They will look much better over time but I have to say, it's nice to have something other than dent there. I'm actually convex rather than concave now. (did I get those right?). Anyway, Dr. Hall is very happy with the look of the skin. She said that the blood flow to the flap is much better than she would have ever expected. That's good!

Time for a break. Back to finish later....

Ok, I'm back and I'm home! YAY!!

So, other than pain, I had minimal complications this time around. On Monday, I had some fluid issues and my left hand puffed up and my fingers looked like sausages. I couldn't make a fist. It appears that it was due to the fluid they were pumping in to me and the fact that I left my left hand hanging down because it was painful to move it. After we noticed the swelling, we propped my left arm up on pillows for the remainder of my hospital stay and it came down. It's very close to normal now. I was just sure that it was lymphedema.

I once again had a reaction to the prep stuff. It happened pretty quickly this time so Bobby (bless his heart) had to try to get that junk off of me. They cleaned most of it off my chest right after surgery but there was still a good amount of it left on my back. When Bobby was trying to clean it off, he had to rinse the washcloth 5-6 times. Thankfully, everyone acted quickly so it was better fairly quickly. Bobby cleaned off the prep and ink and they gave me Benadryl...in my IV.  It helped with the itching and also knocked me out.

I have not, yet, tried to figure out how many stitches I have. It's a lot.  I finally caught a glimpse of the incision on my back today and it's larger than I expected. Not a big deal though.

The only other challenge is trying to keep the muscles from tightening up. It's pretty easy when I'm up and about but it becomes a problem when I sleep. With all of  my tubes and bit of pain, I have to sleep propped up and can't roll onto either side. Sleeping in one position means my muscles get no stretch while I'm sleeping. When I get up it takes a while to loosen everything back up again.

So, there's my update. The first 48 hours this time around have been the most challenging of all of my surgeries. More pain, more discomfort, needed more help...etc. Thankfully we got through it but it was not a fun time.

I'm off to take care of my drains and then try to stay awake for a little while.

Thank you to everyone who called, texted, messaged or came to visit. I appreciate everyone's love and support and positive vibes. It makes all the difference.

Back tomorrow.
Love to all
Andee

It's that time again. Are y'all ready to dance?

Tomorrow is surgery day, and you know what that means!!

DANCE PARTY TIME!!!!

wifflegif.com

giphy.com

giphy.com

Tomorrow will be a long one (6+ hours) so pick a bunch of your favorite tunes and dance with me! Surgery days are all about fun, positive vibes and dancing. So wherever you are, get your groove on!

I've kept busy today. I even overdid it a little and had to rest for a while but all is good. I'm wrapping up my chores and my packing (and I caught up all of our laundry - that's a darn miracle!). 

Once again, I will provide updates until they take my phone away and then control will be handed over to Karla and Pam. My guess is that they will update on Facebook because I'm not sure they remember how to update here.  

I will post something as soon as I'm able, though it might be tomorrow evening. I will be awake @ 8 PM for certain...The X-Files is on!  

Good evening friends. Back tomorrow!

Love to all,

Andee

Today's post is brought to you by the word seroma

Wednesday January 27, 2016

Here we are, day 1 after the tube was removed and I already have a seroma. It's not too bad, but it's there. I'll let you know if I get to the beachball stage. The thought of that just plain grosses me out. ICK!
I'm tired (even after a nap!) so this will be short.
'Night!

________________________________________________________________________
Friday January 29, 2016

As you already know (assuming you read the post from earlier today), things got worse over the next 24 hours but I'm feeling much better today. I feel a little like I'm wearing a float my chest. You know I'm very visual about stuff and I searched for a funny picture to post to give you an idea what it feels like. I have been unsuccessful in my search. So, imagine, if you will, wearing one of those doughnut-shaped floats around your chest. That will give you some idea what the sensation is like...except mine is more like a half doughnut. It's weeeeeeird. Last time this happened, it got so bad that I actually looked forward to seeing my surgeon come at me with something like this...

www.starsyringe.com

...and jab it in my chest. I don't think the syringe in the picture above is big enough but all of the pictures that show the actual type they used on me, come in pictures of them actually being used. Nobody wants to see that. Anywaaaaay, I'm not to the point that I'm feeling all dreamy about a big needle but I'm not comfortable. I'm still wrapped in the compression bandage (which I am now calling my "warm hug", in all of it's velcro and elastic glory), and I'm sure that's helping so no real complaints.  It could always be worse.

STRAIGHT TALK ALERT.

My drain site is looking a little better, though it still looks a lot like a wee GSW. It has sealed nicely and the angry skin around it is looking better. My back incision is still a little red around the edges but the worst parts are the areas that scabbed over. I've been treating them to try to soften them but it if I stretch a little to far...well...it kinda feels like that end of the incision is just going to pop loose and that whole flap is just going to fly off.  #plasticsurgeryproblems

My arrival and surgery time are confirmed. Once again, we will start early on Monday morning and I'll be on the table for 6 hours or so. I'll come out with 3 brand spanking new incisions over the 3/4 of my torso, 2 new foreign objects implanted (expanders, no foobs yet), 3 new SUCKY drains (no pun intended) and a catheter in my back. My goal is to maintain my really inappropriate sense of humor right up until I nod off and then showing my monitor to friends and family as soon as I can. If you're new to the blog, here's a picture of me showing my monitor prior to my mastectomy. It's become kind of a thing.  I think my husband and siblings see it as my version of "thumbs up" after surgery.

I could ramble on for a while longer but I will spare you for now. I'll write some more about my thoughts on the upcoming procedure and pull out some throwback posts.

Much love to all!
Andee

What a difference a day makes...again

Hello blog friends!
I apologize for being gone for a couple of days. It was not planned. I was ok on Wednesday but I had a horrible night on Wednesday night and felt horrible yesterday and spent most of the day trying to rest. The fluid started building up in my back and a bit on my side after the drain was removed. By Wednesday night I was quite uncomfortable and had a horrible time sleeping.  I went to bed and fell asleep but was awake only an hour or so later. I don't think I went to sleep until about 4 AM and was awake again by 6:15 or so.  After the kids were off to school, I put dinner in the crock pot and hit the couch to try to sleep. I wouldn't say that I was napping, it was more like a series of brief "dozes" and didn't really help much. By early afternoon, I was feeling awful.  I was tired, sore and pretty nauseated. Once again, my parents saved the day and came down to pick up the kids and hang out at the house while I slept. I was able to sleep soundly for just shy of 2 hours and it made a world of difference. Thankfully,I'm feeling much better today, thank you for asking.
So, the week that I thought was going to be one filled with "almost normal", wasn't quite.  I will continue to prep and plan for Monday's surgery and the recovery period to follow. The past 2 1/2 weeks + have just flown by.

Gotta run for now but I'll be back later.

Love to all,
Andee

2 weeks after surgery: The Really Real Truth

Good evening friends.

I'm baaack. I'm officially 2 weeks past surgery #1 and now a mere week away from surgery #2. It's time to discuss the experience thus far and consider what's ahead.

First, this...I've thought long and hard about posting pictures and have finally come to a decision. I will share some things but nothing I wouldn't show my kids.  That means, if you're curious about what's been done so far and what's coming, you can take a look. I'll have drain pics (my least favorite), a surgical site pic (as of now, no foob pics will be posted as I want to keep it family friendly) and anything else that might not be Instagram/Facebook appropriate (based on my personal standards). If you want to look, you'll be able to. If not, my business won't be in your face. Enter the photos page at your own risk. I will likely try to ease the yuck factor by posting in black & white. It makes it a little more tolerable.

Now, updates on life after surgery.
This has been challenging. I know I sound like a broken record but I had no idea what to expect when this part of the journey started. I'm going to share the ups and downs of recovery thus far. My intention is not to scare you if you are considering reconstruction, I just think that it's important to understand what you're getting into and what you can expect. As always, I will insert the disclaimer that the experience is probably different for everyone, but this is my story. I'm sharing the details so consider yourself warned.

I've mentioned that this has been physically challenging. I'm not sure that I have explained why. The drain is an inconvenience and a maintenance item. You have to empty the bulb at least 2 times per day and you also have to strip the tubes at the same time...I do it more frequently than I empty them. I've shown you a diagram of the JP drains before so I won't do it again. I will share a little bit more about what they do and a little detail on the maintenance. To my medical friends, feel free to share more clinical (and correct) explanations in the comments or on FB. I don't have formal training, I'm a just a professional patient.   So back to the details. The drain helps remove fluid/blood after surgery. Often, there's some tissue/maybe clots that make it through the tube - sometimes it even blocks the tube. After my mastectomy, I only had drains for a week post-op but they were a pain! The one on my left side got a little backed up and leaked where it exited my chest. It was awful! I've had the current drain for 2 weeks now and it's still producing. I've been diligent about stripping the tubes and haven't (yet) had any backups. The JP drain works kind of like a vacuum. When the bulb is empty, you squeeze it and then close the top. It then gradually pulls the fluid (and whatever else can fit down the tube) into the bulb. The bulb will hold up to 100 ml but I never let it get that full. The goal for removal is to be producing less than 30 ml daily. I'm not even close to that yet. I emptied it this morning and measured 60+ and as I sit here now I'm guessing that it's holding over 70.  I see my plastic surgeon tomorrow and last week the nurse told me that the drain would likely come out regardless of production. So what does that mean? That means, if they take the drain out, I'm likely to end up with another seroma. That means fluid build up at the surgical site. Oh yay! Eventually your body will absorb the excess fluid  but the build up can be painful. I had to have seromas aspirated on both sides after the drains were removed after my mastectomy. I've never been so happy to have a huge needle jabbed into my chest. No kidding. So, if the drain comes out tomorrow, I'll probably have to deal with some fluid build up, which can be uncomfortable and painful. I'll deal with it. I just want a few days drain free before the triplets show up. UGH!

So, you might be wondering what I mean when I say that I have to strip the drain tubes. It's a lovely process that requires me to pinch the top of the drain tube (which I can barely reach due to its location) and squeeze as I slide my fingers down the tube towards the bulb. This pushes the fluid and tissue down the tube and (hopefully) into the bulb. Sometimes the tissue is stubborn and you just have to wait until it makes its way down on its own. Sounds lovely, right?

As I mentioned, tomorrow I go for another post-op follow up and will likely get the drain removed. The drain exits my side about 12 inches +/- below my armpit. Based on what I saw when they pulled out my first drains, there are several inches of tube that goes from that point into or near my surgical site. The tube is held in place by stitches. If they remove the drain tomorrow, they will have to remove the stitching and then just pull that sucker out. It's my least favorite part of the process. That last time it didn't hurt, really. It was not the most comfortable experience but it's over pretty quickly. I think my front was much more numb than my back is now, though it is pretty numb. I'll let you know how awful it is tomorrow. If it hurts, I'm sure I'll forget all about it because I'll be overjoyed to be drain free for at least 5 days.

Now on to the rash. It's not 100% gone but it is SOOOO much better. I'm not excited about the prospect of having the rash over 75% of my torso next week but I'll do my best to prevent it. The surgeon is aware and is ready to treat if I react again. I'll also be ready to aggressively wash that stuff off as soon as I am able. I'll probably still have a reaction but hopefully it will be minimal. If it's a full blown itchy nightmare that covers my torso, I will be asking for some sort of sedation so I can sleep through the worst of it. No joke! I don't think it will come to that but I'm prepared.

My surgical site is healing nicely, from what I can tell. I still have 60 stitches, which I hope to have removed tomorrow. The hardest part of the process has not been skin/incision related. It has been that poor angry muscle that was detached and "tacked" back into place. Trust me, you have no idea how much you use that muscle for even the slightest movements. Even two weeks after surgery, there are certain movements that make it spasm. Just standing around it feels like it's perpetually contracted. It's bizarre. And recently, once the swelling started to go down, I started to really feel it. Sometimes it feels like it's going to pop loose and roll up like a window shade.

I've done some research, trying to prepare myself for this experience. It sounds like I'm (possibly) in for nerve pain, muscle spasms/cramps and general discomfort for the next few months.  I've read about the experiences other women have had so I'm prepared but, again, my experience might vary from theirs. I'll give you the play by play as it happens.

As I close for tonight, let me just say that I'm feeling more and more like myself each day. I understood at the start that I would not be fully recovered from surgery #1 before we rolled into surgery #2 but I'm feeling better about it each day. Even two short days ago, if you had asked if I was ready for #2, I would have given you a big fat NO! I'm in a better place mentally and physically. I'm ready to get it over with and move on to recovery so I can be ready for the next phase.

If you have questions, as always, feel free to ask. For now, I'm going to bed.

Love to all!
Andee

A little tired and a little itchy

Welcome to post-op day 3. This day tends to be the worst. I'm not in pain but discomfort is there. The muscle tightens up from time to time, like a cramp. Not the best feeling in the world. Still dealing with the rash. It got uglier today so Benadryl joined the party. I also worked hard at washing that stuff off but it will take a few days to clear. At least it did the last time. Maybe it will all heal before they slather than junk on me again.
So far, no major complications, just annoying stuff. I think I overdid it yesterday - on my feet a lot - so today I had to break down and nap and I'm getting ready to turn in for the night.  Hoping the skin issues will improve by tomorrow and maybe the muscle spasms will calm down too.
I'm off to bed. Catch ya later!

Love to all,
Andee

Let's talk drains

It's been almost 2 years since we talked about drains. If you were around for the first one you can skip this explanation. If you're new to my world, you are getting ready to learn something. This post might not be for everyone. The drain tube doesn't hurt but it's not easy to look at. As a courtesy, I won't show you my actual drain, I will use my trusty old illustration. Again, my setup varies a bit from the drawing but you get the idea. My tube exits on my side and it's several inches below my surgical site. I have to empty the bulb, which I refer to as my bulbicle, at least twice per day. For now, I have to do it more than that because I can fill the bulb. Nice, right?

I'm not sure how long I will have to keep this one. After my mastectomy, I only kept my drains in for a week. My PS said that the back drain would stay in the longest after the "big" surgery. She estimated 3 weeks. (Oh please, NOOOOOOO). So it could be as long as 3 weeks. It won't be any more than that because I have surgery again in 3 weeks. When I come out of that I'll have a newly placed drain for my back and two more in the front. Can you feel my excitement? I'm sure that you can.  

In other news, I've developed my "rash caused by whatever that stuff is they put on your skin before surgery to keep the cooties away." 

This pic shows some of my remaining ink as well as the redness caused by the aforementioned "stuff" that dripped down during surgery since I was lying on stomach. Never a dull moment in my world.

Well, today hasn't been so bad. I've felt pretty good but I'm absolutely worn out right now. I should have taken it a bit easier and snuck in a nap. Maybe tomorrow.

Bye for now.

Love to all,
Andee

So, I'm home

:Hello friends of the blog,
Here I am. I'm home and already bored. I don't do idle very well so I'm trying to get myself organized while not overdoing it. I can't drive and I can't lift more than 5 lbs. I also received explicit instructions to not vacuum for at least 12 months. That's not a joke, she really said that...now SHE might have been joking but I don't think so. I think she was quite serious. Ask Bobby, she said it to his face!
Anyway, our overnight stay wasn't bad. I slept ok and they didn't poke on me too much through the night. I had a lovely cholesterol free omelet and baked hasbrowns for breakfast (they had the "Wellness Menu") and then we had a lovely visit with my brother in law and then they turned me loose!
We were home by Noonish, had some lunch and then I needed something to do. So I cleaned off my desk - trust me, it needed it - and then I started menu planning. I had to take a much needed nap and woke up to dinner from my dear mother in law.
Now I have the kiddos in bed, I've taken a shower and realized that it's going to take a few days to get the ink off (yay). Now I'm ready to settle down for good night's rest.
For those interested in the surgical experience, I have some swelling, the drain is producing a lot since I'm moving around more and we are guestimating that I have 30+ stitches. We're not going to take the time to count them (yet) but there are a bunch. The area is about the size of a small nerf football and almost the same shape. The incision she made yesterday is not just in that shape because she had to make a hole big enough for her arm, that piece of skin will be moved along with the muscle when I have surgery #2 in about 19 days. Here's a visual in case that description makes no sense.

from: http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/breast-reconstruction/multimedia/latissimus-dorsi-flap/img-20005836

So, for right now, I just have the incision from the picture on the far left. She opened me up and then closed me back after detaching the muscle. Next time around she will release the muscle again (since it will already be working on reattaching), tunnel it through under the skin under my arm and will pull it through an open incision in my chest. That skin will fill in the space that my radiated skin cannot. Once it opens up, since it has no elasticity anymore, it can't be pulled back together and expected to hold up. It would pop open again. She said that it will likely pop open a little even after this procedure. She expects to have to stitch me up a few times as we go through the process.
As a reminder, this process is going to take most of the year. I will have surgery part 2 on February 1st. She will move the muscle on the left side and also do some work to the right side before putting in the expanders. I then have to heal for at least 6 months before we start filling the expanders - depending on how my skin holds up, that process could take weeks or months. Once the expanders are the appropriate size, they will be removed in yet another procedure and will be replaced with the permanent implants. There will be some other minor procedures as part of the process but those are the biggies. So, the phase 3 journey has begun. We've been through Phase 1 was diagnosis and surgery. Phase 2 was treatment and Phase 3 is reconstruction. Wow, what a ride.

Thanks for checking in. I'll update you again tomorrow. The next couple of days will likely be the hardest, physically, day 3 tends to be the worst but we'll see. It's not been too horrible so far. *KNOCK ON WOOD*

Love to all,
Andee