Looking back on 2016

It's December tomorrow...DECEMBER, PEOPLE! What the heck?!
I was answering some questions about my upcoming procedures today and it hit me. This time last year I was trying to mentally prepare for 12 months of reconstruction work. It seemed so daunting at the time. It hasn't been easy, in fact, it's probably been the most physically challenging part of my cancer journey so far. But here I am, just 21 days from the final steps in the year-long process. The key is keep looking forward, don't focus on the challenge of the moment, but on the goal at the end.
I don't bore you with a long narrative...not right now, anyway. So here is 2016 in summary.

• January 11 - surgery 1 - release the lattisimus dorsi muscle to increase blood flow prior to moving it
• February 1 - surgery 2 - move the muscle (with some skin) from back to chest on the left side. tissue expanders implanted on both sides.
• March - September - tissues expansion - saline added to expanders every 2 weeks.
• September 26 - surgery 3 - tissue expanders removed and replaced with implants
• December 21 - surgery 4 - multiple procedures including tattooing, fat grafting and some surgical adjustments
• Also
• DRAINS - have I mentioned how much I loathe those things?
• Scar tissue
• Seroma
• Buckets of fluid
• Physical Therapy
• ASTYM
• Cancer Scare
• Physical challenges
• Low points
• Upswings

All that for some Frankenboobies.

 

I'm often asked if I would go through it all again. HECK YES! All of the procedures have been tough but the end result is worth it. Though more invasive, the process has a better success rate than other options. I would go through all of it again without hesitation!

 

 

Back soon!

Love to all,

Andee

The letter - Part I

Dear Andee 2014,

You don't know it yet, but your life is about to change. On the evening of March 15, 2014 you are going to find a lump in your left breast. Because it's a Saturday, you're going to stress about it until Monday morning when you can call the doctor. You will suffer silently because you're not ready to tell anyone...not even your husband. Some part of you believes that if you don't say it aloud, it won't be real. You'll keep telling yourself that most lumps are nothing...but your gut continues to tell you that's not true for you. The lump is not small. You will keep trying to convince yourself that you were obsessive about self exams so it can't be cancer.  You checked regularly. You will get online and do research. You'll find multiple articles that say breast cancer doesn't hurt. That's somehow comforting because you have had pain. You will attribute that discomfort to an ill-fitting bra.  When you wake on Monday morning, you will feel sick. Nerves...all nerves.  You will opt to stay home from work. You will decide to tell your husband what you found and that you're calling to make an appointment to get it checked. You will try to assure him that it's probably nothing but it's best to get checked and know for sure. You contact your boss and HR  director at work and explain the situation...what's making you feel sick. They are understanding and supportive (and will continue to to be, well beyond this day).  You contact the doctor's office and let them know what you've found. They schedule an appointment for you on Wednesday. Ugh! Two more days of waiting but at least you are doing something. You will do what you always do - you will throw yourself into work and anything that can keep your mind occupied. You are one stubborn old b#@ch...good thing though, because you are about to be tested.

to be continued...

Save the Date

Well friends, it is almost time. It's been a 7 month process, so far, and now there's a light at the end of the tunnel! We expect that today was my last fill. That doesn't even sound real. I go back in 2 weeks for a final status check. If any adjustments are needed, we'll take care of them then (meaning fluid can be added, if necessary) and then we wait 4 weeks and BOOM surgery! It's officially on the books so lookout. September 26 is the big day. This won't be the last procedure of the year but it will be a big milestone. As always, I'll keep you posted on all of the details.
For those that might be new to the blog and have no idea what I'm talking about, I had surgery in January and February to prep for actual reconstruction and then to transfer muscle and implant tissue expanders in February. Since then, I've gone every 2 weeks for some sort of adjustment. Whether it be to remove fluid from my back (where the muscle was removed) or to add fluid to the expanders. I am quite ready to the have these croquet balls removed from my chest.
I'm exhausted so I'm heading to bed but check back in over the next few weeks and I'll do my best to keep you updated.

Cheers!

Love to all,
Andee

The exercise challenge

7/13/16

Hello from Andee's world!
I thought I would stop by and do a little sharing. Just what your day needed, am I right?!

Tonight I am sharing some details on why getting back into an exercise routine has been such a challenge. For those of you who are new to our party, I will catch you up. During treatment (for me that took most of 2014) I gained weight. I know what you're thinking....probably the same thing I thought. If there was one upside to this cancer thing, I thought it would be that I would get really skinny. Weeeeell,..not so much. My treatment cocktail included a lovely dose of steroids. When I got into round 2 (the 12 week round of chemo), I received steroids on a weekly basis. The steroids do all kinds of wonderful things to help manage issues during chemo, but they also make you fat! What I didn't know is that I would quickly turn into Uncle Fester. Bald and fat, that was me. Every girl's dream!

Once treatment was over (last of 33 radiation treatments was on December 17, not that I remember specifics or anything) I took some time to rest and recover but when January 22 came around, I started my serious workout and eating plan and by March I had dropped 20 lbs. I was serious...and focused on the goal. I started with 21 Day Fix and then moved on to 21 Day Fix Extreme. I'm not advertising or anything, just offering my personal experience. I noticed a significant change in my body in DAYS. Inches lost immediately, things toned up...all the stuff you want. I was counting calories only (they didn't originally send all of the 21DF containers and I didn't want to wait). I was like a machine for a while. About mid-year, my cancer patient mentor passed away. I've written about going into a pretty bad place. The short story is that I was thinking about cancer every single minute of every single day. I was upset about the people I know that cancer has taken away. I was terrified of recurrence. It was not a good place.  If I'm being completely honest, which I am, I stopped exercising AND started eating my emotions. I have to say that the last quarter of last year was not good for me. I was mad at myself for letting myself go and also, there was a bit a stress added when I learned how extensive my pending surgery would be. It was a lot to process and I did a crappy job of processing it.
When January rolled around it was time to have surgery #1. On January 11, I had the first of 3 surgeries. 3 (short) weeks later I had my second surgery. At that point, the latissimus dorsi muscle was pulled around from my back to my chest. You can go back and read the details of the procedure but, the short version is that the muscle and skin became part of my chest BUT the muscle is actually still attached to my back. Crazy right?

https://sites.google.com/site/cancerbreastinfo

 Since it was not removed and relocated, just relocated, it still works like a lat muscle. Though the muscle has atrophied some, and will continue to do so, it's still a weird sensation. You probably don't know exactly when your lat muscle is engaged on a daily basis. I can now tell you! That's because when I do something as mundane as push on the arm rests of a chair as I try to get up out of a chair, it engages that muscle and it pulls like crazy. Even today, it feels like bad things could happen when I rise from that chair or try to get out of the bath tub. I try my best to modify how I do things but sometimes I just have to push through and deal with the discomfort.

Now, finally, let's talk about how this impacts exercise.  After waiting a few months to make sure I healed completely, I tried my 21 Day Fix/Extreme routines and also ventured into the Hammer & Chisel program. I was having to modify so much that I wondered what the end result would be if I kept going. I think I'll be able to go back to weights (have I mentioned I loved that?) in the future but probably not this year. I have one more surgery to go, which will likely take place in the next couple of months. I decided I just couldn't wait until next year to start working on myself again. So I had to sit down and figure out what was going to work. I have put up my weights (for now) and I've focused on finding something I can do now. I settled on the Cize program, which is a dance program and I LOVE IT! For people who don't know, I spent my time at dance class and competing from age 4 to age 18. I ended my "dance career" as a member of the University of Kentucky Dance Team. I have always loved to dance and I've had weekly dance parties with my babies for the past several years but no classes in AGES. I'm so enjoying the fact that I'm able to do this again. I still have to modify a bit but it's a blast and it burns 300-400 calories a pop. Positives all around.

So my program now is Cize at least 5 days per week and weekly meal planning and prep. I'm down 5 lbs in the first full week of meal planning and exercise. Yay! It's not much but it's a start. I'm feeling so much better and I'm excited about what's to come.

I guess the message of this post is that we all have limitations. You just have to figure out how to do what you can with what you've got and make the very best of it. It can take a little work and some planning, but you can do it!

Love to all,
Andee

Finalized 7/24/16

Sometimes You Must Endure Discomfort To Relieve Discomfort

This is one of those weeks that I have medical appointments 3 out of 5 days. It's one of those weeks that sceams....

HEY, I'M JUST HERE TO REMIND YOU THAT ARE A CANCER PATIENT.

 

Well thanks, I need that every once in a while...said no one EVER!

 

 

Back to our story. So, I've had one appointment so far this week. I visited with my FABULOUS plastic surgeon and her LOVELY staff today. I expected to get my usual, a drain and fill. Not today, friends! Today was a drain only day. She checked the wiffle balls and said they still seemed a little tight so she wouldn't be adding anything to the tank(s) today. On the flip side, I'm still making fluid like a machine. yes, I'm aware that it has been almost 3 months since surgery #2. What can I say, I'm an overachiever.  In typical Andrea fashion, I'm an overachiever in something I would prefer NOT to overachieve in. In went the needles and out came the fluid. Relief is such a lovely, but short-lived, thing. My doc suggested full time compression to help the fluid issue. I'm looking for some compression garments but for now, it's the bandage. And the bandage feels kind of like this...



 

 

 

 

...but nowhere near as pretty.



 

 I'll keep myself bound up if it will end, or even improve, my fluid situation. I may need more compression "stuff" after Friday. If my arm is actually swelling and not just puffy and uncomfortable, I may end up compressed all over. I envision this...

 

 



Source:http://www.paulpinmd.com/compression-garments-and-taping-schedule-after-surgery/

 

 

My next appointment, bright and early tomorrow, is with my oncologist. I get blood work done first thing and then visit with him for a few. Hopefully it will be yet another uneventful encounter. We can catch up on the last three months and he can ask my why the heck I've gotten so fat after losing all that weight last year. We'll then discuss stress eating that was followed by surgery which left me unable to do much except eat and sleep. None of that is good on its own, much less when you add them all up. It's all my fault. I'm back to doing something everyday but I'm not back to where I can go hard core again just yet. But at least I'm off the couch and out of the kitchen. Getting back to work has done wonders. I felt like I was on the verge of falling into a weird depression. I have to be able to do something.

 

Friday I will get to visit my physical therapist after more than a year away. I'm excited to see her - not just so she can help with the scar tissue - but because I really like her and she takes good care of me! I'm still hoping to see her break out her tools and work some magic on this crazy annoying crap on my back.

 

Finally, we are praying for some luck here at The LD. Our youngest was hit with type A & type B flu this weekend. We had Saturday visits with the pediatrician and a trip to the ER. It was not fun. She will have some symptoms to deal with for a week or two but she's on the upswing. She returned to school today. Yay!  She's one tough little cookie. Now we are just waiting to see if anyone else is going to take a hit. Bobby is complaining about the smell but I'm rubbing oils on kids and diffusing them in the air. I have cleaned, I have disinfected, I've made my daughter wear a mask.  Don't laugh, friends, I had a micro-preemie that made it through 2 risky RSV seasons with only an ear infection. We know how to lock this place down, keep out the cooties and clean if they find their way in. Say a prayer for clean air and I'll do my part to keep the rest of the population healthy.  :-) No time to be sick!

 

 

Until next time!

Love to all,

Andee

Why I Need Physical Therapy

Let's jump right in.
The area left vacant by the latissimus dorsi muscle is now a large sheet of scar tissue and it feels like it has wrapped around my ribs. That means that when I make even a small move my left side, it pulls. If I shrug, it feels as if I'm going to pull a rib loose.  It's strange. It is WILDLY uncomfortable. In addition to that, there's fluid that creeps into my left arm and hand when I don't take enough breaks during the day. And guess what, I often don't take enough breaks during the day ( Yes, as a matter of fact, I AM a dumbass. )  Lately I've had to wrap my hand and/or arm to get some relief.

I am happy to report that I start physical therapy next Friday (a week from tomorrow). I'm praying for ASTYM but I'm willing to endure whatever torture it will take to break this stuff up...even if it means it's taking a rib with it. No joke!

You're probably wondering (or not) what about the scar tissue requires PT. It is not just hard tissue that fills the void - it is but it's SO much more. I try to stretch and it's not that it's difficult, it is IMPOSSIBLE. My range of motion is affected, not just in my arm but in my torso. When I try to turn at the waist, I can't turn very far. After a certain point it's not really stretching, it's trying to pull it loose from wherever it's attached. Sounds pleasant, right? It's awful.  I've tried to stretch enough to try to get it pull away and I just can't do it. I've tried hard...really hard...and I really don't care how much it's going to hurt at this point. I just want to be free.

So there you have it. I have another week of suffering and then I hope to get even a small amount of relief. I'll keep my posts to a minimum until I feel a little better. You're welcome. :-)

Love to all,
Andee

Where have you been....again?

I felt this post needed a picture but I wasn't sure what would be appropriate. I didn't have any great ideas (probably because I'm so distracted by my discomfort) so I improvised. I pulled out a ridiculous pic from a couple of weeks back, did some cheesy edits and VOILA, this is now a post with a picture.

You might be wondering where I've been. Why do I post frequently at times, and then there are long stretches of not much...no...nothing. Well, I have a few rules that I try to follow. I have something to say just about every day but my rules keep me in check. Here are a couple of those rules:

• Whenever possible, try to not to repeat yourself.  If there is a good reason to share information again for the sake of the newbies and/or to provide information to my cancer patient readers, then I shall repeat. Otherwise, I don't write just for the sake of a daily post. 
• No complaining. I try NOT to write if I'm in pain, or even really uncomfortable, because I want the blog to informative, not a pity party. I'll eventually tell you about my challenges but only after I'm through the worst of it. It's important to me to share those things but I don't ever want to be a crybaby. My goal here is to inform. I'm not fishing for sympathy - that can stay in its assigned spot in the dictionary...you know what I'm sayin'!

I'm quite uncomfortable right now for a couple of reasons, but I will not be complaining. I will be providing a brief update because we have a new development. I went in for my bi-weekly "Fill 'Em Up & Drain It Out" appointment today. You can take a small leap and guess what one of the causes of discomfort is.  In addition to that, I've developed some not-so-lovely scar tissue on my back where the muscle was moved. My body is apparently working overtime to fill that void. Fluid and scar tissue are not my friends. The fluid was drained off (again) today so I will have a few days of relief from that but this scar tissue is CRAZY! If I raise my arm or even round my back it feels like I'm going to pull out a rib. This happened on my chest after my mastectomy but on a much smaller scale. It was uncomfortable and not fun but what I have now feels like it is the size of the lat muscle that was moved. Last time around I went to physical therapy  and it worked wonders. Feel free to look back at my post about ASTYM. I highly recommended it way back in 2014. I'm happy to report that my surgeon has referred me for physical therapy. I'm so excited that I get to go back to my favorite physical therapist and I'm even more excited about getting some relief. I'm not sure if ASTYM will be part of the plan this time but I sure hope so. I should get some details this week. I just know that we can't get started soon enough for me.  :-)  As always, I will keep the blog updated with my progress. 

Well, it's been nice to be back but I'm off to try to sleep a bit. It won't be long until I have to be up to get the kids ready for school and start my work day. I'll be back soon!

Love to all,

Andee

The Iron Bra

Hello, hello, hello!

It's Iron Bra time! No, I'm not starting an industrial lingerie line. That's the term that some wise woman came up with to describe what your chest can feel like during reconstruction. So let's start at the beginning.

Tissue Expanders

You might recall from a previous post that I mentioned that expanders are a lot like empty implants. Well, there's more information to share. Saying that they are "like" implants doesn't paint the full picture. Even though they are filled with sterile saline, they are NOT soft. In no way, shape or form are they ANYTHING like the final implant. They are NOT squishy, they DO NOT jiggle, and there is absolutely NOTHING realistic about them. They have to be stout to...wait for it...expand the tissue! That means they can't be warm and comfy. Also, as you can see below, they are placed under the muscle so they do a nice job of rubbing against your ribs from time to time. They don't move around much but you certainly feel the love if you roll over in your sleep or, oh, I don't know, if you're wearing a compression bandage. 

Now, when you get them filled, everything is really tight and quite firm. Over the span of the week or two between fills, things ease up a bit but you never really forget they are there. 

Wait a minute...I don't wear a bra

With all that stretching, strange things happen. Add in muscle spasms and scar tissue adhesions and you might feel like you're wrapped in a compression bandage or wearing a very tight bra when you ARE NOT. No kidding.  There are some days that I couldn't tell (without looking/feeling) if I was wrapped up or not. If you were to cover my eyes and tell me to guess if I was wearing a bra or a bandage, I couldn't tell you for sure. From what I've read, some women even have trouble/discomfort breathing. Someone even described it as feeling as if she was wrapped up in duct tape. For me, the "Iron Bra" isn't painful most of the time. It's very uncomfortable but I don't really hurt until the fluid gets out of control. We'll talk about that later. 

Let It Go, Let It Go

Scar tissue SUUUUUUCKS! I had an issue with adhesion after my mastectomy. Pretty sure I wrote about it. Basically it feels like your skin and underlying tissue are attaching themselves to your ribs. 

That's because that's kind of what's happening. I went through physical therapy the last time and we worked hard to break that stuff up and had great results. I thought I was in the clear this time around until late last week. My back started getting tight and I thought it was just because of the bucket of fluid on my back. By Monday, there was no doubt what it was. When I raise my arm, it feels like I'm going pull out some ribs. The only way to help myself is to stretch and try to massage the tissue to loosen it and pull it away. Yes, it's as uncomfortable as it sounds. At some point there will be a disgusting POP, a burn and then some relief.  I'll keep you posted on my progress. 

The gift that keeps on giving

I'm still battling the fluid. Friday will be 2 months since surgery number 2 and that stuff just keeps on coming. This last time it got pretty bad. I had get it pulled off twice in 10 days. This time around it caused pain in my arm, it feels like I have another cord. Cording is crappy too but I'll spare you the details on that. Just know that it hurts, a lot, but it will eventually work itself out. 

And then....

The healing, and the expansion, continues. I'm thrilled to report that I was cleared to work! Things are modified a little as long as the fluid is an issue but I'm excited to use my brain cells and communicate with people on the outside. Woohoo!

So there it is, all the news that's fit to print. 

Love to all,

Andee

I am SO not used to these things

Howdy blog friends!

Happy Friday to you! I thought I would stop by for a quick update. I won't bore you with fluid talk - though there has been a lot of it and it got a bit painful - but I will tell you that I had to go in for an unplanned, but much needed, aspiration. My scheduled appointment was not until the 29th, but if I had waited that long, I'm pretty sure I might have exploded. Seriously.

Anyway, I went in for the aspiration and SURPRISE, I got some fluid added to my expanders. Yes, I finally got that fill. And OH what a fill it was!  As a reminder, for those of you just joining us, during reconstruction, tissue expanders are inserted under the muscle in the chest. Expanders are essentially empty implants. Fluid is gradually added to the expanders in order to stretch the skin and muscle to make room for the future implant. In case you missed it or have forgotten, they look like this...

Again, they have a nifty little port in them so the doctor can insert a needle and fill those suckers up! I want you have an idea how much of a change I've undergone in the past 6 weeks. I'm sure you noticed that I complained about pain and discomfort a lot more than usual after this surgery. You might have a better understanding once you see where I started versus where I am now. Again, the pictures are always PG but there will have to be reference photos. Check the Viewers Discretion Advised page later if you want to feel the pain.  :-)

Sorry, back to expanders...here's how they expand!

They have a nifty little port in them that allows the doctor to inject fluid in them and fill 'em up. This is done gradually. Enough fluid gets added so that the skin and tissue are stretched. There is a magnet (I think) in the port because they wave a little wand over each one to find the port, then they stick the needle in and start adding. The needle isn't bad. It's a tiny little stick (no numbing for that one) but the sensation when they are filling them is an interesting one. I will get another fill up on the 29th and will continue to go every week or two to get fluid added until we reach the appropriate size - when we have enough space for the implant. At this point, my crappy skin seems to be holding up well with the expansion. Nothing has popped open yet, so that's definitely a plus!

I have felt some discomfort and a muscle spasm here and there but manageable so far. I felt the most discomfort when I woke up this morning. I think I tried to roll over during the night. OUCHIE! So the discomfort is tolerable and the change in my chest size over the past few weeks is, well, let's just say it's significant. 

So, things are going as expected so far. The fluid has been a nuisance but nothing I can't handle. The expansion pain is there but, again, nothing I can't handle. I just keep reminding myself that the Frankenboobs are going to look so much better and the pain is only temporary. 

Finally, just a note.  I have been contacted by a few people over the past several weeks - some letting me know that they had been recently diagnosed or that someone they know has. As always, if anyone has any questions, feel free to contact me directly. There is a link on the main page of the blog, I've also got the Facebook page, where you can send direct messages. If you would rather just read, that's fine too! On the main page of the blog, you'll find the Blog Archive at the bottom on the right hand side. You can read from the beginning by selecting 2014 and go to March. I literally posted my first entry on the day my diagnosis was confirmed. I've shared it all. 

Rest easy everyone!

Love to all,

Andee

731

Good evening friends,

I'm not feeling too great so I considered not posting tonight, but HERE I AM! Today marks the 2 year anniversary of the day I found my lump. 731 days (there's an extra day because we had leap day this year!) and here I am. I will be acknowledging some additional milestones in pretty rapid succession. Things happened pretty quickly. Next up will be my diagnosaversary and the 2nd birthday of this blog.

So much has happened over the past two years and, looking back now, it has flown by. It seems like yesterday. I remember the early days very vividly. We'll revisit those days over the next couple of weeks but I want to say something to everyone who reads this. Here goes...

I wish that I could say that I'm the only person I know who was diagnosed with breast cancer in her 40s. I can name 4 other women right off the top of my head. Please, please, please do your monthly self exams. Please, please, please get your mammograms. Please, please, please do not follow the guidelines that say you can wait until 50 to start getting annual mammograms. Talk to your doctor, take control of your own health and care. Really!

I know things have been a little more serious than normal on here recently - certainly more clinical. Well, that ends today. Today, my friend Deadpool would like to share a message with all the ladies out there. Guys, feel free to share this with the ladies in your life.  This just might save someones life!

Love to all,
Andee

Needles, needles everywhere...again

Hi friends!

I'm getting ready to try to get some rest but I thought I'd stop in and ask for some good vibes for tomorrow. I can handle needles but I estimate that I'm going to get stuck as many as 8 times tomorrow. That's a high end estimate. I doubt it will be that many but aspirate all 3 surgical sites (could be just one but you never know....there's fluid all over the place), that's 3 sticks, plus 3 more sticks if they numb those areas before aspirating and THEN there will be 2 sticks for the expander fills.  I'll give you a final count after tomorrow afternoon's visit but that should be the top end.



I'm not thrilled about all of the needles but I'm looking forward to having someone drain the damn waterbed off of my back. If it wasn't so gross, I would post a video, but I can poke on my side and a section of my back from side to my spine and about 5 inches from top to bottom, moves like a waterbed. It's crazy!

I know that's totally disgusting, but I had to do it. It's just like that! It doesn't make all that noise but the rest is spot on. lol



I'm also looking forward to some of the pressure being relieved. I feel like I'm wearing a really tight inner tube and it's like it's going to pop open any minute. The left side of my chest is quite impressive at the moment. It's mostly fluid and swelling from the surgery and the (buff) muscle that hasn't started to atrophy yet. It's more than a handful! That's pretty impressive considering that 3 weeks ago it was a crater.  I was about to say it will deflate a bit tomorrow if fluid is removed, but she's putting some back in, so we'll see what happens.



Wish me luck, friends.



Love to all,

Andee

Well, that's new

Let me start by saying, this post will likely be short. I've been having some pretty wicked "muscle seizures" over the past 24 hours. It is not the most fun thing ever. I only mention that because I'm going to go to bed shortly and try to relax the muscles...that means sleeping in one position, propped up on pillows with pillows on each side so I don't roll over. Yuck! I still have the drains to deal with in addition to pain from the expanders if I do happen to roll over. It's a non-stop party around me!  Just ask Bobby.

The point of the post is not to list all of the lingering challenges 2 weeks after surgery - it's to let you know that new and different issues can pop up even 2 weeks after surgery. Remember when I mentioned that my surgeon said that radiated skin is crap and she would probably have to sew me up a few times after surgery because the radiated skin couldn't handle it. Well, I'm happy to say that nothing has opened up but this morning I had some bleeding. I can't see my whole surgical area very well so I enlisted the help of the hubs and the mom. They don't see any tears (good news) but clearly there was some sort of issue since I now have a blood stain on one of my favorite tops.  Say a prayer for my crappy radiated skin. I just want it to keep it together.  Not much grosses me out but I'm not thrilled at the thought of any of my incisions opening up...even a little.

I'll update tomorrow.

Love to all,
Andee

Aaaand...I lost nothing

I saw the surgeon today. I walked in the door expecting to have nothing removed, then had a moment when it seemed as if it was all going to come out at once and then, finally, I lost nothing. I still have my 3 drains (and the fanny pack...don't hate) and all of my 100+ stitches (I'm working on an official tally before they all come out). I have mixed emotions about this. I'm a little glad that everything didn't come out at once. That's a lot of stuff to tolerate at one time - especially with my experience the last time. I was mentally and, somewhat, physically prepared to lose some stitches and one of the front drains. Now I'm back to, potentially, facing a day where I could, at minimum, get 2 drains pulled and all of the stitches. Eeek.   I am scheduled to return to her office on Tuesday for another check but, if the drain output slows to less than 30 ml/day, I can go in Friday and get one or both of the front drains pulled. The back drain will likely stay in for at least another week after that. THEEEN, we start filling the expanders. I have chosen to accept the fact that I'm going to be uncomfortable for the next few months. I figure that will make this whole process a lot easier.

An update on the dark spots on my incision. They are looking much better. Dr. Hall now thinks that it was probably dark bruising rather than dying skin - that's good news! The color is much better in those areas and the flap is looking fabulous. Well...as fabulous as a transferred flap of skin can look. It's not pretty but it's WAAAAY prettier than it was before. The mastectomy chest pending reconstruction is not attractive at all.

I'm still getting used to the swelling on the left side and the new structures on the chest. This whole process is quite weird but what an experience. I knew when I started this part of the journey that this might be the most physically challenging of all - I wasn't wrong. I have a better attitude about it now that I'm (hopefully) over the worst part of it and I can see the changes. And yes, I have become one of "those" women. Even as ugly as they are right now, I'll show 'em to you. lol  I'll write about that whole thing the next time - my philosophy about why "those" women do that. You will, no doubt, find it fascinating.

Good night.
Love to all,
Andee

Welcome to my world

Here we are, 7 days post op. Wow. Still mending and living with some weird stuff. It has been a week of frustration, pain, muscle spasms, drains, drains and more drains The pain has mostly been due to the expanders. I think I mentioned before that she thought things went so well that she didn't wait to do the first fill - she added fluid during surgery so there has been some tissue stretching happening and it is less than comfy.
I had an unplanned visit with the surgeon late last week because there were some spots on my incision (left/radiated side) that looked questionable...like it was dying, questionable. The good news is the dark areas were on the radiated skin side and NOT on the flap side. She had me come into the office just to make sure all was OK - which it was - and I even got a tube out! She pulled the catheter from my back so that leaves me with only the 3 drain tubes and 100+ stitches to go (update - I don't think there was as many stitches in my back incision as I first thought. Still a lot to get out though).
NOw, to provide a wee bit more detail on the dark spots, their appearance has improved, and the tissue has not died (fingers crossed) but it is just proof that the radiated skin could not have handled any of this on its own. Pretty vivid display but I get it now.
There is still a substantial amount of swelling on the left side. Remember, my big, buff latissumus muscle was pulled through under my arm. It will eventually atrophy but for now it's just irritating me (see post entitled Tennis Anyone?).
The updates are:

• Follow up appt tomorrow to check incisions and drains
• Might lose some stitches and/or a drain (might is the key word)
• Next expander fill won't happen until a  week after the last drain comes out. I'm hoping that fill will be less painful since it won't coincide with the trauma of surgery. Fingers crossed.

As expected, this has been the most challenging surgery/recovery experience of them all. The next one should be a breeze!

I will update tomorrow after my appointment.

Love to all!

Andee

Tennis anyone?

I'm finally here. I was just having too much trouble trying to type on my little Kindle keyboard with my T-rex arms. I got to ride the lift chair and made it upstairs to use an actual computer.  This is still uncomfortable but much easier. So let's review the week so far.

I arrived at the hospital on Monday morning @ 6:30 AM. I went through all of the pre-op activities - vitals taken, a million questions answered, IV placed, pepcid taken then Dr. Hall drew on me and it was time to roll. From what I hear, they got started around 9 AM and I was out in less than 4 hours. That's still a long time but much shorter than the maximum time estimate. Yay!  I had a little nausea in recovery the last time but I remembered to let them know this time so I got a patch. That means I woke to pain only, not pain and nausea. Yay!

I woke up a bit in recovery and was off to my room. The pain was a little harder to manage this time around. I guess that should be unexpected since I have an incision on my back and lots on my front.  The first 24 hours were a real challenge. There were a lot of tears, I'm not going to lie. And I have never cried over pain, even after my mastectomy. I figured out later that most of the pain was coming from the expanders. We didn't think they'd be filled for another 6 months but Dr. Hall was so happy with the way everything was going, she went ahead and added some fluid to the expanders. Yay for the head start, Boo for the discomfort. Remember, I'm all about full disclosure so I'm not going to tell you that it was all better quickly. Nope, we've just been able to knock the edge off but it's finally tolerable.

As expected, I woke up with 3 drains and a pain catheter in my back. That thing is working WONDERFULLY because I've had no issues with my back. I'm still very sore on the front but I'm happy to say that I can already raise my right arm above my head. My left side is a little more complicated. There's more swelling on that side, more fluid, more pain. Remember the muscle from my back is still attached in the back. It's pulled through a "tunnel" under my arm. Over time the muscle will atrophy but that hasn't happened yet.  Add to that, the fluid/swelling and it feels like I have a tennis ball under my arm. You can see it through my clothes...it's that large. Lovely, right? I can raise the left arm to shoulder level and I'm working on doing more, a little at a time.

The "fooblettes" are currently looking like Dr. Frankenstein did my surgery - especially the left side. Some skin came along with the muscle from my back so she had to make a place for that and sew it all together. They will look much better over time but I have to say, it's nice to have something other than dent there. I'm actually convex rather than concave now. (did I get those right?). Anyway, Dr. Hall is very happy with the look of the skin. She said that the blood flow to the flap is much better than she would have ever expected. That's good!

Time for a break. Back to finish later....

Ok, I'm back and I'm home! YAY!!

So, other than pain, I had minimal complications this time around. On Monday, I had some fluid issues and my left hand puffed up and my fingers looked like sausages. I couldn't make a fist. It appears that it was due to the fluid they were pumping in to me and the fact that I left my left hand hanging down because it was painful to move it. After we noticed the swelling, we propped my left arm up on pillows for the remainder of my hospital stay and it came down. It's very close to normal now. I was just sure that it was lymphedema.

I once again had a reaction to the prep stuff. It happened pretty quickly this time so Bobby (bless his heart) had to try to get that junk off of me. They cleaned most of it off my chest right after surgery but there was still a good amount of it left on my back. When Bobby was trying to clean it off, he had to rinse the washcloth 5-6 times. Thankfully, everyone acted quickly so it was better fairly quickly. Bobby cleaned off the prep and ink and they gave me Benadryl...in my IV.  It helped with the itching and also knocked me out.

I have not, yet, tried to figure out how many stitches I have. It's a lot.  I finally caught a glimpse of the incision on my back today and it's larger than I expected. Not a big deal though.

The only other challenge is trying to keep the muscles from tightening up. It's pretty easy when I'm up and about but it becomes a problem when I sleep. With all of  my tubes and bit of pain, I have to sleep propped up and can't roll onto either side. Sleeping in one position means my muscles get no stretch while I'm sleeping. When I get up it takes a while to loosen everything back up again.

So, there's my update. The first 48 hours this time around have been the most challenging of all of my surgeries. More pain, more discomfort, needed more help...etc. Thankfully we got through it but it was not a fun time.

I'm off to take care of my drains and then try to stay awake for a little while.

Thank you to everyone who called, texted, messaged or came to visit. I appreciate everyone's love and support and positive vibes. It makes all the difference.

Back tomorrow.
Love to all
Andee

Today's post is brought to you by the word seroma

Wednesday January 27, 2016

Here we are, day 1 after the tube was removed and I already have a seroma. It's not too bad, but it's there. I'll let you know if I get to the beachball stage. The thought of that just plain grosses me out. ICK!
I'm tired (even after a nap!) so this will be short.
'Night!

________________________________________________________________________
Friday January 29, 2016

As you already know (assuming you read the post from earlier today), things got worse over the next 24 hours but I'm feeling much better today. I feel a little like I'm wearing a float my chest. You know I'm very visual about stuff and I searched for a funny picture to post to give you an idea what it feels like. I have been unsuccessful in my search. So, imagine, if you will, wearing one of those doughnut-shaped floats around your chest. That will give you some idea what the sensation is like...except mine is more like a half doughnut. It's weeeeeeird. Last time this happened, it got so bad that I actually looked forward to seeing my surgeon come at me with something like this...

www.starsyringe.com

...and jab it in my chest. I don't think the syringe in the picture above is big enough but all of the pictures that show the actual type they used on me, come in pictures of them actually being used. Nobody wants to see that. Anywaaaaay, I'm not to the point that I'm feeling all dreamy about a big needle but I'm not comfortable. I'm still wrapped in the compression bandage (which I am now calling my "warm hug", in all of it's velcro and elastic glory), and I'm sure that's helping so no real complaints.  It could always be worse.

STRAIGHT TALK ALERT.

My drain site is looking a little better, though it still looks a lot like a wee GSW. It has sealed nicely and the angry skin around it is looking better. My back incision is still a little red around the edges but the worst parts are the areas that scabbed over. I've been treating them to try to soften them but it if I stretch a little to far...well...it kinda feels like that end of the incision is just going to pop loose and that whole flap is just going to fly off.  #plasticsurgeryproblems

My arrival and surgery time are confirmed. Once again, we will start early on Monday morning and I'll be on the table for 6 hours or so. I'll come out with 3 brand spanking new incisions over the 3/4 of my torso, 2 new foreign objects implanted (expanders, no foobs yet), 3 new SUCKY drains (no pun intended) and a catheter in my back. My goal is to maintain my really inappropriate sense of humor right up until I nod off and then showing my monitor to friends and family as soon as I can. If you're new to the blog, here's a picture of me showing my monitor prior to my mastectomy. It's become kind of a thing.  I think my husband and siblings see it as my version of "thumbs up" after surgery.

I could ramble on for a while longer but I will spare you for now. I'll write some more about my thoughts on the upcoming procedure and pull out some throwback posts.

Much love to all!
Andee

What a difference a day makes...again

Hello blog friends!
I apologize for being gone for a couple of days. It was not planned. I was ok on Wednesday but I had a horrible night on Wednesday night and felt horrible yesterday and spent most of the day trying to rest. The fluid started building up in my back and a bit on my side after the drain was removed. By Wednesday night I was quite uncomfortable and had a horrible time sleeping.  I went to bed and fell asleep but was awake only an hour or so later. I don't think I went to sleep until about 4 AM and was awake again by 6:15 or so.  After the kids were off to school, I put dinner in the crock pot and hit the couch to try to sleep. I wouldn't say that I was napping, it was more like a series of brief "dozes" and didn't really help much. By early afternoon, I was feeling awful.  I was tired, sore and pretty nauseated. Once again, my parents saved the day and came down to pick up the kids and hang out at the house while I slept. I was able to sleep soundly for just shy of 2 hours and it made a world of difference. Thankfully,I'm feeling much better today, thank you for asking.
So, the week that I thought was going to be one filled with "almost normal", wasn't quite.  I will continue to prep and plan for Monday's surgery and the recovery period to follow. The past 2 1/2 weeks + have just flown by.

Gotta run for now but I'll be back later.

Love to all,
Andee

The good, the bad and the ugly

A good amount of information to share after today's appointment, so let's just jump right in.

The big news is that the drain and 60 stitches are OUT. YAY!!!  (The Good)

First, the drain. It was still producing a good amount but, at this point, we want to minimize the risk of infection so it had to come out. That means that I will likely have a build up of fluid on my back between now and surgery. That's called a seroma. (The Bad)They suck. I still think it's better than the drain but it's not fun. In an effort help minimize the swelling/fluid build up, I'm currently wrapped snuggly in a compression bandage. It's not so bad. Quite comforting actually - now I know why babies like to be swaddled so much.

I guess we should talk about the actual drain removal. It's a little hard to explain. I would say that it is more uncomfortable than painful but there is a little pain. There is some soreness after the removal, for sure.  I went "commando" today - no pain medication of any kind. The nurse cut the stitch (part of which was "healed over"). Then came the fun part. She told me to take a deep breath and she pulled. I'm not trying to gross you out but if I'm sharing, I have to share it all. As you might imagine, there has been 2 weeks of healing since the drain went in. That means that thing gets settled in its place. That means when she pulls it out, it doesn't just slip right out. There is some effort involved to get it pulled loose from its tethers. So there's a tug, a pop and then a feeling that, I would guess, is not dramatically different from pulling the shaft of an arrow out of your torso.  Of course, mine didn't have a arrowhead on the end but there's a good amount of tube that has to make its way out. I made it through without any problem (other than the brief pain/discomfort).

Next came the stitches. Now, I'm a pretty quick healer. That's a good thing but that also means that my skin was already at the point where it was trying to heal over the stitches. Yes, I can't just be easy. It's not my nature. The good news here is that the incision area is basically numb except for a few spots. Even in those spots, the feeling is minimal. So when the nurse started removing the stitches, she told me to let her know if she was hurting me because some of those stitches were in there pretty good. I didn't have any issues. I could feel her tugging and I could tell what she was doing but there wasn't any pain. Strangely, when she got to, approximately, stitch number 56, I broke out in a sweat and feared that I was going to faint. I told her she wasn't hurting me but I wasn't feeling right. (The Ugly)She said she was glad I told her and she let me lay back and relax for a few minutes until the wave of weird passed.  I told her how strange I thought that was since she wasn't hurting me and it really wasn't bothering me. She said it was my body's response to us messing around with the surgical area. So strange.  But, YAY ME, I didn't hit the floor.

After all of my extras were removed (did I mention YAY?!?), we chatted about prep for the next surgery. I've been feeling a bit of a cold coming on and I let her know. She said a common cold isn't a deal breaker but if I even have an hint that I've ventured into some sort of infection (ear, sinus, UTI) I need to act immediately. Any infection can be a deal breaker. The variable here and the area of concern is the fact that I'm having foreign bodies implanted. You don't want any infection making its way into/onto those things.  So, at her suggestion, after my visit I drove directly to RiteAid and picked up some Zicam and Emergen-C. I'm going to fight this cold as best I can. I need to knock that sucker out and do my best to keep it from turning into anything else. I do NOT want to delay this process.  After I picked up my items, I headed back to my parent's house. We had another snow day today so they watched the kiddos while I went on my Magical Medical Tour. Since I had some assistance with childcare (bless my parents!) I was able to get some rest. I went down for a nap at a about 12:30, with the intention of sleeping a couple of hours. I woke up at 4:45 PM.  Your body knows when you need rest. Wow!

So, tomorrow I visit with my oncologist. I haven't seen him in a few months so we'll get to spend some time catching up. After that, I'll continue my planning and prep for surgery number 2. It's so hard to believe that it's less than a week away now. I shall be strong and roll on!

I'll catch up with you tomorrow.

Love to all!
Andee

Dirty Little Secrets - Part I

Yes, I have some dirty little secrets.

SCANDALOUS!

Not really, because I'm just about as boring a human being as anyone has ever met. But, as often happens here on the blog, I'm going to share with you...my friends...the things I don't ever talk about. It's not about pride or anything like that. I just don't like to focus on the more challenging aspects of being a cancer patient. The treatment experience had its challenges but all of those were expected. The post-treatment world presents me with something new on a regular basis. I don't want anyone facing the Big C, in whatever form, thinking that treatment ends and life returns to normal. It's not awful, it's just different. I believe that attitude plays an even more important role after treatment but I find it more of a challenge to focus on the positive. That sounds much more depressing than it should. Let me explain.
Tonight we will cover two.

Dirty Little Secret #1 - Anxiety

It sneaks up on you. You find yourself stressing about all manner of things. I tend to get anxious about recurrence. I went through a phase a few months back where I thought about cancer every minute of every day. I'm not even exaggerating. It was a pretty dark period. When you have that level of anxiety it begins to take its toll on you physically. I would have moments in the day when I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. It felt as if someone wrapped a band around my chest and pulled it tight. It got a bit scary. At the time, I kept thinking "oh dear, it's in my lungs!". (For those who don't know, when breast cancer travels, it tends to go the brain, liver, bones or lungs). I "knew" it. The next time I saw my doctor I asked him about recurrence and what to look for, etc. We had a great talk and he put me at ease. I also put myself back in the mental space where I decided I would focus on what I could control and the rest would be in God's hands. The symptoms went away instantly.  INSTANTLY!

It happened again in the days leading up to my CT last week. As I mentioned, any sort of scan or test ramps up the worry. "Will they find something?" I had pain in my chest (surgical area, not heart), my neck was stiff, I felt a milder version of the "band around the chest" sensation I mentioned before. I realized this time that is was probably anxiety but that didn't make it go away. I received my results on Friday night and woke up on Saturday feeling like a whole new person.

I'm sure this cycle will repeat itself for the rest of my life. Each time I'm getting a little better and dealing with it. I can only speak for myself but I think this is probably quite normal. If you're dealing with it, talk about it, address it. Carrying it all around and trying to deal with it on your own might not be enough. I have a great husband who serves as my listener/therapist but I'm not afraid to go pro if I feel like it's necessary. If that happens, y'all would know about it.   ;-)

Dirty Little Secret #2 - Pain

I don't talk about this at all. In the past few days I've mentioned it to a couple of people but typically I just deal with it and accept that it is part of my life now. My surgical site, specifically my left side (the lymph node side) hurts. The site of incision is numb but the area under my arm and down my side hurts all day every day. It's tender to the touch, and by that I mean if I sleep on my left side for a lengthy period, I'll be sore for days. and sometimes it's just bad. For me, it's unpleasant and can be very painful but I don't need medication. I accept it and tolerate it. Most days aren't so bad but it's always there. Today it's achy and a mild burning pain. I'll spare you the technical explanation but nerves can be damaged during the mastectomy and about half of all women who have had a mastectomy will experience Post Mastectomy Pain Syndrome...yes it has a name. Though I had a bilateral mastectomy, I only have pain on the left. Thank you for small favors!

Remember, everything isn't perfect. Cancer sucks. Treatment sucks. Side effects suck. BUT

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!

Back tomorrow.

Love to all,

Andee