The procedures

Good morning,
It's 2:30 AM and I'm awake and a little uncomfortable. That means its the perfect time to write while I wait for my Motrin to kick in.  I will finally fill you in on all that was done today.
A note to those of you who are interested in some semi-gross pictures of my experience today, feel free to stop by the pictures (discretion advised) section. I posted a couple of pictures.

Now, on to the procedures. As you know, this year has been the year of reconstruction. The journey started on January 11 with surgery #1. Surgery #2 was on February 1. Then came exapansion from February through September. Surgery #4 was on September 26 and we swapped out expander for implants. Surgery #4 took place today and was really a collection of procedures. This should be the last major surgery of the process. What a road it has been!
Today I was scheduled for the following:

• Nipple tattoos.  They're baaaaaack!  I haven't seen them yet since I have to leave the bandages on until tomorrow but I know they are there. There is blood-soaked gauze there to prove it.
• With mastectomy and reconstruction you can end up with pockets of fat and skin on your side under the arms. Yes, it is as ugly as it sounds and it's apparently very common.Today that fat was removed. Yes, I had lipo on my side. EEK! 
• Some skin was also excised from my side.
• I also had lipo to remove fat from my abdomen to be used for fat grafting.
• Fat grafting - This needed to be done due to very deep scars that needed to be filled. When I say deep, I mean deep. Remember, after my mastectomy, I was "boobless" for 2 years so the remaining skin and tissue settled into its own arrangement so deep scars remained even after lat flap surgery, expansion and implants. I said deep and I meant deep.  The fat that was removed was then added to the breast to help fill in the scars. Fascinating process. You can watch the whole lipo to grafting procedure on YouTube if you want hurt right along with me. 
• Finally, I had some additional skin excised from my right breast. I had a "dog ear" (I don't make these terms up) that she worked on and also had the Skin Cancer Scare spot (from July) removed as well.

As a result of the above I have multiple incisions, a good amount of soreness, continued leaking from the holes in my body, and I'm developing some pretty ugly bruising.  If I sit still the pain is tolerable but any movement or exertion that involves anything from my neck to my hips is quite painful. I just have to be patient and take it one day at a time.

So there it is. I think I covered everything. As always, feel free to send me questions, if you have any.

I'm going to try to sleep now.

Love to all!

The full moon and other stories

Yes, it's that time again. It's Really Real Post time!
I have neither the energy nor the time for a blog post but I feel compelled to post. As hard as everyone tries to make life seen fine and fabulous on social media and elsewhere, I'd like to share some truth. Sometimes, one day after another can be a challenge. It seems like things happen all at once. I'm going to let you take a peek inside my world this week. Before we dive in, let me say that I love my life. I'm blessed to be here and I'm not complaining. It's just a reminder that everyone has something going on in their life that you know nothing about. It would be good if we all remembered that.
Let's get started. For a moment we are going to back in time a bit. When I graduated from college I went into sales job immediately after graduation. I stayed in sales for a year and then moved to a customer service call center job. That is where I learned to respect the effect of a full moon. If you don't believe that things go a little weird when there's a full moon, go work in a call center and then get back to me. All of my fellow call center alums can tell you. Since I'm so experienced with the weirdness that comes with the full moon, I can often tell you what cycle of the moon we're in without even checking the chart or looking in the sky. No joke. You'll still hear me say, "It must be a full moon." I said it multiple times this week before checking this...

https://www.timeanddate.com/moon/phases/usa/lexington-fayette

With enough exposure, you too can be a moon whisperer.
So, what has to happen in my world for me to say "It must be a full moon"?  Here's my week in my trademark bullet style.

• My work days have been more hectic that usual. I am a person who loves technology but I have to have a planner. There's something about making lists and writing down appointments and logging my work that not only makes very happy, but it helps cement things in my old brain. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that every planner page this week is completely full. There are no more spaces on the to do list side of the page, and I logged work an appointments in every inch of the schedule side. Not only has there been volume, there have been new and different issues to deal with. I love (and I mean love in that unnatural level of excitement and fulfillment) when I can solve a problem. If someone gives me a problem, I see it as an opportunity and I do my very best to work through the details and get some resolution. Sometimes sheer volume of work slows me down but I try. I really do. This week has been a bit of a test. If that were the only thing on my plate this week, I wouldn't be writing this post. That's just bullet one.
• So then there's the whole "I'm a week out from surgery" situation. Add the fun that brings with it to the lists for both professional and personal. I try my best to wrap things up and prepare everyone for my absence and inability to do my normal stuff.
• I was referred back for PT prior to surgery because, well, I'm pretty high maintenance in the medical/health department. The turnaround was pretty quick and we needed to fit in as many sessions as possible before surgery. My surgeon's office and my PT office were on it and we got things setup and ready to go and then we had to wait on approval from insurance. I will not complain about my insurance because both companies that have covered me over the past 2 1/2 years have been pretty great. I will say that the approval process could go a little faster, especially with something time sensitive. I'm blessed to be able to say that my providers are not just fabulous at what they do, they are fabulous humans and they were prepared to make sure I got the treatment I needed regardless of what the insurance company said. How refreshing is that?! Strangely, when I went to my appointment this afternoon and we finished treatment and were talking about options for next steps, my case worker at the insurance company called and said that my visits were approved. What an experience that has been.
• It's also the last week of school before Christmas break. Lots to do and lots of kid-related bullets. This one will get its own sub-list
• Last tumbling session of the semester on Monday night
• Scouts on Tuesday night (G)
• The school Christmas play on Tuesday night (M)   (it lasted 2 hours)
• Tuesday night M's cough got progressively worse and she was feeling really crappy on Wednesday morning. Then she spiked a temp and lost all color in her face. I whisked her off to the doctor. When we arrived, she asked me if she had to walk into the office. If you know our kid, you know that is WAY out of character. If she isn't talking and doesn't want to move, you KNOW that she is feeling horrible.  We get her checked out. The quick test for strep is negative, we'll have to wait on the 48 hour test to be certain. Her chest sounds clear, her ears look good and they aren't concerned about flu. We are told that we should just be able to manage the symptoms and let them know if she gets worse. We get back to my parent's and I give her some Motrin, tuck her in on the couch and then lock myself in the office and finish my work day. I mention this, since we're being open, because I have a work problem (I like to work) and it causes me a great deal of Mom Guilt...we'll talk about that in another post)
  Happily, after sleeping for a few hours, she seemed to feel a little better. Before and after the appointment she said her ear hurt but the doctor didn't see anything so I thought it might just be pressure.
• Fast forward to today. I had PT in the afternoon (rescheduled from earlier in the day due to the insurance situation) so my lovely parents kindly pack the kids and I in their car and drop me off at PT. They watch my littles while I'm getting treatment. When I come outside to get in the vehicle, I open the door and M is in tears. I ask her what's wrong and she says that her ear is hurting really bad. You know, the same ear that was fine just 24 hours before. With the tears, I know she is in real pain. Mommy (and grandparents) to the rescue! I call the pediatricians office and they have an opening in five minutes. Papaw gets us there on time (luckily all of our medical stuff is relatively close together) and we are in an exam room within 10 minutes of my call. Yes, they rock!
  The doctor looks in her ear and turns to me (and I'm not exaggerating here) and mouths "OH...MY...GOSH"  She proceeds to explain to me that her ear looks so bad and there's so much pressure in there that it's likely to rupture. Thank you, Full Moon. In 24 hours we went from nothing to exploding ear. It happens. Don't play around folks!
  So back to our story. They give her a dose of ibuprofen before we even leave the office. They prepare me for what is likely to happen when it blows. Don't panic if weird stuff starts coming out of her ear, she said. Oh, ok. I'll do my best. EEK!
• The fun of the full moon doesn't stop there. Oh No. The doctor kindly calls in a heavy duty antibiotic. She tells me to get it quickly and get a dose in her. My folks get us all back to their house and then I head out to pick up the prescription. I go to the counter for pickup. They can't find it in the alphabetically sorted hanger bag section. The tech checks with the pharmacists are appear to working frantically on about a million prescriptions. They can't seem to find it anywhere. They ask me to come around to the other window so the nice lady can check per pile if baskets and the computer to see if we can find it. She asks for name and birthday. I give it to her and she says she doesn't have anything. At this point it's after 5 PM, doctor's office closes at 5. YAY!
  I call the medical exchange number in hopes that they will page the nurse and she get the on call doctor to help out. This has never happened before (I keep thinking FULL MOON) and I can't believe that they failed to send the prescription. I reach a LOVELY woman (SARCASM ALERT) at the exchange and I explain my situation to her. I just saw the doc, my precious daughter's ear drum is about rupture and I need to get the antibiotics started as quickly as possible. Rather than telling me "I will be happy to help you. I will page them immediately and we'll get you taken care of." She actually says to me, "You know, it's not instant. It takes time."
  Let's stop here and review. I could go on about sensitivity, professionalism, courtesy and the bond between a mother and her children. Let me just say that if I could have gone through the phone at this chick, you would have seen my smiling face on the 11 o'clock news.
  
  
   
  
  
  I proceeded to the advise the jackass on the other end of the phone that my daughter needed her medicine, the office is closed and I would like her to page someone who, I'm sure, would be kind enough to help me.   I hung up and called my darling husband and lost my crap on him. For any readers of the male persuasion, let me explain something very frustrating about your female friends and loved ones. There's this weird thing that happens when, otherwise tough, women get angry/infuriated. We tend to cry. I know! It makes no sense to us either. Every woman knows what I'm talking about. Our first reaction is not to punch someone (well, that might have been my first reaction TODAY but...) or loose our cool in public. When the emotion has no other way to escape here come the tears. It's SO annoying. Anyway, I tear up telling Bobby what happened - not because my feelings were hurt but because I was furious. As I'm talking to him the doctor calls back.  She confirmed that the Rx had been sent but she was sending it again just in case. I thanked her and, before saying goodbye, I told her about the jackass at the exchange. She said, "As a matter fact it IS instant and I'm sorry you had to deal with that." I so love them.
  Just when you think that the story couldn't get any weirder/more frustrating...
  I walk back into the pharmacy, go straight to the window where the pharmacist was that told me there was no Rx. There was someone ahead of me and I heard her say that the wait would be about 90 minutes. (GRRRRRREAT!). When it's my turn, I step to the window and tell her that the doctor said it was sent before we left the office but she had just sent it again. The nice pharmacist walks to the computer and asks me to confirm the name and birthday. Her expression changes from one of exasperation to...I'm not sure what. She won't look me in the eye but she half smiles and says "It's ready." I said," I'm sorry what?!" She points to the pick up line and says "It's ready."
  Do you see what happened there? Are you wondering how I was able to control my rage? For those of you that might not have picked up on it, she initially told me they didn't have a script for M. I went through that whole exercise of talking to the jackass, bothering the doctor, crying on my husband and then pulling it all back together only to be hit with the realization that THEY HAD THE SCRIPT THE ENTIRE TIME. It took me less than 3 minutes from the time the doctor told me she re-sent the Rx to get to the window. Miraculously, the prescription was already waiting on me. What great service! NOT  My guess is that she either spelled the name wrong the first time or had the wrong bday. Seriously? I know things happen but WOW. It was a day of one thing after another. Thankfully, after waiting in line for another 15 minutes, I had the meds and I was out!
• I was going to bake for the kids' parties tomorrow but I just didn't have it in me anymore. So store bought cookies it will be! (Another reason I'll never get mother of the year). I did take care of the $5 gift for the classroom exchanges and teacher gifts so I'll count those as wins!  Yay me!

That's just a glimpse into this week @ The LD. Say a prayer for us. I still have surgery prep to do, more PT (and resulting soreness), M will have 9 more days of meds and then it's surgery, holidays and hopefully some uneventful family time and lots of rest.

My wish for all of you is a warm and wonderful holiday with friends and family, some restful time off and an opportunity to count your blessings. They're there if you just look for them...even during a full moon.

 

Love to all!

Andee

POST UNDER CONSTRUCTION Updates & "I had no idea I needed that"

Good evening friends.
It's getting close to surgery time so that means blog posts. Yep, here I go sharing all of my business again and YOU...ARE...WELCOME!  😄
Have we talked about what's actually happening 2 weeks from tomorrow? I feel like I haven't written the "overshare" post yet. Stop me if you've heard this already.
This (set of) procedure(s) is expected to be the last of the biggies in the year of reconstruction.

Looking back on 2016

It's December tomorrow...DECEMBER, PEOPLE! What the heck?!
I was answering some questions about my upcoming procedures today and it hit me. This time last year I was trying to mentally prepare for 12 months of reconstruction work. It seemed so daunting at the time. It hasn't been easy, in fact, it's probably been the most physically challenging part of my cancer journey so far. But here I am, just 21 days from the final steps in the year-long process. The key is keep looking forward, don't focus on the challenge of the moment, but on the goal at the end.
I don't bore you with a long narrative...not right now, anyway. So here is 2016 in summary.

• January 11 - surgery 1 - release the lattisimus dorsi muscle to increase blood flow prior to moving it
• February 1 - surgery 2 - move the muscle (with some skin) from back to chest on the left side. tissue expanders implanted on both sides.
• March - September - tissues expansion - saline added to expanders every 2 weeks.
• September 26 - surgery 3 - tissue expanders removed and replaced with implants
• December 21 - surgery 4 - multiple procedures including tattooing, fat grafting and some surgical adjustments
• Also
• DRAINS - have I mentioned how much I loathe those things?
• Scar tissue
• Seroma
• Buckets of fluid
• Physical Therapy
• ASTYM
• Cancer Scare
• Physical challenges
• Low points
• Upswings

All that for some Frankenboobies.

 

I'm often asked if I would go through it all again. HECK YES! All of the procedures have been tough but the end result is worth it. Though more invasive, the process has a better success rate than other options. I would go through all of it again without hesitation!

 

 

Back soon!

Love to all,

Andee

I'm such a slacker

I really am a slacker - at least I have been when it comes to the blog. I've said it a million times, I feel better when I post regularly. It's pretty inexpensive therapy and no one even has to read the posts! Life, once again, snapped back to a certain level of normal after my last surgery. Sometimes it wears me out but the more hectic, the better. I work best under, at least a little bit of, pressure. It's bizarre but it's me...

I thought I should post a brief update before moving on to finish and release the 2 drafts that have been sitting in my post list. I have to complete the "letter" series and one entitled "Acceptance...now what?"  I'll wrap those up soon enough. 

If you follow along on the Facebook page, you might have seen that I have another surgery coming up in about 30 days. Calling it one surgery isn't quite correct. Technically I think I'm having 4 procedures at one time. It has been one heck of a year for surgery. This will be #4. In between #2 and #3 I experienced the joy of tissue expansion with fills every couple of weeks. It was not entirely pleasant but it's in the rear view now and I'm ready for the next step in the process. I'll provide the details soon enough.

I'm happy to announce that, for the next 4 weeks at least, I'm now physically able to exercise. I'm still not where I was in 2015 but I'm light years ahead of where I was only a couple of months ago. I haven't really been able to do any of the things I love, and that work best for me, due to a number of issues. The primary being the muscle that was moved. It still pulls a bit but it no longer feels like it's going to pull loose and snap back around to the spot where it came from. The visual of that in my head cracks me up every time.  :-) So, for the next 4 weeks I'm making sure I'm getting some exercise that counts in each day. Today was yoga. I've lost any and all flexibility over the past 2 plus years. I want to build strength and lose weight but I am very determined to get my flexibility back.  Just like 2015, I will publicly post my goals and my progress. It's all about holding myself accountable and not because I think anyone else is remotely interested. 

So there you have it. Things are rolling right along and I'll be posting more frequently in the coming weeks. That's the plan, anyway.  As always, feel free to send your questions via the site or pop over to FB. 

Love to all!

Andee

The letter - Part I

Dear Andee 2014,

You don't know it yet, but your life is about to change. On the evening of March 15, 2014 you are going to find a lump in your left breast. Because it's a Saturday, you're going to stress about it until Monday morning when you can call the doctor. You will suffer silently because you're not ready to tell anyone...not even your husband. Some part of you believes that if you don't say it aloud, it won't be real. You'll keep telling yourself that most lumps are nothing...but your gut continues to tell you that's not true for you. The lump is not small. You will keep trying to convince yourself that you were obsessive about self exams so it can't be cancer.  You checked regularly. You will get online and do research. You'll find multiple articles that say breast cancer doesn't hurt. That's somehow comforting because you have had pain. You will attribute that discomfort to an ill-fitting bra.  When you wake on Monday morning, you will feel sick. Nerves...all nerves.  You will opt to stay home from work. You will decide to tell your husband what you found and that you're calling to make an appointment to get it checked. You will try to assure him that it's probably nothing but it's best to get checked and know for sure. You contact your boss and HR  director at work and explain the situation...what's making you feel sick. They are understanding and supportive (and will continue to to be, well beyond this day).  You contact the doctor's office and let them know what you've found. They schedule an appointment for you on Wednesday. Ugh! Two more days of waiting but at least you are doing something. You will do what you always do - you will throw yourself into work and anything that can keep your mind occupied. You are one stubborn old b#@ch...good thing though, because you are about to be tested.

to be continued...

Pain and Perspective: Part I

Part I - Pain

If you are a regular, you know I have a rule about not posting when I'm either in pain or in a bad place. I always write about it, after the worst is over, because I feel like it's important to share the challenges and provide a real-ish picture of what this journey can be like. I say "real-ish" because everyone's road will be different, no two experiences are ever the same, even if the diagnosis is. This blog is a peek into my journey through diagnosis, surgery, treatment, trying to return to "normal" and the reconstruction process.

First, I guess I need to bring you up to speed on where we are. As you recall, the reconstruction process started in January. My first surgery was January 11. Surgery #2, or "The Big One" as I like to call it, was done on February 1st.  Since that time I've been seeing my (spectacular) plastic surgeon every 2 weeks. In the early days, there was more fluid removal than addition but after a couple of months, that finally went in the right direction. So, for at least 6 months now, I've been getting fluid added to Satan's Water Balloons (SWBs)(the clinical term is tissue expanders) every couple of weeks. Early on, I made the mistake of saying the following aloud to my nurse. "You know, these things aren't the most comfortable but they're not as bad as I expected. I keep hearing awful stories about expanders from those who have gone before me and they just aren't that bad."  Without hesitation, she responded "Oh, they'll get worse." You know where we go from here, right? With that fill, the real pain started. See, you're thinking that an expander is just a saline filled implant. Um....NO! I wrote about the "Iron Bra" a while back. Well, we have advanced quite a bit since then.

I won't revisit my entire list of medical issues but I will remind you that I have a muscle that was relocated and some pesky scar tissue. For months, I've been going to PT to help break up the scar tissue and improve my range of motion. The tightness and discomfort has improved significantly but it is not gone. When you add in 10 hour work days and several days per week with a 3 hour commute (yes, that's per day), it doesn't help my physical situation. I'm going over all of this (yes, again) because it relates to what comes next.

Last week was scheduled to be my last fill. Surgery is scheduled for late September so we need to get the fills wrapped up and let SWBs work their magic, and let my body recover and rest up for the procedure. Here's where the aforementioned scar tissue comes in. I will spare you pictures, but that means I have to write this out, so stick with me. On my left side, the one that has the relocated muscle and skin, there is some visibly tethered tissue. It almost looks like there's a strap holding things down. As a result, the plan was to add a good amount of fluid to the SWBs and try to get that stuff to stretch. Well, we did a FANTASTIC job of that! Let me tell you all about it...

She started to fill and, as always, asked me repeatedly how I was. There was some discomfort, a little more than normal, but I told her it was fine to keep going. My memory is a little fuzzy after what happened next, but I think she said she got 90cc in there. WOW! So she takes the needle out and I think I started to talk or something - again...fuzzy - and before I could finish my sentence I feel a pretty significant POP in my chest. It took a second for my brain to catch up so I think I kept talking for a second or two. Then I remember saying "Um, something popped." And then it happened again. My brain  was still trying to work through it all - I first thought something happened with the SWB because, though it felt bizarre, it didn't hurt right away. When the second band popped, I felt quite a burn (pain)...and it intensified...and lingered. At that point my brain was trying to figure out if the muscle had come loose. (Please no!) My doctor tried to find where the source of the pain was. I'm not sure but she might have thought something really awful happened too. Once she found it (she knew she had it by the look on my face) she kept pressure on it for a while (probably 30 seconds, felt like 30 minutes). At that point, my brain went to "Holy cow, did my chest pop open?" Thankfully, that was not the case.  Apparently, a couple of bands of that nasty, stubborn scar tissue popped loose all at once. It was tethered on the side closest to my sternum. Unfortunately, I was not tough enough to leave all that fluid in this time around, so she took out about a third of what she put in. I'm not sure that it will delay surgery but at this point, I don't care. If I have to wait an extra week I will. What's another week, right?

So that's where we are. Oh, I almost forgot the silver lining!!!  As a result of the tissue detachment, I've gotten some (but not complete) relief. The iron bra is little more tolerable and I feel like my range of motion is improved - not as much pulling. The fact that I've been battling a cold and I'm coughing like crazy hasn't made the past week any more fun, but I will continue to remind myself that, after 2 1/2 years of cancer stuff and 7 months of reconstruction work, I'm almost there! The pain and the challenges are temporary, so I'll get through it. Another silver lining is that those same challenges and pain add something to your life...perspective. I'll save that for part 2!

Love to all!
Andee

Save the Date

Well friends, it is almost time. It's been a 7 month process, so far, and now there's a light at the end of the tunnel! We expect that today was my last fill. That doesn't even sound real. I go back in 2 weeks for a final status check. If any adjustments are needed, we'll take care of them then (meaning fluid can be added, if necessary) and then we wait 4 weeks and BOOM surgery! It's officially on the books so lookout. September 26 is the big day. This won't be the last procedure of the year but it will be a big milestone. As always, I'll keep you posted on all of the details.
For those that might be new to the blog and have no idea what I'm talking about, I had surgery in January and February to prep for actual reconstruction and then to transfer muscle and implant tissue expanders in February. Since then, I've gone every 2 weeks for some sort of adjustment. Whether it be to remove fluid from my back (where the muscle was removed) or to add fluid to the expanders. I am quite ready to the have these croquet balls removed from my chest.
I'm exhausted so I'm heading to bed but check back in over the next few weeks and I'll do my best to keep you updated.

Cheers!

Love to all,
Andee

The exercise challenge

7/13/16

Hello from Andee's world!
I thought I would stop by and do a little sharing. Just what your day needed, am I right?!

Tonight I am sharing some details on why getting back into an exercise routine has been such a challenge. For those of you who are new to our party, I will catch you up. During treatment (for me that took most of 2014) I gained weight. I know what you're thinking....probably the same thing I thought. If there was one upside to this cancer thing, I thought it would be that I would get really skinny. Weeeeell,..not so much. My treatment cocktail included a lovely dose of steroids. When I got into round 2 (the 12 week round of chemo), I received steroids on a weekly basis. The steroids do all kinds of wonderful things to help manage issues during chemo, but they also make you fat! What I didn't know is that I would quickly turn into Uncle Fester. Bald and fat, that was me. Every girl's dream!

Once treatment was over (last of 33 radiation treatments was on December 17, not that I remember specifics or anything) I took some time to rest and recover but when January 22 came around, I started my serious workout and eating plan and by March I had dropped 20 lbs. I was serious...and focused on the goal. I started with 21 Day Fix and then moved on to 21 Day Fix Extreme. I'm not advertising or anything, just offering my personal experience. I noticed a significant change in my body in DAYS. Inches lost immediately, things toned up...all the stuff you want. I was counting calories only (they didn't originally send all of the 21DF containers and I didn't want to wait). I was like a machine for a while. About mid-year, my cancer patient mentor passed away. I've written about going into a pretty bad place. The short story is that I was thinking about cancer every single minute of every single day. I was upset about the people I know that cancer has taken away. I was terrified of recurrence. It was not a good place.  If I'm being completely honest, which I am, I stopped exercising AND started eating my emotions. I have to say that the last quarter of last year was not good for me. I was mad at myself for letting myself go and also, there was a bit a stress added when I learned how extensive my pending surgery would be. It was a lot to process and I did a crappy job of processing it.
When January rolled around it was time to have surgery #1. On January 11, I had the first of 3 surgeries. 3 (short) weeks later I had my second surgery. At that point, the latissimus dorsi muscle was pulled around from my back to my chest. You can go back and read the details of the procedure but, the short version is that the muscle and skin became part of my chest BUT the muscle is actually still attached to my back. Crazy right?

https://sites.google.com/site/cancerbreastinfo

 Since it was not removed and relocated, just relocated, it still works like a lat muscle. Though the muscle has atrophied some, and will continue to do so, it's still a weird sensation. You probably don't know exactly when your lat muscle is engaged on a daily basis. I can now tell you! That's because when I do something as mundane as push on the arm rests of a chair as I try to get up out of a chair, it engages that muscle and it pulls like crazy. Even today, it feels like bad things could happen when I rise from that chair or try to get out of the bath tub. I try my best to modify how I do things but sometimes I just have to push through and deal with the discomfort.

Now, finally, let's talk about how this impacts exercise.  After waiting a few months to make sure I healed completely, I tried my 21 Day Fix/Extreme routines and also ventured into the Hammer & Chisel program. I was having to modify so much that I wondered what the end result would be if I kept going. I think I'll be able to go back to weights (have I mentioned I loved that?) in the future but probably not this year. I have one more surgery to go, which will likely take place in the next couple of months. I decided I just couldn't wait until next year to start working on myself again. So I had to sit down and figure out what was going to work. I have put up my weights (for now) and I've focused on finding something I can do now. I settled on the Cize program, which is a dance program and I LOVE IT! For people who don't know, I spent my time at dance class and competing from age 4 to age 18. I ended my "dance career" as a member of the University of Kentucky Dance Team. I have always loved to dance and I've had weekly dance parties with my babies for the past several years but no classes in AGES. I'm so enjoying the fact that I'm able to do this again. I still have to modify a bit but it's a blast and it burns 300-400 calories a pop. Positives all around.

So my program now is Cize at least 5 days per week and weekly meal planning and prep. I'm down 5 lbs in the first full week of meal planning and exercise. Yay! It's not much but it's a start. I'm feeling so much better and I'm excited about what's to come.

I guess the message of this post is that we all have limitations. You just have to figure out how to do what you can with what you've got and make the very best of it. It can take a little work and some planning, but you can do it!

Love to all,
Andee

Finalized 7/24/16

7 days

I haven't posted in over a month? That's just wrong!  I started this post earlier this week. Sorry it has taken so long but I'm back and posting!

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It has been an interesting 7 days.  Life continues to throw surprises and tests our way and, believe it or not, even though we are old pros at this, you never get used to it.  I think we've gotten better at handling the curveballs (I'd like to think so, anyway) but dang! As always, I'm sharing my business in hopes of educating and motivating others to take their health seriously. Let's get started, shall we?

On Monday June 27, I was scheduled to visit my plastic surgeon's office for a fill. I arrived several minutes early so I sat in my car for a while. I was browsing some things on my phone and I took a minute to send Bobby this picture with a caption that said something like "This sounds about right." Little did I know...

 For some reason, before I got out of the car I checked my appointment card and realized that I was over an hour early. No big deal...better than an hour late, right? I went and grabbed some breakfast and came back. When I went inside they took me right in. I got changed and prepped for my regular needle sticks and expansion. When the nurse got ready to start she paused for a moment. She said she noticed something on my skin. She said she had never noticed it before. She grabbed a mirror and pointed it out to me. She asked if I had noticed it before. I told her that it may have been there but one of the things I haven't spent a lot of time doing over the past couple of years is looking at my chest.

She carried on with my fill but she seemed concerned. She was wonderful and after suggesting I get it checked out, she even attempted to get me in with the dermatology office across the street. Unfortunately, they were booked so she suggested that I return on Tuesday so Dr. Hall could look at it. So the appointment was made and I headed home. Was there some anxiety? Yes. Who am I kidding, there was fear. After checking out the spot I realized why she was so concerned about it. It fit all of the "worry if" criteria for melanoma. Not symmetrical, larger than a pencil eraser, etc.  The only thing that kept me from flipping out completely was the color. The shape and other characteristics looked a lot like the melanoma pictures I found - but it was lighter. Remember back in the early days of the blog, I talked about looking for the Silver Lining in everything...well, here's one for this experience. I kept telling myself that it didn't look EXACTLY like those pictures so I held out hope. I won't lie - at one point, there were some tears. It's not easy to deal with scares but I guess that's part of my life now. I allowed myself my time for self-pity and had my "how much is one person expected to take?" breakdown. Then I pulled myself together and faced the test.

I returned to the office @ 9 AM on Tuesday morning. Dr. Hall checked everything out and said she would never forgive herself if she didn't do a biopsy and it turned out to be something. That means scalpel and stitches. Luckily, I have no feeling in the skin in that area so she took the sample and stitched me up. Now it was time to wait. I won't take you through boring details of the next few days but let's just say I kept myself busy to keep that "what ifs" out of my head. I don't know how much you know about melanoma but it is not something you want. Scary, scary stuff.  Needless to say, it was a more stressful week than normal, but life must carry on.

On Friday afternoon, Dr. Hall called me personally to let me know that she had gotten the results back. I was a little scared at first because I feared that she didnt' want anyone else to give me the bad news. (And breathe....) She said she received the results and there was no cancer. At that moment I was pleasantly surprised and very happy!  I thanked her for calling and letting me know. About 15 seconds after I hung up the phone, the tears came. I knew I was worried, on some level, but I had no idea I would respond the way I did. It was like the gates opened and the emotion just flooded out. What a relief.

If you've been a follower for a while, you know I believe that life has a way of smacking you in the head to make you focus on what's important. This was my reminder that I need to get back to focusing on myself. I must look after myself first or I won't be strong enough to get through life's challenges, take care of my family and work at my best. So here we go with the "me first" campaign.  It's not selfish - it's about taking care of this one body that I've been given, as defective as it is, it's the only one I have.

So, my message to you is to make sure you get yourself screened. if there's a spot that doesn't seem right, get it checked out. Mammograms, colonoscopies, and all other screenings can be scary but they are nowhere near as bad as cancer treatment....trust me!!

Back soon!

Love to all,

Andee

Welcome to my world. Let's talk about pain.

Welcome back to my world! It's been a while since we've spent time together so I thought I would bring back the fun with one of my Really Real Posts.  This is going to be one of those posts where I try to help you understand what it's like. It's not a ploy for sympathy - see my early post about where that crap belongs - it's to help you understand my experience in more detail. As always, if you have any questions, send them my way!

We've covered tissue expansion before so I won't bore you with that again. I will remind you that we are not only expanding the skin but there's that muscle that's still attached in the back and stretched around to my front. Prior to 2 weeks ago, the pain of a fill lasted 24-36 hours and was tolerable. With the last fill, things got real. Pain lasted at least a week (some days I was holding back tears) and soreness lasted right up until today...when I got another fill. We are now officially stretching that muscle. So I hurt around half of my torso. So what does that mean? How does that pain impact your daily life? For now I will provide you with a list and will go into more detail in the next post. 

Here's a few examples of what hurts:

Breathing

Laughing

Coughing

Driving

Waving (on my left side any movement of my arm)

Lying down or Sleeping- in any position but especially when I roll over at any angle (not possible to lay on my stomach - the Wiffle Foobs make that impossible)

Sitting up to get out of bed

Getting out of a chair

Getting into Bobby's truck

Lifting anything

Reaching up for something in a kitchen cabinet

...and right now, doing absolutely nothing hurts. The tissue stretching happens regardless of what I'm doing. Think of it like getting braces tightened. Same concept but I feel like I've "sprained" my upper body for a week or more. It's not irritating like a muscle pull. It was prior to the most fills, now it hurts. 

I'm 70% of the way through and the last few fills will be ugly. It's not the end of the world and it's only temporary. I'll push through but if you see me, no bear hugs please. 

So now you know. 

Love to all

Andee

What the WHAAAT?!

I haven't posted since April 26?!

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How the heck did THAT happen? Wait...I guess it could have something to do with the fact that I'm working full time, keeping 2 children alive, trying (but failing) to keep the house (somewhat) in order, going to PT twice a week and to the surgeon every 2 weeks. I'm worn out every night but according to my Band (did I mention I got a Microsoft Band 2 when my FitBit bit the dust - loving it!!!), even though I'm in bed for 6-8 hours, I'm getting roughly 1 hour of sound sleep per night. Now that I've said all that, you know what I'm not going to do? COMPLAIN!

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I am going to confess though. 

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I think I'm finally coming out of my "funk". I think I thought I was coming out of it the last time I posted it but it's been slow going. I think I mentioned it before but working has helped...a lot! I'm telling you, semi-retirement isn't all it's cracked up to be. Granted, I've been recovering from major surgery so I wasn't doing all of the fun stuff that retired folk might do, but from what I've experienced, I'm not going to like it. I tried. I really did. I colored, I read, I watched every show and movie that interested me on Netflix, Amazon and Hulu. I helped plot and plan our projects around the house. The biggest challenge was (and still is) my inability to get back to the workout regimen I had this time last year. I think that has pushed me back down into my funk. My mental state is so much better when I exercise, I'm still quite limited in what I can do with weights. I'm sure it will be get better in time but I may explode by the time that happens. I'm in the process of changing up the plan so I can get some exercise in that I can actually do without detaching a muscle or causing my back, arm and hand to fill with fluid. It's tricky!

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Walking is my safest bet but it just doesn't provide the satisfaction and results of weights. Oh, by the way, I can now answer my own question from a few months back...YES, when I attempt to do a traditional lat exercise, it does still work the muscle...which is now on my chest...but still attached in the back. Reading that sentence back, it even sounds confusing to me.

Anyway....

When last we spoke, I had just seen my plastic surgeon, I was preparing for an appointment with my oncologist and praying for that Friday to arrive quickly so I could go for my first physical therapy session. I'm happy to report that all went well at the oncology appointment. My blood work was good and he decided to modify my schedule again. He now only wants to see me every 4 months, instead of every 3 months. I know that's a good thing but I still have moments when I worry that it's too soon to take the training wheels off and send me out in to the big bad world on my own.  The good news is that I can relax for a (very brief) bit before the next appointment and required blood work. I won't lie to you, it's been over 2 years now and it doesn't ever get easier when it's test time. I have lovely, long periods of time when my mind is not consumed by the thought of recurrence but when appointment time comes around again, cue the scary thoughts!

I'm happy to report that I've completed 4 sessions of physical therapy and , though there has been soreness and some discomfort, we are already seeing progress. Breast-cancer-patient-friends, if you have scar tissue problems and or fluid issues, ask about PT! My physical therapist specializes in working with breast cancer patients. As I type, she is in Shanghai (yes, China) presenting at the World Cancer Congress. She's 50 kinds of awesome, people! If you're in Lexington, your plastic surgeons and oncologists probably know about her. If they don't, they should get on the bandwagon. Scar tissue and fluid may not sound like a big deal but I can tell you, if I had to live with that discomfort for much longer, I'm not sure what I would have done. I'm not anywhere near 100% yet but I can function. ASTYM is FABULOUS! We have more work to do but my range of motion is improving, the extreme tightness is slightly less extreme (it takes time). We are also working on lymph drainage to help with the fluid issues. I saw my PS again this week and she "only" pulled out about 125 cc of fluid. That's a significant improvement.  I've been wearing compression, as instructed. I'm not in the bodysuit just yet. I have my sleeve and my gauntlet (glove) but I haven't jumped in and purchased a "real" compression cami. I'm wearing a mild compression shirt under my clothes with an added foam pad for my back to help target the pressure. I seem to be doing ok with that but if I have to get drained again, I'll invest in the real thing. 

So, to summarize, things are moving along. I'm still recovering after 3 months, but I feel like I'm on a steady climb up. My guess is that right about the time I'm feeling pretty good about myself, it will be time to go under the knife, yet again. I'm through the hardest part of the hardest part of the journey so I can handle what comes next. A little (really a lot) of fat, some snug compression accessories, some fluid and some scar tissue won't keep me down. It just makes for a better story on the other side, when I fit, healthy, happy and somewhat whole again. 

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Love to all!

Andee

Sometimes You Must Endure Discomfort To Relieve Discomfort

This is one of those weeks that I have medical appointments 3 out of 5 days. It's one of those weeks that sceams....

HEY, I'M JUST HERE TO REMIND YOU THAT ARE A CANCER PATIENT.

 

Well thanks, I need that every once in a while...said no one EVER!

 

 

Back to our story. So, I've had one appointment so far this week. I visited with my FABULOUS plastic surgeon and her LOVELY staff today. I expected to get my usual, a drain and fill. Not today, friends! Today was a drain only day. She checked the wiffle balls and said they still seemed a little tight so she wouldn't be adding anything to the tank(s) today. On the flip side, I'm still making fluid like a machine. yes, I'm aware that it has been almost 3 months since surgery #2. What can I say, I'm an overachiever.  In typical Andrea fashion, I'm an overachiever in something I would prefer NOT to overachieve in. In went the needles and out came the fluid. Relief is such a lovely, but short-lived, thing. My doc suggested full time compression to help the fluid issue. I'm looking for some compression garments but for now, it's the bandage. And the bandage feels kind of like this...



 

 

 

 

...but nowhere near as pretty.



 

 I'll keep myself bound up if it will end, or even improve, my fluid situation. I may need more compression "stuff" after Friday. If my arm is actually swelling and not just puffy and uncomfortable, I may end up compressed all over. I envision this...

 

 



Source:http://www.paulpinmd.com/compression-garments-and-taping-schedule-after-surgery/

 

 

My next appointment, bright and early tomorrow, is with my oncologist. I get blood work done first thing and then visit with him for a few. Hopefully it will be yet another uneventful encounter. We can catch up on the last three months and he can ask my why the heck I've gotten so fat after losing all that weight last year. We'll then discuss stress eating that was followed by surgery which left me unable to do much except eat and sleep. None of that is good on its own, much less when you add them all up. It's all my fault. I'm back to doing something everyday but I'm not back to where I can go hard core again just yet. But at least I'm off the couch and out of the kitchen. Getting back to work has done wonders. I felt like I was on the verge of falling into a weird depression. I have to be able to do something.

 

Friday I will get to visit my physical therapist after more than a year away. I'm excited to see her - not just so she can help with the scar tissue - but because I really like her and she takes good care of me! I'm still hoping to see her break out her tools and work some magic on this crazy annoying crap on my back.

 

Finally, we are praying for some luck here at The LD. Our youngest was hit with type A & type B flu this weekend. We had Saturday visits with the pediatrician and a trip to the ER. It was not fun. She will have some symptoms to deal with for a week or two but she's on the upswing. She returned to school today. Yay!  She's one tough little cookie. Now we are just waiting to see if anyone else is going to take a hit. Bobby is complaining about the smell but I'm rubbing oils on kids and diffusing them in the air. I have cleaned, I have disinfected, I've made my daughter wear a mask.  Don't laugh, friends, I had a micro-preemie that made it through 2 risky RSV seasons with only an ear infection. We know how to lock this place down, keep out the cooties and clean if they find their way in. Say a prayer for clean air and I'll do my part to keep the rest of the population healthy.  :-) No time to be sick!

 

 

Until next time!

Love to all,

Andee

Why I Need Physical Therapy

Let's jump right in.
The area left vacant by the latissimus dorsi muscle is now a large sheet of scar tissue and it feels like it has wrapped around my ribs. That means that when I make even a small move my left side, it pulls. If I shrug, it feels as if I'm going to pull a rib loose.  It's strange. It is WILDLY uncomfortable. In addition to that, there's fluid that creeps into my left arm and hand when I don't take enough breaks during the day. And guess what, I often don't take enough breaks during the day ( Yes, as a matter of fact, I AM a dumbass. )  Lately I've had to wrap my hand and/or arm to get some relief.

I am happy to report that I start physical therapy next Friday (a week from tomorrow). I'm praying for ASTYM but I'm willing to endure whatever torture it will take to break this stuff up...even if it means it's taking a rib with it. No joke!

You're probably wondering (or not) what about the scar tissue requires PT. It is not just hard tissue that fills the void - it is but it's SO much more. I try to stretch and it's not that it's difficult, it is IMPOSSIBLE. My range of motion is affected, not just in my arm but in my torso. When I try to turn at the waist, I can't turn very far. After a certain point it's not really stretching, it's trying to pull it loose from wherever it's attached. Sounds pleasant, right? It's awful.  I've tried to stretch enough to try to get it pull away and I just can't do it. I've tried hard...really hard...and I really don't care how much it's going to hurt at this point. I just want to be free.

So there you have it. I have another week of suffering and then I hope to get even a small amount of relief. I'll keep my posts to a minimum until I feel a little better. You're welcome. :-)

Love to all,
Andee

This is so not funny...no, it is...wait...no it's not

Short post tonight. I'm working on a PT post but it's not done. 

Tonight's topic is related to my ever expanding chest and the lack of feeling after surgery. I have a real fear that I'm going to injure myself if I'm not careful. I was flat chested for almost 2 years so I'm still getting used to the expander foobs.

This image keeps bouncing around in my head. 

Welcome to my world. 

Where have you been....again?

I felt this post needed a picture but I wasn't sure what would be appropriate. I didn't have any great ideas (probably because I'm so distracted by my discomfort) so I improvised. I pulled out a ridiculous pic from a couple of weeks back, did some cheesy edits and VOILA, this is now a post with a picture.

You might be wondering where I've been. Why do I post frequently at times, and then there are long stretches of not much...no...nothing. Well, I have a few rules that I try to follow. I have something to say just about every day but my rules keep me in check. Here are a couple of those rules:

• Whenever possible, try to not to repeat yourself.  If there is a good reason to share information again for the sake of the newbies and/or to provide information to my cancer patient readers, then I shall repeat. Otherwise, I don't write just for the sake of a daily post. 
• No complaining. I try NOT to write if I'm in pain, or even really uncomfortable, because I want the blog to informative, not a pity party. I'll eventually tell you about my challenges but only after I'm through the worst of it. It's important to me to share those things but I don't ever want to be a crybaby. My goal here is to inform. I'm not fishing for sympathy - that can stay in its assigned spot in the dictionary...you know what I'm sayin'!

I'm quite uncomfortable right now for a couple of reasons, but I will not be complaining. I will be providing a brief update because we have a new development. I went in for my bi-weekly "Fill 'Em Up & Drain It Out" appointment today. You can take a small leap and guess what one of the causes of discomfort is.  In addition to that, I've developed some not-so-lovely scar tissue on my back where the muscle was moved. My body is apparently working overtime to fill that void. Fluid and scar tissue are not my friends. The fluid was drained off (again) today so I will have a few days of relief from that but this scar tissue is CRAZY! If I raise my arm or even round my back it feels like I'm going to pull out a rib. This happened on my chest after my mastectomy but on a much smaller scale. It was uncomfortable and not fun but what I have now feels like it is the size of the lat muscle that was moved. Last time around I went to physical therapy  and it worked wonders. Feel free to look back at my post about ASTYM. I highly recommended it way back in 2014. I'm happy to report that my surgeon has referred me for physical therapy. I'm so excited that I get to go back to my favorite physical therapist and I'm even more excited about getting some relief. I'm not sure if ASTYM will be part of the plan this time but I sure hope so. I should get some details this week. I just know that we can't get started soon enough for me.  :-)  As always, I will keep the blog updated with my progress. 

Well, it's been nice to be back but I'm off to try to sleep a bit. It won't be long until I have to be up to get the kids ready for school and start my work day. I'll be back soon!

Love to all,

Andee

The Iron Bra

Hello, hello, hello!

It's Iron Bra time! No, I'm not starting an industrial lingerie line. That's the term that some wise woman came up with to describe what your chest can feel like during reconstruction. So let's start at the beginning.

Tissue Expanders

You might recall from a previous post that I mentioned that expanders are a lot like empty implants. Well, there's more information to share. Saying that they are "like" implants doesn't paint the full picture. Even though they are filled with sterile saline, they are NOT soft. In no way, shape or form are they ANYTHING like the final implant. They are NOT squishy, they DO NOT jiggle, and there is absolutely NOTHING realistic about them. They have to be stout to...wait for it...expand the tissue! That means they can't be warm and comfy. Also, as you can see below, they are placed under the muscle so they do a nice job of rubbing against your ribs from time to time. They don't move around much but you certainly feel the love if you roll over in your sleep or, oh, I don't know, if you're wearing a compression bandage. 

Now, when you get them filled, everything is really tight and quite firm. Over the span of the week or two between fills, things ease up a bit but you never really forget they are there. 

Wait a minute...I don't wear a bra

With all that stretching, strange things happen. Add in muscle spasms and scar tissue adhesions and you might feel like you're wrapped in a compression bandage or wearing a very tight bra when you ARE NOT. No kidding.  There are some days that I couldn't tell (without looking/feeling) if I was wrapped up or not. If you were to cover my eyes and tell me to guess if I was wearing a bra or a bandage, I couldn't tell you for sure. From what I've read, some women even have trouble/discomfort breathing. Someone even described it as feeling as if she was wrapped up in duct tape. For me, the "Iron Bra" isn't painful most of the time. It's very uncomfortable but I don't really hurt until the fluid gets out of control. We'll talk about that later. 

Let It Go, Let It Go

Scar tissue SUUUUUUCKS! I had an issue with adhesion after my mastectomy. Pretty sure I wrote about it. Basically it feels like your skin and underlying tissue are attaching themselves to your ribs. 

That's because that's kind of what's happening. I went through physical therapy the last time and we worked hard to break that stuff up and had great results. I thought I was in the clear this time around until late last week. My back started getting tight and I thought it was just because of the bucket of fluid on my back. By Monday, there was no doubt what it was. When I raise my arm, it feels like I'm going pull out some ribs. The only way to help myself is to stretch and try to massage the tissue to loosen it and pull it away. Yes, it's as uncomfortable as it sounds. At some point there will be a disgusting POP, a burn and then some relief.  I'll keep you posted on my progress. 

The gift that keeps on giving

I'm still battling the fluid. Friday will be 2 months since surgery number 2 and that stuff just keeps on coming. This last time it got pretty bad. I had get it pulled off twice in 10 days. This time around it caused pain in my arm, it feels like I have another cord. Cording is crappy too but I'll spare you the details on that. Just know that it hurts, a lot, but it will eventually work itself out. 

And then....

The healing, and the expansion, continues. I'm thrilled to report that I was cleared to work! Things are modified a little as long as the fluid is an issue but I'm excited to use my brain cells and communicate with people on the outside. Woohoo!

So there it is, all the news that's fit to print. 

Love to all,

Andee

The Journey Continues

I'm starting this post at 11:57 so it will still qualify as an anniversary post. Yay me!

Before I get started, I just want to share something with you. I purchased a dress last fall that I intended to be my Easter dress. It isn't anything showstopping, but I liked it. It's been hanging in my closet for months. I was excited to get it out this morning but there was a problem. Just like every other woman on the planet, I took a deep breath and hoped that my weight wasn't so out of control that the dress wouldn't fit. I pulled it over my head and all seemed to be well. Then it came time to zip it up. Oh boy. Let me explain something real quick. This isn't one of those dresses that zips up the back, or buttons up the front. Nope, this one has a relatively small zipper on the side that runs from the waist up under the arm. So, everything was looking pretty good until it came time to zip. The first few inches (waist) zipped right up. Beyond that, things were challenging. For a moment I was on the verge of tears but then it hit me. My dress didn't fit because my chest was too big! Yes friends, I'm almost busty! (Just a note: Yes, I realize that the part, if not most, of the problem is the gallon of fluid I'm carrying around but let's just let me let myself believe that my bosom is the culprit. Thank you). Luckily, I had another option but who would have thought I would get a warm and fuzzy feeling from a dress not fitting?  It's a miracle, indeed.

Two years ago today, the last thing I was worried about was how my clothes would fit. I had been dealing with the prospect of cancer for almost two weeks but it's a whole different ballgame once it's confirmed. After the diagnosis, things moved very quickly. 2 1/2 weeks after diagnosis I had a bilateral mastectomy. Thirty days later I started treatment - chemo and radiation would carry me through until December 17, 2014. I had a bit of a break in 2015 (infusions every 3 weeks until July and one surgical procedure) but 2015 was a more challenging year, especially on an emotional level. I spent the first 3 months of the year busting my behind to lose the weight I gained during treatment. I lost most of it and then, due to some happenings in my circle of cancer friends, I slipped into a bit of a funk. It was not a good time. I won't bore you with the details but I fell off the wagon, started eating my emotions and started gaining weight. Nothing like being borderline depressed and then reverse all of the hard work that you did. That does a real number on your self confidence. I was able to pull myself out of the funk (cancer stopped being on my mind 24/7) and I was on the upswing. The end of 2015 was all about preparing for 2016. The year of reconstruction. I knew I was going to be off work so I was trying to wrap things up there while trying to prepare for the downtime tied to the first two surgeries, which happened within 21 days. I'm pushing through the frustration of not being able to do much and that is SOOOOOO difficult for me. Every time I get really frustrated, I remind myself how blessed I am. The pain, challenging recovery and the frustration are only temporary.

So here we are, 2 years on from the day that changed my life. Regardless of what happens I'm still here, I still have a fighting spirit and my goal is still to help provide support to as many people as I can. To all of my Pink Sisters (and any other cancer ribbons...all are welcome!) who are just beginning their journey, I promise you will find strength you never thought you had. You will be humbled by the level of support you receive from those who love you, you will feel fear, you will feel ugly, you will cry, you will laugh and you will learn far more than you expect. Soon, you will be one of us....one of those crazy women. One of the ones who says that cancer sucks but, in some strange way, they feel blessed to have gone through the experience. I am not the same person I was on this day 2 years ago. I am stronger, I am more appreciative of the little things in life, I have a burning desire to make a difference (I'm still figuring out how to put that into practice) and I remember that I need to put myself first (work in progress).

I have more to say but I'm tired so I'm signing off.  Before I go, let me say thank you. Thank you for joining me on this journey. Thank you for your comments, your calls, your messages...every kind of support makes a big difference.

Much love to all!
Andee

I am SO not used to these things

Howdy blog friends!

Happy Friday to you! I thought I would stop by for a quick update. I won't bore you with fluid talk - though there has been a lot of it and it got a bit painful - but I will tell you that I had to go in for an unplanned, but much needed, aspiration. My scheduled appointment was not until the 29th, but if I had waited that long, I'm pretty sure I might have exploded. Seriously.

Anyway, I went in for the aspiration and SURPRISE, I got some fluid added to my expanders. Yes, I finally got that fill. And OH what a fill it was!  As a reminder, for those of you just joining us, during reconstruction, tissue expanders are inserted under the muscle in the chest. Expanders are essentially empty implants. Fluid is gradually added to the expanders in order to stretch the skin and muscle to make room for the future implant. In case you missed it or have forgotten, they look like this...

Again, they have a nifty little port in them so the doctor can insert a needle and fill those suckers up! I want you have an idea how much of a change I've undergone in the past 6 weeks. I'm sure you noticed that I complained about pain and discomfort a lot more than usual after this surgery. You might have a better understanding once you see where I started versus where I am now. Again, the pictures are always PG but there will have to be reference photos. Check the Viewers Discretion Advised page later if you want to feel the pain.  :-)

Sorry, back to expanders...here's how they expand!

They have a nifty little port in them that allows the doctor to inject fluid in them and fill 'em up. This is done gradually. Enough fluid gets added so that the skin and tissue are stretched. There is a magnet (I think) in the port because they wave a little wand over each one to find the port, then they stick the needle in and start adding. The needle isn't bad. It's a tiny little stick (no numbing for that one) but the sensation when they are filling them is an interesting one. I will get another fill up on the 29th and will continue to go every week or two to get fluid added until we reach the appropriate size - when we have enough space for the implant. At this point, my crappy skin seems to be holding up well with the expansion. Nothing has popped open yet, so that's definitely a plus!

I have felt some discomfort and a muscle spasm here and there but manageable so far. I felt the most discomfort when I woke up this morning. I think I tried to roll over during the night. OUCHIE! So the discomfort is tolerable and the change in my chest size over the past few weeks is, well, let's just say it's significant. 

So, things are going as expected so far. The fluid has been a nuisance but nothing I can't handle. The expansion pain is there but, again, nothing I can't handle. I just keep reminding myself that the Frankenboobs are going to look so much better and the pain is only temporary. 

Finally, just a note.  I have been contacted by a few people over the past several weeks - some letting me know that they had been recently diagnosed or that someone they know has. As always, if anyone has any questions, feel free to contact me directly. There is a link on the main page of the blog, I've also got the Facebook page, where you can send direct messages. If you would rather just read, that's fine too! On the main page of the blog, you'll find the Blog Archive at the bottom on the right hand side. You can read from the beginning by selecting 2014 and go to March. I literally posted my first entry on the day my diagnosis was confirmed. I've shared it all. 

Rest easy everyone!

Love to all,

Andee

731

Good evening friends,

I'm not feeling too great so I considered not posting tonight, but HERE I AM! Today marks the 2 year anniversary of the day I found my lump. 731 days (there's an extra day because we had leap day this year!) and here I am. I will be acknowledging some additional milestones in pretty rapid succession. Things happened pretty quickly. Next up will be my diagnosaversary and the 2nd birthday of this blog.

So much has happened over the past two years and, looking back now, it has flown by. It seems like yesterday. I remember the early days very vividly. We'll revisit those days over the next couple of weeks but I want to say something to everyone who reads this. Here goes...

I wish that I could say that I'm the only person I know who was diagnosed with breast cancer in her 40s. I can name 4 other women right off the top of my head. Please, please, please do your monthly self exams. Please, please, please get your mammograms. Please, please, please do not follow the guidelines that say you can wait until 50 to start getting annual mammograms. Talk to your doctor, take control of your own health and care. Really!

I know things have been a little more serious than normal on here recently - certainly more clinical. Well, that ends today. Today, my friend Deadpool would like to share a message with all the ladies out there. Guys, feel free to share this with the ladies in your life.  This just might save someones life!

Love to all,
Andee

Same Post, Different Day

Hi everyone!

I'm back. I've tried to spare you from reading the same thing over and over but, alas, here I am to post much of the same. I figure any update is good, right?

So, as you read on the 23rd, I had fluid drained, no fluid added and I received some new stitches. On the 8th, I went back, had fluid drained again (I am wicked good at making tumors/cysts and fluid...it's a gift). The stitches came out (woohoo) but still no fluid in. Just not quite ready yet. Radiated skin sucks...yada yada yada.

Sadly, the fluid is already back. It only took about 48 hours to have the waterbed effect again. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so gifted.  I'm not scheduled to go back until the 29th, but if I get too uncomfortable, I'll see if I can get in early and get jabbed with some needles!

I'm almost 6 weeks out from surgery #2 and it is still very challenging. In addition to the fluid and the fact that I'm still getting used to the foreign bodies in my chest, I'm still limited with what I can do, especially on my left side. Things as simple as pushing myself up off the couch - can't really do it with my left arm. The muscle is still attached in the back so if you move in such a way that the muscle is engaged, it's very uncomfortable. I can feel the pull all the way around. I have trouble getting out of the tub, getting in Bobby's truck...it's a bit tall for me so I have to pull on the handle to get up in it. It's kind of humorous to watch me try to get in. I have to pull up with my right arm. Try that sometime. Talk about awkward. Driving is a challenge. I usually drive primarily with my left hand. It's like trying to write with your other hand - it's weird!

I'm slow to heal this time around and it's been humbling. For once in my life, I'm trying not to overdo it and I'm listening to my doctor, my husband and family. I don't want any setbacks so I'm continuing to work my way through my coloring books and my crossword puzzle app.

I have to go get my babies to bed. Have a great night everyone. Back soon!

P.S. New pic in the Viewer Discretion Advised section. If you don't like scars and stitches, don't look. Otherwise, it's safe.

Love to all!
Andee

Fluid Out, Stitches In...

**Warning: we're going to talk fluid aspiration, scabs, scalpels, etc. If that doesn't interest you, turn back now. You have been warned. 

Good evening and welcome to Tuesday!

I am overjoyed to report that the waterbed is gone! Once again, Dr. Hall and Julie took great care of me and worked together to drain a bucket (not really) of fluid off of my back. Instant relief is a lovely thing.  I filled a 30 ml syringe (the big one in the middle of the tray) and overflowed into the bag of saline. I am a fluid making MACHINE!

It was decided that nothing would be added to the expanders today, and I'm SOOO OK with that. As a result, the stick count was nice and low. One shot in the back to numb and then one to remove that jug (not really) of fluid. Didn't feel a thing for that one! After the fluid was drained, she checked my left side and worked on some of the scabs (translation: removed them). I had one that was still quite large, considering we're 3 weeks post-op. It looked a little interesting, like it was already loose in the middle. She whipped out the tweezers, scissors and the scalpel and went to work. Once she got it uncovered, she decided to stitch me up a bit. We knew it was coming, folks, so don't worry. Remember, my skin is like crepe paper (not really) after radiation so we expected some stitching. The stitching didn't even require any numbing because I'm numb already! Weirdest thing though, about 30 minutes later I was sore. WHAT?!  Yep. I took some Advil when I got home that helped.

So, for now, the plan is to go back in a couple of weeks and get that fill. I'm hoping the healing will continue, the stitches will do their thing, and that my mobility and ability to use my left arm to do more, continues to improve. Don't worry, I won't overdo it. You know I don't have time for any setbacks!

It's time for me to go doctor my incision and get some rest.

Love to all!
Andee

Needles, needles everywhere...again

Hi friends!

I'm getting ready to try to get some rest but I thought I'd stop in and ask for some good vibes for tomorrow. I can handle needles but I estimate that I'm going to get stuck as many as 8 times tomorrow. That's a high end estimate. I doubt it will be that many but aspirate all 3 surgical sites (could be just one but you never know....there's fluid all over the place), that's 3 sticks, plus 3 more sticks if they numb those areas before aspirating and THEN there will be 2 sticks for the expander fills.  I'll give you a final count after tomorrow afternoon's visit but that should be the top end.



I'm not thrilled about all of the needles but I'm looking forward to having someone drain the damn waterbed off of my back. If it wasn't so gross, I would post a video, but I can poke on my side and a section of my back from side to my spine and about 5 inches from top to bottom, moves like a waterbed. It's crazy!

I know that's totally disgusting, but I had to do it. It's just like that! It doesn't make all that noise but the rest is spot on. lol



I'm also looking forward to some of the pressure being relieved. I feel like I'm wearing a really tight inner tube and it's like it's going to pop open any minute. The left side of my chest is quite impressive at the moment. It's mostly fluid and swelling from the surgery and the (buff) muscle that hasn't started to atrophy yet. It's more than a handful! That's pretty impressive considering that 3 weeks ago it was a crater.  I was about to say it will deflate a bit tomorrow if fluid is removed, but she's putting some back in, so we'll see what happens.



Wish me luck, friends.



Love to all,

Andee

The song of the day - My Seroma

Sing with me!

My Seroma!





Today has been rough. My seroma(s) have taken over. My back feels a whole lot like a waterbed when you push on it.  Gross, I know, but we're all about the really real stuff here, remember. I have had the compression bandage on and off but the situation is still ugly. There is a bit of pain, lots of discomfort and, of course, a good amount of pressure. Don't think I haven't considered popping a straw into the hole left by my drain tube. I wouldn't really do it but I've thought about it.

At this point, I just need to make it through until Tuesday afternoon and then I can get some of this stuff pulled out before she fills up the expanders. What a fun day that's going to be, don't you think?  :-)

Nobody likes a whiner

Hi all!

It's been a week since my last post and, oh, what a week it has been. I've waited until now to post because I didn't want to whine. The point here is to share information, not complain. So here are the facts.

I started the week with 3 drains and a gazillion stitches. On Tuesday morning, I thought I would lose the stitches and a 1 maybe 2 drains. Lucky me, I hit the post-surgery jackpot! Everything came out at once. I didn't even get woozy this time, but that back drain was a booger. I hope that this is my last experience with drains. I hate those things. Have I mentioned that before?

Now, even though I loathe drains, they serve a very important purpose. They help remove fluid after surgery but they have to come out or there is a risk of infection. In my case, they had to come out while at least one of them was still pulling a lot of fluid. With no drain, the fluid has nowhere to go...so what happens to it? It builds up. Eventually the body will start to reabsorb the fluid but it can build up. It's ugly, it's uncomfortable and if you want to get rid of it, it requires a big ol' needle to aspirate it. As you might have already guessed, I have some fluid build up. I've tried the compression bandage, like I did after surgery number 1, but it's pretty uncomfortable with the expanders. I might go so far as to say that it hurts. As a result, I wear it for a little while and then take it off.

At my appointment on Tuesday, my doctor said everything was looking good (relatively speaking, of course) and she even toyed with the idea of adding some fluid to the expanders...but she did not (thank you!). She will be adding fluid this week when I go back. Fluid was added during surgery and I had a good amount of pain but I'm not sure how much of that was from the muscle move and how much was from addition of the expanders and the fill. I'm hoping it will be tolerable. I'll find out soon enough and I'll share the details here.

I'll be back tomorrow. it's time for some restless sleep.

Love to all,
Andee

Well, that's new

Let me start by saying, this post will likely be short. I've been having some pretty wicked "muscle seizures" over the past 24 hours. It is not the most fun thing ever. I only mention that because I'm going to go to bed shortly and try to relax the muscles...that means sleeping in one position, propped up on pillows with pillows on each side so I don't roll over. Yuck! I still have the drains to deal with in addition to pain from the expanders if I do happen to roll over. It's a non-stop party around me!  Just ask Bobby.

The point of the post is not to list all of the lingering challenges 2 weeks after surgery - it's to let you know that new and different issues can pop up even 2 weeks after surgery. Remember when I mentioned that my surgeon said that radiated skin is crap and she would probably have to sew me up a few times after surgery because the radiated skin couldn't handle it. Well, I'm happy to say that nothing has opened up but this morning I had some bleeding. I can't see my whole surgical area very well so I enlisted the help of the hubs and the mom. They don't see any tears (good news) but clearly there was some sort of issue since I now have a blood stain on one of my favorite tops.  Say a prayer for my crappy radiated skin. I just want it to keep it together.  Not much grosses me out but I'm not thrilled at the thought of any of my incisions opening up...even a little.

I'll update tomorrow.

Love to all,
Andee

What I've learned, Version...aw, heck, I don't know

Hello friends!
I hope your Thursday has been fabulous. I hope that everyone has their Valentine goodies and cards ready for the big day tomorrow. If your kids are not yet in school or are already in middle school or beyond...bless you. There is a lot of prep involved this time of year and it's especially challenging when you can't drive. Once again my parents (both sets) saved the day. Much love to all of them!!!

So, what have I learned? It's time for bulleted list. YAY!

• My level of patience with recovery is CRAP. I went into this knowing that it would take extra time but DANG!
• Muscle spasms or, muscle seizures, as I like to call them, SUCK! Especially when one of the muscles in question wraps halfway around your body. 
• I'm going to need to sleep on an incline for a good long while. If I lay at angle less then 45 degrees, there's pain...a lot of pain. I'm not sure whether the expanders are trying to move or if it strains or stretches the muscle somehow. All I know is that it is bad painful. 
• Drains still suck. 
• By the time they are ready to remove my stitches on Tuesday (on my back at least) they are probably going to have to dig some of those puppies out. Oh yay!
• I could probably sleep 20 hours a day. I'm not quite sure what surgery has done to my poor body but apparently it needs rest. 
• My family is awesome. My mother-in-law dropped everything and basically moved in to help us. I know it's hard to be away from home and I want to publicly let her know how much I appreciate her and all that she's done.
  My parents have been a blessing. The continue to help take care of me whenever needed even though they should have been rid of me since age 18. They've served as my babysitters, transporters, caregivers and supporters. 
• I have the best husband in the world ever. He had no idea what he was getting into when he said "in sickness and in health". He is my best friend, the love of my life, a spectacular father, son, brother and all around human being. He accepts my perpetual defectiveness and I love him for it. 

I'm going to go to sleep now but I'm hoping, as I wind down post op week 2, that it will be uphill from here...right up until they pump more fluid into these half empty balloons!  lol

Love to all,

Andee