Just when you think you're getting a break - WHAM!

2016 was the year of reconstruction. I went through 4 surgeries last year, the last of which was December 21. It was a long year and I was looking forward to a relatively uneventful 2017. Well, God apparently had other plans for me - or my uterus did. 

WARNING: to my male readers or anyone who doesn't want to hear about any uterus-related issues, stop reading now. I won't be graphic but there are some things just are what they are. You have been warned. 

Let me start with some background. I take a daily dose of a drug called Tamoxifen.  My type of cancer was hormone receptive so I take the Tammoxifen, which works to block the hormones.  This works in breast tissue. Apparently, not so much in the uterine area. Down south, from what I understand, the drug actually mimicks the hormones.  One of my super smart doctor friends will have to explain the "why" of that one. As a result of this weirdness, tamoxifen can have some less than desirable side effects. It can cause things like thickening of the lining of the uterus and uglier things like endometrial cancer. As a patient, I was informed of all of this from the very beginning. It's quite rare, affecting about 1% of users each year, but it is possible. The doctors, as always, did a great job of explaining the risks but also why the benefits of taking the drug outweigh those risks.  The other thing you need to know is that they will not/cannot do a "proactive" hysterectomy. Believe me, I asked! You have to have symptoms before they will yank the remaining lady parts out.  That means that I have to be diligent in keeping up with my regular exams and take advantage of the various screenings for which I qualify as a younger breast cancer patient. I have to know the symptoms and signs to look for and what to do if I have them. The other thing you need to know before we proceed, is that I went through chemotherapy induced menopause way back in 2014. Other than the raging hot flashes that came with it, it was the best gift of cancer treatment! Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. I was warned that things could start up again but it could really go either way based on my age. Maybe, maybe not. Now let's get on to our story...

I started working again last Wednesday after taking a couple of weeks off to recover. I didn't make the trip to Louisville until Tuesday 1/10 and went back again on Wednesday 1/11. I eased back in but was still dealing with soreness and the travel and the pace wore me out a bit. So by Wednesday evening I was spent! I thought I would just need some rest and try to slow down a wee bit and all would be well. Then it happened. My body said, "Not so fast there Sassy Pants!" Wednesday evening I started spotting. That's not good. It makes your brain jump ahead to the list your doctors gave you of things you have to address quickly. Your brain also tries to convince you of the weirdest things. Things like, you've overdone it, you're doing too much too quickly.  Really?! How much would you have to overdo it from reconstructive surgery to make your dang uterus leak. It makes no sense! Anyway, spotting is scary - any unexpected bleeding of any amount after menopause is not a good sign. Yes, I began to stress, just a bit (a lot). I considered for a moment that I might not share this development with anyone...but the moment passed. Rewind to my initial breast cancer diagnosis, I made the choice at the time to not tell anyone I had found a lump or that I would be going through tests, etc. My family and friends received the news after I was diagnosed. I vowed that I would never do that again. I immediately let Bobby know, though he knew something was up because of the look of fear in my eyes. After the initial shock wore off, I was able to sleep...well, more than I expected, anyway.  

First thing Thursday morning, I called my GYN to schedule an appointment. When I explained the situation to the wonderful lady on the other end of the phone, she said, "He's going to want an ultrasound."  Yep! She scheduled me for an ultrasound first thing Friday morning and a visit with the doctor immediately following. Great! I was all set. But, I had 24 hours to wait. Have I mentioned that I don't do waiting very well. I kept busy with work and household responsibilities. I'll spare you the details but as the day went on, things started to change a bit. Things changed enough that I began to believe that, based on my symptoms, this might not be cancer, but a case of overachieving ovaries. Could it be possible that I went through menopause 2+ years ago but things started up again? Could I be "lucky" enough to have the opportunity to go through menopause, not once, but twice?! It was looking that way - that's good news!

When Friday morning came around, I got up early and headed to town. All went smoothly - I quickly found a good parking spot, I actually arrived at the office door before it was even unlocked. When they opened a few minutes later, I was checked in quickly and then escorted to the ultrasound waiting area. For anyone who hasn't had an ultrasound, the techs are not permitted to provide you with the results. The doctor has to deliver that news. Once everything was done, the very sweet tech simply said, "I got some really good pictures for the doctor."  It's kind of difficult to interpret anything from that but I remained optimistic. I headed back out to the main waiting room. I didn't have to wait long before they called me back to see the doctor. I chatted with the kind nurse, she took my vitals, we discussed my history, etc. As she's typing her notes into the system, I look around the room and I noticed that the counter across from me held off the tools necessary for a biopsy. Yay!  Again, this was not a surprise to me. I told Bobby the night before that I expected a biopsy whether the ultrasound showed anything or not. If it did, I would need to have that tissue tested. If didn't show anything, they would want to be safe and would test the tissue to see if anything came back. Sometimes it's not always fun being right.  The nurse wrapped up and a few minutes later my fabulous doctor joined me. Bless him, he started off by saying, "You've really even through it, haven't you?"  Yes, it's been an interesting few years. I'll spare you the rest of the small talk and get to the good part. The ultrasound was clear. He didn't see anything that concerned him. He said that there was thickening of the endometrial lining but that was expected with the Tamoxifen. He then officially broke the news that a biopsy was imminent. He advised that a prophylactic hysterectomy wasn't recommended but that he would likely be doing a D&C in the not so distant future. So much for 2017 being procedure-free. 

The biopsy was not very pleasant but, thankfully, it was over in a couple of minutes. We should get the results back by Wednesday. Of course our hope is that it comes back negative, as we expect it to. If you have any prayers left to spare, whisper a quick one for negative biopsy results. If they do come back with any abnormalities, I expect that I'll be having a hysterectomy rather than a D&C.  We will accept whatever comes next and meet it head on. 

I'm reminded that this is our new norm. Once a cancer patient, always a cancer patient. 

I'll keep you posted on results and next steps. 

Love to all!

Andee 

The letter - Part I

Dear Andee 2014,

You don't know it yet, but your life is about to change. On the evening of March 15, 2014 you are going to find a lump in your left breast. Because it's a Saturday, you're going to stress about it until Monday morning when you can call the doctor. You will suffer silently because you're not ready to tell anyone...not even your husband. Some part of you believes that if you don't say it aloud, it won't be real. You'll keep telling yourself that most lumps are nothing...but your gut continues to tell you that's not true for you. The lump is not small. You will keep trying to convince yourself that you were obsessive about self exams so it can't be cancer.  You checked regularly. You will get online and do research. You'll find multiple articles that say breast cancer doesn't hurt. That's somehow comforting because you have had pain. You will attribute that discomfort to an ill-fitting bra.  When you wake on Monday morning, you will feel sick. Nerves...all nerves.  You will opt to stay home from work. You will decide to tell your husband what you found and that you're calling to make an appointment to get it checked. You will try to assure him that it's probably nothing but it's best to get checked and know for sure. You contact your boss and HR  director at work and explain the situation...what's making you feel sick. They are understanding and supportive (and will continue to to be, well beyond this day).  You contact the doctor's office and let them know what you've found. They schedule an appointment for you on Wednesday. Ugh! Two more days of waiting but at least you are doing something. You will do what you always do - you will throw yourself into work and anything that can keep your mind occupied. You are one stubborn old b#@ch...good thing though, because you are about to be tested.

to be continued...

7 days

I haven't posted in over a month? That's just wrong!  I started this post earlier this week. Sorry it has taken so long but I'm back and posting!

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It has been an interesting 7 days.  Life continues to throw surprises and tests our way and, believe it or not, even though we are old pros at this, you never get used to it.  I think we've gotten better at handling the curveballs (I'd like to think so, anyway) but dang! As always, I'm sharing my business in hopes of educating and motivating others to take their health seriously. Let's get started, shall we?

On Monday June 27, I was scheduled to visit my plastic surgeon's office for a fill. I arrived several minutes early so I sat in my car for a while. I was browsing some things on my phone and I took a minute to send Bobby this picture with a caption that said something like "This sounds about right." Little did I know...

 For some reason, before I got out of the car I checked my appointment card and realized that I was over an hour early. No big deal...better than an hour late, right? I went and grabbed some breakfast and came back. When I went inside they took me right in. I got changed and prepped for my regular needle sticks and expansion. When the nurse got ready to start she paused for a moment. She said she noticed something on my skin. She said she had never noticed it before. She grabbed a mirror and pointed it out to me. She asked if I had noticed it before. I told her that it may have been there but one of the things I haven't spent a lot of time doing over the past couple of years is looking at my chest.

She carried on with my fill but she seemed concerned. She was wonderful and after suggesting I get it checked out, she even attempted to get me in with the dermatology office across the street. Unfortunately, they were booked so she suggested that I return on Tuesday so Dr. Hall could look at it. So the appointment was made and I headed home. Was there some anxiety? Yes. Who am I kidding, there was fear. After checking out the spot I realized why she was so concerned about it. It fit all of the "worry if" criteria for melanoma. Not symmetrical, larger than a pencil eraser, etc.  The only thing that kept me from flipping out completely was the color. The shape and other characteristics looked a lot like the melanoma pictures I found - but it was lighter. Remember back in the early days of the blog, I talked about looking for the Silver Lining in everything...well, here's one for this experience. I kept telling myself that it didn't look EXACTLY like those pictures so I held out hope. I won't lie - at one point, there were some tears. It's not easy to deal with scares but I guess that's part of my life now. I allowed myself my time for self-pity and had my "how much is one person expected to take?" breakdown. Then I pulled myself together and faced the test.

I returned to the office @ 9 AM on Tuesday morning. Dr. Hall checked everything out and said she would never forgive herself if she didn't do a biopsy and it turned out to be something. That means scalpel and stitches. Luckily, I have no feeling in the skin in that area so she took the sample and stitched me up. Now it was time to wait. I won't take you through boring details of the next few days but let's just say I kept myself busy to keep that "what ifs" out of my head. I don't know how much you know about melanoma but it is not something you want. Scary, scary stuff.  Needless to say, it was a more stressful week than normal, but life must carry on.

On Friday afternoon, Dr. Hall called me personally to let me know that she had gotten the results back. I was a little scared at first because I feared that she didnt' want anyone else to give me the bad news. (And breathe....) She said she received the results and there was no cancer. At that moment I was pleasantly surprised and very happy!  I thanked her for calling and letting me know. About 15 seconds after I hung up the phone, the tears came. I knew I was worried, on some level, but I had no idea I would respond the way I did. It was like the gates opened and the emotion just flooded out. What a relief.

If you've been a follower for a while, you know I believe that life has a way of smacking you in the head to make you focus on what's important. This was my reminder that I need to get back to focusing on myself. I must look after myself first or I won't be strong enough to get through life's challenges, take care of my family and work at my best. So here we go with the "me first" campaign.  It's not selfish - it's about taking care of this one body that I've been given, as defective as it is, it's the only one I have.

So, my message to you is to make sure you get yourself screened. if there's a spot that doesn't seem right, get it checked out. Mammograms, colonoscopies, and all other screenings can be scary but they are nowhere near as bad as cancer treatment....trust me!!

Back soon!

Love to all,

Andee