Pain and Perspective: Part I

Part I - Pain

If you are a regular, you know I have a rule about not posting when I'm either in pain or in a bad place. I always write about it, after the worst is over, because I feel like it's important to share the challenges and provide a real-ish picture of what this journey can be like. I say "real-ish" because everyone's road will be different, no two experiences are ever the same, even if the diagnosis is. This blog is a peek into my journey through diagnosis, surgery, treatment, trying to return to "normal" and the reconstruction process.

First, I guess I need to bring you up to speed on where we are. As you recall, the reconstruction process started in January. My first surgery was January 11. Surgery #2, or "The Big One" as I like to call it, was done on February 1st.  Since that time I've been seeing my (spectacular) plastic surgeon every 2 weeks. In the early days, there was more fluid removal than addition but after a couple of months, that finally went in the right direction. So, for at least 6 months now, I've been getting fluid added to Satan's Water Balloons (SWBs)(the clinical term is tissue expanders) every couple of weeks. Early on, I made the mistake of saying the following aloud to my nurse. "You know, these things aren't the most comfortable but they're not as bad as I expected. I keep hearing awful stories about expanders from those who have gone before me and they just aren't that bad."  Without hesitation, she responded "Oh, they'll get worse." You know where we go from here, right? With that fill, the real pain started. See, you're thinking that an expander is just a saline filled implant. Um....NO! I wrote about the "Iron Bra" a while back. Well, we have advanced quite a bit since then.

I won't revisit my entire list of medical issues but I will remind you that I have a muscle that was relocated and some pesky scar tissue. For months, I've been going to PT to help break up the scar tissue and improve my range of motion. The tightness and discomfort has improved significantly but it is not gone. When you add in 10 hour work days and several days per week with a 3 hour commute (yes, that's per day), it doesn't help my physical situation. I'm going over all of this (yes, again) because it relates to what comes next.

Last week was scheduled to be my last fill. Surgery is scheduled for late September so we need to get the fills wrapped up and let SWBs work their magic, and let my body recover and rest up for the procedure. Here's where the aforementioned scar tissue comes in. I will spare you pictures, but that means I have to write this out, so stick with me. On my left side, the one that has the relocated muscle and skin, there is some visibly tethered tissue. It almost looks like there's a strap holding things down. As a result, the plan was to add a good amount of fluid to the SWBs and try to get that stuff to stretch. Well, we did a FANTASTIC job of that! Let me tell you all about it...

She started to fill and, as always, asked me repeatedly how I was. There was some discomfort, a little more than normal, but I told her it was fine to keep going. My memory is a little fuzzy after what happened next, but I think she said she got 90cc in there. WOW! So she takes the needle out and I think I started to talk or something - again...fuzzy - and before I could finish my sentence I feel a pretty significant POP in my chest. It took a second for my brain to catch up so I think I kept talking for a second or two. Then I remember saying "Um, something popped." And then it happened again. My brain  was still trying to work through it all - I first thought something happened with the SWB because, though it felt bizarre, it didn't hurt right away. When the second band popped, I felt quite a burn (pain)...and it intensified...and lingered. At that point my brain was trying to figure out if the muscle had come loose. (Please no!) My doctor tried to find where the source of the pain was. I'm not sure but she might have thought something really awful happened too. Once she found it (she knew she had it by the look on my face) she kept pressure on it for a while (probably 30 seconds, felt like 30 minutes). At that point, my brain went to "Holy cow, did my chest pop open?" Thankfully, that was not the case.  Apparently, a couple of bands of that nasty, stubborn scar tissue popped loose all at once. It was tethered on the side closest to my sternum. Unfortunately, I was not tough enough to leave all that fluid in this time around, so she took out about a third of what she put in. I'm not sure that it will delay surgery but at this point, I don't care. If I have to wait an extra week I will. What's another week, right?

So that's where we are. Oh, I almost forgot the silver lining!!!  As a result of the tissue detachment, I've gotten some (but not complete) relief. The iron bra is little more tolerable and I feel like my range of motion is improved - not as much pulling. The fact that I've been battling a cold and I'm coughing like crazy hasn't made the past week any more fun, but I will continue to remind myself that, after 2 1/2 years of cancer stuff and 7 months of reconstruction work, I'm almost there! The pain and the challenges are temporary, so I'll get through it. Another silver lining is that those same challenges and pain add something to your life...perspective. I'll save that for part 2!

Love to all!
Andee

7 days

I haven't posted in over a month? That's just wrong!  I started this post earlier this week. Sorry it has taken so long but I'm back and posting!

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It has been an interesting 7 days.  Life continues to throw surprises and tests our way and, believe it or not, even though we are old pros at this, you never get used to it.  I think we've gotten better at handling the curveballs (I'd like to think so, anyway) but dang! As always, I'm sharing my business in hopes of educating and motivating others to take their health seriously. Let's get started, shall we?

On Monday June 27, I was scheduled to visit my plastic surgeon's office for a fill. I arrived several minutes early so I sat in my car for a while. I was browsing some things on my phone and I took a minute to send Bobby this picture with a caption that said something like "This sounds about right." Little did I know...

 For some reason, before I got out of the car I checked my appointment card and realized that I was over an hour early. No big deal...better than an hour late, right? I went and grabbed some breakfast and came back. When I went inside they took me right in. I got changed and prepped for my regular needle sticks and expansion. When the nurse got ready to start she paused for a moment. She said she noticed something on my skin. She said she had never noticed it before. She grabbed a mirror and pointed it out to me. She asked if I had noticed it before. I told her that it may have been there but one of the things I haven't spent a lot of time doing over the past couple of years is looking at my chest.

She carried on with my fill but she seemed concerned. She was wonderful and after suggesting I get it checked out, she even attempted to get me in with the dermatology office across the street. Unfortunately, they were booked so she suggested that I return on Tuesday so Dr. Hall could look at it. So the appointment was made and I headed home. Was there some anxiety? Yes. Who am I kidding, there was fear. After checking out the spot I realized why she was so concerned about it. It fit all of the "worry if" criteria for melanoma. Not symmetrical, larger than a pencil eraser, etc.  The only thing that kept me from flipping out completely was the color. The shape and other characteristics looked a lot like the melanoma pictures I found - but it was lighter. Remember back in the early days of the blog, I talked about looking for the Silver Lining in everything...well, here's one for this experience. I kept telling myself that it didn't look EXACTLY like those pictures so I held out hope. I won't lie - at one point, there were some tears. It's not easy to deal with scares but I guess that's part of my life now. I allowed myself my time for self-pity and had my "how much is one person expected to take?" breakdown. Then I pulled myself together and faced the test.

I returned to the office @ 9 AM on Tuesday morning. Dr. Hall checked everything out and said she would never forgive herself if she didn't do a biopsy and it turned out to be something. That means scalpel and stitches. Luckily, I have no feeling in the skin in that area so she took the sample and stitched me up. Now it was time to wait. I won't take you through boring details of the next few days but let's just say I kept myself busy to keep that "what ifs" out of my head. I don't know how much you know about melanoma but it is not something you want. Scary, scary stuff.  Needless to say, it was a more stressful week than normal, but life must carry on.

On Friday afternoon, Dr. Hall called me personally to let me know that she had gotten the results back. I was a little scared at first because I feared that she didnt' want anyone else to give me the bad news. (And breathe....) She said she received the results and there was no cancer. At that moment I was pleasantly surprised and very happy!  I thanked her for calling and letting me know. About 15 seconds after I hung up the phone, the tears came. I knew I was worried, on some level, but I had no idea I would respond the way I did. It was like the gates opened and the emotion just flooded out. What a relief.

If you've been a follower for a while, you know I believe that life has a way of smacking you in the head to make you focus on what's important. This was my reminder that I need to get back to focusing on myself. I must look after myself first or I won't be strong enough to get through life's challenges, take care of my family and work at my best. So here we go with the "me first" campaign.  It's not selfish - it's about taking care of this one body that I've been given, as defective as it is, it's the only one I have.

So, my message to you is to make sure you get yourself screened. if there's a spot that doesn't seem right, get it checked out. Mammograms, colonoscopies, and all other screenings can be scary but they are nowhere near as bad as cancer treatment....trust me!!

Back soon!

Love to all,

Andee

What the WHAAAT?!

I haven't posted since April 26?!

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How the heck did THAT happen? Wait...I guess it could have something to do with the fact that I'm working full time, keeping 2 children alive, trying (but failing) to keep the house (somewhat) in order, going to PT twice a week and to the surgeon every 2 weeks. I'm worn out every night but according to my Band (did I mention I got a Microsoft Band 2 when my FitBit bit the dust - loving it!!!), even though I'm in bed for 6-8 hours, I'm getting roughly 1 hour of sound sleep per night. Now that I've said all that, you know what I'm not going to do? COMPLAIN!

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I am going to confess though. 

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I think I'm finally coming out of my "funk". I think I thought I was coming out of it the last time I posted it but it's been slow going. I think I mentioned it before but working has helped...a lot! I'm telling you, semi-retirement isn't all it's cracked up to be. Granted, I've been recovering from major surgery so I wasn't doing all of the fun stuff that retired folk might do, but from what I've experienced, I'm not going to like it. I tried. I really did. I colored, I read, I watched every show and movie that interested me on Netflix, Amazon and Hulu. I helped plot and plan our projects around the house. The biggest challenge was (and still is) my inability to get back to the workout regimen I had this time last year. I think that has pushed me back down into my funk. My mental state is so much better when I exercise, I'm still quite limited in what I can do with weights. I'm sure it will be get better in time but I may explode by the time that happens. I'm in the process of changing up the plan so I can get some exercise in that I can actually do without detaching a muscle or causing my back, arm and hand to fill with fluid. It's tricky!

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Walking is my safest bet but it just doesn't provide the satisfaction and results of weights. Oh, by the way, I can now answer my own question from a few months back...YES, when I attempt to do a traditional lat exercise, it does still work the muscle...which is now on my chest...but still attached in the back. Reading that sentence back, it even sounds confusing to me.

Anyway....

When last we spoke, I had just seen my plastic surgeon, I was preparing for an appointment with my oncologist and praying for that Friday to arrive quickly so I could go for my first physical therapy session. I'm happy to report that all went well at the oncology appointment. My blood work was good and he decided to modify my schedule again. He now only wants to see me every 4 months, instead of every 3 months. I know that's a good thing but I still have moments when I worry that it's too soon to take the training wheels off and send me out in to the big bad world on my own.  The good news is that I can relax for a (very brief) bit before the next appointment and required blood work. I won't lie to you, it's been over 2 years now and it doesn't ever get easier when it's test time. I have lovely, long periods of time when my mind is not consumed by the thought of recurrence but when appointment time comes around again, cue the scary thoughts!

I'm happy to report that I've completed 4 sessions of physical therapy and , though there has been soreness and some discomfort, we are already seeing progress. Breast-cancer-patient-friends, if you have scar tissue problems and or fluid issues, ask about PT! My physical therapist specializes in working with breast cancer patients. As I type, she is in Shanghai (yes, China) presenting at the World Cancer Congress. She's 50 kinds of awesome, people! If you're in Lexington, your plastic surgeons and oncologists probably know about her. If they don't, they should get on the bandwagon. Scar tissue and fluid may not sound like a big deal but I can tell you, if I had to live with that discomfort for much longer, I'm not sure what I would have done. I'm not anywhere near 100% yet but I can function. ASTYM is FABULOUS! We have more work to do but my range of motion is improving, the extreme tightness is slightly less extreme (it takes time). We are also working on lymph drainage to help with the fluid issues. I saw my PS again this week and she "only" pulled out about 125 cc of fluid. That's a significant improvement.  I've been wearing compression, as instructed. I'm not in the bodysuit just yet. I have my sleeve and my gauntlet (glove) but I haven't jumped in and purchased a "real" compression cami. I'm wearing a mild compression shirt under my clothes with an added foam pad for my back to help target the pressure. I seem to be doing ok with that but if I have to get drained again, I'll invest in the real thing. 

So, to summarize, things are moving along. I'm still recovering after 3 months, but I feel like I'm on a steady climb up. My guess is that right about the time I'm feeling pretty good about myself, it will be time to go under the knife, yet again. I'm through the hardest part of the hardest part of the journey so I can handle what comes next. A little (really a lot) of fat, some snug compression accessories, some fluid and some scar tissue won't keep me down. It just makes for a better story on the other side, when I fit, healthy, happy and somewhat whole again. 

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Love to all!

Andee

Sometimes You Must Endure Discomfort To Relieve Discomfort

This is one of those weeks that I have medical appointments 3 out of 5 days. It's one of those weeks that sceams....

HEY, I'M JUST HERE TO REMIND YOU THAT ARE A CANCER PATIENT.

 

Well thanks, I need that every once in a while...said no one EVER!

 

 

Back to our story. So, I've had one appointment so far this week. I visited with my FABULOUS plastic surgeon and her LOVELY staff today. I expected to get my usual, a drain and fill. Not today, friends! Today was a drain only day. She checked the wiffle balls and said they still seemed a little tight so she wouldn't be adding anything to the tank(s) today. On the flip side, I'm still making fluid like a machine. yes, I'm aware that it has been almost 3 months since surgery #2. What can I say, I'm an overachiever.  In typical Andrea fashion, I'm an overachiever in something I would prefer NOT to overachieve in. In went the needles and out came the fluid. Relief is such a lovely, but short-lived, thing. My doc suggested full time compression to help the fluid issue. I'm looking for some compression garments but for now, it's the bandage. And the bandage feels kind of like this...



 

 

 

 

...but nowhere near as pretty.



 

 I'll keep myself bound up if it will end, or even improve, my fluid situation. I may need more compression "stuff" after Friday. If my arm is actually swelling and not just puffy and uncomfortable, I may end up compressed all over. I envision this...

 

 



Source:http://www.paulpinmd.com/compression-garments-and-taping-schedule-after-surgery/

 

 

My next appointment, bright and early tomorrow, is with my oncologist. I get blood work done first thing and then visit with him for a few. Hopefully it will be yet another uneventful encounter. We can catch up on the last three months and he can ask my why the heck I've gotten so fat after losing all that weight last year. We'll then discuss stress eating that was followed by surgery which left me unable to do much except eat and sleep. None of that is good on its own, much less when you add them all up. It's all my fault. I'm back to doing something everyday but I'm not back to where I can go hard core again just yet. But at least I'm off the couch and out of the kitchen. Getting back to work has done wonders. I felt like I was on the verge of falling into a weird depression. I have to be able to do something.

 

Friday I will get to visit my physical therapist after more than a year away. I'm excited to see her - not just so she can help with the scar tissue - but because I really like her and she takes good care of me! I'm still hoping to see her break out her tools and work some magic on this crazy annoying crap on my back.

 

Finally, we are praying for some luck here at The LD. Our youngest was hit with type A & type B flu this weekend. We had Saturday visits with the pediatrician and a trip to the ER. It was not fun. She will have some symptoms to deal with for a week or two but she's on the upswing. She returned to school today. Yay!  She's one tough little cookie. Now we are just waiting to see if anyone else is going to take a hit. Bobby is complaining about the smell but I'm rubbing oils on kids and diffusing them in the air. I have cleaned, I have disinfected, I've made my daughter wear a mask.  Don't laugh, friends, I had a micro-preemie that made it through 2 risky RSV seasons with only an ear infection. We know how to lock this place down, keep out the cooties and clean if they find their way in. Say a prayer for clean air and I'll do my part to keep the rest of the population healthy.  :-) No time to be sick!

 

 

Until next time!

Love to all,

Andee

Why I Need Physical Therapy

Let's jump right in.
The area left vacant by the latissimus dorsi muscle is now a large sheet of scar tissue and it feels like it has wrapped around my ribs. That means that when I make even a small move my left side, it pulls. If I shrug, it feels as if I'm going to pull a rib loose.  It's strange. It is WILDLY uncomfortable. In addition to that, there's fluid that creeps into my left arm and hand when I don't take enough breaks during the day. And guess what, I often don't take enough breaks during the day ( Yes, as a matter of fact, I AM a dumbass. )  Lately I've had to wrap my hand and/or arm to get some relief.

I am happy to report that I start physical therapy next Friday (a week from tomorrow). I'm praying for ASTYM but I'm willing to endure whatever torture it will take to break this stuff up...even if it means it's taking a rib with it. No joke!

You're probably wondering (or not) what about the scar tissue requires PT. It is not just hard tissue that fills the void - it is but it's SO much more. I try to stretch and it's not that it's difficult, it is IMPOSSIBLE. My range of motion is affected, not just in my arm but in my torso. When I try to turn at the waist, I can't turn very far. After a certain point it's not really stretching, it's trying to pull it loose from wherever it's attached. Sounds pleasant, right? It's awful.  I've tried to stretch enough to try to get it pull away and I just can't do it. I've tried hard...really hard...and I really don't care how much it's going to hurt at this point. I just want to be free.

So there you have it. I have another week of suffering and then I hope to get even a small amount of relief. I'll keep my posts to a minimum until I feel a little better. You're welcome. :-)

Love to all,
Andee

The Iron Bra

Hello, hello, hello!

It's Iron Bra time! No, I'm not starting an industrial lingerie line. That's the term that some wise woman came up with to describe what your chest can feel like during reconstruction. So let's start at the beginning.

Tissue Expanders

You might recall from a previous post that I mentioned that expanders are a lot like empty implants. Well, there's more information to share. Saying that they are "like" implants doesn't paint the full picture. Even though they are filled with sterile saline, they are NOT soft. In no way, shape or form are they ANYTHING like the final implant. They are NOT squishy, they DO NOT jiggle, and there is absolutely NOTHING realistic about them. They have to be stout to...wait for it...expand the tissue! That means they can't be warm and comfy. Also, as you can see below, they are placed under the muscle so they do a nice job of rubbing against your ribs from time to time. They don't move around much but you certainly feel the love if you roll over in your sleep or, oh, I don't know, if you're wearing a compression bandage. 

Now, when you get them filled, everything is really tight and quite firm. Over the span of the week or two between fills, things ease up a bit but you never really forget they are there. 

Wait a minute...I don't wear a bra

With all that stretching, strange things happen. Add in muscle spasms and scar tissue adhesions and you might feel like you're wrapped in a compression bandage or wearing a very tight bra when you ARE NOT. No kidding.  There are some days that I couldn't tell (without looking/feeling) if I was wrapped up or not. If you were to cover my eyes and tell me to guess if I was wearing a bra or a bandage, I couldn't tell you for sure. From what I've read, some women even have trouble/discomfort breathing. Someone even described it as feeling as if she was wrapped up in duct tape. For me, the "Iron Bra" isn't painful most of the time. It's very uncomfortable but I don't really hurt until the fluid gets out of control. We'll talk about that later. 

Let It Go, Let It Go

Scar tissue SUUUUUUCKS! I had an issue with adhesion after my mastectomy. Pretty sure I wrote about it. Basically it feels like your skin and underlying tissue are attaching themselves to your ribs. 

That's because that's kind of what's happening. I went through physical therapy the last time and we worked hard to break that stuff up and had great results. I thought I was in the clear this time around until late last week. My back started getting tight and I thought it was just because of the bucket of fluid on my back. By Monday, there was no doubt what it was. When I raise my arm, it feels like I'm going pull out some ribs. The only way to help myself is to stretch and try to massage the tissue to loosen it and pull it away. Yes, it's as uncomfortable as it sounds. At some point there will be a disgusting POP, a burn and then some relief.  I'll keep you posted on my progress. 

The gift that keeps on giving

I'm still battling the fluid. Friday will be 2 months since surgery number 2 and that stuff just keeps on coming. This last time it got pretty bad. I had get it pulled off twice in 10 days. This time around it caused pain in my arm, it feels like I have another cord. Cording is crappy too but I'll spare you the details on that. Just know that it hurts, a lot, but it will eventually work itself out. 

And then....

The healing, and the expansion, continues. I'm thrilled to report that I was cleared to work! Things are modified a little as long as the fluid is an issue but I'm excited to use my brain cells and communicate with people on the outside. Woohoo!

So there it is, all the news that's fit to print. 

Love to all,

Andee

The Journey Continues

I'm starting this post at 11:57 so it will still qualify as an anniversary post. Yay me!

Before I get started, I just want to share something with you. I purchased a dress last fall that I intended to be my Easter dress. It isn't anything showstopping, but I liked it. It's been hanging in my closet for months. I was excited to get it out this morning but there was a problem. Just like every other woman on the planet, I took a deep breath and hoped that my weight wasn't so out of control that the dress wouldn't fit. I pulled it over my head and all seemed to be well. Then it came time to zip it up. Oh boy. Let me explain something real quick. This isn't one of those dresses that zips up the back, or buttons up the front. Nope, this one has a relatively small zipper on the side that runs from the waist up under the arm. So, everything was looking pretty good until it came time to zip. The first few inches (waist) zipped right up. Beyond that, things were challenging. For a moment I was on the verge of tears but then it hit me. My dress didn't fit because my chest was too big! Yes friends, I'm almost busty! (Just a note: Yes, I realize that the part, if not most, of the problem is the gallon of fluid I'm carrying around but let's just let me let myself believe that my bosom is the culprit. Thank you). Luckily, I had another option but who would have thought I would get a warm and fuzzy feeling from a dress not fitting?  It's a miracle, indeed.

Two years ago today, the last thing I was worried about was how my clothes would fit. I had been dealing with the prospect of cancer for almost two weeks but it's a whole different ballgame once it's confirmed. After the diagnosis, things moved very quickly. 2 1/2 weeks after diagnosis I had a bilateral mastectomy. Thirty days later I started treatment - chemo and radiation would carry me through until December 17, 2014. I had a bit of a break in 2015 (infusions every 3 weeks until July and one surgical procedure) but 2015 was a more challenging year, especially on an emotional level. I spent the first 3 months of the year busting my behind to lose the weight I gained during treatment. I lost most of it and then, due to some happenings in my circle of cancer friends, I slipped into a bit of a funk. It was not a good time. I won't bore you with the details but I fell off the wagon, started eating my emotions and started gaining weight. Nothing like being borderline depressed and then reverse all of the hard work that you did. That does a real number on your self confidence. I was able to pull myself out of the funk (cancer stopped being on my mind 24/7) and I was on the upswing. The end of 2015 was all about preparing for 2016. The year of reconstruction. I knew I was going to be off work so I was trying to wrap things up there while trying to prepare for the downtime tied to the first two surgeries, which happened within 21 days. I'm pushing through the frustration of not being able to do much and that is SOOOOOO difficult for me. Every time I get really frustrated, I remind myself how blessed I am. The pain, challenging recovery and the frustration are only temporary.

So here we are, 2 years on from the day that changed my life. Regardless of what happens I'm still here, I still have a fighting spirit and my goal is still to help provide support to as many people as I can. To all of my Pink Sisters (and any other cancer ribbons...all are welcome!) who are just beginning their journey, I promise you will find strength you never thought you had. You will be humbled by the level of support you receive from those who love you, you will feel fear, you will feel ugly, you will cry, you will laugh and you will learn far more than you expect. Soon, you will be one of us....one of those crazy women. One of the ones who says that cancer sucks but, in some strange way, they feel blessed to have gone through the experience. I am not the same person I was on this day 2 years ago. I am stronger, I am more appreciative of the little things in life, I have a burning desire to make a difference (I'm still figuring out how to put that into practice) and I remember that I need to put myself first (work in progress).

I have more to say but I'm tired so I'm signing off.  Before I go, let me say thank you. Thank you for joining me on this journey. Thank you for your comments, your calls, your messages...every kind of support makes a big difference.

Much love to all!
Andee

731

Good evening friends,

I'm not feeling too great so I considered not posting tonight, but HERE I AM! Today marks the 2 year anniversary of the day I found my lump. 731 days (there's an extra day because we had leap day this year!) and here I am. I will be acknowledging some additional milestones in pretty rapid succession. Things happened pretty quickly. Next up will be my diagnosaversary and the 2nd birthday of this blog.

So much has happened over the past two years and, looking back now, it has flown by. It seems like yesterday. I remember the early days very vividly. We'll revisit those days over the next couple of weeks but I want to say something to everyone who reads this. Here goes...

I wish that I could say that I'm the only person I know who was diagnosed with breast cancer in her 40s. I can name 4 other women right off the top of my head. Please, please, please do your monthly self exams. Please, please, please get your mammograms. Please, please, please do not follow the guidelines that say you can wait until 50 to start getting annual mammograms. Talk to your doctor, take control of your own health and care. Really!

I know things have been a little more serious than normal on here recently - certainly more clinical. Well, that ends today. Today, my friend Deadpool would like to share a message with all the ladies out there. Guys, feel free to share this with the ladies in your life.  This just might save someones life!

Love to all,
Andee

Same Post, Different Day

Hi everyone!

I'm back. I've tried to spare you from reading the same thing over and over but, alas, here I am to post much of the same. I figure any update is good, right?

So, as you read on the 23rd, I had fluid drained, no fluid added and I received some new stitches. On the 8th, I went back, had fluid drained again (I am wicked good at making tumors/cysts and fluid...it's a gift). The stitches came out (woohoo) but still no fluid in. Just not quite ready yet. Radiated skin sucks...yada yada yada.

Sadly, the fluid is already back. It only took about 48 hours to have the waterbed effect again. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so gifted.  I'm not scheduled to go back until the 29th, but if I get too uncomfortable, I'll see if I can get in early and get jabbed with some needles!

I'm almost 6 weeks out from surgery #2 and it is still very challenging. In addition to the fluid and the fact that I'm still getting used to the foreign bodies in my chest, I'm still limited with what I can do, especially on my left side. Things as simple as pushing myself up off the couch - can't really do it with my left arm. The muscle is still attached in the back so if you move in such a way that the muscle is engaged, it's very uncomfortable. I can feel the pull all the way around. I have trouble getting out of the tub, getting in Bobby's truck...it's a bit tall for me so I have to pull on the handle to get up in it. It's kind of humorous to watch me try to get in. I have to pull up with my right arm. Try that sometime. Talk about awkward. Driving is a challenge. I usually drive primarily with my left hand. It's like trying to write with your other hand - it's weird!

I'm slow to heal this time around and it's been humbling. For once in my life, I'm trying not to overdo it and I'm listening to my doctor, my husband and family. I don't want any setbacks so I'm continuing to work my way through my coloring books and my crossword puzzle app.

I have to go get my babies to bed. Have a great night everyone. Back soon!

P.S. New pic in the Viewer Discretion Advised section. If you don't like scars and stitches, don't look. Otherwise, it's safe.

Love to all!
Andee

Needles, needles everywhere...again

Hi friends!

I'm getting ready to try to get some rest but I thought I'd stop in and ask for some good vibes for tomorrow. I can handle needles but I estimate that I'm going to get stuck as many as 8 times tomorrow. That's a high end estimate. I doubt it will be that many but aspirate all 3 surgical sites (could be just one but you never know....there's fluid all over the place), that's 3 sticks, plus 3 more sticks if they numb those areas before aspirating and THEN there will be 2 sticks for the expander fills.  I'll give you a final count after tomorrow afternoon's visit but that should be the top end.



I'm not thrilled about all of the needles but I'm looking forward to having someone drain the damn waterbed off of my back. If it wasn't so gross, I would post a video, but I can poke on my side and a section of my back from side to my spine and about 5 inches from top to bottom, moves like a waterbed. It's crazy!

I know that's totally disgusting, but I had to do it. It's just like that! It doesn't make all that noise but the rest is spot on. lol



I'm also looking forward to some of the pressure being relieved. I feel like I'm wearing a really tight inner tube and it's like it's going to pop open any minute. The left side of my chest is quite impressive at the moment. It's mostly fluid and swelling from the surgery and the (buff) muscle that hasn't started to atrophy yet. It's more than a handful! That's pretty impressive considering that 3 weeks ago it was a crater.  I was about to say it will deflate a bit tomorrow if fluid is removed, but she's putting some back in, so we'll see what happens.



Wish me luck, friends.



Love to all,

Andee

The song of the day - My Seroma

Sing with me!

My Seroma!





Today has been rough. My seroma(s) have taken over. My back feels a whole lot like a waterbed when you push on it.  Gross, I know, but we're all about the really real stuff here, remember. I have had the compression bandage on and off but the situation is still ugly. There is a bit of pain, lots of discomfort and, of course, a good amount of pressure. Don't think I haven't considered popping a straw into the hole left by my drain tube. I wouldn't really do it but I've thought about it.

At this point, I just need to make it through until Tuesday afternoon and then I can get some of this stuff pulled out before she fills up the expanders. What a fun day that's going to be, don't you think?  :-)

Well, that's new

Let me start by saying, this post will likely be short. I've been having some pretty wicked "muscle seizures" over the past 24 hours. It is not the most fun thing ever. I only mention that because I'm going to go to bed shortly and try to relax the muscles...that means sleeping in one position, propped up on pillows with pillows on each side so I don't roll over. Yuck! I still have the drains to deal with in addition to pain from the expanders if I do happen to roll over. It's a non-stop party around me!  Just ask Bobby.

The point of the post is not to list all of the lingering challenges 2 weeks after surgery - it's to let you know that new and different issues can pop up even 2 weeks after surgery. Remember when I mentioned that my surgeon said that radiated skin is crap and she would probably have to sew me up a few times after surgery because the radiated skin couldn't handle it. Well, I'm happy to say that nothing has opened up but this morning I had some bleeding. I can't see my whole surgical area very well so I enlisted the help of the hubs and the mom. They don't see any tears (good news) but clearly there was some sort of issue since I now have a blood stain on one of my favorite tops.  Say a prayer for my crappy radiated skin. I just want it to keep it together.  Not much grosses me out but I'm not thrilled at the thought of any of my incisions opening up...even a little.

I'll update tomorrow.

Love to all,
Andee