Under construction...

Stay tuned! I’m working on the conclusion (finally) of my answer about reconstruction.  Next up, “You can do it!l. 

Just when you think you're getting a break - WHAM!

2016 was the year of reconstruction. I went through 4 surgeries last year, the last of which was December 21. It was a long year and I was looking forward to a relatively uneventful 2017. Well, God apparently had other plans for me - or my uterus did. 

WARNING: to my male readers or anyone who doesn't want to hear about any uterus-related issues, stop reading now. I won't be graphic but there are some things just are what they are. You have been warned. 

Let me start with some background. I take a daily dose of a drug called Tamoxifen.  My type of cancer was hormone receptive so I take the Tammoxifen, which works to block the hormones.  This works in breast tissue. Apparently, not so much in the uterine area. Down south, from what I understand, the drug actually mimicks the hormones.  One of my super smart doctor friends will have to explain the "why" of that one. As a result of this weirdness, tamoxifen can have some less than desirable side effects. It can cause things like thickening of the lining of the uterus and uglier things like endometrial cancer. As a patient, I was informed of all of this from the very beginning. It's quite rare, affecting about 1% of users each year, but it is possible. The doctors, as always, did a great job of explaining the risks but also why the benefits of taking the drug outweigh those risks.  The other thing you need to know is that they will not/cannot do a "proactive" hysterectomy. Believe me, I asked! You have to have symptoms before they will yank the remaining lady parts out.  That means that I have to be diligent in keeping up with my regular exams and take advantage of the various screenings for which I qualify as a younger breast cancer patient. I have to know the symptoms and signs to look for and what to do if I have them. The other thing you need to know before we proceed, is that I went through chemotherapy induced menopause way back in 2014. Other than the raging hot flashes that came with it, it was the best gift of cancer treatment! Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. I was warned that things could start up again but it could really go either way based on my age. Maybe, maybe not. Now let's get on to our story...

I started working again last Wednesday after taking a couple of weeks off to recover. I didn't make the trip to Louisville until Tuesday 1/10 and went back again on Wednesday 1/11. I eased back in but was still dealing with soreness and the travel and the pace wore me out a bit. So by Wednesday evening I was spent! I thought I would just need some rest and try to slow down a wee bit and all would be well. Then it happened. My body said, "Not so fast there Sassy Pants!" Wednesday evening I started spotting. That's not good. It makes your brain jump ahead to the list your doctors gave you of things you have to address quickly. Your brain also tries to convince you of the weirdest things. Things like, you've overdone it, you're doing too much too quickly.  Really?! How much would you have to overdo it from reconstructive surgery to make your dang uterus leak. It makes no sense! Anyway, spotting is scary - any unexpected bleeding of any amount after menopause is not a good sign. Yes, I began to stress, just a bit (a lot). I considered for a moment that I might not share this development with anyone...but the moment passed. Rewind to my initial breast cancer diagnosis, I made the choice at the time to not tell anyone I had found a lump or that I would be going through tests, etc. My family and friends received the news after I was diagnosed. I vowed that I would never do that again. I immediately let Bobby know, though he knew something was up because of the look of fear in my eyes. After the initial shock wore off, I was able to sleep...well, more than I expected, anyway.  

First thing Thursday morning, I called my GYN to schedule an appointment. When I explained the situation to the wonderful lady on the other end of the phone, she said, "He's going to want an ultrasound."  Yep! She scheduled me for an ultrasound first thing Friday morning and a visit with the doctor immediately following. Great! I was all set. But, I had 24 hours to wait. Have I mentioned that I don't do waiting very well. I kept busy with work and household responsibilities. I'll spare you the details but as the day went on, things started to change a bit. Things changed enough that I began to believe that, based on my symptoms, this might not be cancer, but a case of overachieving ovaries. Could it be possible that I went through menopause 2+ years ago but things started up again? Could I be "lucky" enough to have the opportunity to go through menopause, not once, but twice?! It was looking that way - that's good news!

When Friday morning came around, I got up early and headed to town. All went smoothly - I quickly found a good parking spot, I actually arrived at the office door before it was even unlocked. When they opened a few minutes later, I was checked in quickly and then escorted to the ultrasound waiting area. For anyone who hasn't had an ultrasound, the techs are not permitted to provide you with the results. The doctor has to deliver that news. Once everything was done, the very sweet tech simply said, "I got some really good pictures for the doctor."  It's kind of difficult to interpret anything from that but I remained optimistic. I headed back out to the main waiting room. I didn't have to wait long before they called me back to see the doctor. I chatted with the kind nurse, she took my vitals, we discussed my history, etc. As she's typing her notes into the system, I look around the room and I noticed that the counter across from me held off the tools necessary for a biopsy. Yay!  Again, this was not a surprise to me. I told Bobby the night before that I expected a biopsy whether the ultrasound showed anything or not. If it did, I would need to have that tissue tested. If didn't show anything, they would want to be safe and would test the tissue to see if anything came back. Sometimes it's not always fun being right.  The nurse wrapped up and a few minutes later my fabulous doctor joined me. Bless him, he started off by saying, "You've really even through it, haven't you?"  Yes, it's been an interesting few years. I'll spare you the rest of the small talk and get to the good part. The ultrasound was clear. He didn't see anything that concerned him. He said that there was thickening of the endometrial lining but that was expected with the Tamoxifen. He then officially broke the news that a biopsy was imminent. He advised that a prophylactic hysterectomy wasn't recommended but that he would likely be doing a D&C in the not so distant future. So much for 2017 being procedure-free. 

The biopsy was not very pleasant but, thankfully, it was over in a couple of minutes. We should get the results back by Wednesday. Of course our hope is that it comes back negative, as we expect it to. If you have any prayers left to spare, whisper a quick one for negative biopsy results. If they do come back with any abnormalities, I expect that I'll be having a hysterectomy rather than a D&C.  We will accept whatever comes next and meet it head on. 

I'm reminded that this is our new norm. Once a cancer patient, always a cancer patient. 

I'll keep you posted on results and next steps. 

Love to all!

Andee 

Looking back on 2016

It's December tomorrow...DECEMBER, PEOPLE! What the heck?!
I was answering some questions about my upcoming procedures today and it hit me. This time last year I was trying to mentally prepare for 12 months of reconstruction work. It seemed so daunting at the time. It hasn't been easy, in fact, it's probably been the most physically challenging part of my cancer journey so far. But here I am, just 21 days from the final steps in the year-long process. The key is keep looking forward, don't focus on the challenge of the moment, but on the goal at the end.
I don't bore you with a long narrative...not right now, anyway. So here is 2016 in summary.

• January 11 - surgery 1 - release the lattisimus dorsi muscle to increase blood flow prior to moving it
• February 1 - surgery 2 - move the muscle (with some skin) from back to chest on the left side. tissue expanders implanted on both sides.
• March - September - tissues expansion - saline added to expanders every 2 weeks.
• September 26 - surgery 3 - tissue expanders removed and replaced with implants
• December 21 - surgery 4 - multiple procedures including tattooing, fat grafting and some surgical adjustments
• Also
• DRAINS - have I mentioned how much I loathe those things?
• Scar tissue
• Seroma
• Buckets of fluid
• Physical Therapy
• ASTYM
• Cancer Scare
• Physical challenges
• Low points
• Upswings

All that for some Frankenboobies.

 

I'm often asked if I would go through it all again. HECK YES! All of the procedures have been tough but the end result is worth it. Though more invasive, the process has a better success rate than other options. I would go through all of it again without hesitation!

 

 

Back soon!

Love to all,

Andee

The letter - Part I

Dear Andee 2014,

You don't know it yet, but your life is about to change. On the evening of March 15, 2014 you are going to find a lump in your left breast. Because it's a Saturday, you're going to stress about it until Monday morning when you can call the doctor. You will suffer silently because you're not ready to tell anyone...not even your husband. Some part of you believes that if you don't say it aloud, it won't be real. You'll keep telling yourself that most lumps are nothing...but your gut continues to tell you that's not true for you. The lump is not small. You will keep trying to convince yourself that you were obsessive about self exams so it can't be cancer.  You checked regularly. You will get online and do research. You'll find multiple articles that say breast cancer doesn't hurt. That's somehow comforting because you have had pain. You will attribute that discomfort to an ill-fitting bra.  When you wake on Monday morning, you will feel sick. Nerves...all nerves.  You will opt to stay home from work. You will decide to tell your husband what you found and that you're calling to make an appointment to get it checked. You will try to assure him that it's probably nothing but it's best to get checked and know for sure. You contact your boss and HR  director at work and explain the situation...what's making you feel sick. They are understanding and supportive (and will continue to to be, well beyond this day).  You contact the doctor's office and let them know what you've found. They schedule an appointment for you on Wednesday. Ugh! Two more days of waiting but at least you are doing something. You will do what you always do - you will throw yourself into work and anything that can keep your mind occupied. You are one stubborn old b#@ch...good thing though, because you are about to be tested.

to be continued...

Pain and Perspective: Part I

Part I - Pain

If you are a regular, you know I have a rule about not posting when I'm either in pain or in a bad place. I always write about it, after the worst is over, because I feel like it's important to share the challenges and provide a real-ish picture of what this journey can be like. I say "real-ish" because everyone's road will be different, no two experiences are ever the same, even if the diagnosis is. This blog is a peek into my journey through diagnosis, surgery, treatment, trying to return to "normal" and the reconstruction process.

First, I guess I need to bring you up to speed on where we are. As you recall, the reconstruction process started in January. My first surgery was January 11. Surgery #2, or "The Big One" as I like to call it, was done on February 1st.  Since that time I've been seeing my (spectacular) plastic surgeon every 2 weeks. In the early days, there was more fluid removal than addition but after a couple of months, that finally went in the right direction. So, for at least 6 months now, I've been getting fluid added to Satan's Water Balloons (SWBs)(the clinical term is tissue expanders) every couple of weeks. Early on, I made the mistake of saying the following aloud to my nurse. "You know, these things aren't the most comfortable but they're not as bad as I expected. I keep hearing awful stories about expanders from those who have gone before me and they just aren't that bad."  Without hesitation, she responded "Oh, they'll get worse." You know where we go from here, right? With that fill, the real pain started. See, you're thinking that an expander is just a saline filled implant. Um....NO! I wrote about the "Iron Bra" a while back. Well, we have advanced quite a bit since then.

I won't revisit my entire list of medical issues but I will remind you that I have a muscle that was relocated and some pesky scar tissue. For months, I've been going to PT to help break up the scar tissue and improve my range of motion. The tightness and discomfort has improved significantly but it is not gone. When you add in 10 hour work days and several days per week with a 3 hour commute (yes, that's per day), it doesn't help my physical situation. I'm going over all of this (yes, again) because it relates to what comes next.

Last week was scheduled to be my last fill. Surgery is scheduled for late September so we need to get the fills wrapped up and let SWBs work their magic, and let my body recover and rest up for the procedure. Here's where the aforementioned scar tissue comes in. I will spare you pictures, but that means I have to write this out, so stick with me. On my left side, the one that has the relocated muscle and skin, there is some visibly tethered tissue. It almost looks like there's a strap holding things down. As a result, the plan was to add a good amount of fluid to the SWBs and try to get that stuff to stretch. Well, we did a FANTASTIC job of that! Let me tell you all about it...

She started to fill and, as always, asked me repeatedly how I was. There was some discomfort, a little more than normal, but I told her it was fine to keep going. My memory is a little fuzzy after what happened next, but I think she said she got 90cc in there. WOW! So she takes the needle out and I think I started to talk or something - again...fuzzy - and before I could finish my sentence I feel a pretty significant POP in my chest. It took a second for my brain to catch up so I think I kept talking for a second or two. Then I remember saying "Um, something popped." And then it happened again. My brain  was still trying to work through it all - I first thought something happened with the SWB because, though it felt bizarre, it didn't hurt right away. When the second band popped, I felt quite a burn (pain)...and it intensified...and lingered. At that point my brain was trying to figure out if the muscle had come loose. (Please no!) My doctor tried to find where the source of the pain was. I'm not sure but she might have thought something really awful happened too. Once she found it (she knew she had it by the look on my face) she kept pressure on it for a while (probably 30 seconds, felt like 30 minutes). At that point, my brain went to "Holy cow, did my chest pop open?" Thankfully, that was not the case.  Apparently, a couple of bands of that nasty, stubborn scar tissue popped loose all at once. It was tethered on the side closest to my sternum. Unfortunately, I was not tough enough to leave all that fluid in this time around, so she took out about a third of what she put in. I'm not sure that it will delay surgery but at this point, I don't care. If I have to wait an extra week I will. What's another week, right?

So that's where we are. Oh, I almost forgot the silver lining!!!  As a result of the tissue detachment, I've gotten some (but not complete) relief. The iron bra is little more tolerable and I feel like my range of motion is improved - not as much pulling. The fact that I've been battling a cold and I'm coughing like crazy hasn't made the past week any more fun, but I will continue to remind myself that, after 2 1/2 years of cancer stuff and 7 months of reconstruction work, I'm almost there! The pain and the challenges are temporary, so I'll get through it. Another silver lining is that those same challenges and pain add something to your life...perspective. I'll save that for part 2!

Love to all!
Andee

The exercise challenge

7/13/16

Hello from Andee's world!
I thought I would stop by and do a little sharing. Just what your day needed, am I right?!

Tonight I am sharing some details on why getting back into an exercise routine has been such a challenge. For those of you who are new to our party, I will catch you up. During treatment (for me that took most of 2014) I gained weight. I know what you're thinking....probably the same thing I thought. If there was one upside to this cancer thing, I thought it would be that I would get really skinny. Weeeeell,..not so much. My treatment cocktail included a lovely dose of steroids. When I got into round 2 (the 12 week round of chemo), I received steroids on a weekly basis. The steroids do all kinds of wonderful things to help manage issues during chemo, but they also make you fat! What I didn't know is that I would quickly turn into Uncle Fester. Bald and fat, that was me. Every girl's dream!

Once treatment was over (last of 33 radiation treatments was on December 17, not that I remember specifics or anything) I took some time to rest and recover but when January 22 came around, I started my serious workout and eating plan and by March I had dropped 20 lbs. I was serious...and focused on the goal. I started with 21 Day Fix and then moved on to 21 Day Fix Extreme. I'm not advertising or anything, just offering my personal experience. I noticed a significant change in my body in DAYS. Inches lost immediately, things toned up...all the stuff you want. I was counting calories only (they didn't originally send all of the 21DF containers and I didn't want to wait). I was like a machine for a while. About mid-year, my cancer patient mentor passed away. I've written about going into a pretty bad place. The short story is that I was thinking about cancer every single minute of every single day. I was upset about the people I know that cancer has taken away. I was terrified of recurrence. It was not a good place.  If I'm being completely honest, which I am, I stopped exercising AND started eating my emotions. I have to say that the last quarter of last year was not good for me. I was mad at myself for letting myself go and also, there was a bit a stress added when I learned how extensive my pending surgery would be. It was a lot to process and I did a crappy job of processing it.
When January rolled around it was time to have surgery #1. On January 11, I had the first of 3 surgeries. 3 (short) weeks later I had my second surgery. At that point, the latissimus dorsi muscle was pulled around from my back to my chest. You can go back and read the details of the procedure but, the short version is that the muscle and skin became part of my chest BUT the muscle is actually still attached to my back. Crazy right?

https://sites.google.com/site/cancerbreastinfo

 Since it was not removed and relocated, just relocated, it still works like a lat muscle. Though the muscle has atrophied some, and will continue to do so, it's still a weird sensation. You probably don't know exactly when your lat muscle is engaged on a daily basis. I can now tell you! That's because when I do something as mundane as push on the arm rests of a chair as I try to get up out of a chair, it engages that muscle and it pulls like crazy. Even today, it feels like bad things could happen when I rise from that chair or try to get out of the bath tub. I try my best to modify how I do things but sometimes I just have to push through and deal with the discomfort.

Now, finally, let's talk about how this impacts exercise.  After waiting a few months to make sure I healed completely, I tried my 21 Day Fix/Extreme routines and also ventured into the Hammer & Chisel program. I was having to modify so much that I wondered what the end result would be if I kept going. I think I'll be able to go back to weights (have I mentioned I loved that?) in the future but probably not this year. I have one more surgery to go, which will likely take place in the next couple of months. I decided I just couldn't wait until next year to start working on myself again. So I had to sit down and figure out what was going to work. I have put up my weights (for now) and I've focused on finding something I can do now. I settled on the Cize program, which is a dance program and I LOVE IT! For people who don't know, I spent my time at dance class and competing from age 4 to age 18. I ended my "dance career" as a member of the University of Kentucky Dance Team. I have always loved to dance and I've had weekly dance parties with my babies for the past several years but no classes in AGES. I'm so enjoying the fact that I'm able to do this again. I still have to modify a bit but it's a blast and it burns 300-400 calories a pop. Positives all around.

So my program now is Cize at least 5 days per week and weekly meal planning and prep. I'm down 5 lbs in the first full week of meal planning and exercise. Yay! It's not much but it's a start. I'm feeling so much better and I'm excited about what's to come.

I guess the message of this post is that we all have limitations. You just have to figure out how to do what you can with what you've got and make the very best of it. It can take a little work and some planning, but you can do it!

Love to all,
Andee

Finalized 7/24/16

What the WHAAAT?!

I haven't posted since April 26?!

huffingtonpost.com

How the heck did THAT happen? Wait...I guess it could have something to do with the fact that I'm working full time, keeping 2 children alive, trying (but failing) to keep the house (somewhat) in order, going to PT twice a week and to the surgeon every 2 weeks. I'm worn out every night but according to my Band (did I mention I got a Microsoft Band 2 when my FitBit bit the dust - loving it!!!), even though I'm in bed for 6-8 hours, I'm getting roughly 1 hour of sound sleep per night. Now that I've said all that, you know what I'm not going to do? COMPLAIN!

vomzi.com

I am going to confess though. 

reddit.com

I think I'm finally coming out of my "funk". I think I thought I was coming out of it the last time I posted it but it's been slow going. I think I mentioned it before but working has helped...a lot! I'm telling you, semi-retirement isn't all it's cracked up to be. Granted, I've been recovering from major surgery so I wasn't doing all of the fun stuff that retired folk might do, but from what I've experienced, I'm not going to like it. I tried. I really did. I colored, I read, I watched every show and movie that interested me on Netflix, Amazon and Hulu. I helped plot and plan our projects around the house. The biggest challenge was (and still is) my inability to get back to the workout regimen I had this time last year. I think that has pushed me back down into my funk. My mental state is so much better when I exercise, I'm still quite limited in what I can do with weights. I'm sure it will be get better in time but I may explode by the time that happens. I'm in the process of changing up the plan so I can get some exercise in that I can actually do without detaching a muscle or causing my back, arm and hand to fill with fluid. It's tricky!

fuglymaniacs.com

Walking is my safest bet but it just doesn't provide the satisfaction and results of weights. Oh, by the way, I can now answer my own question from a few months back...YES, when I attempt to do a traditional lat exercise, it does still work the muscle...which is now on my chest...but still attached in the back. Reading that sentence back, it even sounds confusing to me.

Anyway....

When last we spoke, I had just seen my plastic surgeon, I was preparing for an appointment with my oncologist and praying for that Friday to arrive quickly so I could go for my first physical therapy session. I'm happy to report that all went well at the oncology appointment. My blood work was good and he decided to modify my schedule again. He now only wants to see me every 4 months, instead of every 3 months. I know that's a good thing but I still have moments when I worry that it's too soon to take the training wheels off and send me out in to the big bad world on my own.  The good news is that I can relax for a (very brief) bit before the next appointment and required blood work. I won't lie to you, it's been over 2 years now and it doesn't ever get easier when it's test time. I have lovely, long periods of time when my mind is not consumed by the thought of recurrence but when appointment time comes around again, cue the scary thoughts!

I'm happy to report that I've completed 4 sessions of physical therapy and , though there has been soreness and some discomfort, we are already seeing progress. Breast-cancer-patient-friends, if you have scar tissue problems and or fluid issues, ask about PT! My physical therapist specializes in working with breast cancer patients. As I type, she is in Shanghai (yes, China) presenting at the World Cancer Congress. She's 50 kinds of awesome, people! If you're in Lexington, your plastic surgeons and oncologists probably know about her. If they don't, they should get on the bandwagon. Scar tissue and fluid may not sound like a big deal but I can tell you, if I had to live with that discomfort for much longer, I'm not sure what I would have done. I'm not anywhere near 100% yet but I can function. ASTYM is FABULOUS! We have more work to do but my range of motion is improving, the extreme tightness is slightly less extreme (it takes time). We are also working on lymph drainage to help with the fluid issues. I saw my PS again this week and she "only" pulled out about 125 cc of fluid. That's a significant improvement.  I've been wearing compression, as instructed. I'm not in the bodysuit just yet. I have my sleeve and my gauntlet (glove) but I haven't jumped in and purchased a "real" compression cami. I'm wearing a mild compression shirt under my clothes with an added foam pad for my back to help target the pressure. I seem to be doing ok with that but if I have to get drained again, I'll invest in the real thing. 

So, to summarize, things are moving along. I'm still recovering after 3 months, but I feel like I'm on a steady climb up. My guess is that right about the time I'm feeling pretty good about myself, it will be time to go under the knife, yet again. I'm through the hardest part of the hardest part of the journey so I can handle what comes next. A little (really a lot) of fat, some snug compression accessories, some fluid and some scar tissue won't keep me down. It just makes for a better story on the other side, when I fit, healthy, happy and somewhat whole again. 

giphy.com

Love to all!

Andee

Sometimes You Must Endure Discomfort To Relieve Discomfort

This is one of those weeks that I have medical appointments 3 out of 5 days. It's one of those weeks that sceams....

HEY, I'M JUST HERE TO REMIND YOU THAT ARE A CANCER PATIENT.

 

Well thanks, I need that every once in a while...said no one EVER!

 

 

Back to our story. So, I've had one appointment so far this week. I visited with my FABULOUS plastic surgeon and her LOVELY staff today. I expected to get my usual, a drain and fill. Not today, friends! Today was a drain only day. She checked the wiffle balls and said they still seemed a little tight so she wouldn't be adding anything to the tank(s) today. On the flip side, I'm still making fluid like a machine. yes, I'm aware that it has been almost 3 months since surgery #2. What can I say, I'm an overachiever.  In typical Andrea fashion, I'm an overachiever in something I would prefer NOT to overachieve in. In went the needles and out came the fluid. Relief is such a lovely, but short-lived, thing. My doc suggested full time compression to help the fluid issue. I'm looking for some compression garments but for now, it's the bandage. And the bandage feels kind of like this...



 

 

 

 

...but nowhere near as pretty.



 

 I'll keep myself bound up if it will end, or even improve, my fluid situation. I may need more compression "stuff" after Friday. If my arm is actually swelling and not just puffy and uncomfortable, I may end up compressed all over. I envision this...

 

 



Source:http://www.paulpinmd.com/compression-garments-and-taping-schedule-after-surgery/

 

 

My next appointment, bright and early tomorrow, is with my oncologist. I get blood work done first thing and then visit with him for a few. Hopefully it will be yet another uneventful encounter. We can catch up on the last three months and he can ask my why the heck I've gotten so fat after losing all that weight last year. We'll then discuss stress eating that was followed by surgery which left me unable to do much except eat and sleep. None of that is good on its own, much less when you add them all up. It's all my fault. I'm back to doing something everyday but I'm not back to where I can go hard core again just yet. But at least I'm off the couch and out of the kitchen. Getting back to work has done wonders. I felt like I was on the verge of falling into a weird depression. I have to be able to do something.

 

Friday I will get to visit my physical therapist after more than a year away. I'm excited to see her - not just so she can help with the scar tissue - but because I really like her and she takes good care of me! I'm still hoping to see her break out her tools and work some magic on this crazy annoying crap on my back.

 

Finally, we are praying for some luck here at The LD. Our youngest was hit with type A & type B flu this weekend. We had Saturday visits with the pediatrician and a trip to the ER. It was not fun. She will have some symptoms to deal with for a week or two but she's on the upswing. She returned to school today. Yay!  She's one tough little cookie. Now we are just waiting to see if anyone else is going to take a hit. Bobby is complaining about the smell but I'm rubbing oils on kids and diffusing them in the air. I have cleaned, I have disinfected, I've made my daughter wear a mask.  Don't laugh, friends, I had a micro-preemie that made it through 2 risky RSV seasons with only an ear infection. We know how to lock this place down, keep out the cooties and clean if they find their way in. Say a prayer for clean air and I'll do my part to keep the rest of the population healthy.  :-) No time to be sick!

 

 

Until next time!

Love to all,

Andee

The Iron Bra

Hello, hello, hello!

It's Iron Bra time! No, I'm not starting an industrial lingerie line. That's the term that some wise woman came up with to describe what your chest can feel like during reconstruction. So let's start at the beginning.

Tissue Expanders

You might recall from a previous post that I mentioned that expanders are a lot like empty implants. Well, there's more information to share. Saying that they are "like" implants doesn't paint the full picture. Even though they are filled with sterile saline, they are NOT soft. In no way, shape or form are they ANYTHING like the final implant. They are NOT squishy, they DO NOT jiggle, and there is absolutely NOTHING realistic about them. They have to be stout to...wait for it...expand the tissue! That means they can't be warm and comfy. Also, as you can see below, they are placed under the muscle so they do a nice job of rubbing against your ribs from time to time. They don't move around much but you certainly feel the love if you roll over in your sleep or, oh, I don't know, if you're wearing a compression bandage. 

Now, when you get them filled, everything is really tight and quite firm. Over the span of the week or two between fills, things ease up a bit but you never really forget they are there. 

Wait a minute...I don't wear a bra

With all that stretching, strange things happen. Add in muscle spasms and scar tissue adhesions and you might feel like you're wrapped in a compression bandage or wearing a very tight bra when you ARE NOT. No kidding.  There are some days that I couldn't tell (without looking/feeling) if I was wrapped up or not. If you were to cover my eyes and tell me to guess if I was wearing a bra or a bandage, I couldn't tell you for sure. From what I've read, some women even have trouble/discomfort breathing. Someone even described it as feeling as if she was wrapped up in duct tape. For me, the "Iron Bra" isn't painful most of the time. It's very uncomfortable but I don't really hurt until the fluid gets out of control. We'll talk about that later. 

Let It Go, Let It Go

Scar tissue SUUUUUUCKS! I had an issue with adhesion after my mastectomy. Pretty sure I wrote about it. Basically it feels like your skin and underlying tissue are attaching themselves to your ribs. 

That's because that's kind of what's happening. I went through physical therapy the last time and we worked hard to break that stuff up and had great results. I thought I was in the clear this time around until late last week. My back started getting tight and I thought it was just because of the bucket of fluid on my back. By Monday, there was no doubt what it was. When I raise my arm, it feels like I'm going pull out some ribs. The only way to help myself is to stretch and try to massage the tissue to loosen it and pull it away. Yes, it's as uncomfortable as it sounds. At some point there will be a disgusting POP, a burn and then some relief.  I'll keep you posted on my progress. 

The gift that keeps on giving

I'm still battling the fluid. Friday will be 2 months since surgery number 2 and that stuff just keeps on coming. This last time it got pretty bad. I had get it pulled off twice in 10 days. This time around it caused pain in my arm, it feels like I have another cord. Cording is crappy too but I'll spare you the details on that. Just know that it hurts, a lot, but it will eventually work itself out. 

And then....

The healing, and the expansion, continues. I'm thrilled to report that I was cleared to work! Things are modified a little as long as the fluid is an issue but I'm excited to use my brain cells and communicate with people on the outside. Woohoo!

So there it is, all the news that's fit to print. 

Love to all,

Andee

The Journey Continues

I'm starting this post at 11:57 so it will still qualify as an anniversary post. Yay me!

Before I get started, I just want to share something with you. I purchased a dress last fall that I intended to be my Easter dress. It isn't anything showstopping, but I liked it. It's been hanging in my closet for months. I was excited to get it out this morning but there was a problem. Just like every other woman on the planet, I took a deep breath and hoped that my weight wasn't so out of control that the dress wouldn't fit. I pulled it over my head and all seemed to be well. Then it came time to zip it up. Oh boy. Let me explain something real quick. This isn't one of those dresses that zips up the back, or buttons up the front. Nope, this one has a relatively small zipper on the side that runs from the waist up under the arm. So, everything was looking pretty good until it came time to zip. The first few inches (waist) zipped right up. Beyond that, things were challenging. For a moment I was on the verge of tears but then it hit me. My dress didn't fit because my chest was too big! Yes friends, I'm almost busty! (Just a note: Yes, I realize that the part, if not most, of the problem is the gallon of fluid I'm carrying around but let's just let me let myself believe that my bosom is the culprit. Thank you). Luckily, I had another option but who would have thought I would get a warm and fuzzy feeling from a dress not fitting?  It's a miracle, indeed.

Two years ago today, the last thing I was worried about was how my clothes would fit. I had been dealing with the prospect of cancer for almost two weeks but it's a whole different ballgame once it's confirmed. After the diagnosis, things moved very quickly. 2 1/2 weeks after diagnosis I had a bilateral mastectomy. Thirty days later I started treatment - chemo and radiation would carry me through until December 17, 2014. I had a bit of a break in 2015 (infusions every 3 weeks until July and one surgical procedure) but 2015 was a more challenging year, especially on an emotional level. I spent the first 3 months of the year busting my behind to lose the weight I gained during treatment. I lost most of it and then, due to some happenings in my circle of cancer friends, I slipped into a bit of a funk. It was not a good time. I won't bore you with the details but I fell off the wagon, started eating my emotions and started gaining weight. Nothing like being borderline depressed and then reverse all of the hard work that you did. That does a real number on your self confidence. I was able to pull myself out of the funk (cancer stopped being on my mind 24/7) and I was on the upswing. The end of 2015 was all about preparing for 2016. The year of reconstruction. I knew I was going to be off work so I was trying to wrap things up there while trying to prepare for the downtime tied to the first two surgeries, which happened within 21 days. I'm pushing through the frustration of not being able to do much and that is SOOOOOO difficult for me. Every time I get really frustrated, I remind myself how blessed I am. The pain, challenging recovery and the frustration are only temporary.

So here we are, 2 years on from the day that changed my life. Regardless of what happens I'm still here, I still have a fighting spirit and my goal is still to help provide support to as many people as I can. To all of my Pink Sisters (and any other cancer ribbons...all are welcome!) who are just beginning their journey, I promise you will find strength you never thought you had. You will be humbled by the level of support you receive from those who love you, you will feel fear, you will feel ugly, you will cry, you will laugh and you will learn far more than you expect. Soon, you will be one of us....one of those crazy women. One of the ones who says that cancer sucks but, in some strange way, they feel blessed to have gone through the experience. I am not the same person I was on this day 2 years ago. I am stronger, I am more appreciative of the little things in life, I have a burning desire to make a difference (I'm still figuring out how to put that into practice) and I remember that I need to put myself first (work in progress).

I have more to say but I'm tired so I'm signing off.  Before I go, let me say thank you. Thank you for joining me on this journey. Thank you for your comments, your calls, your messages...every kind of support makes a big difference.

Much love to all!
Andee

I am SO not used to these things

Howdy blog friends!

Happy Friday to you! I thought I would stop by for a quick update. I won't bore you with fluid talk - though there has been a lot of it and it got a bit painful - but I will tell you that I had to go in for an unplanned, but much needed, aspiration. My scheduled appointment was not until the 29th, but if I had waited that long, I'm pretty sure I might have exploded. Seriously.

Anyway, I went in for the aspiration and SURPRISE, I got some fluid added to my expanders. Yes, I finally got that fill. And OH what a fill it was!  As a reminder, for those of you just joining us, during reconstruction, tissue expanders are inserted under the muscle in the chest. Expanders are essentially empty implants. Fluid is gradually added to the expanders in order to stretch the skin and muscle to make room for the future implant. In case you missed it or have forgotten, they look like this...

Again, they have a nifty little port in them so the doctor can insert a needle and fill those suckers up! I want you have an idea how much of a change I've undergone in the past 6 weeks. I'm sure you noticed that I complained about pain and discomfort a lot more than usual after this surgery. You might have a better understanding once you see where I started versus where I am now. Again, the pictures are always PG but there will have to be reference photos. Check the Viewers Discretion Advised page later if you want to feel the pain.  :-)

Sorry, back to expanders...here's how they expand!

They have a nifty little port in them that allows the doctor to inject fluid in them and fill 'em up. This is done gradually. Enough fluid gets added so that the skin and tissue are stretched. There is a magnet (I think) in the port because they wave a little wand over each one to find the port, then they stick the needle in and start adding. The needle isn't bad. It's a tiny little stick (no numbing for that one) but the sensation when they are filling them is an interesting one. I will get another fill up on the 29th and will continue to go every week or two to get fluid added until we reach the appropriate size - when we have enough space for the implant. At this point, my crappy skin seems to be holding up well with the expansion. Nothing has popped open yet, so that's definitely a plus!

I have felt some discomfort and a muscle spasm here and there but manageable so far. I felt the most discomfort when I woke up this morning. I think I tried to roll over during the night. OUCHIE! So the discomfort is tolerable and the change in my chest size over the past few weeks is, well, let's just say it's significant. 

So, things are going as expected so far. The fluid has been a nuisance but nothing I can't handle. The expansion pain is there but, again, nothing I can't handle. I just keep reminding myself that the Frankenboobs are going to look so much better and the pain is only temporary. 

Finally, just a note.  I have been contacted by a few people over the past several weeks - some letting me know that they had been recently diagnosed or that someone they know has. As always, if anyone has any questions, feel free to contact me directly. There is a link on the main page of the blog, I've also got the Facebook page, where you can send direct messages. If you would rather just read, that's fine too! On the main page of the blog, you'll find the Blog Archive at the bottom on the right hand side. You can read from the beginning by selecting 2014 and go to March. I literally posted my first entry on the day my diagnosis was confirmed. I've shared it all. 

Rest easy everyone!

Love to all,

Andee

731

Good evening friends,

I'm not feeling too great so I considered not posting tonight, but HERE I AM! Today marks the 2 year anniversary of the day I found my lump. 731 days (there's an extra day because we had leap day this year!) and here I am. I will be acknowledging some additional milestones in pretty rapid succession. Things happened pretty quickly. Next up will be my diagnosaversary and the 2nd birthday of this blog.

So much has happened over the past two years and, looking back now, it has flown by. It seems like yesterday. I remember the early days very vividly. We'll revisit those days over the next couple of weeks but I want to say something to everyone who reads this. Here goes...

I wish that I could say that I'm the only person I know who was diagnosed with breast cancer in her 40s. I can name 4 other women right off the top of my head. Please, please, please do your monthly self exams. Please, please, please get your mammograms. Please, please, please do not follow the guidelines that say you can wait until 50 to start getting annual mammograms. Talk to your doctor, take control of your own health and care. Really!

I know things have been a little more serious than normal on here recently - certainly more clinical. Well, that ends today. Today, my friend Deadpool would like to share a message with all the ladies out there. Guys, feel free to share this with the ladies in your life.  This just might save someones life!

Love to all,
Andee

Needles, needles everywhere...again

Hi friends!

I'm getting ready to try to get some rest but I thought I'd stop in and ask for some good vibes for tomorrow. I can handle needles but I estimate that I'm going to get stuck as many as 8 times tomorrow. That's a high end estimate. I doubt it will be that many but aspirate all 3 surgical sites (could be just one but you never know....there's fluid all over the place), that's 3 sticks, plus 3 more sticks if they numb those areas before aspirating and THEN there will be 2 sticks for the expander fills.  I'll give you a final count after tomorrow afternoon's visit but that should be the top end.



I'm not thrilled about all of the needles but I'm looking forward to having someone drain the damn waterbed off of my back. If it wasn't so gross, I would post a video, but I can poke on my side and a section of my back from side to my spine and about 5 inches from top to bottom, moves like a waterbed. It's crazy!

I know that's totally disgusting, but I had to do it. It's just like that! It doesn't make all that noise but the rest is spot on. lol



I'm also looking forward to some of the pressure being relieved. I feel like I'm wearing a really tight inner tube and it's like it's going to pop open any minute. The left side of my chest is quite impressive at the moment. It's mostly fluid and swelling from the surgery and the (buff) muscle that hasn't started to atrophy yet. It's more than a handful! That's pretty impressive considering that 3 weeks ago it was a crater.  I was about to say it will deflate a bit tomorrow if fluid is removed, but she's putting some back in, so we'll see what happens.



Wish me luck, friends.



Love to all,

Andee

The song of the day - My Seroma

Sing with me!

My Seroma!





Today has been rough. My seroma(s) have taken over. My back feels a whole lot like a waterbed when you push on it.  Gross, I know, but we're all about the really real stuff here, remember. I have had the compression bandage on and off but the situation is still ugly. There is a bit of pain, lots of discomfort and, of course, a good amount of pressure. Don't think I haven't considered popping a straw into the hole left by my drain tube. I wouldn't really do it but I've thought about it.

At this point, I just need to make it through until Tuesday afternoon and then I can get some of this stuff pulled out before she fills up the expanders. What a fun day that's going to be, don't you think?  :-)

Welcome to my world

Here we are, 7 days post op. Wow. Still mending and living with some weird stuff. It has been a week of frustration, pain, muscle spasms, drains, drains and more drains The pain has mostly been due to the expanders. I think I mentioned before that she thought things went so well that she didn't wait to do the first fill - she added fluid during surgery so there has been some tissue stretching happening and it is less than comfy.
I had an unplanned visit with the surgeon late last week because there were some spots on my incision (left/radiated side) that looked questionable...like it was dying, questionable. The good news is the dark areas were on the radiated skin side and NOT on the flap side. She had me come into the office just to make sure all was OK - which it was - and I even got a tube out! She pulled the catheter from my back so that leaves me with only the 3 drain tubes and 100+ stitches to go (update - I don't think there was as many stitches in my back incision as I first thought. Still a lot to get out though).
NOw, to provide a wee bit more detail on the dark spots, their appearance has improved, and the tissue has not died (fingers crossed) but it is just proof that the radiated skin could not have handled any of this on its own. Pretty vivid display but I get it now.
There is still a substantial amount of swelling on the left side. Remember, my big, buff latissumus muscle was pulled through under my arm. It will eventually atrophy but for now it's just irritating me (see post entitled Tennis Anyone?).
The updates are:

• Follow up appt tomorrow to check incisions and drains
• Might lose some stitches and/or a drain (might is the key word)
• Next expander fill won't happen until a  week after the last drain comes out. I'm hoping that fill will be less painful since it won't coincide with the trauma of surgery. Fingers crossed.

As expected, this has been the most challenging surgery/recovery experience of them all. The next one should be a breeze!

I will update tomorrow after my appointment.

Love to all!

Andee

It's that time again. Are y'all ready to dance?

Tomorrow is surgery day, and you know what that means!!

DANCE PARTY TIME!!!!

wifflegif.com

giphy.com

giphy.com

Tomorrow will be a long one (6+ hours) so pick a bunch of your favorite tunes and dance with me! Surgery days are all about fun, positive vibes and dancing. So wherever you are, get your groove on!

I've kept busy today. I even overdid it a little and had to rest for a while but all is good. I'm wrapping up my chores and my packing (and I caught up all of our laundry - that's a darn miracle!). 

Once again, I will provide updates until they take my phone away and then control will be handed over to Karla and Pam. My guess is that they will update on Facebook because I'm not sure they remember how to update here.  

I will post something as soon as I'm able, though it might be tomorrow evening. I will be awake @ 8 PM for certain...The X-Files is on!  

Good evening friends. Back tomorrow!

Love to all,

Andee

Today's post is brought to you by the word seroma

Wednesday January 27, 2016

Here we are, day 1 after the tube was removed and I already have a seroma. It's not too bad, but it's there. I'll let you know if I get to the beachball stage. The thought of that just plain grosses me out. ICK!
I'm tired (even after a nap!) so this will be short.
'Night!

________________________________________________________________________
Friday January 29, 2016

As you already know (assuming you read the post from earlier today), things got worse over the next 24 hours but I'm feeling much better today. I feel a little like I'm wearing a float my chest. You know I'm very visual about stuff and I searched for a funny picture to post to give you an idea what it feels like. I have been unsuccessful in my search. So, imagine, if you will, wearing one of those doughnut-shaped floats around your chest. That will give you some idea what the sensation is like...except mine is more like a half doughnut. It's weeeeeeird. Last time this happened, it got so bad that I actually looked forward to seeing my surgeon come at me with something like this...

www.starsyringe.com

...and jab it in my chest. I don't think the syringe in the picture above is big enough but all of the pictures that show the actual type they used on me, come in pictures of them actually being used. Nobody wants to see that. Anywaaaaay, I'm not to the point that I'm feeling all dreamy about a big needle but I'm not comfortable. I'm still wrapped in the compression bandage (which I am now calling my "warm hug", in all of it's velcro and elastic glory), and I'm sure that's helping so no real complaints.  It could always be worse.

STRAIGHT TALK ALERT.

My drain site is looking a little better, though it still looks a lot like a wee GSW. It has sealed nicely and the angry skin around it is looking better. My back incision is still a little red around the edges but the worst parts are the areas that scabbed over. I've been treating them to try to soften them but it if I stretch a little to far...well...it kinda feels like that end of the incision is just going to pop loose and that whole flap is just going to fly off.  #plasticsurgeryproblems

My arrival and surgery time are confirmed. Once again, we will start early on Monday morning and I'll be on the table for 6 hours or so. I'll come out with 3 brand spanking new incisions over the 3/4 of my torso, 2 new foreign objects implanted (expanders, no foobs yet), 3 new SUCKY drains (no pun intended) and a catheter in my back. My goal is to maintain my really inappropriate sense of humor right up until I nod off and then showing my monitor to friends and family as soon as I can. If you're new to the blog, here's a picture of me showing my monitor prior to my mastectomy. It's become kind of a thing.  I think my husband and siblings see it as my version of "thumbs up" after surgery.

I could ramble on for a while longer but I will spare you for now. I'll write some more about my thoughts on the upcoming procedure and pull out some throwback posts.

Much love to all!
Andee

What a difference a day makes...again

Hello blog friends!
I apologize for being gone for a couple of days. It was not planned. I was ok on Wednesday but I had a horrible night on Wednesday night and felt horrible yesterday and spent most of the day trying to rest. The fluid started building up in my back and a bit on my side after the drain was removed. By Wednesday night I was quite uncomfortable and had a horrible time sleeping.  I went to bed and fell asleep but was awake only an hour or so later. I don't think I went to sleep until about 4 AM and was awake again by 6:15 or so.  After the kids were off to school, I put dinner in the crock pot and hit the couch to try to sleep. I wouldn't say that I was napping, it was more like a series of brief "dozes" and didn't really help much. By early afternoon, I was feeling awful.  I was tired, sore and pretty nauseated. Once again, my parents saved the day and came down to pick up the kids and hang out at the house while I slept. I was able to sleep soundly for just shy of 2 hours and it made a world of difference. Thankfully,I'm feeling much better today, thank you for asking.
So, the week that I thought was going to be one filled with "almost normal", wasn't quite.  I will continue to prep and plan for Monday's surgery and the recovery period to follow. The past 2 1/2 weeks + have just flown by.

Gotta run for now but I'll be back later.

Love to all,
Andee

The good, the bad and the ugly

A good amount of information to share after today's appointment, so let's just jump right in.

The big news is that the drain and 60 stitches are OUT. YAY!!!  (The Good)

First, the drain. It was still producing a good amount but, at this point, we want to minimize the risk of infection so it had to come out. That means that I will likely have a build up of fluid on my back between now and surgery. That's called a seroma. (The Bad)They suck. I still think it's better than the drain but it's not fun. In an effort help minimize the swelling/fluid build up, I'm currently wrapped snuggly in a compression bandage. It's not so bad. Quite comforting actually - now I know why babies like to be swaddled so much.

I guess we should talk about the actual drain removal. It's a little hard to explain. I would say that it is more uncomfortable than painful but there is a little pain. There is some soreness after the removal, for sure.  I went "commando" today - no pain medication of any kind. The nurse cut the stitch (part of which was "healed over"). Then came the fun part. She told me to take a deep breath and she pulled. I'm not trying to gross you out but if I'm sharing, I have to share it all. As you might imagine, there has been 2 weeks of healing since the drain went in. That means that thing gets settled in its place. That means when she pulls it out, it doesn't just slip right out. There is some effort involved to get it pulled loose from its tethers. So there's a tug, a pop and then a feeling that, I would guess, is not dramatically different from pulling the shaft of an arrow out of your torso.  Of course, mine didn't have a arrowhead on the end but there's a good amount of tube that has to make its way out. I made it through without any problem (other than the brief pain/discomfort).

Next came the stitches. Now, I'm a pretty quick healer. That's a good thing but that also means that my skin was already at the point where it was trying to heal over the stitches. Yes, I can't just be easy. It's not my nature. The good news here is that the incision area is basically numb except for a few spots. Even in those spots, the feeling is minimal. So when the nurse started removing the stitches, she told me to let her know if she was hurting me because some of those stitches were in there pretty good. I didn't have any issues. I could feel her tugging and I could tell what she was doing but there wasn't any pain. Strangely, when she got to, approximately, stitch number 56, I broke out in a sweat and feared that I was going to faint. I told her she wasn't hurting me but I wasn't feeling right. (The Ugly)She said she was glad I told her and she let me lay back and relax for a few minutes until the wave of weird passed.  I told her how strange I thought that was since she wasn't hurting me and it really wasn't bothering me. She said it was my body's response to us messing around with the surgical area. So strange.  But, YAY ME, I didn't hit the floor.

After all of my extras were removed (did I mention YAY?!?), we chatted about prep for the next surgery. I've been feeling a bit of a cold coming on and I let her know. She said a common cold isn't a deal breaker but if I even have an hint that I've ventured into some sort of infection (ear, sinus, UTI) I need to act immediately. Any infection can be a deal breaker. The variable here and the area of concern is the fact that I'm having foreign bodies implanted. You don't want any infection making its way into/onto those things.  So, at her suggestion, after my visit I drove directly to RiteAid and picked up some Zicam and Emergen-C. I'm going to fight this cold as best I can. I need to knock that sucker out and do my best to keep it from turning into anything else. I do NOT want to delay this process.  After I picked up my items, I headed back to my parent's house. We had another snow day today so they watched the kiddos while I went on my Magical Medical Tour. Since I had some assistance with childcare (bless my parents!) I was able to get some rest. I went down for a nap at a about 12:30, with the intention of sleeping a couple of hours. I woke up at 4:45 PM.  Your body knows when you need rest. Wow!

So, tomorrow I visit with my oncologist. I haven't seen him in a few months so we'll get to spend some time catching up. After that, I'll continue my planning and prep for surgery number 2. It's so hard to believe that it's less than a week away now. I shall be strong and roll on!

I'll catch up with you tomorrow.

Love to all!
Andee

Let's talk drains

It's been almost 2 years since we talked about drains. If you were around for the first one you can skip this explanation. If you're new to my world, you are getting ready to learn something. This post might not be for everyone. The drain tube doesn't hurt but it's not easy to look at. As a courtesy, I won't show you my actual drain, I will use my trusty old illustration. Again, my setup varies a bit from the drawing but you get the idea. My tube exits on my side and it's several inches below my surgical site. I have to empty the bulb, which I refer to as my bulbicle, at least twice per day. For now, I have to do it more than that because I can fill the bulb. Nice, right?

I'm not sure how long I will have to keep this one. After my mastectomy, I only kept my drains in for a week. My PS said that the back drain would stay in the longest after the "big" surgery. She estimated 3 weeks. (Oh please, NOOOOOOO). So it could be as long as 3 weeks. It won't be any more than that because I have surgery again in 3 weeks. When I come out of that I'll have a newly placed drain for my back and two more in the front. Can you feel my excitement? I'm sure that you can.  

In other news, I've developed my "rash caused by whatever that stuff is they put on your skin before surgery to keep the cooties away." 

This pic shows some of my remaining ink as well as the redness caused by the aforementioned "stuff" that dripped down during surgery since I was lying on stomach. Never a dull moment in my world.

Well, today hasn't been so bad. I've felt pretty good but I'm absolutely worn out right now. I should have taken it a bit easier and snuck in a nap. Maybe tomorrow.

Bye for now.

Love to all,
Andee