Fluid Out, Stitches In...

**Warning: we're going to talk fluid aspiration, scabs, scalpels, etc. If that doesn't interest you, turn back now. You have been warned. 

Good evening and welcome to Tuesday!

I am overjoyed to report that the waterbed is gone! Once again, Dr. Hall and Julie took great care of me and worked together to drain a bucket (not really) of fluid off of my back. Instant relief is a lovely thing.  I filled a 30 ml syringe (the big one in the middle of the tray) and overflowed into the bag of saline. I am a fluid making MACHINE!

It was decided that nothing would be added to the expanders today, and I'm SOOO OK with that. As a result, the stick count was nice and low. One shot in the back to numb and then one to remove that jug (not really) of fluid. Didn't feel a thing for that one! After the fluid was drained, she checked my left side and worked on some of the scabs (translation: removed them). I had one that was still quite large, considering we're 3 weeks post-op. It looked a little interesting, like it was already loose in the middle. She whipped out the tweezers, scissors and the scalpel and went to work. Once she got it uncovered, she decided to stitch me up a bit. We knew it was coming, folks, so don't worry. Remember, my skin is like crepe paper (not really) after radiation so we expected some stitching. The stitching didn't even require any numbing because I'm numb already! Weirdest thing though, about 30 minutes later I was sore. WHAT?!  Yep. I took some Advil when I got home that helped.

So, for now, the plan is to go back in a couple of weeks and get that fill. I'm hoping the healing will continue, the stitches will do their thing, and that my mobility and ability to use my left arm to do more, continues to improve. Don't worry, I won't overdo it. You know I don't have time for any setbacks!

It's time for me to go doctor my incision and get some rest.

Love to all!
Andee

Needles, needles everywhere...again

Hi friends!

I'm getting ready to try to get some rest but I thought I'd stop in and ask for some good vibes for tomorrow. I can handle needles but I estimate that I'm going to get stuck as many as 8 times tomorrow. That's a high end estimate. I doubt it will be that many but aspirate all 3 surgical sites (could be just one but you never know....there's fluid all over the place), that's 3 sticks, plus 3 more sticks if they numb those areas before aspirating and THEN there will be 2 sticks for the expander fills.  I'll give you a final count after tomorrow afternoon's visit but that should be the top end.



I'm not thrilled about all of the needles but I'm looking forward to having someone drain the damn waterbed off of my back. If it wasn't so gross, I would post a video, but I can poke on my side and a section of my back from side to my spine and about 5 inches from top to bottom, moves like a waterbed. It's crazy!

I know that's totally disgusting, but I had to do it. It's just like that! It doesn't make all that noise but the rest is spot on. lol



I'm also looking forward to some of the pressure being relieved. I feel like I'm wearing a really tight inner tube and it's like it's going to pop open any minute. The left side of my chest is quite impressive at the moment. It's mostly fluid and swelling from the surgery and the (buff) muscle that hasn't started to atrophy yet. It's more than a handful! That's pretty impressive considering that 3 weeks ago it was a crater.  I was about to say it will deflate a bit tomorrow if fluid is removed, but she's putting some back in, so we'll see what happens.



Wish me luck, friends.



Love to all,

Andee

The song of the day - My Seroma

Sing with me!

My Seroma!





Today has been rough. My seroma(s) have taken over. My back feels a whole lot like a waterbed when you push on it.  Gross, I know, but we're all about the really real stuff here, remember. I have had the compression bandage on and off but the situation is still ugly. There is a bit of pain, lots of discomfort and, of course, a good amount of pressure. Don't think I haven't considered popping a straw into the hole left by my drain tube. I wouldn't really do it but I've thought about it.

At this point, I just need to make it through until Tuesday afternoon and then I can get some of this stuff pulled out before she fills up the expanders. What a fun day that's going to be, don't you think?  :-)

Nobody likes a whiner

Hi all!

It's been a week since my last post and, oh, what a week it has been. I've waited until now to post because I didn't want to whine. The point here is to share information, not complain. So here are the facts.

I started the week with 3 drains and a gazillion stitches. On Tuesday morning, I thought I would lose the stitches and a 1 maybe 2 drains. Lucky me, I hit the post-surgery jackpot! Everything came out at once. I didn't even get woozy this time, but that back drain was a booger. I hope that this is my last experience with drains. I hate those things. Have I mentioned that before?

Now, even though I loathe drains, they serve a very important purpose. They help remove fluid after surgery but they have to come out or there is a risk of infection. In my case, they had to come out while at least one of them was still pulling a lot of fluid. With no drain, the fluid has nowhere to go...so what happens to it? It builds up. Eventually the body will start to reabsorb the fluid but it can build up. It's ugly, it's uncomfortable and if you want to get rid of it, it requires a big ol' needle to aspirate it. As you might have already guessed, I have some fluid build up. I've tried the compression bandage, like I did after surgery number 1, but it's pretty uncomfortable with the expanders. I might go so far as to say that it hurts. As a result, I wear it for a little while and then take it off.

At my appointment on Tuesday, my doctor said everything was looking good (relatively speaking, of course) and she even toyed with the idea of adding some fluid to the expanders...but she did not (thank you!). She will be adding fluid this week when I go back. Fluid was added during surgery and I had a good amount of pain but I'm not sure how much of that was from the muscle move and how much was from addition of the expanders and the fill. I'm hoping it will be tolerable. I'll find out soon enough and I'll share the details here.

I'll be back tomorrow. it's time for some restless sleep.

Love to all,
Andee

Well, that's new

Let me start by saying, this post will likely be short. I've been having some pretty wicked "muscle seizures" over the past 24 hours. It is not the most fun thing ever. I only mention that because I'm going to go to bed shortly and try to relax the muscles...that means sleeping in one position, propped up on pillows with pillows on each side so I don't roll over. Yuck! I still have the drains to deal with in addition to pain from the expanders if I do happen to roll over. It's a non-stop party around me!  Just ask Bobby.

The point of the post is not to list all of the lingering challenges 2 weeks after surgery - it's to let you know that new and different issues can pop up even 2 weeks after surgery. Remember when I mentioned that my surgeon said that radiated skin is crap and she would probably have to sew me up a few times after surgery because the radiated skin couldn't handle it. Well, I'm happy to say that nothing has opened up but this morning I had some bleeding. I can't see my whole surgical area very well so I enlisted the help of the hubs and the mom. They don't see any tears (good news) but clearly there was some sort of issue since I now have a blood stain on one of my favorite tops.  Say a prayer for my crappy radiated skin. I just want it to keep it together.  Not much grosses me out but I'm not thrilled at the thought of any of my incisions opening up...even a little.

I'll update tomorrow.

Love to all,
Andee

What I've learned, Version...aw, heck, I don't know

Hello friends!
I hope your Thursday has been fabulous. I hope that everyone has their Valentine goodies and cards ready for the big day tomorrow. If your kids are not yet in school or are already in middle school or beyond...bless you. There is a lot of prep involved this time of year and it's especially challenging when you can't drive. Once again my parents (both sets) saved the day. Much love to all of them!!!

So, what have I learned? It's time for bulleted list. YAY!

• My level of patience with recovery is CRAP. I went into this knowing that it would take extra time but DANG!
• Muscle spasms or, muscle seizures, as I like to call them, SUCK! Especially when one of the muscles in question wraps halfway around your body. 
• I'm going to need to sleep on an incline for a good long while. If I lay at angle less then 45 degrees, there's pain...a lot of pain. I'm not sure whether the expanders are trying to move or if it strains or stretches the muscle somehow. All I know is that it is bad painful. 
• Drains still suck. 
• By the time they are ready to remove my stitches on Tuesday (on my back at least) they are probably going to have to dig some of those puppies out. Oh yay!
• I could probably sleep 20 hours a day. I'm not quite sure what surgery has done to my poor body but apparently it needs rest. 
• My family is awesome. My mother-in-law dropped everything and basically moved in to help us. I know it's hard to be away from home and I want to publicly let her know how much I appreciate her and all that she's done.
  My parents have been a blessing. The continue to help take care of me whenever needed even though they should have been rid of me since age 18. They've served as my babysitters, transporters, caregivers and supporters. 
• I have the best husband in the world ever. He had no idea what he was getting into when he said "in sickness and in health". He is my best friend, the love of my life, a spectacular father, son, brother and all around human being. He accepts my perpetual defectiveness and I love him for it. 

I'm going to go to sleep now but I'm hoping, as I wind down post op week 2, that it will be uphill from here...right up until they pump more fluid into these half empty balloons!  lol

Love to all,

Andee

Why in the world do you do that?

In the spirit of Mardi Gras (a day late), tonight's post is about why I'm comfortable showing people my crazy chest.
First, let me clarify something. I don't randomly lift up my shirt and flash people nor do I show people against their will. I'm not that creepy.  There are a few reasons why I have been ok (so far) showing people my scars/progress.

1. Many people I've talked to, including family members, don't completely understand the surgery I've had. Which muscle went where, why it's there, and where in the heck did that skin come from?, do you have a skin graft on your back now?
   I get it, it's hard to wrap your head around unless you watch the procedure on YouTube. I watched it the day I met with the plastic surgeon.(no surprise, right?). Most other people haven't watched - it's not easy. There are diagrams but they really don't give you the big picture. So, as a result, I'm happy to show you my incisions and try to explain what went where and why. 
2. My breasts are long gone. Haven't had anything for almost 2 years now. Had a couple of places on my chest that looked more like an old lady with her teeth out than anything else. Nothing of any interest. Now, we are in the process of putting things in "positive territory" but they are not my breasts. I don't even call them breasts. I'm an idiot and most of the time I refer to them as my foobs. There are no natural structures anywhere on my chest anymore. It's muscle and skin from my back, of all places, and, at present, the shape is provided by swelling and two partially filled implants. I look more like a mannequin made up as the Bride of Frankenstein.  How unsexy is that? 

Bottom line, I don't see them as breasts or as "mine". It's more about the clinical process and "look what modern plastic surgery can do". The physical part has been tough, and still is, but I'm thrilled that my clothes will fit normally again in a few months. I will feel "whole", like I've taken something back (there's a post about why I decided to do this, if you want to go back).  I just keep reminding myself that this part is temporary. And what a story I'll have to tell.   ;-)

Love to all,

Andee

Aaaand...I lost nothing

I saw the surgeon today. I walked in the door expecting to have nothing removed, then had a moment when it seemed as if it was all going to come out at once and then, finally, I lost nothing. I still have my 3 drains (and the fanny pack...don't hate) and all of my 100+ stitches (I'm working on an official tally before they all come out). I have mixed emotions about this. I'm a little glad that everything didn't come out at once. That's a lot of stuff to tolerate at one time - especially with my experience the last time. I was mentally and, somewhat, physically prepared to lose some stitches and one of the front drains. Now I'm back to, potentially, facing a day where I could, at minimum, get 2 drains pulled and all of the stitches. Eeek.   I am scheduled to return to her office on Tuesday for another check but, if the drain output slows to less than 30 ml/day, I can go in Friday and get one or both of the front drains pulled. The back drain will likely stay in for at least another week after that. THEEEN, we start filling the expanders. I have chosen to accept the fact that I'm going to be uncomfortable for the next few months. I figure that will make this whole process a lot easier.

An update on the dark spots on my incision. They are looking much better. Dr. Hall now thinks that it was probably dark bruising rather than dying skin - that's good news! The color is much better in those areas and the flap is looking fabulous. Well...as fabulous as a transferred flap of skin can look. It's not pretty but it's WAAAAY prettier than it was before. The mastectomy chest pending reconstruction is not attractive at all.

I'm still getting used to the swelling on the left side and the new structures on the chest. This whole process is quite weird but what an experience. I knew when I started this part of the journey that this might be the most physically challenging of all - I wasn't wrong. I have a better attitude about it now that I'm (hopefully) over the worst part of it and I can see the changes. And yes, I have become one of "those" women. Even as ugly as they are right now, I'll show 'em to you. lol  I'll write about that whole thing the next time - my philosophy about why "those" women do that. You will, no doubt, find it fascinating.

Good night.
Love to all,
Andee

Welcome to my world

Here we are, 7 days post op. Wow. Still mending and living with some weird stuff. It has been a week of frustration, pain, muscle spasms, drains, drains and more drains The pain has mostly been due to the expanders. I think I mentioned before that she thought things went so well that she didn't wait to do the first fill - she added fluid during surgery so there has been some tissue stretching happening and it is less than comfy.
I had an unplanned visit with the surgeon late last week because there were some spots on my incision (left/radiated side) that looked questionable...like it was dying, questionable. The good news is the dark areas were on the radiated skin side and NOT on the flap side. She had me come into the office just to make sure all was OK - which it was - and I even got a tube out! She pulled the catheter from my back so that leaves me with only the 3 drain tubes and 100+ stitches to go (update - I don't think there was as many stitches in my back incision as I first thought. Still a lot to get out though).
NOw, to provide a wee bit more detail on the dark spots, their appearance has improved, and the tissue has not died (fingers crossed) but it is just proof that the radiated skin could not have handled any of this on its own. Pretty vivid display but I get it now.
There is still a substantial amount of swelling on the left side. Remember, my big, buff latissumus muscle was pulled through under my arm. It will eventually atrophy but for now it's just irritating me (see post entitled Tennis Anyone?).
The updates are:

• Follow up appt tomorrow to check incisions and drains
• Might lose some stitches and/or a drain (might is the key word)
• Next expander fill won't happen until a  week after the last drain comes out. I'm hoping that fill will be less painful since it won't coincide with the trauma of surgery. Fingers crossed.

As expected, this has been the most challenging surgery/recovery experience of them all. The next one should be a breeze!

I will update tomorrow after my appointment.

Love to all!

Andee

Tennis anyone?

I'm finally here. I was just having too much trouble trying to type on my little Kindle keyboard with my T-rex arms. I got to ride the lift chair and made it upstairs to use an actual computer.  This is still uncomfortable but much easier. So let's review the week so far.

I arrived at the hospital on Monday morning @ 6:30 AM. I went through all of the pre-op activities - vitals taken, a million questions answered, IV placed, pepcid taken then Dr. Hall drew on me and it was time to roll. From what I hear, they got started around 9 AM and I was out in less than 4 hours. That's still a long time but much shorter than the maximum time estimate. Yay!  I had a little nausea in recovery the last time but I remembered to let them know this time so I got a patch. That means I woke to pain only, not pain and nausea. Yay!

I woke up a bit in recovery and was off to my room. The pain was a little harder to manage this time around. I guess that should be unexpected since I have an incision on my back and lots on my front.  The first 24 hours were a real challenge. There were a lot of tears, I'm not going to lie. And I have never cried over pain, even after my mastectomy. I figured out later that most of the pain was coming from the expanders. We didn't think they'd be filled for another 6 months but Dr. Hall was so happy with the way everything was going, she went ahead and added some fluid to the expanders. Yay for the head start, Boo for the discomfort. Remember, I'm all about full disclosure so I'm not going to tell you that it was all better quickly. Nope, we've just been able to knock the edge off but it's finally tolerable.

As expected, I woke up with 3 drains and a pain catheter in my back. That thing is working WONDERFULLY because I've had no issues with my back. I'm still very sore on the front but I'm happy to say that I can already raise my right arm above my head. My left side is a little more complicated. There's more swelling on that side, more fluid, more pain. Remember the muscle from my back is still attached in the back. It's pulled through a "tunnel" under my arm. Over time the muscle will atrophy but that hasn't happened yet.  Add to that, the fluid/swelling and it feels like I have a tennis ball under my arm. You can see it through my clothes...it's that large. Lovely, right? I can raise the left arm to shoulder level and I'm working on doing more, a little at a time.

The "fooblettes" are currently looking like Dr. Frankenstein did my surgery - especially the left side. Some skin came along with the muscle from my back so she had to make a place for that and sew it all together. They will look much better over time but I have to say, it's nice to have something other than dent there. I'm actually convex rather than concave now. (did I get those right?). Anyway, Dr. Hall is very happy with the look of the skin. She said that the blood flow to the flap is much better than she would have ever expected. That's good!

Time for a break. Back to finish later....

Ok, I'm back and I'm home! YAY!!

So, other than pain, I had minimal complications this time around. On Monday, I had some fluid issues and my left hand puffed up and my fingers looked like sausages. I couldn't make a fist. It appears that it was due to the fluid they were pumping in to me and the fact that I left my left hand hanging down because it was painful to move it. After we noticed the swelling, we propped my left arm up on pillows for the remainder of my hospital stay and it came down. It's very close to normal now. I was just sure that it was lymphedema.

I once again had a reaction to the prep stuff. It happened pretty quickly this time so Bobby (bless his heart) had to try to get that junk off of me. They cleaned most of it off my chest right after surgery but there was still a good amount of it left on my back. When Bobby was trying to clean it off, he had to rinse the washcloth 5-6 times. Thankfully, everyone acted quickly so it was better fairly quickly. Bobby cleaned off the prep and ink and they gave me Benadryl...in my IV.  It helped with the itching and also knocked me out.

I have not, yet, tried to figure out how many stitches I have. It's a lot.  I finally caught a glimpse of the incision on my back today and it's larger than I expected. Not a big deal though.

The only other challenge is trying to keep the muscles from tightening up. It's pretty easy when I'm up and about but it becomes a problem when I sleep. With all of  my tubes and bit of pain, I have to sleep propped up and can't roll onto either side. Sleeping in one position means my muscles get no stretch while I'm sleeping. When I get up it takes a while to loosen everything back up again.

So, there's my update. The first 48 hours this time around have been the most challenging of all of my surgeries. More pain, more discomfort, needed more help...etc. Thankfully we got through it but it was not a fun time.

I'm off to take care of my drains and then try to stay awake for a little while.

Thank you to everyone who called, texted, messaged or came to visit. I appreciate everyone's love and support and positive vibes. It makes all the difference.

Back tomorrow.
Love to all
Andee