Under construction...

Stay tuned! I’m working on the conclusion (finally) of my answer about reconstruction.  Next up, “You can do it!l. 

I miss y'all!

This will be brief but I wanted to stop by and say HI and that I miss my blog family. Life has been a little busier than expected this year but for the past month or so it's been crazy. Also, it's cancer screening season so I've been poked, prodded and tested some already but I still have my regular blood test coming up right before Christmas. That means I should know the results of everything before the holiday. I started feeling bad earlier this week and assumed I was getting hit with the stomach bug (while I was still fighting off the remnants of my Thanksgiving cold) but I think my body is trying to tell me that I'm worried deep down inside.  Sometimes I'm slow to receive the messages but I can eventually get it.

As always, I will keep you posted on the results and, as always, I'll take any prayers you want to send my way.

I'll be back soon!
Love to all,
Andee

Blog Milestone

Good evening, friends.
I'm currently working on the cancer and body image post. I hope to get it done this week. Tonight, I wanted to jump on here and acknowledge a looming blog milestone. When I started posting here 3 1/2 years ago, I wasn't sure where my journey would take me or what this blog would be become, if anything. As I've said a million and a half times, I started writing to keep family and friends up to date, for my own personal therapy and to share my journey with anyone who might be interested.  If I had a goal for the blog it would be that it help provide guidance, information, comfort and support to someone else entering their New World...even it was only one person, it would be worth it. I've heard feedback from a few folks, so that's success as far as I'm concerned.  I just noticed that my little piece of the blogosphere is about rollover to 50,000 views.  That's nothing for a big time blogger but it's amazing to me. If you've been following along, I hope you've learned a little and laughed a lot (well, at least a little) along the way. Thanks for hanging in with me!

Love to all!
Andee

Dear Cancer...

You SUCK! Yep, I said it. Everyone knows that I worry about tempting fate when I get mad about you but I'm in a mood. I wish I had the nerve to sit here typing this while wearing my F#*K CANCER t-shirt but...no...

I had a long, rambling, angry post planned for today. I was going to let it rip. But that's not happening, not today. Our family has been touched by yet another loss to cancer. I've cried a lot, I've felt like screaming, I've wanted to punch something. I let sadness, fear and anger take over for a while. I was ready to write my fiery post. Then something special happened. My (newly) 8 year old asked me if she could write a blog post. She knows I (try to ) post to my blog and she has decided that she's ready to write for her blog. What happened next touched my heart. I thought she was going to write about her love for Hamilton, Monster High or give a detailed recap of her birthday party. Boy, did I underestimate her. She typed the first few lines herself and there was a lot of hunting and pecking. In order to speed things up, she asked if I would type and she dictated to me. Holy cow! They are the words of an 8 year old, but she said exactly what I needed to hear. She wrote about faith and love. She wrote about supporting each other and looking for the silver linings. She brought me to tears and  brought me back from my unhappy place.  My wise little 8 year old reminded me that cancer doesn't deserve all of the energy and attention. The people who battle this HORRIBLE disease do. Their lives should be celebrated and we should find joy in the fact that they were part of ours.

Today, I'm smiling because it happened. I have been blessed with a wild, wonderful and loving bonus family for almost 30 years (that can't be right, can it? 😊). I hit the jackpot in the in-law family department. I love you all as if you were my own. I'm sure I'll shed more tears in the coming days but I will try my best to remain focused on the blessings I have received instead of what has been taken away. I hope you can do the same.

Cancer, you still SUCK!

Love to all,
Andee

Life is short, so what are you going to do with the time you have?

Good evening blog friends! I hope everyone is well. I'm in the early stages of my annual summer colds...and summer colds suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I am not going to let that stop me! We are are knocking out some bucket list level stuff this weekend and I'm so very excited. I'll tell you all about it in a few days.

Let me start this part of the post by saying that I have not received any bad news, I would tell you if I had. The "life is short" stuff has just been on my mind lately. Not because I'm doom and gloom, but because I've taken the time to evaluate what I'm spending my time doing and how it adds value to my life. The result is that I was spending way too much time on things which were NOT adding a great amount of value to my life. This is not a commentary on anyone else, it's all about me (insert my "All About Me" song here...if you don't know, I'll post a video someday so you can enjoy). Earlier this year I was in a situation at work which required that I work a lot...I mean A LOT. It wasn't just for a few weeks, it lasted months. I was truly concerned that it was going to have a negative impact on my health. I'm happy to report that I'm on the other side of that situation now, and I was able to put work and home life back into a reasonable balance.  Yay! Balance!  Once I was able to manage the work piece of my life, I took a good look at my personal life. Don't worry, no relationship concerns, I just took a look around me and decided it was time to make some changes. So began The Purge of 2017. I've been working my way through various aspects of my life and getting rid of things that I don't need. I started reading Marie Kondo's book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing. It really is a fascinating read. I will spare you the details of the purge process (which Kondo says you should expect to take 6 months) but the number of trash bags and donation bags which have already been hauled out of this house is almost embarassing. I'm not a hoarder but dang! All of the family closets and have combed through and purged. I'm happy to say that I've kicked the "buy more storage options" mentality. If I end up with more stuff than I currently have places for, then I don't increase storage, I decrease the amount of stuff!

I've also taken a look at how our family spends our time. When the kids started school this year, we decided that weekdays would be tablet free. No iPads, no Kindles, no TV. Our goal was simply to try to ween the kids off of the devices so they would focus on school but we've gotten so much more. The kids don't complain, they've found other things to fill their time. They get their homework done, they play games with each other, they ride their bikes and enjoy the outdoors. Some of the things we didn't expect - the kids go to sleep faster and with less fussing. they don't seem to stall as much as they used to. Bonus!

I also had to take a look at my own situation. With a husband, 2 kids with (limited) activities, a full time job and long commute, my personal time is limited but valuable. I realized that I was spending a ridiculous amount of time on social media, having conversations about things I saw on social media, etc. When you do the cost/benefit analysis, you realize that makes no sense. I love keeping up with people and seeing pictures of friends and family, but it isn't something I need to do throughout the entire day, everyday. I removed Facebook and Twitter from my phone, though both apps remain on my iPad for my evening entertainment. I find that I'm picking up my phone less. I'm not completely distracted by those little numbers on the badge. I don't have to live my life through my camera and share it with the world. I can keep those memories as my own, experience whatever it is with my full attention instead of trying to document it and share it with the world. I'm not saying I'll never share with the world again, but I'm going to live my life in the moment. That's the priority.

There's still a lot of work to be done but I like my progress this year.

I'm under the weather so I'm off to bed but I leave you with the same question with which I started. Life is short, so what are you going to do with the time you have?

Love to all,
Andee

Perfectly Imperfect - Part I

It's been a while. it's a pretty long (and not so interesting) story so I won't bore you with the list of reasons why time to blog has been...well...lacking...since early this year. Things have begun to normalize over the past month or so, so I'm going to try to dive back in to some regular (probably not daily) posts.

I thought it was time to write about my scarred up old body. For any BC followers, this is going to be one my, long lost, really real truth posts. For others, you will either find this interesting or solidly in the TMI category. To me, it's just me, so read on at your own risk. 

To recap, I had a double mastectomy in April 2014 and then had to wait a year after radiation ended (in December 2014) before we could start reconstruction.  The reconstruction process started in January of 2016, took a year and included 4 surgeries and about 6 months of tissue expansion in the middle. Since I'm now over 6 months beyond the last of the big procedures, I've started getting questions about the process and the results so it's time to share! Don't worry, as always I keep things family friendly - there will be diagrams but no actual pictures. Just for you, I took the time to map my scars. I realized that I put the port scar on the wrong side but you get the idea. So here it is...my map to the scars!

The abdominal scars are older and unrelated to breast cancer, same for the scar on my throat. I just wanted to show that I'm not kidding when I say I'm all scars. The scar on my back is what is left after my lat muscle was released and pulled around to my chest along with a football shaped piece of skin (hence the shape of the scar on my chest). 

In real life, the implants turned out great! I'm very pleased with the way they turned out - I had nothing for more than a year and a half so I'm thrilled! But, as the diagram shows, they're never going to be "pretty". It's always interesting when my (non-plastic surgeon) doctors see them for the first time. Not for any other reason than to hear someone who knows where I came from comment on how great they look. lol  If you saw them in person you'd probably be thinking - "Holy crap she's right! Frankenboobs!" 

To be continued...

I'm baaack! : Let's talk about 2017 so far UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Good evening friends. It has been WAAAY too long since I've posted. 3 months and 3 days, to be exact. That's unbelievable. I'll spare you the details on the boring reason why I haven't been on here and get right to the updates. 

I was so optimistic in my January 4 post. I was looking forward to a year of no procedures and some personal rebuilding. Yeah, so that didn't quite work out as planned. I provided an update on January 15 that brought you up to speed on my newest issue but, believe it or not, things got more interesting from there. First, I will close the loop on that story. I'm happy to report that the biopsy results were negative for cancer and abnormal cells. YAY!! At the same time I received my results, I was advised that I needed to schedule a D&C sometime in the next 6 weeks. BOOO! So much for that whole "no procedures" thing. As far as procedures go, it's not a bad one. Recovery time is super quick, no stitches, no new scars (BONUS!) and, sadly, it wasn't my first rodeo.  The procedure was completed in late February and I got my results back in early March. Another all clear!! 

That should be enough excitement to start the year...right?  Well, not in my world. We had another cancer scare in the time between my appointment and procedure...I found a lump.  No, I am not even joking. I will fill you in on that drama tomorrow.

To be continued...

New posts coming soon. Stay tuned!

New stuff is coming!

Just when you think you're getting a break - WHAM!

2016 was the year of reconstruction. I went through 4 surgeries last year, the last of which was December 21. It was a long year and I was looking forward to a relatively uneventful 2017. Well, God apparently had other plans for me - or my uterus did. 

WARNING: to my male readers or anyone who doesn't want to hear about any uterus-related issues, stop reading now. I won't be graphic but there are some things just are what they are. You have been warned. 

Let me start with some background. I take a daily dose of a drug called Tamoxifen.  My type of cancer was hormone receptive so I take the Tammoxifen, which works to block the hormones.  This works in breast tissue. Apparently, not so much in the uterine area. Down south, from what I understand, the drug actually mimicks the hormones.  One of my super smart doctor friends will have to explain the "why" of that one. As a result of this weirdness, tamoxifen can have some less than desirable side effects. It can cause things like thickening of the lining of the uterus and uglier things like endometrial cancer. As a patient, I was informed of all of this from the very beginning. It's quite rare, affecting about 1% of users each year, but it is possible. The doctors, as always, did a great job of explaining the risks but also why the benefits of taking the drug outweigh those risks.  The other thing you need to know is that they will not/cannot do a "proactive" hysterectomy. Believe me, I asked! You have to have symptoms before they will yank the remaining lady parts out.  That means that I have to be diligent in keeping up with my regular exams and take advantage of the various screenings for which I qualify as a younger breast cancer patient. I have to know the symptoms and signs to look for and what to do if I have them. The other thing you need to know before we proceed, is that I went through chemotherapy induced menopause way back in 2014. Other than the raging hot flashes that came with it, it was the best gift of cancer treatment! Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. I was warned that things could start up again but it could really go either way based on my age. Maybe, maybe not. Now let's get on to our story...

I started working again last Wednesday after taking a couple of weeks off to recover. I didn't make the trip to Louisville until Tuesday 1/10 and went back again on Wednesday 1/11. I eased back in but was still dealing with soreness and the travel and the pace wore me out a bit. So by Wednesday evening I was spent! I thought I would just need some rest and try to slow down a wee bit and all would be well. Then it happened. My body said, "Not so fast there Sassy Pants!" Wednesday evening I started spotting. That's not good. It makes your brain jump ahead to the list your doctors gave you of things you have to address quickly. Your brain also tries to convince you of the weirdest things. Things like, you've overdone it, you're doing too much too quickly.  Really?! How much would you have to overdo it from reconstructive surgery to make your dang uterus leak. It makes no sense! Anyway, spotting is scary - any unexpected bleeding of any amount after menopause is not a good sign. Yes, I began to stress, just a bit (a lot). I considered for a moment that I might not share this development with anyone...but the moment passed. Rewind to my initial breast cancer diagnosis, I made the choice at the time to not tell anyone I had found a lump or that I would be going through tests, etc. My family and friends received the news after I was diagnosed. I vowed that I would never do that again. I immediately let Bobby know, though he knew something was up because of the look of fear in my eyes. After the initial shock wore off, I was able to sleep...well, more than I expected, anyway.  

First thing Thursday morning, I called my GYN to schedule an appointment. When I explained the situation to the wonderful lady on the other end of the phone, she said, "He's going to want an ultrasound."  Yep! She scheduled me for an ultrasound first thing Friday morning and a visit with the doctor immediately following. Great! I was all set. But, I had 24 hours to wait. Have I mentioned that I don't do waiting very well. I kept busy with work and household responsibilities. I'll spare you the details but as the day went on, things started to change a bit. Things changed enough that I began to believe that, based on my symptoms, this might not be cancer, but a case of overachieving ovaries. Could it be possible that I went through menopause 2+ years ago but things started up again? Could I be "lucky" enough to have the opportunity to go through menopause, not once, but twice?! It was looking that way - that's good news!

When Friday morning came around, I got up early and headed to town. All went smoothly - I quickly found a good parking spot, I actually arrived at the office door before it was even unlocked. When they opened a few minutes later, I was checked in quickly and then escorted to the ultrasound waiting area. For anyone who hasn't had an ultrasound, the techs are not permitted to provide you with the results. The doctor has to deliver that news. Once everything was done, the very sweet tech simply said, "I got some really good pictures for the doctor."  It's kind of difficult to interpret anything from that but I remained optimistic. I headed back out to the main waiting room. I didn't have to wait long before they called me back to see the doctor. I chatted with the kind nurse, she took my vitals, we discussed my history, etc. As she's typing her notes into the system, I look around the room and I noticed that the counter across from me held off the tools necessary for a biopsy. Yay!  Again, this was not a surprise to me. I told Bobby the night before that I expected a biopsy whether the ultrasound showed anything or not. If it did, I would need to have that tissue tested. If didn't show anything, they would want to be safe and would test the tissue to see if anything came back. Sometimes it's not always fun being right.  The nurse wrapped up and a few minutes later my fabulous doctor joined me. Bless him, he started off by saying, "You've really even through it, haven't you?"  Yes, it's been an interesting few years. I'll spare you the rest of the small talk and get to the good part. The ultrasound was clear. He didn't see anything that concerned him. He said that there was thickening of the endometrial lining but that was expected with the Tamoxifen. He then officially broke the news that a biopsy was imminent. He advised that a prophylactic hysterectomy wasn't recommended but that he would likely be doing a D&C in the not so distant future. So much for 2017 being procedure-free. 

The biopsy was not very pleasant but, thankfully, it was over in a couple of minutes. We should get the results back by Wednesday. Of course our hope is that it comes back negative, as we expect it to. If you have any prayers left to spare, whisper a quick one for negative biopsy results. If they do come back with any abnormalities, I expect that I'll be having a hysterectomy rather than a D&C.  We will accept whatever comes next and meet it head on. 

I'm reminded that this is our new norm. Once a cancer patient, always a cancer patient. 

I'll keep you posted on results and next steps. 

Love to all!

Andee 

Reconstruction: What I've Learned

Good evening friends. I'm 2 weeks post op so I thought I would stop by and do some sharing.

Let's start by summing up what I learned in 2016 in one sentence.

 

 

 Yes, the year that gave me back some girl parts and some extra ink also gave me more scars, bruises, pain and physical challenges than any other time during my journey. When I think back to my pre-cancer self, I'm pretty sure that I thought that the reconstruction phase would be easy. It sounds so much milder than a bilateral mastectomy. My post cancer self even feels a little funny talking about how difficult it has been because, unless you've been through it, you just can't grasp it. I don't like to complain, as I've said a million times, and  I don't post when all I have on my mind is complaining...note that there have been far fewer posts during recovery this year than during  treatment year. That says a lot.

I'm hoping that I'm done. I guess it depends on how things turn out once I've healed completely. Believe it or not the bruises are still lingering. They have faded a lot but they are still there. Swelling is still an issue. My surgeon told me that things should be much closer to normal in another month. Some of the articles I've read say that some of the issues can linger for multiple months. The worst is over and I'm hoping I've had the last procedure - at least for a while - I'll let you know if additional adjustments are needed.

 

So let's look forward to 2017. It's going to be another rebuilding year...just not surgical rebuilding. It's time to do a repeat of 2015! Due to physical limitations, I've not been able to do my preferred exercise. I'm hoping that I'm healed enough and strong enough to get back it very soon. For now, I shall walk but I'm planning out my goals for the rest of the year. Food, exercise, stress reduction...all that stuff. I'll blog about it all again since it's a great way to keep myself on track.

I'm thrilled to a few days away from my 45th birthday. Birthdays are much more fun when you treat them like the blessings they are. :-)

 

Happy New Year everyone! I look forward to many non-surgery, non-cancer posts this year.  :-)

 

Love to all,

Andee