Doctors, doctors everywhere...

I'm baaaaaaaaack.....

Yes I'm here for a post after a lengthy break. Don't worry,  I didn't "fall in the water" again. I've just been busy with life. Being busy with life makes me tired and when I'm tired I sleep whenever I get the chance. Blogging goes well with insomnia, not so much with sleeping. I'm sure you understand.
Anyway, here I am! Now what?......

 

 

I guess I could update you on the health stuff. So far this week I've seen my radiation oncologist and my medical oncologist. Basically they broke up with me. I guess, in this world, that's a good thing. We haven't called it quits completely. I will see my medical oncologist every 3 months but I'm not scheduled with my radiation oncologist for a whole year. I'm sure she will find a new favorite patient by then. I just can't think about it.   ;-) Next up I get to see my FABULOUS surgeon. Who would have ever thought I could think so highly of someone that chopped off body parts. Oh, but I do think the world of him. I've said it before and I'll say it again. If you ever have to have anything chopped off or taken out, he's your man!  

 

 

As I was saying, I will be seeing my surgeon soon so there will be talk of (knock on wood) port removal and a timeline for reconstruction and all that goes with it. He will be sending me off to a plastic surgeon for a consult at some point. What fun that will be! I've got my eye on a nice set of Scarlett Johanssons.

 



As always, when the time comes, I will share my business with the world. :-)

We have quite an adventure planned for this weekend. I'll try to post throughout but I'll probably be sleeping when we're not out and about...heck, I might be sleeping WHILE we are out and about. I make no promises. 

I'll be back soon enough.

Love to all!
Andee

I fell in the water...

...but I am not staying there!

Don't worry, this won't be a "downer" post...at least I hope not. Just to keep the mood light, I'll include some Phteven!

Oh, how I've missed him.

Ok, back on topic,

Today's post won't be depressing but I would classify it as an RRT  post. For any newbies, that's a Really Real Truth post. As I've said before, the goal is for the blog to be open, honest and hopefully help others know they aren't alone. So let's go...

It's been a bit of a perfect storm of not-so-fun life experiences over the past month or so. Cancer has played a starring role in most of it.  

Just a quick reminder. I made a choice to share my business on the blog - friends and family have not so there will be times that it will seem like I'm being vague. I AM being vague but I'm sure you understand.

You want some honesty? I'll give you the straight poop. I find life after treatment way more difficult and way more scary that life during treatment. I'll write in more depth about this later (I can't stay awake much longer) but I have been dealing with some serious anxiety over the past few weeks. I've had days where I'm pretty sure I haven't gone more than 30 minutes without thinking about cancer - is it really gone? will it come back? what will I do if it comes back? I have a pain - is it cancer?  

The mind can get caught in a loop. Trust me, it's not a the happiest of places.  I've had days where I felt like I couldn't breathe. It was pretty scary.

I have anxiety related to my own situation but I've also dealt with loss (from cancer) in my family and circle of friends. Again, you deal with sadness, fear, anger, survivor guilt...it can be overwhelming. On top of the emotional issues, I tried to take some time off from working out to try to let my feet heal a little. They had gotten really, really painful again so I finally decided to give them some time to recover. Bad idea!! Not for my feet  - which after a very painful few months, are feeling surprisingly normal- but for my sanity. When you hear that exercise can help with anxiety and/or depression, they are not kidding.

I've finally gotten myself "out of the water" and I'm feeling so much better. I will not live my life in fear of what might be. I'm back to living in the moment, I'm not dwelling on what could happen, I'm enjoying what IS happening. The best medicine I could ask for was being surrounded by friends and family over the holiday weekend. Now, I'm diving back into daily workouts and working to make sure my body, mind and soul are strong and prepared for what is to come. 

I have to rest now but I'll write more later. Until then, get out of the water!

To the friends and family we've lost, we'll miss you. I will continue to borrow my friend's hashtag...

#suckitcancer

Love to all,

Andee

Share the love

When we bought our house nine years ago the goal was to have a place where family and friends could gather. The house isn't fancy but the yard is big. We envisioned cook outs with good food, fun games and a lot of laughter!   We have hosted summer gatherings every year since we moved in... except last year. The mood around the LD was very different then. It was way too quiet and serious, for my taste. 

 As we enter the July 4 holiday weekend I'm beyond excited to finally have the house full of the people that I love, once again.  I'll get emotional about it before anyone arrives. I'll be all smiles and laughs by the time everyone gets there. ��

If you are in the area, come on by. All are welcome. Bring a dish and a chair!  

Another step in the journey!   

Happy 4th to all!

Love to all

Andee

Cancer Patient Problems: Summer Edition

Happy Memorial Day Weekend to my blog friends! I hope you are enjoying a bit of a break and remembering why we have this holiday.

So, let's get into it. Today I'm doing another one of my (sort of) educational posts. A cancer diagnosis is life changing in so many ways. If you haven't had the joy of walking this journey then you may not realize the types of changes and/or life modifications which need to be made. That's why I'm here, sharing my business!  You're welcome.

As you may, or may not, be aware, I had some lymph node work done last year...among other things. That puts me at risk for a lovely condition called lymphedema. Apparently, our lymph systems prefer to be left alone to do their work and can get a bit grumpy if disturbed.

I will forever be at risk of my left arm being flooded with lymphatic fluid - yes, it's not a pleasant thought. Anything on that arm that triggers that system to kick in puts me at risk. Like what, you ask?  I'm not to have needle sticks or have blood pressure taken on that side. I have to be cautious, all the time. A paper cut, a bug bite, sunburn, a scratch. Do you see the challenge here? It's summer. That means sunburns, bug bites, scratches...  That also means I shall spend the summer sporting the following accessories:

And my look, now and forever, will be pasty.  That's depressing. Even when I have a re-built bathing suit ready body, I will be frighteningly white. YUCK  I know I can do a fake tan but I don't like orange and, my luck, that crap causes cancer too. So pasty and covered it shall be. 

I'll be back later with another post. 

Love to all!

Andee

It's Midnight, I'm tired but I promised...

...so here I am.
Today was a treatment day. Infusion only, no doctor visit. Everything went smoothly and I was out before by 10 AM...not bad. You might recall, on my last visit I shared a treatment room with a lovely lady who had been recently diagnosed and had just lost all of hair. She said someone had donated a wig for her but it was silver...she was not thrilled about that. I had held on to a box of wigs with every intention of donating them to an individual or an organization at some point but for some reason, I hadn't yet. Apparently I was waiting for her. I offered her the wigs and took them back to the clinic on the same day and left with the nurses to give to her. Today I took back the wig brush and spray conditioner I forgot to take the first time. I asked one of the nurses if she could pass on the supplies and she smiled and said she would be happy to. She then told me that the other patient (whose name I don't know) was so thrilled with the wigs. She said she cried (happy tears, I hope) when she got them and kept saying she needed to get me something. I told the nurse to please tell her that she's more than welcome for the wigs, I was happy to pass them on and she didn't need to get anything for me.  I'm so thrilled that she was so thrilled. Sometimes the smallest things can be big things. You just never know.
It's never a bad idea to pay it forward.

I can do no more tonight.  ZZZZZZZ

Love to all,
Andee

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

Yes, I'm going to embarrass you with blog post that all about you! I tell you that I love you a lot. I say thank you a lot. What I don't do is shout to the world how special you are. (Dad is special too but his day is in June!). Here's what I know...

I know that I was a challenging child...and I'm now reminded of it every single day because there is a Mini Me living in my house. She is strong willed and opinionated, even at age 5. I don't always love the fact that she asks why or pushes back, but I know that once we get past the teenage years, those personality traits will serve her well.  I was once a strong-willed, opinionated 5 year old but you never treated that as a negative. I know (for a FACT) it had to be frustrating at times but you never tried to change me. You never told me I was bossy or that I needed to act more like a shy little girl. You let me be me, even when being me included funky hair, funky clothes (which you did manage well - I would have been funkier without your guidance) and you even loved me when I pierced my own ear...5 times. I'd like to think that I've grown into an OK adult. Whatever I might do right, as a parent or just a human, I'm pretty sure the credit can go to you.

I know that you were a great role model for me. I watched you and how you "did it all" when I was growing up. You went back to work when I started 1st grade. You figured out how to work 12 hour days but still got Karla and I where we needed to go. Dance, choir practice and the pool in the summer. I never felt like you were absent or that we were missing out on anything. I'm still challenged with the work/life balance and some days I wonder how you kept it all together and kept your sanity. If only I could be a awesome as you!

I know that I love the fact that you treat my husband like he's one of your own. When your crazy, loud mouth, bitchy daughter brought home the quiet gorgeous guy, I'm pretty sure you didn't have any idea that he would still be putting up with me 27 years later. Thank you for making him feel like part of the family and being there for him through all of my issues.

I know that you are a wonderful grandmother. I made you wait a little longer than most but I know you love those little people right down to your soul. I feel so blessed that they get to spend time with you. I have mixed emotions about the whole "spoiling thing" but I know that's part of the grandparent gig so I will keep my mouth shut...most of the time.

I know that the phone call I made to you in March 2014 was the single most difficult thing I've ever had to do in my life. I wasn't emotional over my diagnosis, I was emotional because I knew how hard you were going to take the news. The last thing I ever want to do, ever, is cause you pain and I knew that call was going to hurt...a lot. I knew you would be shocked, confused, emotional and terrified. I hate that we were so far apart and that I had to break the news to you over the phone, that I couldn't hug you and look you in the eyes and tell you that I was ready to fight like Hell!

I know that you should have spent the last year enjoying your retirement, spending time with your friends in Florida. Without hesitation you came home and did so many things for Bobby and the kids that I just couldn't. You helped keep everything somewhat normal during the months of treatment. You kept the babies during the worst part of my treatment cycles so they wouldn't have to see me that way. You helped with drop offs, pick ups, groceries, you were Mattie's "dance mom", my nurse, and so much more! I can never, ever, ever, thank you enough for your love, support and your faith.

On this Mother's Day, I want you know that I hope I can be half the mom to my children that you've been to me. Those are big shoes to fill but there is not a day that goes my that I don't catch myself wondering WWMD (What Would Mom Do?).

I know that you are one special lady and I am beyond blessed to call you Mom.

Happy Mother's Day MimMim, I love you so very much!

Andee

A Mother's Day Letter to my Mother In Law

Dear Mom #2,

I'm not sure how many married folk are blessed to be able to say that they not only get along with their mother in law, but love and adore her. I feel so blessed to fall into this category. You have been a part of my life for all but the first 15 years of my existence.  Let that soak in for a minute.  (When Bobby and I started dating, you were younger than I am now.) We are always straight with one another and we don't always agree but somehow that works for us.  You are feisty and, at times, fiery and I love that about you. Over the years, I've not only grown to consider you my second mom, but a friend. We talk family, health, work, movies, books, and maybe a little gossip here and there.

I grew up in a world that revolved around family so joining the Doolin family, even in the early days, felt very comfortable to me. Your fierce love for and loyalty to your family is undeniable. You have always been there for us and we can't ever thank you enough. We've been through a lot during the past 27 years together and I'm looking forward to many more to come...the years, not the drama...I'm good with the drama.  :-)

So, on this Mother's Day, I want you to know that Doolin kid #4 loves you more than you might know and is thankful for you each and every day (even on your more feisty days).

I love you Granny Bug,
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
Andee