COMING SOON: An overwhelming desire to be good at everything isn't always a good thing.

I'm here to help

What not to say to a cancer patient

When you find out someone has/had cancer, I understand that it can be awkward and you might not be sure what to say. I'M HERE TO HELP!

1. You will find yourself with an urge to try to relate to the cancer person and share how cancer has touched your life. That's fine, but I would suggest that you don't lead with something like this...
   
   "Breast cancer, really? Wow.  I had an aunt that died from breast cancer."
   I'm pretty easy going and I see what you're trying to do there but, if I'm being honest, this is not what we want hear. In this case my suggestion would be to lie to our faces and make up some story about your best friend's cousin's sister-in-law who had cancer in her 30's, lived a long, happy and adventurous life and died of old age. We need all of the positive cancer stories we can get.
   
   If, by chance, you catch yourself saying something like this, do not try to recover with...
   
    "...but I'm sure things are going to turn out just fine for you."
   
   You're just making it worse. At this point it would be a good idea to change the subject and chat about the weather.
   
2. Everyone's greatest fear, when it comes to cancer, seems to be the hair loss. I wasn't thrilled about the idea but at NO TIME did I consider skipping treatment. I pay attention to these things so I knew that I could experience things that were much worse than hair loss.  Like..oh, I don't know...DEATH.
   I know for a fact that there are people who would skip treatment for this reason but I think they are in the minority. As a result, I would suggest you don't compliment a cancer patient on their strength in the face of BALDNESS.You should, however, feel free to admire their strength in the face of:
1. Fear
2. Extreme nausea
3. Extreme fatigue
4. Pain
5. Needles...lots of needles
6. Staples
7. Scalpels
8. Scans
9. Scars
10. Bad news
11. Insomina
    ...all at the same time.
    Cancer patients are pretty bad ass individuals, with or without hair!
    
3. Stay away from any sentence that begins with the words, "If I were you..."
   Here's the thing, you are, in fact, NOT ME, so you've lost me before you complete the sentence.  It is perfectly fine to talk to me about what you think you would or would not do but those 4 words mean you are judging my choices. Not cool.
   
   
   
   
   
4. If you are a frequent visitor to my world, you already know this one, but I feel it is appropriate to address this again. There is a word you haven't seen on this page nor will you see it unless I'm complaining about it. I ask that you be mindful of your use of the word survivor.  I have many issues with the use of this word. If you would like to read my full post about it, I can dig up the date for you, but the short version is this...
   Though, at last check, there was no sign of cancer in my body, I'm still a cancer patient. I'm under the care of multiple doctors for the next 5 years. I'm taking medication daily for the next 5-10 years, in hopes of minimizing the risk of recurrence. My point is that I did not fight off cancer, any more than someone who passed away let the disease take them. If you say I'm a survivor then it makes it sound like I fought harder than someone who died. Not true.
   In addition to that, I don't want to be jinxed (there's a post somewhere about my fear of tempting fate). It doesn't feel right to say I'm a survivor because there's always a risk. I'm a cancer patient, plain and simple. I keep my chin up and I laugh a lot, but I cry too. I mourn the loss of some the toughest people I've met who ultimately "lost their battle". I hate that term too, by the way, but that's a whole other post.  :-)
5. Breast reconstruction and a cosmetic breast augmentation are NOT the same thing. Most people don't know that. I knew they were different but I had no idea how different until I met with the plastic surgeon. It's not fun or exciting and I won't have a rack worthy of a centerfold spread...ever. As a result, there's no need to give your opinion on the size of the implant you think the cancer patient should get. In my case, for instance, the size of implant will be determined by how well my skin holds up to the expanders. Nice, right?
   You might think this is like a parting gift for making it this far. That couldn't be further from the truth.

That's it for today. I'll be back to share more insight. 

Love to all,

Andee

Dirty Little Secrets: Part II

I'm baaack!

I know you've been eagerly awaiting the next post in the Dirty Little Secrets Series. Well, wait no more, here it is!

This post is a bit of a first. I'm on the patio next to the fire pit typing this with my bluetooth keyboard and my phone. No computer was used in the composition of this message.  I'm enjoying the lovely weather while watching the kids play, the dog bite his toenails and the cats are doing whatever the cats want to do. I could get used to this.

Back to the post. We covered two secrets in Part I, right? Ok, so here we go with...

Dirty Little Secret #3 - Guilt

You read that correctly. Guilt. It's a thing. Like I've mentioned before, when you're diagnosed you end up making friends with other cancer patients. As a result, in addition to the fear, you can also feel guilt. What would there be to feel guilty about? Well, as odd as it might sound, lots of things. For example, I felt a little guilty because I seemed to tolerate chemo pretty well. It wasn't easy or fun, by any means, but I saw some of my treatment friends experience every side effect under the sun and some of them are quite unpleasant. Of course, not everyone I came into contact with was a breast cancer patient so they were on a very different cocktail than I was. That doesn't make you feel any less guilty.  You can find yourself feeling guilty for having a strong support system. Not everyone has that, but everyone NEEDS it. My family was with me every step of the way. I didn't have to worry whether my husband and kids would eat while I was in bed for days at a time. My employer and my co-workers were so supportive. I can't imagine going through that experience and having to worry about any of those things. Sadly, many women do. You can feel guilty for not being "sicker". You see your friends get bad news and you feel guilt because you haven't.  You don't want bad news but you can feel guilty. It's bizarre.  I could go on and on but you get the idea. 

Dirty Little Secret #4 - I might miss being "flat"

Seriously! I know that I don't want to look at the Franken-chest for the rest of my life but a little part of me will miss being able to take "The Girls" off at the end of the day. Think about it, ladies. If you could remove yours when it was convenient, like before exercise, would you do it?  Be honest.
In my current state, I have choices. I can choose to go completely without, or pick a size. I currently have 2 options. I have a small set and a medium set. It's quite nice. I don't think I'm going to skip reconstruction but I will miss having options. I'll probably complain the first time I try to sleep on my stomach, but I'll get over it...if not, I just won't say anything aloud. It will be another Dirty Little Secret. ;-)

Good night sweet friends!

Love to all,

Andee

Dirty Little Secrets - Part I

Yes, I have some dirty little secrets.

SCANDALOUS!

Not really, because I'm just about as boring a human being as anyone has ever met. But, as often happens here on the blog, I'm going to share with you...my friends...the things I don't ever talk about. It's not about pride or anything like that. I just don't like to focus on the more challenging aspects of being a cancer patient. The treatment experience had its challenges but all of those were expected. The post-treatment world presents me with something new on a regular basis. I don't want anyone facing the Big C, in whatever form, thinking that treatment ends and life returns to normal. It's not awful, it's just different. I believe that attitude plays an even more important role after treatment but I find it more of a challenge to focus on the positive. That sounds much more depressing than it should. Let me explain.
Tonight we will cover two.

Dirty Little Secret #1 - Anxiety

It sneaks up on you. You find yourself stressing about all manner of things. I tend to get anxious about recurrence. I went through a phase a few months back where I thought about cancer every minute of every day. I'm not even exaggerating. It was a pretty dark period. When you have that level of anxiety it begins to take its toll on you physically. I would have moments in the day when I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. It felt as if someone wrapped a band around my chest and pulled it tight. It got a bit scary. At the time, I kept thinking "oh dear, it's in my lungs!". (For those who don't know, when breast cancer travels, it tends to go the brain, liver, bones or lungs). I "knew" it. The next time I saw my doctor I asked him about recurrence and what to look for, etc. We had a great talk and he put me at ease. I also put myself back in the mental space where I decided I would focus on what I could control and the rest would be in God's hands. The symptoms went away instantly.  INSTANTLY!

It happened again in the days leading up to my CT last week. As I mentioned, any sort of scan or test ramps up the worry. "Will they find something?" I had pain in my chest (surgical area, not heart), my neck was stiff, I felt a milder version of the "band around the chest" sensation I mentioned before. I realized this time that is was probably anxiety but that didn't make it go away. I received my results on Friday night and woke up on Saturday feeling like a whole new person.

I'm sure this cycle will repeat itself for the rest of my life. Each time I'm getting a little better and dealing with it. I can only speak for myself but I think this is probably quite normal. If you're dealing with it, talk about it, address it. Carrying it all around and trying to deal with it on your own might not be enough. I have a great husband who serves as my listener/therapist but I'm not afraid to go pro if I feel like it's necessary. If that happens, y'all would know about it.   ;-)

Dirty Little Secret #2 - Pain

I don't talk about this at all. In the past few days I've mentioned it to a couple of people but typically I just deal with it and accept that it is part of my life now. My surgical site, specifically my left side (the lymph node side) hurts. The site of incision is numb but the area under my arm and down my side hurts all day every day. It's tender to the touch, and by that I mean if I sleep on my left side for a lengthy period, I'll be sore for days. and sometimes it's just bad. For me, it's unpleasant and can be very painful but I don't need medication. I accept it and tolerate it. Most days aren't so bad but it's always there. Today it's achy and a mild burning pain. I'll spare you the technical explanation but nerves can be damaged during the mastectomy and about half of all women who have had a mastectomy will experience Post Mastectomy Pain Syndrome...yes it has a name. Though I had a bilateral mastectomy, I only have pain on the left. Thank you for small favors!

Remember, everything isn't perfect. Cancer sucks. Treatment sucks. Side effects suck. BUT

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!

Back tomorrow.

Love to all,

Andee

I'm waiting

If you follow along on Facebook, you know that I received the results of my CT scan. I have not yet, however, spoken with my surgeon to find out what the findings mean (if anything) about the preferred procedure.  The good news is that they didn't mention that they saw anything out of the ordinary. Scans always bring on a bit of anxiety because you never know what they are going to see. I prayed for no surprises and so far, so good. The report indicated that organs looked normal, my heart looked normal and "grossly unremarkable". Nice.  There we comments on various arteries but I was looking for information on one artery. The one that needs to be FABULOUS for the surgery to be successful. The report states that the artery is open (that's good), appears normal (still good) but is of "small caliber" (maybe not so good).  Since I haven't spoken with my surgeon yet, I'm not sure if that is bad news and if it can/will impact the surgical plan. I'm fine with an artery of small caliber if it can maintain the necessary blood flow to the muscle when it's relocated. That's kind of important. I will be calling the surgeon's office tomorrow and I'm pretty sure there will be a follow up appointment. I will keep you posted.  I'm eager to hear the results because I'm not terribly excited about the possibility that the 20+ hour surgery might be my only option.  I'm not making any decisions until I have the word from the doc.
As always, I will keep you posted!

Love to all,
Andee

All is well...or is it?

At 11:30 last night I received notification that a new item had been added to my medical record.  Eek!

There is a lot of information there but the good news is that my heart is in the right place. Really. And apparently it is "grossly unremarkable". I gotta admit, that hurts a little.  

Anywaaaay...

So from what I can tell everything (in the area scanned) is as it should be EXCEPT the artery they were checking. (They really should send a Radiologist with the message).  I'm eager to hear from my surgeon but reading the results makes me concerned that she's going to say that my only option is going to be the 20 hour procedure. If that's the case, I'll have to take some time to think about that. Stay tuned.  

Love to all

Andee