Life is good

Who could it be?

There was a package waiting on me when I got home. A very kind person sent a gift. They are trying to remain anonymous but I shall find them and thank them. 

Lovely book and a lovely gesture. 

A new week begins.

Yes it's Monday but what a beautiful Monday it is!  The sun is shining, the sky is clear, and I sang all the way to work!

"No day but today." 

Have a great one everybody,will see you later. 

Daily Laugh

Sooo, the entire commercial is amusing but the parachute guy puts me on the floor EVERY time. I hope you enjoy this as much I have.

I'm gonna go watch this again....and again....

What the heck?

For our FB followers, you might have seen the picture with the hashtag #redneckkennedys. You're probably wondering what the heck that is all about. Well, for those of you who know me and my sense of humor and the use of it in serious situations, you'll (hopefully) appreciate this. For those of you who don't know me, I try to find humor in absolutely every situation. Cancer is no different. Those of you know Bobby and/or I, you know we've had some difficult times. Just while we've been married we've dealt with:

• The loss of our first child in the second trimester of pregnancy
• The discovery of and treatment for a softball sized tumor that caused the pregnancy loss and resulted in major surgery
• We were told that as a result of the above referenced surgery. we would never have children
• (Good news here) We found out we were pregnant with Gabriel the following month 
• Gabriel was born at 24 weeks gestation and spent 3 months in intensive care
• (More good news here) we were blessed with Mattie 23 months later
• Mattie almost drowned in August of 2012

So, after we received the diagnosis this week, Bobby and I were standing in the kitchen talking about everything and I said, "You know what, it's like we are the redneck version of the Kennedys. They just had one bad thing after another happen to them."   I really don't do self-pity so I just have to laugh at the fact that this is like a really crappy movie.

So there you go.

Comfort

First, y'all surely have something more interesting to do than read my ramblings. 1400+ page views for our little corner of the web since Thursday. WOW! I'm pretty sure it's 10 people checking over and over for a new entry.  Regardless, thanks for sharing the journey so far. I've added a guestbook feature to the main page so I would love for you to leave a note - no pressure.
So today has been really nice. Our Doolin side of the family (including Kasey Hoffman of the Indiana Doolins) has been with us most of the day. I got to sneak in a nap (AAAAH). We've laughed a lot and eaten even more. We had a lovely pizza lunch, Aunt Kasey gave the kids a lot of ice cream with copious amounts of chocolate sauce.

For dinner, the old(er) folks had cheese sticks, tater skins, spicy cheeseburger soup and will follow with either turtle or Oreo pie. I'm pretty sure I'll be vomiting later but I will be all smiles while I'm doing it. There's nothing like love and laughs to give your your appetite back. Thank you to all of you for a normal, love and laughter filled day. Now I'm going back to the festivities. I might be back later but I'll go ahead and say...

Love to all
Andee

Quote of the day

"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can." - Arthur Ashe

Education, information, organization....

Ahh...control! It's been ordered.

Livestrong Guidebook & Planner

Seasons of Love (HD) (+playlist)

Sing and clap with me! Can I get an AMEN!

Measure your life in LOVE!!!!

I thought I was smart...sorta

WARNING: I'm tired so expect some real honesty and maybe some angry words. Mom, you might want to stop reading now. 

I like to think I'm a bada$$.  I was up late reading and responding to messages. I slept in just a wee bit but still rolled out with about 4 hours of sleep. "I've done fine on less sleep" I said. "I'm going to have a normal day" I said. 

Let's take a look back for a moment. Over the past two weeks I found a lump where there shouldn't be one, went to the doc, then waited. While waiting I was scared, emotional, trying to work, care for our family, burning the candles at both ends. The first round of waiting ended with a preliminary breast cancer diagnosis. Stressful? YES. But wait, there's more!  Next came the waiting for the official results with the added terror of waiting to learn the source of the cancer. Really, breast cancer alone wasn't enough? It could have come from somewhere else? Do you understand what unknowns do to a control freak/information gatherer? Come on! Have you heard my life story? I'm tough and pretty darn resilient but DANG! 

Emotional roller coaster does not adequately describe my day yesterday. I was so stressed I ate 1 small meal over a two day period. (Don't worry, I wasn't in any danger. Fat stores alone would have kept me going for months!) As if that wasn't enough I also decided to give up caffeine 2 weeks ago. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?

So let's recap - stress, emotional roller coaster,  no food, little sleep and no caffeine. What do I decide to do the day after one of the toughest days of my life? I decide I want to be normal so I go to work. Work was great. I love my work family. Everyone has been so supportive so the work part wasn't the bad choice. It was the long commute following the stress, emotional roller coaster, no food, little sleep and no caffeine that was the problem. The lesson here? I'm not a bada$$, I'm a dumba$$. By the time I went out for a wonderful lunch with some wonderful people, I was spent!  You'd think a "smart" person like me might have considered taking it easy. But NOPE! I didn't do anything hard, I just ran out of fuel. So for those of you who saw me dragging this afternoon, that's all it was. Exhaustion. No depression, no sadness. Just ran out of get up and go. I'm going to have to take a nap before the game for sure. Whew. 

When you say a prayer for us today, make sure you pray for my smarts too. ;-)

Love to all,

Andee

And there it is...

I never thought I would pray for "just breast cancer" but I have been for the past 24 hours. On that note, we have good news! The cancer originated where we found it. Woot woot!! That means I don't have a crazy source  tumor lurking somewhere else that landed in the breast. Of course we don't know if what I have has gone anywhere else but it's not time to deal with that. It's time to make a check mark by our first tiny victory and wait for the next step.
It's been an emotional day. Not because of the diagnosis but because this is the day we told the world. I needed to get the information out there so I could begin to focus on me and not be burdened with a secret. The messages, calls and texts I've received have been so touching. Sometimes people surprise you in the best way.
The initial shock is wearing off for most of us. It's still very new so we will continue to have ups and downs but that's OK, and it's part of the journey. You have to remember, I live with one of the toughest humans I know. He's very intuitive and knows that something isn't right so he's been hugging me a lot and asking if I'm OK. This morning he posed for this picture and reminded me that if you have fight in you, it makes all the difference. To me, this little guy IS Superman and he is definitely one of my sources of inspiration. I'm gonna fight like a preemie!

Now for the lighter side. I'm totally amused by the number of people who offered to take the punch in the face. Holy macaroni! You people are crazy...but I absolutely love it.
For those of you who were Groupies, back in the day, you know the drill. For those of you who are new to the Andee Blogging Party, I need to post some disclaimers and ground rules. I am who I am and I write what I think. I use humor (and ample amounts of sarcasm) to lighten the mood in difficult situations It's usually in an effort to make others feel more comfortable PLUS it's good for me. Don't you feel better when you laugh? What you will read typically sounds exactly like what you would hear coming out of my mouth. I'm not sure if that's good or bad but there it is.
As far as ground rules go, I don't do sympathy well. A wonderful person shared a quote with me today that I feel is appropriate. I will warn you, I'm about to type a worty dird. 'If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.'" And in my mind, that's where it needs to stay. You can wish me the best, you can tell me you love me, you can tell me I'm fabulous (if anyone actually thinks that), you can tell me my husband is HOT (tell me something I DON'T know) but please don't pity me. As the "patient" in this relationship, it's my job to walk us through teachable moments like these. I'm here for you.
Cancer is something I have, it is NOT who I am. This fight will be long and probably ugly. I know that. Don't doubt for one second that my silliness translates into ignorance or denial. I am informed and aware AND I am armed and ready for battle.
That's it for tonight. I'm signing off.
Oh...wait...one more thing. I always sign off the same way.

Love to all
Andee

The Journey Begins

So how is your Thursday going?  Good , I hope. Mine?  Well, let's see. I start each day counting my many blessings, which I did this morning. But this morning was a little bit different. This morning I had to follow that by making two of the most difficult phone calls of my life.  I had to call my mother, 1000 miles away, and inform her that her youngest daughter has been diagnosed with cancer.  And then I had to tell my dearest sister. Nothing like giving horrible news to the people you love.

I have cancer...There I SAID IT!

You would be surprised how hard it is to say that. It's really stupid when you think about it. It's just a word. But OH what a word it is. It makes you go kinda wacky when you hear it. You immediately start planning for how to tell people (especially your small children, your family, your friends, your co-workers). Then you move on to planning for surgeries, treatments, exercise and diet plans, you get sad, you get mad, you consider your mortality and wonder how long you have...and that's just in the first 3 minutes. Bobby and I have been through so much in our 26 years together. We are ready for a fight but we are going to need prayers, love, emotional support, shoulders to cry on at our low points, people with whom we can celebrate victories and people who are willing to take a punch to the face when we just can't take it anymore.   Any takers for that last one?

Seriously though, today will be the toughest by far (or so far). We still have a long way to go but the biopsy results come today. I don't deal well with unknowns so it's a double whammy - waiting and then dealing with the details. I've been strong so far and I'm ready for a fight. It's been an emotional roller coast thus far, no doubt, but there is more to come so I can't fall apart.

So, why am I sharing my story with the world? Well, two of the reasons are pretty selfish. First, it's therapeutic for me. Second, it allows me to get information to people who want it, all at once. Blogging was a true blessing to us during our NICU experience so here I am again. This will also serve as a map of my journey, which is a journey that too many people have to take. If one person can find comfort, support, education or anything else from this effort, then that means we've done something. The blog is also good because, unlike Facebook, you don't have to hear about all this unless you go looking for it. See what I did there? I didn't throw my life out into the FB universe so people who don't care don't have worry about the volume in their news feed.  I'm a giver, I know.

We will face this challenge with faith, prayer, love, family, friends and as always, humor. I like to laugh, I like to put people at ease, and it's good for you! So, if you want to keep up with my progress, come here first. Facebook and the other blog will continue to be regular ol', ordinary, boring,  "only the grandparents will care" type stuff. It's time for me to shift gears and focus on my journey and what I need to do to get through it.

Send all of the love and prayers you can muster to all of us at The LD.  We're going to need you. <3

Much love,
Andee